GF cheated on me, what to do with Tiffany Co diamond necklace?

[rossi46]

I really need help on this, ladies...

My gf and I have been dating for about 2 years now. During the summer we started doing the long-distance thing since she had to complete an internship in Houston. It was too soon for any kind of engagement ring, but we were both very sure that we wanted to continue the relationship. So, we swapped rings (I think using the term "promise ring" is kinda cheesy) as a sign of committment. I gave her a diamond and platinum ivy band from T&Co and she gave me a titanium and sterling silver band from Tiffany also.

I''ll spare everyone the details, but she ended up cheating on me while in Houston - I found out a month later. Needless to say, we''re done as a couple. She''s asked for forgiveness and said it was a drunken one-nigh stand she didnt want it to happen (even though the guy was an ex), wants to stay friends with me, etc.

Thing is, I bought her the matching diamond and platinum necklace from T&Co months ago, it was to be her Christmas present. She was absolutely in love with the necklace, and since the whole collection was no longer in production, I bought it way in advance of actually giving it to her.

I have two options and don''t know what do do: I can return the necklace for store credit, or I can go ahead and give it to her. Since I''m way outside the 30 days, the store is being very nice by offering store credit ($3800) that I guess I''d end up using on a future girlfriend (?)... but then wouldnt it be awkward to give a gift to another girl knowing that what I bought was paid for with funds originally intended for this ex? And part of me still wants to giver her the necklace. I know, it sounds stupid and I really can''t explain it besides to say I loved this girl like none before. She was definitely marriage material and I was already somewhat shopping around for e-rings. She was going to finish school and I was going to finish my service in the Army at the same time.

Really don''t know what to do here...

 

[vslover]

Take the store credit and move on. Someday you''ll find a fabulous girl you want to spend the money on. I''m sorry this happened to you.

 

[Sparkalicious]

Sorry that you are having to deal with this heartbreak.

If you would really like to get rid of this jewelry, you might inquire with Signed Pieces, http://www.signedpieces.com/home.cfm to see if they are able to assist or offer you a price you would consider accepting.

Good luck!

 

[PaulaW]

I personally would take the store credit and move on also. I don''t think using the credit for a future girlfriend (or your mom/sister/aunt) would be in poor taste at all.
I''m sorry this happened to you.

 

[scarleta]

Sorry Rossi must be hard on you right now.You obviously have lots of feeling for her.To answer you question I would just follow your feelings:
"And part of me still wants to giver her the necklace. I know, it sounds stupid and I really can''t explain it besides to say I loved this girl like none before."

So yes if you feel like giving it to her then be it with no regrets.

 

[Po10472]

She broke what you had. She didn''t want it to happen but she didn''t stop it from happening! You need to ask yourself, why would you give a gift to someone who treated you so badly?

If I were you, I''d take the store credit and buy yourself a watch or better still treat your mother, sisters, aunties to really nice jewellery for Christmas. Whatever you do, don''t give it to her, she doesn''t deserve it.

If you have the store credit and some friends want something from Tiffany, you buy it and they give you the cash.

You could do a lot with the store credit, its just credit so it doesn''t have any meaning for the future. It was a bad investment, that''s all.

Whatever you do, I hope it works out for you.

 

[Circe]

Oh, how awful - I''m really sorry. You sound like a great guy, and I hope that you find someone who''s better for you.

Now, concerning the necklace ... personally, I wouldn''t give it to her. I seriously doubt *she* would be comfortable wearing it, given the circumstances, and as you move on from the relationship, there''s the possibility that you might come to regret the decision. 5 years after a serious breakup (yes, you read that right - FIVE YEARS) I had an ex e-mail me to ask for his gifts back. And he was - and I assume, is - a good guy! I''m guessing something just stirred up old negative emotions for him: my policy is to cut as many ties as possible and to make a clean break to avoid that kind of possible material for fixation.

For a practical solution? I''d return the necklace for store credit, and then, if the idea of ever using it skeeves you out, sell the store credit on Craigslist. I''ve seen people do this for a negligible discount - say, 5% - which is much more than you''d get consigning it. That way, you can put it all behind you ....

 

[Peepa]

I say heck no way don''t give it to her. Doesn''t sound like she deserves it.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 12/16/2008 1:37:15 PM
Author: Po10472

She broke what you had. She didn''t want it to happen but she didn''t stop it from happening! You need to ask yourself, why would you give a gift to someone who treated you so badly?

If I were you, I''d take the store credit and buy yourself a watch or better still treat your mother, sisters, aunties to really nice jewellery for Christmas. Whatever you do, don''t give it to her, she doesn''t deserve it.

If you have the store credit and some friends want something from Tiffany, you buy it and they give you the cash.

You could do a lot with the store credit, its just credit so it doesn''t have any meaning for the future. It was a bad investment, that''s all.

Whatever you do, I hope it works out for you.

Ditto Po, and I am really sorry this happened.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 12/16/2008 1:44:41 PM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 12/16/2008 1:37:15 PM

Author: Po10472


She broke what you had. She didn''t want it to happen but she didn''t stop it from happening! You need to ask yourself, why would you give a gift to someone who treated you so badly?


