Go back to work or not...

[meresal]

Pretend you spent 16 years in school, have worked for the same company for almost 3 years, and though you make good money... the job is far from what would really make you happy. To put it better, you loathe going to work each day, and while you are there you are just waiting for any reason to leave your office.

Then you have a baby... and you absolutely LOVE waking up every morning. (You actually enjoy waking up in the middle of the night, and sometimes dread that day that the little one will sleep all the way thru, because you love the quiet time you share in the middle of the night.)


What would it take for you to say, to heck with the job, and spend your days doing what you never thought you would? (Regarding your personall health and financial needs)


And yes, this IS my current situation. Currently our bills and expenses cover about 50% of my DH's salary, and my slaray and his extra 50% are split between savings, vacations, and extras. If I quit, we would obviously cut out vacations first, which I love... but wonder if I love them more because it means getting away from work, which I hate. Don't get me wrong, I am a true traveler, but maybe it is something I could do without when I don't *need* it so much?

I am all over the place right now, and am most likely not coming across very well, but if you understand what I am trying to ask, would you please chime in?

 

[PinkTower]

I quit when my first was born. I was on maternity leave and decided not to go back. I never regretted it. When my second was old enough, I went back to school for a year and got a teaching certificate. The career change meant my schedule meshed with being a mom. Now, my oldest is in college, and I love being home in summers with a high schooler and a college student. The only difference is, the economy was good then and jobs were easier to find. I could always have changed my mind and found another job. Right now that is not an option for new mothers.

 

[meresal]

Thanks for sharing Pink. Glad to know you have never regretted it.

As for the job market, I conmpletely hear you. I was unemployed before for about 3 months, before getting this job, I understand the strain... and if my husband didn''t work for a family company with 100% job protection, staying home wouldn''t even be an blip on my radar.

 

[PinkTower]

Also, thank God, I take it your baby is healthy? I had a preemie. The only plus there was that the decision was made easier for me!! I asked the doctor, and he said try not to put the baby in daycare until warm weather. He was born in November, and my job would not have been waiting for me in warm weather. I had no family nearby. When you mention a family business, does that mean there is a grandparent close by that you can leave the baby with if the baby is teething, has a cold, etc.?

I am a Montessori teacher, and I prefer to get my children as soon as they are potty trained, straight from home.They leave me when they go to first grade in our school. Some children come to Montessori from daycare, and present with a "survival of the fittest" personality. We have a community built upon respect for others, and it takes these children months to relax into our way of peaceful existence. My own daughter started Montessori at 2 and a 1/2. It isn't such a long time to wait. Ok, I'll get off my soapbox now.

 

[Sabine]

I did not enjoy my job (teaching high school English), and we moved when I was pregnant, and I would not have tried to find a teaching job in our new area even if I didn''t have J to stay home with.

I''ll be completely honest with you...I don''t LOVE SAH. I love spending the time with ds, but I am starting to get bored a bit. But seriously, there is SOOOO much that goes on the first year, and they change so much every day, that I wouldn''t have given up staying at home with him for anything (he''s 10 months now). And although I miss some adult interaction, I don''t miss my job at ALL.

Now that he is much more interested in EVERYTHING and hard to entertain, I think he''s a bit bored staying at home with me even though we go out really often, so I''m considering putting him in daycare a day or two a week so he can have some interaction with other kids regularly and then I''ll either find something part time or volunteer. I''m lucky enough that with my dh''s job I don''t really need to worry about income, so we haven''t really had to change our way of life, but that''s because before this year we were living off my teacher''s salary as he went through med school, so we''re used to living very basically.

My advice...if you don''t LOVE your job and it''s not 100% necessary for your financial well-being, then you should try staying at home for a while, like maybe the first year. At that point, if you don''t love staying at home or really miss the extra income, spend some time looking for something that you really will enjoy doing.

 

[Haven]

Mere, I would totally stay home if I were in your position. I imagine that the time with your child is worth far more than any of that extra income you''d take home by staying in a job you don''t even like very much.

 

[fieryred33143]

This is just my own personal opinion.

