Gender free children?

[cara]

Plenty of parents do things that keep their kids outside of social norms without it being called abusive... requiring kids to wear religious garb instead of popular clothes for example. No toys at all, no TV, no knowledge of popular music or movies or shows or characters... It may be difficult for the kid to not fit in, but they adapt and figure out that they have different rules and experience and community.

But somehow the kid still needs to figure out what his/her place in the world is even if they aren't allowed to dress like the other kids or play with toys like the other kids or watch TV shows like the other kids. If the parents *force* the kid to hide his/her gender, and don't provide some foundation for why the kid has different rules than his/her peers, that sounds like trouble. Also, slightly unrelated, but here goes:

I'm remembering a case we read about in a women's studies class on precolonial america. Thomas/ina was believed to be a boy raised as a girl in England. S/he learned women's skills growing up, immigrated to the US and was employed as a maid and dressed as a female. S/he apparantly had sexual relationships with men and women (details are fuzzy here but seemed at least partly "straight" despite the crossdressing) and lived an unremarkable life until allegations about gender took over. S/he was ordered by a court to undergo a medical examination, and when male genitals were discovered, people were completely SHOCKED. They actually considered him to be some kind of hermaphrodite because his male genitals conflicted with his woman's nature and brain, which was plainly evident to everyone by his mannerisms and his capacity for cooking and knitting and other womanly skills. It was assumed that he must be part female to possess these traits.

The punishment was harsh: he was ordered to wear clothing that blended typical male and female dress of the time, basically publicly marking him as a hermaphrodite. He was ostracized and miserable, unable to function as a regular member of society as he was branded by his clothes as something weird, abnormal, and deformed: someone that possessed both male and female traits.

Anywho. Interesting that the court could not get the concept that a boy learned women's skills by being taught them from a young age; also shows that women's skills were valued as specifically female (and not drudgery or menial things that less talented people do) but rather specific tasks suited to a woman's aptitude and for which men possess no talent or capacity. At least at that time.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 7/2/2009 6:35:40 PM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 7/2/2009 8:01:19 AM
Author: Italiahaircolor

Date: 7/1/2009 10:48:32 PM

Author: thing2of2

Hmm...I wonder if the child really cares at this point? I think that as long as the parents allow the child to choose his/her activities and develop his/her preferences, it can''t be *that* damaging to not be known (to society) as a boy or a girl.

I have two 2 year old nieces (not twins-one''s my brother''s and one''s my sister''s) and I don''t think either of them has ever even mentioned gender, being a girl vs. being a boy, etc. Come to think of it, neither has my 4 year old nephew, either. He plays with ''boy'' toys but he also plays with his 2 year old sister''s ''girl'' toys, and vice versa.

If once the child gets older and starts wanting to dress a certain way or have a gendered hairstyle and the parents continue to force him/her to be ''genderless,'' then I think it''s a whole other can of worms. But for now, it doesn''t seem as if it could be super damaging to the child.

I don''t think it''s so much of a matter that the children isn''t being spoken to about his/her gender...it''s that they aren''t allowing his/her gender to even be relevant. They dress Pop as a girl one day...a boy the next. That isn''t normal, it isn''t healthy. It goes so far beyond playing with trucks or dolls...they are simply pretending like Pop''s gender is still undecided for the sake of just doing it. There isn''t a real reason in the whole world why this baby needs for this to be done...other than Pop''s parents feel like they can.

But clothing is a social construct-it has nothing to do with gender inherently. It''s not instinctual for a girl to want to wear a dress. So I don''t see how dressing the kid in ''boy'' clothes and ''girl'' clothes is really damaging or unhealthy. Why do you think it is?

It seems to me that they''re trying to keep Pop from being influenced by societal norms about what it means to be a boy or a girl. I''m not saying I''d try to keep my kid''s gender a secret, but if I ever have a kid, I am going to try my hardest to keep society from forcing him/her into a gendered box.

