Getting Guests to Pay For Their Own Meals

[iLander]

iLander-- I know this is an old thread but I have to add my experience with my family!
My mom (passed away in 02) was the oldest of six. She was considerably better well off than her siblings (still middle class however), and they never let my mom forget it--she always ended up paying. However, aside from one of my uncles, all live comfortably and want for little to nothing.

My mom passed away pretty young, and her parents were (and still are) alive. For the last nine years my three siblings and I have continued to go and visit my grandparents, a three hour trip. All of us were in our 20s when our mom passed, so we were in various stages of our schooling and early careers, but it became very obvious that our aunts and uncles expected us to carry on the tradition of paying the whole bill, or at the very least, a majority portion of the bill.

The kicker is that our grandparents are not like this, very proud, in their 80s (now each are 90) and always at the ready to pay-- and we often are going out to eat because we are in town visiting. We know they are on a very tight and fixed income, and the last thing we want is for them to pay--which they will do in a heartbeat. So our aunts and uncles (and their kids) bank on the fact that we don't want to make a hassle out of the bill. If we ask everyone to chip in, they will not cover their share. One of our uncles used to collect the cash for the entire bill and if we gave well more than our's and our grandparent's share this uncle will give the server a 5% tip, probably actually not paying anything or pocketing money from the meal--so we have to check on that and give even more money at the table for the tip!

My favorite was two months after my mom died, we went to a mother's day brunch. My aunt was quick to collect and pay at the counter, we of course gave more than our share, and my aunt claimed that i was her daughter's "mom" (my cousin who is 18 years younger) because mom's eat free!!! So she made money off me on our first mother's day without our mom!!!

My grandparents now do not go to restaurants, so when we come into town we end up ordering food and bringing it to their house. You guessed it, aunts and uncles and cousins are there, no offer of money, eat the food, and take the leftovers home with them!

In this case we reason that we are blessed that our wonderful grandparents are still alive and this is just part of the cost of visiting. It is sad because my grandparents were so proud and gracious--no free ride for them EVER, my mother was like that, and I have no idea where my relatives came from! All of the aunts and uncles live in the same town as my grandparents and we have never been offered a place to stay, so hotel costs on top of it! I have had aunts and cousins come to visit my home and you guessed it, paid for everything. These visits have ceased...

I am glad to hear that your visitors finally came to their senses and found some grace in the 11th hour!

Some people just have no class. . . sorry you're dealing with this nonsense!

 

[iLander]

iLander, had to add my high-five on your daughter's handling of Mr. & Mrs. Mooch. Great girl!

They sure went whole hog in the other direction once pointed that way. I can see them looking at each other in bewilderment & saying, "You think they didn't ENJOY picking up all those bills? Well, I'll be damned!" Hope it's a nice loooong time between visits -- we PSers can't take frequent ones!

--- Laurie

Thanks for making me laugh!