There are those that work because they love it and those that work because they have to. And then there are those in the middle. The money is a nice to have but they''ll be perfectly fine without working.

I''m someone that has to work and when I come across a fence sitter my answer is always to stay home. If the loss of the extra income will not affect paying bills or living well then stay home.

In my own situation, if I could stay home I would. And not because I think being a SAHM is the best solution, sometimes it''s not. And not because I feel like I''m missing out because I do take advantage of my time with her. But because at the start and end of the day, there''s no where I rather be than with her.


Of course if I loved my job and was working for that reason, I might have a different opinion.

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 6/11/2010 9:13:26 PM
Author: Haven
Mere, I would totally stay home if I were in your position. I imagine that the time with your child is worth far more than any of that extra income you''d take home by staying in a job you don''t even like very much.

I agree with Haven. If you guys can swing it and you don''t really like your job, I don''t see anything wrong with staying home.

 

[meresal]

Pink- Yes, C is healthy and my husbands parents, the IL's, live about 30 minutes away. If I decide to leave my job, I will *possibly* leave C with MIL during the day for 2 weeks, while I close up loose ends at the office.

Sabine- Thank you for sharing your situation. I have a feeling I won't love SAH all the time, much like you, but I really like your idea of doing a partial week thing at day-care or early pre-school. I would really like for C to have constant interaction with some other kids. Like you, I would most likely do part-time work somewhere or volunteer.

Haven and Clairitek- My thoughts right now, are pretty much in line with yours. Thank you for chiming in. If I was at a job I loved, I would return for sure... but at this point, I can't imagine being somewhere I hate, while knowing I could feasibly be home with my son.

Fiery- "But because at the start and end of the day, there's no where I rather be than with her." This is exactly how I feel. He brings me so much joy, that I just can't imagine giving that up for some extra money. Thanks for your input. I really appreciate it, and it helps to hear from someone that is in your situation.

 

[E B]

Date: 6/11/2010 9:13:26 PM
Author: Haven
Mere, I would totally stay home if I were in your position. I imagine that the time with your child is worth far more than any of that extra income you'd take home by staying in a job you don't even like very much.

I agree. I'm a SAHM, and I love it. I wouldn't trade staying home with my smiley potato for the amount of money I'd earn at a job I probably wouldn't love. Sabine is right- SO much happens the first year, and I'm so thankful I've been able to experience it. It's true, as they get older and more mobile, the it becomes harder to keep up with them, but you adjust. I'm tired at the end of the day, but happy.

If the other half of your husband's salary covers savings and enough extras to keep you happy, I think staying home is a great option. As others have mentioned, there's always part-time childcare. We'll be putting Henry in 'early' preschool two days a week once he turns 2.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Date: 6/11/2010 9:24:46 PM
Author: fiery
This is just my own personal opinion.

There are those that work because they love it and those that work because they have to. And then there are those in the middle. The money is a nice to have but they''ll be perfectly fine without working.

I''m someone that has to work and when I come across a fence sitter my answer is always to stay home. If the loss of the extra income will not affect paying bills or living well then stay home.

In my own situation, if I could stay home I would. And not because I think being a SAHM is the best solution, sometimes it''s not. And not because I feel like I''m missing out because I do take advantage of my time with her. But because at the start and end of the day, there''s no where I rather be than with her.


Of course if I loved my job and was working for that reason, I might have a different opinion.

This is how I feel. I work because I don''t have a choice, although I did take a 6-month maternity leave when I had DS and discovered that I am not a SAHM. Baby #2 is due in early February and I''m planning on taking 8 weeks and then going back (I work part time).

I think that if money isn''t an issue for you and you truly feel like you want to stay at home then go for it!