I think my parents (and my mom especially) did an awesome job at letting my twin sister and I just be ourselves and not worry about being ''girls.'' We were TOTAL tomboys, had short haircuts, and in maybe 4th grade I decided my nickname was too girly so I went by a more genderless name for years (think Nik instead of Nikky). People often thought my twin sister and I were little boys. My mom (or I) would tell them we weren''t, and that was that. I think because of my mom''s willingness to just let us do our own thing, we were immune to much of the pressures adolescent girls face in middle school and high school. We played outside all the time and we both excelled in soccer and field hockey. (To the point where we were on Olympic development teams.)

And my mom didn''t let anyone put us in a box. For example, in 5th grade my gym teacher called her into a parent/teacher conference and told her I was too competitive and aggressive when we played sports in class. My mom told her that she would NEVER be telling a boy''s parents this and that she wasn''t going to say a thing to me. My mom didn''t tell me this story until years later because she didn''t want me to feel like I couldn''t try my hardest at sports.

So I totally get why Pop''s parents are doing this. I hope that they won''t take it too far and give Pop a complex, but it doesn''t seem like not being known by society as a boy or a girl could be horribly damaging to a 2 year old.

I think the difference is that in your case no one denied you and your sister were female, you parents just didn''t allow that to limit your interests and abilities. This child is being treated as an androgynous person and while there is no proof that this will be harmful to the child (I can''t imagine any scientific studies have been done on the subject) I can''t imagine the child not being negatively affected by it.

Children should be encouraged to try and enjoy whatever it is they prefer, but to ignore gender completely is so extreme it seems ridiculous. There are women who are all about "I am woman here me roar" and there are men who are "manly men", by their own definition, and I''m sure this stems, in part, from the way they are raised. You can raise a child with a healthy outlook by teaching them not to allow their gender to define them, but to ignore it completely is so far out there. And it doesn''t remove societies'' constructs about gender so it will likely cause the child to be an outcast.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Thing2of2

I think it''s wonderful that your parents encouraged you to be who you wanted to be and never limited you because you were girls...

But that''s not what these parents are doing. This isn''t about Pop wanting to play football, or lacrosse, or hockey and his/her parents encouraging that...this is about a 2 year old baby who isn''t being given any form of identity.

For many people, gender is the first "group" in which they formally belong...."Boy''s Only, Girls Keep Out" or "Girl''s Rule, Boy''s Drool"...these are all ways of coming together and feeling unity outside of a family for a child. But this baby, Pop, is being denied that. And the million dollar question is why?

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 7/1/2009 4:27:57 PM
Author: elrohwen

MC, your post just reminded me that lots of little kids in Sweden don''t even wear swimming suits (at least according to my aunt who''s lived there for 15 years or so). Even at public pools they often run around in the buff when they''re toddlers, so don''t you think the kid is going to figure it out? Swedish people seem to be very open with their bodies and this little kid is going to quickly figure out which group he/she belongs to (and everyone else is going to figure it out too).

Funny story, my aunt sent us pictures of her son nekkid at the beach when he was 3 or so. My mom told her that she should watch it, because sending that stuff through snail mail counts as child **** over here

I didn''t know about kids going in the buff when swimming. It''s odd that Swedish would be so open about their bodies, yet one family is so freaked by the concept of people knowing their child is a male/female.

Yesterday I was at a park with my kids. There was a child about 7 with just swim trunks on and hair (I kid you not) down to his rear. His parents had NEVER cut his hair. Just seeing him freaked me out. Maybe it''s just me and me being judgemental, but I think that is boarderline child abuse. When a child is raised like that, they are bound to be picked on by other kids. Yet again, maybe the kid is homeschooled or something.

