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getting impatient

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leoslove730

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 25, 2007
Messages
49
Hi everyone! I''m new here. I posted once a while back, but have been lurking ever since.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years. We''ve been living together for 1 year of that time. Everything has been glorious between us from the start, and keeps on getting better and better as time goes on. We have a great life together and make each other very happy.

However, I''m itching for a ring.

I sooooo do not want to be that girlfriend who pressures her guy into it, but I''m feeling pressure to get engaged right now. See, my boyfriend''s cousin proposed to his girlfriend right before Christmas. They have only been dating for one month longer than we have, and don''t live together yet. So basically, they are not moving in together until after they get married. Plain and simple, they think they are so righteous because of that, and it is really very annoying. Of course, then I get into thinking, well they have been together about the same amount of time as my guy and I have and they are engaged already, so why hasn''t my guy popped the question to me yet??

Part me feels really silly for being so jealous. I''m not 100% ready to get married right now, although I would happily accept a proposal anytime. I don''t feel like 2 1/2 years of dating is long enough to get engaged at the age we all are (24 and 25). I think I would feel more comfortable waiting anothe year or so, but I feel the pressure because the other couple is about to take the plunge.

I don''t know what to do to put my mind at ease, or to stop feeling envious over the whole situation.
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
Life is not a competition and you have to go through your relationship at a pace that is comfortable for *both* of you. Instead of focusing on how other people''s relationships are heading towards marriage, remind yourself everyday of why your relationship is great the way it is right now, and know that sooner than you think you will have a ring and be engaged, too. And your right, two and a half years of dating isn''t all that long to be getting engaged and married, so you definitely have time.

*M*

PS Glad you decided to come back!
 

anchor31

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 18, 2005
Messages
7,074
I''m sorry you''re feeling this way. As poptart said, life is not a competition, and I''m not sure I understand why you want to get engaged right now if you''re not entirely ready to get married. Every couple is different and has different paces, comparing with others just makes us miserable!
I think it''s much more important to focus on what''s right for our own couple than other people''s.

Moving in together before engagement/marriage is a very personal decision. It''s right for some people, it isn''t for some others. Maybe they are being righteous, but maybe they''re just doing what''s best for them and not trying to judge your situation. I''m just saying that because FI and I decided to move in together after our engagement, and I got weird comments about us thinking we were better than everyone else... But we didn''t take that decision with "everyone else" in mind, we took that decision because it was best for us. We have a pretty unusual situation, it''s not surprising that our story isn''t like "everyone else".

That said, I hope you feel better soon. Don''t rush anything if you''re not ready.
 

leoslove730

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 25, 2007
Messages
49
Thanks for advice guys. No, I can guarantee that they think that they are a "better" couple because they are not living together before they get married (like we are). They love to rub it in too. I think that is why a competition has kinda developed between us. It''s stupid, and childish I know, but sometimes it happens with family. Another reason they are getting married is because her parents offered to have a house built as a wedding gift. Her family doesn''t believe in cohabitation, so she kinda pressured my boyfriend''s cousin into the whole engagement thing.


I guess she started pressuring him over the summer because his aunt was talking about it at a picnic that we were all at.
 

leoslove730

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 25, 2007
Messages
49
Yeah, but I am truly not ready to take the plunge yet, in all honesty. I feel like a L.I.W. though because I really AM waiting for it from him, but it''s not like I''m gonna throw a temper tantrum until I get it (although I would like to sometimes!!
)

I honestly feel like we are married already. When we do finally get married, we both want a small wedding - somehing simple and fun. He''s my best friend, and I am amazed at how lucky I am to have snatched up such a hottie! LOL However, I can''t deny the anxiousness that I do feel at times waiting for him to ask me to make it official. I am still in school and he is new into his career. I probably won''t graduate until ''09, so even if we do get engaged before that I don''t want to get married until I have my degree. He tells me that we can''t talk about him proposing because he wants it to be a surprise. He said the more that we talk about it, the farther away it is going to happen. The few times that i have actually gotten upset and whined and cried to him about my frustrations in waiting he was really good and sat down and talked to me about it. He''s always like, "I don''t know why you worry - it IS going to happen." I''m a girl - that''s why i worry!! Ha ha

Men!
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
Date: 3/22/2007 3:19:55 PM
Author: leoslove730
Thanks for advice guys. No, I can guarantee that they think that they are a ''better'' couple because they are not living together before they get married (like we are). They love to rub it in too. I think that is why a competition has kinda developed between us. It''s stupid, and childish I know, but sometimes it happens with family. Another reason they are getting married is because her parents offered to have a house built as a wedding gift. Her family doesn''t believe in cohabitation, so she kinda pressured my boyfriend''s cousin into the whole engagement thing.




I guess she started pressuring him over the summer because his aunt was talking about it at a picnic that we were all at.
Well then I guess everything isn''t as rosy as it looks, eh?

Don''t let it bother you if they think they are "better" than you. There really is no "better." There''s just "different." Everyone does things the way they see fit, and as long as they aren''t hurting anyone, I say no harm no foul, ya know? I have a friend (sort of) that sees us in a type of competition I think, but it really doesn''t bother me. She has a certain way of thinking that she''s always right and if you don''t fall into that then your backwards, but I''m happy the way my life is, and I don''t need to compare myself to her life in order to feel alright about mine. It takes too much effort to do all that anyway, haha.

*M*
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2006
Messages
12,170
I can understand how you want to get engaged, when someone close to you has done it, but it will be worth it in the end if you do it when you definitely want to do it for yourself. I dont think you should get engaged when you''re not ready to get married. Plus at least you''ve found out that your compatible with your bf and you''ve lived with him, your friend might not be so lucky when they move in. Just be happy that your relationship is going great and when the time comes you''ll be so happy you waited until you felt ready for marriage.
 

DMBsGirl

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 29, 2006
Messages
1,589
You''re putting unneeded pressure on your relationship. You agree that you are too young to be engaged and if that is how you feel it shouldn''t matter what everyone else is doing. Engagement and marriage are huge steps, and could ruin the relationship if not done at the right time. Enjoy the stage you are at now, have the "talk" with your boyfriend and discuss a timeline so that you know both of you have the same long term goals, but go at it at your own pace.
 

MustangFan

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2006
Messages
935
so think of it this way, you''ll be the better person for not pressuring him.
 

sap483

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 14, 2007
Messages
988
I completely understand that watching others get engaged makes you wish that it would happen to you. I''ve been there, still am for that matter. However, I also think from your posts that you understand that you are not ready to take that step yet. So why stress yourself and your bf out? Enjoy your relationship, let it develop even more, and when the time is right it WILL happen. As you said, it keeps getting better and better, why not continue to let it?
 

NYCsparkle

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 23, 2006
Messages
1,371
if you know you are not ready yet, then don''t put that pressure on yourself. enjoy your wonderful relationship as is for now. if you start on the engagement fever before you are really ready you will chance ruining the whole relationship because of some other annoying couple. when the time is right, it''ll happen. have you spoke to your bf about how you are feeling? he may feel the same way? communication is the key....enjoy your relationship. live and love.
 
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