 

[Mara]

mere, your situation sounds similar to mine. i thought really long and hard about returning to my job. i loved spending the days with J. i used to love my company and my job, but things have changed within the company to where i can really no longer say the same about either. my job is also stressful. i don't need to work, it would mean cutting back but we could do it. i also wanted to 'see' how i felt being back at work.

here is the interesting part. while i don't love the stresses that come with working... and it really sucks only having 2 hours with him every night before he goes to bed (and his crankiest 2 hours!); i DO like that my entire day is not all about him. i can do ME things, which i really did miss when i was at home. during lunch i can work out, go get a pedicure, go to lunch with friends, go shopping, go run an errand, whatever. it's my time--i try to use it to get stuff done so that i can spend all weekend with J and G.

i am thinking about working PT or contracting to just use my brain and have some me time, but be able to stay home a few more days a week until he is almost 2--then i want him in daycare for social reasons. the big thing about being gone from him is that we only plan to have one baby and i feel like i am missing crucial time with him. he may not care yet, but i do. he rolled over from back to front on wed and i was upset i missed it. not like he won't do it 500 more times, but something about that first one yanno.

i was going to tell you i would just go back to 'see' how you felt if i were you BUT since you said you don't even like your job and you don't remotely need the $$...i'd say stay home. you can always get PT or something else if you need it AND/OR go back after a year or two.

ETA...the other option might be to ask your company if you can take unpaid leave. some companies will let you do this depending on your industry and niche etc. i know someone who did it for a few more months so she ended up going back i think when the baby was around 6-7 months. basically you are just asking them to hold a job for you.

 

[KimberlyH]

i had 2 p/t jobs prior to having my daughter. i quit subbing and kept my consulting job. i work about 6 hrs a week and my husband takes care of her while i''m gone. it''s working out well for us. i''m glad to be making a little money and giving j and my husband time together without me. i was nervous i''d be bored -- my co-workers were nervous for me, thry thought for sure being home would make me crazy -- but i love every minute of being home with her.

 

[ChinaCat]

Doesn''t really sound like there is a reason for you to return to work if you don''t really want to.

You might want to give it some time, your guy is still young and you may feel differently when it''s time to go back.

Also, there are tons of discussions on this in the newborn thread and we all talk about this all the time if you need further thoughts or pros/cons.

I think the general consensus would be if you can stay home and you want to at all, you won''t regret it. If you stay home and hate it, you can always go back later.

 

[janinegirly]

First of all every mom goes through this. Working moms struggle with the balance, the questions, the guilt, the parameters of what determines it's time to stop. I can almost predict the point when each mom brings this question up..it's most often the month before returning to work or the month after. Not to say the months folllowing are not equally challenging.

I came very close to quitting when I returned when LO was 4 mo's. It was bitter cold (January 09), I was commuting 2 hrs each day 5 days a week and just miserable. It was awful. However believe it or not I'm glad I stuck it out. But that's me and I had to work hard to change some of the factors to MAKE it work for me. Because if I wasn't going to quit I was going to do what I had to to at least make it make sense. In my case that meant leaving every day at 5, moving closer to work, fighting for one day at home and having a trusted family member watch my LO. Again, that's just what I needed.

Now why do I say I'm glad I stuck it out? 2 reasons. One is financial of course. I think if I had quit on impulse and short term misery, we would have struggled the next few years and it would have been a big adjustment to our lifestyle. It was tough but i had to be rational about it. It wasn't just about vacation, it was about the ability to have some level of comfort and independence for me as well. And now at 1.5 years out, we are in a great spot so maybe I can revisit becoming a SAHM (when it made most sense for us as a family) with relatively minimal impact to our savings and long term goals (which of course revolve around DD!).

The second is the fullfillment I do get from work. Now don't get me wrong.this doesn't mean I love my job or the annoying people I see every day. But if I'm honest I do get something out of having some life outside the home and adrenaline rush a full time job offers me. I take satisfaction from my accomplishments (promotions or otherwise) AND being able to leave at 5 and be there for LO without having to bring work home, mentally or otherwise.

Just giving you another perspective. Truthfully I do still ask myself this question every day (how much longer will I work and am I still happy with this?), and who knows how much longer I will work, but my point to this post is to say your feelings may evolve and the earliest days are the toughest to see through the fog.

Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[Steel]

Date: 6/11/2010 11:22:46 PM
Author: Mara
mere, your situation sounds similar to mine. i thought really long and hard about returning to my job. i loved spending the days with J. i used to love my company and my job, but things have changed within the company to where i can really no longer say the same about either. my job is also stressful. i don''t need to work, it would mean cutting back but we could do it. i also wanted to ''see'' how i felt being back at work.

here is the interesting part. while i don''t love the stresses that come with working... and it really sucks only having 2 hours with him every night before he goes to bed (and his crankiest 2 hours!); i DO like that my entire day is not all about him. i can do ME things, which i really did miss when i was at home. during lunch i can work out, go get a pedicure, go to lunch with friends, go shopping, go run an errand, whatever. it''s my time--i try to use it to get stuff done so that i can spend all weekend with J and G.

i am thinking about working PT or contracting to just use my brain and have some me time, but be able to stay home a few more days a week until he is almost 2--then i want him in daycare for social reasons. the big thing about being gone from him is that we only plan to have one baby and i feel like i am missing crucial time with him. he may not care yet, but i do. he rolled over from back to front on wed and i was upset i missed it. not like he won''t do it 500 more times, but something about that first one yanno.

i was going to tell you i would just go back to ''see'' how you felt if i were you BUT since you said you don''t even like your job and you don''t remotely need the $$...i''d say stay home. you can always get PT or something else if you need it AND/OR go back after a year or two.

ETA...the other option might be to ask your company if you can take unpaid leave. some companies will let you do this depending on your industry and niche etc. i know someone who did it for a few more months so she ended up going back i think when the baby was around 6-7 months. basically you are just asking them to hold a job for you.

This is a great idea Mara. Is it an option Mere?

I loved reading this thread Mere, it is clear how much you love your son; whether you return to this job, another job or become a SAHM he will be well loved and cared for, you will see to that.

 

[robbie3982]

Meresal, I''m not around much anymore, but I was in a similar situation (though not as good financially as you are!) a few months ago. Honestly, on paper it pretty much was my dream job. I loved my boss and the majority of my coworkers, but after being back at work for 5 months I was just miserable. Nothing about my job had changed, but all I wanted was to be at home with my DS. We did some major budgeting that allowed me to quit and stay home, knowing that DH would find a better job eventually (he was severely underpaid) and that we''d just make due until he did. Luckily he started his new job less than 2 months after I quit so the super strict budget wasn''t in effect for too long. Even if it had been though I would have absolutely no regrets about deciding to stay home.

They change so quickly and this is time that we can never get back. I agree that if you''re on the fence at all, you should try staying at home. It doesn''t sound like you''d be quitting your dream job or anything so even if you decide you do want to go back, hopefully you''ll be able to find something that you LOVE and are happy to go to each day.

 

[phoenixgirl]

Mere, only you can decide what is best for your family, of course.

I just want to encourage you not to succumb to The Mom Guilt whatever you decide. If we stay home, we feel guilty that we're not achieving success in a career. If we keep working, we feel guilty that we're not the Susie Homemaker of the 50s. We should just flip that coin and see it as a win/win. We have options today, so we can stay home if that's what's best for our family, but on the other hand, we can keep working too.

I've been a working mom since early February (Claire was born Oct. 23), and I've decided it's not for me. I've achieved the success that I want in my career, but the hours and mental energy that it takes to do my job well are not worth it. Like you, we can make it work financially for me to stay home (I'm a teacher, so my income is never going to grow drastically . . . in fact, in this economy, they've just frozen salaries so we haven't gotten any kind of raise in two years). Honestly, if they paid me 2 or 3x as much, I would probably keep working, but what I get paid now is not anywhere near enough to farm out the household stuff to a degree that I'm happy with or to make up for being a crazy, stressed-out person 10 months of the year.

Claire seems to be doing well in daycare, so the decision to stay home is really for me. We could make it work either way. If I were to keep working, I would just have to let go of some of my OCD and be OK with working less hard for fewer hours. And I have the summers and school vacations off, which adds up to a lot more time with Claire than most working parents get. Claire is in daycare an hour or two less than the other kids because DH takes her after school starts and I get her after school lets out. But I just personally am not happy with the other things I am giving up . . . the ability to organize our lives the way I want, the ability to work out more than a few times a week for a stolen 30 minutes, the ability to read for pleasure, the ability to let my husband do his cycling and softball to keep himself sane (because unlike me, he doesn't love his job and really needs those passions). If we had to have me work financially, we could make it work, but weighing everything, the right decision for us is for me to stay home.