Maybe I''m a bias mom but I always have raised my kids with the notion that they are boys. My younger son loved Dora the Explorer when he was a toddler and that was totally cool. Both kids seemed naturally drawn to Legos, and I support that. I treat them as boys though. I do not take them to the Barbie section thinking that they should be able to chose toys that they would like rather than pick ones society deems acceptable. I just raise them as boys and if at some point, they decide they want to play with a "girl toy," then I will support that! I''m not going to force them to think outside their natural instinct.

 

[cara]

Why is it abusive not to cut a kid's hair? Just 'cause he's a boy? Maybe I'm in lala CA land, but I think of Kate Hudson's kid Ryder and maybe he's just sporting a rocker look like his dad.

Frankly, hair down to your rear is annoying to maintain! As is keeping a boy's haircut short if he is squirmy and resistant to the barber's chair - I remember chasing by brother around trying to pin him while my mother held the scissors! Certainly not abusive to let him sport a longer look when he wanted. And let me tell you, there was certainly a day in late elementary school when a longer look would.not.do. When the peer pressure and gender stereotypes are affecting the kid, they will usually let you know! My brother went from chronically shaggy hair to get out the buzzers! And now he's old enough that he often sports a big shaggy do again, unless his boss lets him have it. He's also well past puberty so the long hair doesn't make him mistaken for a girl. THAT is what I mean by letting a kid self-identify, with some reasonable accommodation of the parent's preferences. Parents don't have to buy their daughters age inappropriate girly stuff or anything but also not force their sons to do ballet to balance out the kung-fu.

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 7/2/2009 7:34:03 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Thing2of2

I think it's wonderful that your parents encouraged you to be who you wanted to be and never limited you because you were girls...

But that's not what these parents are doing. This isn't about Pop wanting to play football, or lacrosse, or hockey and his/her parents encouraging that...this is about a 2 year old baby who isn't being given any form of identity.

For many people, gender is the first 'group' in which they formally belong....'Boy's Only, Girls Keep Out' or 'Girl's Rule, Boy's Drool'...these are all ways of coming together and feeling unity outside of a family for a child. But this baby, Pop, is being denied that. And the million dollar question is why?

Because gender is a social construct. These parents are trying to block society from telling the child what it is supposed to like because of what sex it is. And therefore creating the child's "gender".

Sex-the physical sex organs that identify us as male or female
Gender-what society says we are, male, female, or somewhere in between

There are hermaphrodites out there, but they are few and far between because they are a result of genetic mutation. And normally their sex is chosen for them by doctors and their parents when they are infants. So they get to undergo painful surgeries until they look "normal".

Hermaphrodites are not what this is about though.

I don't know about your upbringing Italia, but my identity had nothing to do with my gender. I wanted to play in the mud, play baseball, and hang out with the boys. I also had Barbies and high heels (duh), but my favorite toys were Legos and Micro-machines. I didn't like playing with the girls that much, and if anything, tried to avoid them.

If anything, coming from my background, with the seemingly countless Psychology and Sociology classes I've taken, I think this is a good thing. I'm not sure why people think that this idea of denying it's gender is being forced down this child's throat-I'm sure that the child is a child first, as all children are. Children don't begin to develop a sense of self until the age of 3 or so, when they start asking questions. I'm sure the child will see that Daddy and Mommy don't look exactly the same way, and then figure out from their responses what sex they are.

I actually think, as a Psychology/Sociology student, that this ISN'T a bad thing. It seems to me, that if it is being done just by blocking society's opinions and constructs that this child WILL truly develop a sense of self-what they like and don't like without the restrictions of societal norms. If they are forcing the child to not have preferences for what it truly likes, then there will likely be a problem.

But from what little information is presented here, I'm guessing that these parents are educated, and willing to entertain the idea that their child will not be considered "normal" because of it's upbringing. But everyone is different. Kids are resilient. They overcome a lot. I always knew I was different because I was adopted, and I think I turned out pretty dang normal.

