Funeral Etiquette

[LinSF]

Although not to my comfort level, its definitely a cultural and generational thing. My mother in law had photos of deceased relatives that were sent to her with frequency when photos were more uncommon and you didnt really get to have a last visit. Culturally, my culture historically has not scoffed at this either.

I do find it tacky, tasteless and inappropriate for people to pull out their phones and do a photo shoot of the deceased. That's gross.

 

[Matata]

In Victorian times, death photos were common.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-36389581

 

[Lisa Loves Shiny]

IMHO death photos and videos are fine- if they are done by family or SO of the deceased, and done in private before the viewing. From anyone else- it seems callous.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Next thing you know people will be photoshopping these funeral pictures to look like they are in front of a waterfall or dangling off a ledge with the casket. I mean why not just take it to the next level and put a YOLO sign on top of it?

ETA: this is not in reference to close family who take a private photo rather the ransoms that decide a funeral is a photo op.

 

[cmd2014]

Getting back to the filming of the person who has passed, given that this is not a cultural norm where I am from, I would find this horribly intrusive and rude. Enough so that I would have expected the funeral home staff to step in and quietly address the issue to prevent it from happening. It's an enormous violation of privacy and respect. (I have never personally seen this happen and I would be utterly gobsmacked if I did).

 

[AGBF]

I have been a bit bowled over by other recent customs I have seen at funerals. I should say customs I have seen at wakes, I guess. But I rather enjoy ethnic diversity and as times have changed, I believed that the changes I was seeing were ones that took place in households that held wakes here in the north. I am referring to huge billboards with many photographs of the deceased pictured in every possible setting and at every stage of his life, sometimes with video. This was not what I was used to in years past. My experiences in the past tended to be either: an ethnic religious/open casket wake followed by a funeral after a night or two nights (a church service, a graveside service, then a restaurant luncheon with a priest in attendance) or a more high church funeral service without calling hours beforehand, possibly with private burial and/or an invitation to someone's home. I never experienced an Irish wake! One of my good friends introduced me to the new style when she enlisted my aid in putting together presentations of photos for each of her parents when they passed away. That made me aware of how elaborate some presentations have become.

 

[monarch64]

@AGBF those storyboards with all the photos are common here, too. As some cultures steer away from calling them “funerals” and toward “celebrations of life” I have seen more and more of this, and it makes sense. People no longer necessarily want their passing mourned by survivors. They ask instead that people celebrate their life and feel happy for them that they have moved on to a better place or whatever their beliefs entail. And I can appreciate that.

Luke Perry was recently buried in a decomposable mushroom suit. His daughter discovered them several years ago and when she showed it to him, he expressed that he would like to be buried in one as a way of practicing sustainability even in death. I think as a society we are on the cusp of a huge change in how we go about end of life dealings.

 

[Arcadian]

Grew up in a southern black family and taking pictures of the dead was very normal. They were considered "Going Home" celebrations.

Personally, I don't like looking at dead people and I avoid funerals. My mother made me to go my grandmothers because she needed that support. I did it but that haunted me (still does to be honest). She laid in state in her church for 2 nights because she was a high level church Mother (she made the bread for first sunday's and passovers), and it gave many a chance to say goodbye (the service was packed.)

To this day I will not look at images of her funeral and I would not even get close to the casket when it was open, though I'm told she looked beautiful. Far as I'm concerned, that shell was not my grandmother and I wasn't going up to it, nor was a I gonna touch it (yuck!!)

But every March and every October. I get so sad because those months are birth and death. And I'm sad my last memory of her is one of her in a box.

For my own parents, they know the deal; told my mom and dad, thats a nope, I don't want to see you all laid up in a box. I'll send flowers. My siblings got the same response. I seriously would lose my mind.