I hope you find the right decision for you, and remember, nothing is permanent . . . if you keep working and don't like it, you can quit. If you quit and don't like being home in a little while, you can go back to work . . . These things tend to work out as they should.

Good luck!

 

[NovemberBride]

Mer,

My suggestion would be not to make any rash decisions right now. C is still young and you still have a lot of pregnancy and post-partum hormones wrecking havoc on your emotions. I think every single mom on the mommy thread went through this exact same thought process. My advice is, if you never thought you would stay home, go back for a few weeks/months and see how you feel. You can always quit after a few weeks, but if you quit and then decide after a few weeks that you wished you hadn''t, it might be a lot harder to find a job, especially in this economy. Even if you don''t like your current job, you may decide you still want to work, and it is always easier to get a job when you have a job.

A few weeks before I was to return to work, I felt the same way, I thought I could never leave my DD all day. The first week or so was rough, but now we are in a routine and I know this is what is best for my family and I am happy with my choice. But there are others around here like PG who made the opposite decision and are staying home now. There is no right or wrong decision.

One other thing to consider is whether you want to stay home permanently or just for a few years and whether that is feasible in your career. It is unfortunate but true that in some fields you can''t just take a few years off. I am an attorney and it would be extremely difficult for me to take a few years off and come back into my field, so another factor I had to consider was that if I were to stay home for a few years I would essentially be giving up the career I had worked so hard to build. Again, for you, the benefits of staying home now might outweigh the potential negative effects on your career.

Also, I like the financial benefits of working and the things it provides for my family. One goal we have is to fully fund our children''s college educations, something that wouldn''t be possible if I weren''t working.

I wish you luck in deciding what to do, it is a tough decision to make, but whatever you decide, your son will grow up loved, happy and healthy.

 

[Bliss]

Oh Mere, yeah...that is a tough one. We're looking at what to do when our LO is born and I'm just going to take it day by day. If by then my job has changed and I hate it, then I will have no hesitation walking away. This first tri is so tough, I am already contemplating leaving as it is! (And I do still enjoy my job but things could change!) But given that you are already stressed out at work and you don't enjoy it anymore, I would do a trial period of not working at all. Can you take a leave of absence to try it? Maybe take a sabbatical?

And let's not forget, since we're speaking financially... jobs cost money, too. You have to buy work clothes, gas/transportation, pay for child care, eat out, etc. And if you're happier at home, that is priceless to me. I would rather get rid of the stress of working and embrace the break. You can always go back to work, right? I know no one can take better care of my child than I can; and if I could, I would rather be the one to do so.

Sometimes decisions are so tough you could go either way. In that case, if you're still waffling....don't do anything at all until you feel STRONGLY about one way or another. For example, when your LO's cries break your heart one day on your way out the door. That's a moment. Or if your job turns you into a loon and you decide you can't take one more day. That's a moment. Or one weekend day, you catch a look at yourself in the mirror with a greasy ponytail and think, "UGH, I couldn't possibly be a SAHM with this endless laundry!" That's a moment. Even having an awesome day at work or having something happen where the extra cash comes in handy...that's another moment of realization. Just add them up thoughtfully.

Until it's truly clear, just observe the clues - how you feel from moment to moment, day by day and then take it from there.

 

[lizzyann]

Date: 6/11/2010 9:24:46 PM
Author: fiery
This is just my own personal opinion.


There are those that work because they love it and those that work because they have to. And then there are those in the middle. The money is a nice to have but they''ll be perfectly fine without working.


I''m someone that has to work and when I come across a fence sitter my answer is always to stay home. If the loss of the extra income will not affect paying bills or living well then stay home.


In my own situation, if I could stay home I would. And not because I think being a SAHM is the best solution, sometimes it''s not. And not because I feel like I''m missing out because I do take advantage of my time with her. But because at the start and end of the day, there''s no where I rather be than with her.