If I were you, I''d take the store credit and buy yourself a watch or better still treat your mother, sisters, aunties to really nice jewellery for Christmas. Whatever you do, don''t give it to her, she doesn''t deserve it.


If you have the store credit and some friends want something from Tiffany, you buy it and they give you the cash.


You could do a lot with the store credit, its just credit so it doesn''t have any meaning for the future. It was a bad investment, that''s all.


Whatever you do, I hope it works out for you.

Ditto Po, and I am really sorry this happened.

Po gives good advice. So sorry about this.

 

[movie zombie]

bad news but move on with a store credit. no one in the future will know you bought using store credit anyway.

movie zombie

 

[Porridge]

Take the store credit! I don''t think it''s in bad taste to use it on someone else. I''m sorry this happened to you

 

[rossi46]

Thanks everyone for the support and advice. I know alot of guys say this - but I really did treat her well. Spoil her, actually. And not just on the valentines days, birthdays, etc (which I did then, too, of course). I thought I was doing all the right things while we were apart: sent flowers to her office at random, mailed her flirty cards, sent lingerie I knew she liked. It drove her roommate nuts since she was also doing a long-distance and her BF wasnt doing anything like that. I stayed out of the bars specifically to avoid tempation. We were in different timezones but she knew she could call me at any time of the day/night to talk. I could go on and on...

Date: 12/16/2008 1:37:15 PM
Author: Po10472

Whatever you do, don''t give it to her, she doesn''t deserve it.

Thats what I come back to, also. I just want to make sure thats not a nasty way of looking at it. Deciding who "deserves" what.

Thank you for the suggestion of trying to sell the credit. I think that may be my best bet, but it seems like it would sound a bit shady in an ad, no? Just make sure to put a pic of the receipt or store card? (Not sure how they''ll issue the credit yet)

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I am sorry to hear you''re dealing with this massive heartbreak and put to task on this decision as well...

However, you shouldn''t reward her bad behavior with a tdf necklace...I''d take the store credit, and think of it as if you have a small limit T&co credit card...eventually you can dip into that money for someone (or several someones ??) when they are more deserving. It will never hurt you to have little money for T&co laying around.

 

[~*Alexis*~]

Store credit and I would find something for yourself...they have some decent watches..

 

[Elmorton]

Store credit! My mom''s engagement ring was twice the size she imagined it would be because my dad saved for her ring and also returned the ring from a previous fiancee. After 35+ years of marriage, I can tell you that my mom doesn''t mind Having some $ pocketed away at Tiffany''s is never a bad thing. I''m sorry to hear that this happened to you - but I''m sure a deserving woman will come your way when the time is right.

 

[geckodani]

I am so sorry that his has happened to you.

I would absolutely NOT give it to her.

Take the store credit and spend it with pride on future gf, mom, sister, yourself, whatever. Or check into signed pieces to see if they can resell it for you.

 

[rossi46]

Pic of said necklace. Long drop pendant from the out-of-production "Ivy" collection is what its called. 0.3ct for $3800

 

[Steel]

Date: 12/16/2008 2:06:21 PM
Author: ~*Alexis*~
Store credit and I would find something for yourself...they have some decent watches..

If consignment is not an option I agree with Alexis, spend your hard earned money on YOU. (I assume you paid cash - not credit?)

I am sorry you were treated so badly, I cannot understand cheaters....

 

[decodelighted]

Store credit ... or get yourself a fantastic Tiffany watch + a gift for your Mom (for raising a guy who knows what he''s worth & not to accept less).

Its not "mean" to decide who deserves YOUR time or YOUR love or YOUR gifts. Giving her the necklace now would be a kind of magical thinking/denial ... indulging in your former love for her, or current love of who you THOUGHT she was. Face it. She just wasn''t/isn''t that person. Its very, very hard but better now than 10 yrs. down the road. Better now than if you were engaged or married.

Sorry you''re hurting now but am not sorry you found out the truth about her! You have a lot of love to give and you sound very generous & kind. There''s an equally wonderful, faithful woman waiting for you and your *future* bling.

Don''t get distracted with might-have-beens.

 

[fieryred33143]

Sorry you are going through this.

I would not give her the necklace unless you have the intention of getting back together with her. If you do not, then that would be leading her on to believe that there is hope.

What I would do is try to sell independently for the price you paid either on ebay or through craiglist, etc. If that doesn''t work, then get the store credit.

Wish you the best!

 

[isaku5]

Date: 12/16/2008 2:36:22 PM
Author: decodelighted
Store credit ... or get yourself a fantastic Tiffany watch + a gift for your Mom (for raising a guy who knows what he''s worth & not to accept less).

Its not ''mean'' to decide who deserves YOUR time or YOUR love or YOUR gifts. Giving her the necklace now would be a kind of magical thinking/denial ... indulging in your former love for her, or current love of who you THOUGHT she was. Face it. She just wasn''t/isn''t that person. Its very, very hard but better now than 10 yrs. down the road. Better now than if you were engaged or married.