For more reading on gender as a social construction:
"Studying Gender" Renzetti and Curran
"The Social Construction of Gender" Anderson and Hysock
"The Social Construction of Gender" Judith Lorber
"Five Sexes" and "Five Sexes Revisited" by Fausto-Sterling

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 7/2/2009 8:42:21 PM
Author: cara
Why is it abusive not to cut a kid''s hair? Just ''cause he''s a boy? Maybe I''m in lala CA land, but I think of Kate Hudson''s kid Ryder and maybe he''s just sporting a rocker look like his dad.

Frankly, hair down to your rear is annoying to maintain! As is keeping a boy''s haircut short if he is squirmy and resistant to the barber''s chair - I remember chasing by brother around trying to pin him while my mother held the scissors! Certainly not abusive to let him sport a longer look when he wanted. And let me tell you, there was certainly a day in late elementary school when a longer look would.not.do. When the peer pressure and gender stereotypes are affecting the kid, they will usually let you know! My brother went from chronically shaggy hair to get out the buzzers! And now he''s old enough that he often sports a big shaggy do again, unless his boss lets him have it. He''s also well past puberty so the long hair doesn''t make him mistaken for a girl. THAT is what I mean by letting a kid self-identify, with some reasonable accommodation of the parent''s preferences. Parents don''t have to buy their daughters age inappropriate girly stuff or anything but also not force their sons to do ballet to balance out the kung-fu.

I see it as abusive mostly because when seeing that kid, I didn''t know for a bit if he was a boy or a girl!!! Who would do that to their child? Kate Hudson''s son doesn''t apply as an example because we already ALL know what gender he is. It''s not a mystery where a person has to think, "hmmm. . .is that kid a boy or a girl?". Once a few years back at Barnes and Noble, I remember a child being there and my son thinking the child was a girl, when in fact, the kid was a boy. Who would subject their child to such experiences. . .

My kids were squirmy in their chairs when getting their hair cuts, as well, but I''ve found numerous establishments dedicated specifically to cutting childrens'' hair and every time my kids went there, we had a pleasent experience. The stylists brought toys for the kids to play with and took the time to make the child comfortable. Once my kids were 5+, we switched to regular salons.

 

[cellososweet]

Date: 7/3/2009 8:35:02 PM
Author: MC

Date: 7/2/2009 8:42:21 PM
Author: cara
Why is it abusive not to cut a kid''s hair? Just ''cause he''s a boy? Maybe I''m in lala CA land, but I think of Kate Hudson''s kid Ryder and maybe he''s just sporting a rocker look like his dad.

Frankly, hair down to your rear is annoying to maintain! As is keeping a boy''s haircut short if he is squirmy and resistant to the barber''s chair - I remember chasing by brother around trying to pin him while my mother held the scissors! Certainly not abusive to let him sport a longer look when he wanted. And let me tell you, there was certainly a day in late elementary school when a longer look would.not.do. When the peer pressure and gender stereotypes are affecting the kid, they will usually let you know! My brother went from chronically shaggy hair to get out the buzzers! And now he''s old enough that he often sports a big shaggy do again, unless his boss lets him have it. He''s also well past puberty so the long hair doesn''t make him mistaken for a girl. THAT is what I mean by letting a kid self-identify, with some reasonable accommodation of the parent''s preferences. Parents don''t have to buy their daughters age inappropriate girly stuff or anything but also not force their sons to do ballet to balance out the kung-fu.

I see it as abusive mostly because when seeing that kid, I didn''t know for a bit if he was a boy or a girl!!! Who would do that to their child? Kate Hudson''s son doesn''t apply as an example because we already ALL know what gender he is. It''s not a mystery where a person has to think, ''hmmm. . .is that kid a boy or a girl?''. Once a few years back at Barnes and Noble, I remember a child being there and my son thinking the child was a girl, when in fact, the kid was a boy. Who would subject their child to such experiences. . .

My kids were squirmy in their chairs when getting their hair cuts, as well, but I''ve found numerous establishments dedicated specifically to cutting childrens'' hair and every time my kids went there, we had a pleasent experience. The stylists brought toys for the kids to play with and took the time to make the child comfortable. Once my kids were 5+, we switched to regular salons.