Of course if I loved my job and was working for that reason, I might have a different opinion.

Fiery, I think you summed up my thoughts here. I am a SAHM and though the money was good, I didn''t love my job and I didn''t need to work. Extra money was great but I just love staying home with my son who is now 13 months. Sure, we can''t spend the way we used to, but we are ok with it. Maybe one day after my hubby and I are done having kids, I may go back to work doing something I love. But for now, I am happy and enjoy not having work stress, business travel stress, etc. I''d miss my little guy too much.

 

[Blenheim]

I didn''t read all of the replies, but I will second Janine''s post. My feelings about SAH changed dramatically from when he was little to now (14 months old). I wanted desperately to stay at home with him at first, and I ended up quitting my job when he was about 6 months old. But by 9-12 months, I felt ready to go back to work. And right now, I am really happy to be working. I really enjoy having adult interactions and the type of challenges that come from a job. I love that my commute has built-in "me" time for me to read a book or do a crossword (metro, not driving), which is hard to come about when I was staying at home with him. And I honestly feel that I personally am a better parent when I''m working. He takes so much energy these days, and when I''m home with him all day everyday, I sometimes let things slide more than I should. But the type of energy that I spend working is different than the type of energy I spend with him, and so I feel refreshed for toddler stuff for the evenings and weekends. I have the energy to want to take him to the pool or the park even if it means dealing with public tantrums, and the energy to be consistent with discpline.

BUT I enjoy my work, and I get burnt out when I do toddler stuff 24/7. IMO, if you dread getting out of bed when you''re working, and you can financially afford to swing staying at home, just do it. And if your feelings change, then you can work on getting a job that leaves you wanting to get out of bed in the mornings. Life''s too short.

And for what it''s worth, I was dreading getting out of bed at my old job and I am really glad that I stayed at home with him for several months while finding something I like more.

Good luck making a decision.

 

[marcy]

Tough decision. I like Mara''s idea of asking for an extended leave. Maybe a parttime job can give you the best of both worlds. It''s nice you can financially quit or take a break so just follow your "gut" for awhile and enjoy time with your baby.

 

[Mara]

blen i wanted to touch on something you said re: having the energy to do more things with your son on the wkds becuase you work and how when you are at home with him you might let things slide a little.

i totally agree. i actually like working in general and having the me time. i wish i had more than 2 hours a day with him before bed. BUT ... i also noticed immediately that since i was gone from him most of the day, all i want to do is snuggle and love on him when i get home. that on the wkds i don''t mind just chilling with him in my lap or as you said, planning something for him to do with us. when i was home with him every day it was more like ''how can i occupy today and keep us both busy''... and for me it was a cycle of play, eat, nap--all day long. it is kind of nice to have someone else do those things and be able to do more ''fun stuff'' with him.

one of my friends told me how she looked at it which i thought was interesting--basically that it''s someone else''s job to do all the developmental and mundane stuff with her daughter so that when she got her, all she had to do was give her love and affection. while part of me rebels at the thought of it being someone else''s job to ''raise'' my child, on the flip side i can see what she is talking about.

anyway just a different perspective. i am currently thinking about PT work so i can have hopefully best of both worlds, even 2 more days with him but then 3 days away being a professional...or seeing if my job can be modified to fit the work/life balance better. good luck!!

 

[TravelingGal]

I agree on the unpaid leave. OR, you can quit and then actively line up another job in a year. Your resume won''t suffer as much if you''re only out of work for a year.

I say this because the first year is hard to leave them. By the time you''re well into the second year, you won''t mind leaving them!

Time away is MUCH nicer when they''re a bit older (and time with them that much more fun too).

I don''t think many who quit their jobs during the baby''s first year regrets it. And it sounds like you hate your job anyway, so you''re not missing out on much. I''m a WAHM, so my situation is much different, but I am SO glad to be working, and a lot of it is financial. I love that I can afford mommy and me swim classes, or other fun activities without worrying about money. I don''t care much for the material aspect of buying her things (because obviously it''s a poor trade for time with the kid), but there are a lot of nice experiences we can afford when we''re not pinching pennies.