Sorry you''re hurting now but am not sorry you found out the truth about her! You have a lot of love to give and you sound very generous & kind. There''s an equally wonderful, faithful woman waiting for you and your *future* bling.

Don''t get distracted with might-have-beens.

This is excellent advice. I hope you take it.

 

[FireGoddess]

The situation just stinks, and I''m sorry that it happened to you.

Return the necklace ASAP for store credit, and either try to sell it (you may take a slight loss...most people won''t buy the credit unless they get ahead by it) or keep it for the future. You will find yourself a great girl and you should spend that money on her.

 

[Regular Guy]

Rossi,

Sorry to fail to join with everyone...as I do think life is short. I''m at least a bit sympathetic with Scarletta. Also, you have conflicted feelings:

Date: 12/16/2008 1:19:11 PM
Author:rossi46

...Needless to say, we''re done as a couple. She''s asked for forgiveness and said it was a drunken one-nigh stand she didnt want it to happen (even though the guy was an ex), wants to stay friends with me, etc.

... And part of me still wants to giver her the necklace. I know, it sounds stupid and I really can''t explain it besides to say I loved this girl like none before. She was definitely marriage material and I was already somewhat shopping around for e-rings. She was going to finish school and I was going to finish my service in the Army at the same time.

Really don''t know what to do here...

Around the holidays...will you naturally be in the same town together?

Consider stalling your decision, see her..see how you feel...and then ...after some amount of time passes...ask yourself again.

Just 2 cents, and not from a girl.

 

[Dreamgirl]

I''m sorry that happened to you. What a terrible thing to have to go through. If I were you, I''d take the store credit or as decodelighted said- get yourself a great watch or get your Mom a wonderful gift.

 

[HollyS]

I have to agree with Regular Guy in that you seem to have some conflicting feelings about the your former GF. While the ''cut your losses and dump her'' way of doing things is okay for some people . . . is this really what you want?

After you are convinced that you know what you want to do about her, you will know what to do with the necklace.

 

[bee*]

I''d take the store credit as well. I personally wouldn''t give it to her.

 

[perry]

Rossi:

I am very sorry that you have to face this situation. I agree in part with Regular Guy. I suggest waiting a while.

If you do not know - I''m a guy - so here is my guy advice - from someone who''s been arround for a while.

As painful as this situation is, the fact is that many situations in life can be painful. Many things can go wrong that you or another did not plan for.

Marrages that last - often last dispite some very painful stuff. People can and do work through issues. You still seem to have some feelings for her... so perhaps there is something there that can be recovered.

The sign of a person is not in what mistakes they have made - or not in how others have treated them: It is in how they respond to mistakes and mistreatment.

A couple of hard questions to ask:

Why did you want to marry this person? Becasuse of her personallity, her beliefs, how well you do things together, for her money, sex, etc, etc, etc.

What happens to your relationship if one or more of those does not work out in the future. Can you counterballance a relationship on the other factors?

I have seen so many relationships get shattered by just one incident - and one incident handled poorly. Often how the incident is handled does more damage than the incident itself - but it can also do more good and pull you together as well if you handle it right. I suspect you have the capability to heal and build stronger ties if you want based on this incident.

I also point out that someday you may be the one that falls into temptation. How are you going to handle it if you do?

My biggest concern in a situation like this is not that sex occured. It is why sex occured, and why were you not informed in a more timely manner.

You will need to treat these as two separate issues - deal with only one at a time.

I suspect that if you did some digging into why the sex occured, that you will learn some important things about each of you that you can improve on either your future relationship - or your next one. It is even possible that both of you will be able to figure out a way to prevent - or at least greatly minimize - it from occuring again (on the other hand - you may also come to an agreement that in certain situations that it is OK: People do that).

Why you were not informed in a more timely manner. Again, likely much to be learned on both parties.

The biggest waste is that people spend years building relationships - and then toss them away based on a single or limited issues. It is the harder path initially to attempt to work through the issues - but long tem it is the easiest as you do not have to start over with another. Ask anyone who has been succesfully married for 50 years. They all have had major issues at one time or another - and the reason their marriage was successful was becasue they were willing to work it out.

Now it is also possible that after you learn more about the why''s that you will decide that in reality that this was not the preson for you. Fine. That will enable you to better find the right one in the future.


Perry

 

[partgypsy]

Hmm, agree with HollyS. The more important question, is how you feel about her, and whether you are at all interested in working through this betrayal and continuing the relationship. I''ve had a friend''s parents whose father cheated. He also really regretted what happened, they went through marriage counseling, and their relationship while different, is stronger than ever. I don''t know if that is an option. If that is, then hold onto the necklace.
If you are through, then no it is not appropriate to give her the necklace, in fact not sure if she would even accept it if you did. Personally I would do as others suggested, get the store credit and sell it on craig''s list with a discount. Even if you buy yourself something with that money it will probably remind you of this whole episode, which I''m not sure you want to do.

 

[zhuzhu]

Get the store credit and sit on it. You can always get another one if you decide to get back together. If not the credit will come in handy in the future for another meaningful relationship.
And no, I do not think the store credit is associated with the sentimental part of this relationship at all. It was simply a purchase made in error, flat and simple.
Good luck!