I''m not even going to comment on the oddity that is this "experiment," but I had to comment on this.

So, long hair is abusive because you couldn''t figure out the kids gender from a glance? Honestly, how does your knowledge of this kids gender affect anything at all? Would you treat the kid differently if you knew right away he was a boy?

I just think that your statement reads "It''s abusive because it makes me uncomfortable" That''s not abuse, that''s you reacting to something that you see as socially abnormal (and reacting is perfectly normal. But to call it abuse is a little far).

The kid probably likes his hair because if he didn''t, he''d grab the crayola scissors and go to town like any other kid would do (I know I did it. haha).

 

[cara]

Date: 7/3/2009 8:35:02 PM
Author: MC

Date: 7/2/2009 8:42:21 PM

Author: cara
Why is it abusive not to cut a kid's hair? Just 'cause he's a boy? Maybe I'm in lala CA land, but I think of Kate Hudson's kid Ryder and maybe he's just sporting a rocker look like his dad.

Frankly, hair down to your rear is annoying to maintain! As is keeping a boy's haircut short if he is squirmy and resistant to the barber's chair - I remember chasing by brother around trying to pin him while my mother held the scissors! Certainly not abusive to let him sport a longer look when he wanted. And let me tell you, there was certainly a day in late elementary school when a longer look would.not.do. When the peer pressure and gender stereotypes are affecting the kid, they will usually let you know! My brother went from chronically shaggy hair to get out the buzzers! And now he's old enough that he often sports a big shaggy do again, unless his boss lets him have it. He's also well past puberty so the long hair doesn't make him mistaken for a girl. THAT is what I mean by letting a kid self-identify, with some reasonable accommodation of the parent's preferences. Parents don't have to buy their daughters age inappropriate girly stuff or anything but also not force their sons to do ballet to balance out the kung-fu.

I see it as abusive mostly because when seeing that kid, I didn't know for a bit if he was a boy or a girl!!! Who would do that to their child? Kate Hudson's son doesn't apply as an example because we already ALL know what gender he is. It's not a mystery where a person has to think, 'hmmm. . .is that kid a boy or a girl?'. Once a few years back at Barnes and Noble, I remember a child being there and my son thinking the child was a girl, when in fact, the kid was a boy. Who would subject their child to such experiences. . .

My kids were squirmy in their chairs when getting their hair cuts, as well, but I've found numerous establishments dedicated specifically to cutting childrens' hair and every time my kids went there, we had a pleasent experience. The stylists brought toys for the kids to play with and took the time to make the child comfortable. Once my kids were 5+, we switched to regular salons.

The same haircut that is fine on Kate Hudson's kid would be abusive on another boy who isn't famous? So only famous young boys should be allowed to have long hair? Oh, come on. That's absurd. OK, two example questions:

As for my brother, my mother was either too lazy or cheap to regularly take him to a salon. She certainly wasn't going that often herself. When little, my brother regularly had a bowl-hair cut that grew out to something looking like a bob. Anyone that knew him knew he was a boy but I imagine strangers might do a double take. When my brother got older and actually had a preference for a short boy haircut, he made his preference known. Does keeping him in a somewhat ambiguous hairstyle when he was smaller and didn't want it cut actually make her abusive? She should have insisted on a proper masculine haircut against his wishes?

My friends' daughter is over 1 year and still bald. For some reason, the bald head makes people assume she is a boy. The parents got really sick of correcting people, so they now keep her outfitted in something pink, purple or sparkly so they don't have people making the wrong assumption too often, even though they never thought they'd be dressing her all girly-girl before she was born. But say they didn't - say they went with gender nuetral clothes - would this be actually *abusive* because people can't easily figure out her gender by looking at her? To be good parents, they *must* dress their daughter in pink so that strangers can easily figure out her gender? As I'm sure anyone close to the kid - family, friends, playmates at daycare - will figure out her gender from her name and other clues.