And being a mom is tough, so I like having the money to spoil MYSELF from time to time. Are all these reason that outweigh staying home with the kid and being hands on? Not really. Not at all, actually. But I''m the type of person that needs to be me. We have two major vacations planned this year, neither of which we could afford if we were on one salary. It gives us a chance to refresh our marriage and our family life (one of the vacations is without the kid.) Being a SAHM IS full time work, and yet it''s hard to plan getaways from that job because money is so much tighter.

I had a self before Amelia was born and it''s highly important me to maintain that self. I find great joy in being very balanced, and of course happy mother means happy child.

 

[meresal]

Thank you gals. I really appreciate you all taking the time to reply and share your personal situations with me.

EB- Thanks for replying. If I stay home we will definitely take up a part-time day care, especially since we are going to have more.

Thanks Diva, I think that is what we are leaning towards. I just have to pull the trigger, which is my hurdle right now.

Mara- Our situations are similar, except for the fact, that because I spent so much time at work and the hour commute each way, I never had all the "me" time that you enjoyed. I actually have more "me" time now.
Also, my DH is really good about giving me one or two nights a week to meet with friends, and he takes C the minute he gets home from work, so I get some time to myself. It has been great.
If my company gave me the option to stay home during the week, for even just one day, then that would obviously be the ideal option, but they are not willing to give me those kinds of privilages.
re: unpaid leave, my company allows 12 weeks paid 100% and then an additional 8 weeks unpaid, which I will be taking all of. I am now in my 9th week, and have 11 more... and I still can't imagine going back. lol.

Kimberly- Ding, ding, ding! I REALLY enjoy making my own money. I never ask people for help, unless in dire need, never borrow money, and I never rely on others. I hate the idea of not being a contributor financially.
I'm glad to hear you were worried you would be bored. I worry that I might be after he grows up a bit, however, we are planning on having more... so there's that. lol

Thanks China, if I stay home, I most definitely WON'T miss my commute downtown everyday.

Janine, you gave me alot of extras to think about. Thank you for brigning those other things to my attention. Glad to know you are in a better spot now. I also, like you, do feel pride when people ask me about what I do for a living. A feeling of accomplishment. I wonder if I will get the same telling people that I am a SAHM? I have a feeling I definitely won't get the, "Wow. Really?" and all the questions and interest as I do now. I like that people are surprised when they hear what I do. (Still don't enjoy my job though. Hah)

Steal- Hey, I replied to Mara above, but in case you didn't see, I do have 8 weeks of unpaid maternity leave. I am currently in my 9th week of paid leave, and the 8 will kick in after my 12 paid are complete. If I ask for any more time than that, which would put me over 20 weeks, then I lose my job protection.
I do love my son, and am enjoying every single day. Thanks for your post!

Robbie- So good to see you again, and thanks for chiming in! I feel that if I returned to work I would feel alot like you. Everytime I will think about hating my job, I will be equally torn up inside that I could be home with C.

Phoenix- I work for a bank, and haven't received a raise onvce since being there for almost 3 years. Also, I am at a branch, and for me to move "up" I will either have to relocate (not going to happen), or switch companies at some point.
My husband doesn't love his job either, and has an evening softball league as well. I hate to think that I would begin to resent him for that, because I would like to have my own time as well. I could see having the same stresses that you dealt with as well. I know I could have my own night, but I like doing things togetether, and I imagine that gets pushed to the back.
Thank you for you reply and sharing your situation.

NB- More good things to think about. Thank you. I am an analyst. I'm not really sure how it would affect me, other than being out of "the game" for a while. I'm sure I could still get a job in that field if I decided to stay in it. Heck, there are people in my position that have been laid off for a while, not much different than choosing to leave.

