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Friends who undermine your parenting

Junebug I love your avatar kitty, so cute! You are so right about it really not being worth talking to her about, she will just make it out like I'm being the overbearing mother I'm sure, that would annoy me more. Not worth it!

Azstonie I was a bit of a loss for words to be honest and then if I had said something it wouldn't have made any difference anyways. Can you imagine though if this is what she does in front of me, what would she do in her own home?! We were together earlier that day at the park and she invited my older son to come over which I declined saying he needed to do his summer work packet since school is starting soon. Glad I did!

Housecat, you're not cynical, you're a realist. Part of the reason I even tried again with this woman is because I truly did change my colors after my stroke and there were people that I had wronged that either forgave me or gave me a second chance, so I wanted to extend the kindness that I was shown to someone else. Obviously though we are just too different and really nothing has changed on her end. Her drinking is not an issue for me in general, sit around all day and drink if you want, but when it impacts your behavior towards me or my kids then we have a problem. I don't have any desire to have friends, my track record in that department is not great so I'm just going to do me and forget about this whole thing. You did give me a good chuckle with your dirty water fountain at the state fair comment though, it almost made up for the horrible iced coffee I got from Panera this morning!
 
I would not call that person a friend. Life is too short to hang out with people who annoy you that much. :lol:

Navigating new friendship is hard so I'm certainly tolerant of a misstep here and there. We all make them. But this sounds like a serious personality flaw. Even if your rules for your children are ridiculous, they're your children.

We've made friends over the last few years in our neighborhood and we're all very different - some religious/some not, some run a tight ship/others don't, some value things that others don't but everyone is very respectful. And we all agree that house rules govern - if the Smiths take their shoes off in the house then that's what we do when we're there. But, if they allow their children to do something that I don't, there is never any pressure for me to conform. It all happened very naturally too. No one needed to put anyone in their place.
 
Puppmom I completely agree, of course everyone comes from a different background and there are going to be bumps in the road but there is no excuse for a lack of respect. I wish making friend was as easy as when we were kids, this adulting thing is for the birds!
 
Hmm, I guess I'm just a dirty old thing, but I don't think there is anything wrong with taking a drink from another's cup, as long as the other person isn't currently sick. If no one has a cold sore or a cold, or any other kind of bug, why would you think they would pass on germs? Our bodies are FULL of germs! We are resistant to those everyday germs. In fact, some say the more exposure to germs the better. And honestly, as long as no one in the group is sick or has a cold sore, it's all good.

I can understand the concept of having your parenting undermined, though. That would irritate the heck out of me!
 
How did we get from someone offering some water because a child was thirsty, to grooming and paedophiles?
 
LOL@dirty old thing, I don't think willingly drinking from another person's cup makes you dirty. I think it's a personal comfort thing, for me it skeeves me out because kids have the wonderful ability to harbor illness causing germs without exhibiting symptoms right away.

This is not being a bragger but my ten year old is going into fifth grade and has missed four days of school since he started kindergarten. My three year old has been sick twice, I'm not a germophobe but I try not to expose my kids unnecessarily if I can help it.

Her attitude and approach completely overshadowed the whole germ issue though, that was the really offputting part of the whole thing.
 
Yes, I guess that's true about kids not exhibiting symptoms right away - and they can certainly be germ factories, given that they don't have the resistance that adults do!

I understand about the friend's attitude and approach. Some people just consistently hit the wrong note.
 
IMO the question of drinking from somone else's cup isn't relevant to the discussion...some would, some wouldn't, fine. That's not the point, not sure why it was brought up in the first place. The point is she kept asking after being told no.

Stephanie, personally I don't think you did anything wrong, sounds like you were taken by surprise by her behavior and everyone has instances where they look back on a situation and thinks "I should have said this". Now you have a clearer idea of how she behaves so if you do get together with her again you're now forewarned about her attempts at controlling situations.
 
junebug17 said:
IMO the question of drinking from somone else's cup isn't relevant to the discussion...some would, some wouldn't, fine. That's not the point, not sure why it was brought up in the first place. The point is she kept asking after being told no.

Stephanie, personally I don't think you did anything wrong, sounds like you were taken by surprise by her behavior and everyone has instances where they look back on a situation and thinks "I should have said this". Now you have a clearer idea of how she behaves so if you do get together with her again you're now forewarned about her attempts at controlling situations.
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JuneB got it right! The principle point/theme is that this lady didn't take no for an answer thereby making you feel uncomfortable. Now you know her set point---this is where you need to provide boundaries.

cheers--Sharon
 
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Calliecake said:
Stephanie, I don't have children and I know once this woman was dead wrong. Mark my words, she knows she was wrong too. @junebug17 and @canuk-gal are 100% correct.
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Do you think? Some bulldozers see nothing wrong with their behavior. "They're just trying to help."

The fact that they see everyone else as less than or incompetent or needing isn't their problem it is everyone else's.

Do you see how their problem is projected onto everyone else so that they don't know that they are ever ever in the wrong?
 
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