 

[MonkeyPie]

This is a really interesting thread. While I disagree with what the parents are doing to poor little Pop, it''s their kid, and I have no say in their choices. This little kid will either grow up smarter than most, or he/she will have some issues. But even a child raised in a gender-specific household could do either of those things.

The hair thing, though, is wrong. I had boy-short hair until I was in about 4th grade and I could do my own hair in the morning, because my mom had short hair and she didn''t have time to blowdry, curl, crimp, and otherwise make my hair presentable. I never had a problem with it, even though some kids made fun of it and called me a boy. Kids will tease each other and be mean no matter the situation, and most have nothing to do with gender!

My kids will have hair down to their butt if they want to, whether they are boys or girls. Mohawks and close-cuts either way. And that is NOT child abuse in any shape or form - it''s freedom of choice.

 

[makemepretty]

Remember the Saturday Night Live skit about PAT....someone actually thought that was a good thing?????

 

[makemepretty]

Just a comment on the long hair, it really bugs me that people think a boy can''t have long hair but girls CAN have short. It''s ridiculous. In my kids school a lot of boys have long hair, it''s very trendy and skater-ish right now. My sons are 12 & 13 and have super long hair, they get mistaken for girls sometimes by strangers(even though they''re wearing skull shirts and ripped jeans) but they don''t care because they like their hair. Their friends have long hair too, although some parents won''t allow that. One boy that comes over has to have a very short hair cut until he''s 18, then he''s allowed to make his own decisions about his hair. Actually right now my 13 year old has long red hair with black tips. But since he''s a good kid, gets great grades, I don''t mind letting him express his creativeness with his hair and clothing.

 

[luckystar112]

Date: 7/3/2009 10:38:08 PM
Author: cellososweet

I''m not even going to comment on the oddity that is this ''experiment,'' but I had to comment on this.

So, long hair is abusive because you couldn''t figure out the kids gender from a glance? Honestly, how does your knowledge of this kids gender affect anything at all? Would you treat the kid differently if you knew right away he was a boy?

I just think that your statement reads ''It''s abusive because it makes me uncomfortable'' That''s not abuse, that''s you reacting to something that you see as socially abnormal (and reacting is perfectly normal. But to call it abuse is a little far).

The kid probably likes his hair because if he didn''t, he''d grab the crayola scissors and go to town like any other kid would do (I know I did it. haha).

It may affect the kid too, you just don''t know. I still remember when my mother took me to a stylist and chopped off all of my hair. Ugh. And I definitely remember kids in the classroom joking that I looked like a boy and complete strangers THINKING I was a boy.

 

[mtjoya]

I think that they need to get over themselves and stop trying to confuse the child. This is so dumb. They are not special just plain weird...

 

[swimmer]

So in the process of letting their child decide who he/she is, they are forcing him/her to alternate days of either gender? Isn''t that imposing roles on the kid and defeating the neutrality that they were seeking? I don''t see how enforcing both ends of the spectrum lets a child find his/her place somewhere in the middle.

The most messed up kid I have ever met, in 10yrs of public schools, was a child in an alt/ed school whose parents tried something similar, he could use either bathroom etc. By the time he was 17 he was totally confused, had difficulties with separation and individuation, had limited sense of self, zero empathy, was terribly depressed, and pretty much could not function in social settings. Very sad. No idea how many of his issues were organic and how many had been created by his parent''s little experiment.

And I totally know that this thread is not about hermaphrodites, but here is a fantastic article by Jared Diamond (author of Guns, Germs, and Steel) that I randomly found while cleaning out my desk yesterday: link

 

[lovegem]

your baby is so cute, boy or girl?

Neither!