Bliss- Congrats on expecting! I don't think I had a chance to tell you that.
We have been over all of the numbers. We wold definitely still have salary left over if you took away my taxes and childcare, but the big stipulation, is that with my commute being an hour each way, I would need a new car MUCH sooner. Which would just add to our expenses, being that I don't have a car payment right now. If I am not copmmuting everyday, then I can probably get another 2 years out of my car, and by then, my DH should have been given two more raises which will more than make up for that monthly charge.
I think you are right that not making a decision until I am proitively sure one way or the other, is the best idea. Thank you.

lizzy- Thanks for chiming in. Your situation is how I feel right now, and I only hope that this is a feeling that sticks around. I will definitely turn in my notice if I still feel this much joy in a few more months.

Blenheim- Thanks for sharing! What you decided to do, is one of my other options. Give my notice, and take those extra months at home to find a job that I not only would enjoy, but that is much closer to home.

Marcy- Thanks. Time with my baby is definitely what I am enjoying now.

TG- Thanks for chiming in. I definitely want to keep "me" intacted, but I find it amusing that when I think of "me" things... they include manicure/pedicures, days of pampering, and workout classes... not one thought of sitting in my office or another endless staff meeting.

I like talking about my job, but I certainly don't like doing it. How odd.

 

[gailrmv]

Date: 6/13/2010 9:39:35 AM
Author: lizzyann01

Date: 6/11/2010 9:24:46 PM

Author: fiery

This is just my own personal opinion.



There are those that work because they love it and those that work because they have to. And then there are those in the middle. The money is a nice to have but they''ll be perfectly fine without working.



I''m someone that has to work and when I come across a fence sitter my answer is always to stay home. If the loss of the extra income will not affect paying bills or living well then stay home.



In my own situation, if I could stay home I would. And not because I think being a SAHM is the best solution, sometimes it''s not. And not because I feel like I''m missing out because I do take advantage of my time with her. But because at the start and end of the day, there''s no where I rather be than with her.




Of course if I loved my job and was working for that reason, I might have a different opinion.

Fiery, I think you summed up my thoughts here. I am a SAHM and though the money was good, I didn''t love my job and I didn''t need to work. Extra money was great but I just love staying home with my son who is now 13 months. Sure, we can''t spend the way we used to, but we are ok with it. Maybe one day after my hubby and I are done having kids, I may go back to work doing something I love. But for now, I am happy and enjoy not having work stress, business travel stress, etc. I''d miss my little guy too much.

Ditto for me almost exactly. My son is 15 months now. I love being at home with him most of the time. It''s very rewarding. Some days are tough, but we have a good network of people to meet up with and lots of activities we enjoy. While I love my career field, I had really outgrown my last job and was ready to make a change anyway.

My only fear is that when I am ready to go back to work someday, I will have to start over from scratch. Also, while my husband''s field is stable, it does put additional pressure on him as our family''s only breadwinner. Also, I need to make sure that I am personally saving enough for retirement, and there is probably some bad effect on my social security earnings someday from being out of the labor force. I haven''t looked because I don''t honestly want to know. Anyway, I encourage you to think about the long term career/financial picture too.

I feel strongly that maternity leave in the US is too short. I was not ready to leave my son at 3 months when my mat leave would have ended. By 6 months or especially at 1 year, I would have felt much better about putting him in daycare. They just seem less vulnerable and more likely to enjoy the social interaction when they are a bit older! In fact, I am sending him to preschool just a few hours a week next year so that he can get that interaction and I can have time to take a class, volunteer, pursue a hobby, something to be an adult again and use a different part of my brain.

I think the best of both worlds is to work part time, if you can find meaningful work in your field that you enjoy. Even if you don''t bring home a lot of $ after child care costs, you will keep up your skills and interact with adults.

Good luck!! It''s a tough decision.

 

[Mara]

mere, you have gotten a lot of great perspectives here.

since you are on week 9 and have 11 more, i say take your time and think about it. i took 16 weeks off and worked from home for 2 weeks and i felt very different at week 15 than i did at week 5 or 12. i was really considering staying home and greg is totally on board with it...but i just wanted to ''see'' how it was.

i am now actively looking for a PT job...but it would have to be the perfect situation with a high enough hourly rate otherwise yep it''s not worth it.

ironic.. i''m watching baby boom..that old movie with dianne keaton where she''s a total working woman and she inherits a baby.