 

[Sharon101]

Date: 7/1/2009 9:11:08 PM
Author: purrfectpear
I would prefer for these parents to practice gender neutrality on their own selves. Let daddy wear skirts, and mommy wear suits to their hearts content, but stop with the experimenting on an innocent child. Sheesh, what kind of message does it send to a toddler that they need to keep their boy or girlness a big secret

I let my son play with whatever toys he felt like picking up. He was never told that ''boys don''t cry'' or anything else that was gender restrictive. He wore pink or whatever color he thought was cool. You can let your kids throw off gender ''rules'' without making them the weird one of the neighborhood.

That is a perfect responce PP. This is totally stupid. Number 1, the child is not being raised to be gender neutral because both dresses and pants are worn. This is really not gender neutral but gender specific and changing it around at whim!

But does Daddy And Mummy swap their clothes and haircuts to be the role models for this absurd experiment.

If this continues into pre school when the child has more awareness then these parents should be charged with child abuse imo. It`s a red flag for child abuse even at this age!

 

[radiantquest]

Does anyone remember Pat? From Saturday Night Live? That is what this makes me think of. If they are going to keep on like this until he/she is just neither. I am really hoping that once these parents bask in their 15 mins of fame over this that they will come to their senses and let the kid be a kid.

When I was little my mother put me in dresses everyday, that didn''t stop me...I ran right outside in my pink floral dress, grabbed a tractor and made roads in the dirt.

 

[swingirl]

Date: 7/4/2009 10:54:25 AM
Author: makemepretty
Remember the Saturday Night Live skit about PAT....someone actually thought that was a good thing?????

Exactly!!!

 

[Indylady]

Hehe, that is too funny Haven! I had a professor who''s friend was trying to raise her son gender neutral and provided him plenty of dolls to play with in addition to cars. One day, she walks in on him pushing Barbie around on the carpet, going ''VROOOOM VROOOOOOOOM!''

 

[Sharon101]

Date: 8/16/2009 2:31:07 PM
Author: szh07
Hehe, that is too funny Haven! I had a professor who''s friend was trying to raise her son gender neutral and provided him plenty of dolls to play with in addition to cars. One day, she walks in on him pushing Barbie around on the carpet, going ''VROOOOM VROOOOOOOOM!''

So true and sooo funny!!!!

My kids are all pretty much gender stereotypes too!

Lucky for my boys because I dont know a thing about cars or sport. They taught themselves from an early age. And they never wanted to play with dolls much to my dismay. I would have loved a few dolls around the house to even out the cars and trucks!

But some things cross over gender like loving a pet. My boys and my girl are all crazy over our new cat.

So its perfectly fine to celebrate the differences and to embrace the common interests too! It would be boring if girls and boys were exactly the same!!!!

 

[HollyS]

“We want Pop to grow up more freely and avoid being forced into a specific gender mold from the outset. . ."

This is tantamount to child abuse.

Gender is not something anyone ''chooses''. It is. You are either a male or a female. It is not a conscious choice.

Of course, there are transgendered people; but again, they don''t ''choose'' how they feel. Transgenders think like either a male or female from a very young age. That is why they feel uncomfortable and ''wrong'' in their skin. This child doesn''t know how he/she is supposed to feel, and is essentially being told that it is wrong to have any feelings one way or the other. I cannot begin to imagine just what kind of damage this will do to the child''s psyche.

It would be real damn difficult to have a sense of who you are at a young age without input and help from your parents. There are some very interesting and hard times ahead for this family.

 

[kittybean]

My parents did their best to provide me gender-neutral toys and make me play outside in the mud and such, but I turned into the pink-loving-est, dress-wearing-est, book-reading-est, playing-with-dolls-all-day little girl. And my parents loved me exactly that way. I''m still girly and happy to have been myself my whole life.

Poor Pop--who is he/she going to be later in life?

* * *
Oh, and big thumbs up on the long hair for boys--my brother''s hair looks amazing. I hope he doesn''t cut it anytime soon! He looks like the bad-a** skater/boarder/skier/trampoline virtuoso he is!