Friends and family who are chronically late......

[canuk-gal]

HI:

How do you deal with it? I am frustrated because I always seems to be waiting!!!!

FWIW, I am always punctual--early if anything.

cheers--Sharon

 

[Austina]

Tell them the time to meet 15mins earlier than necessary, or however long they're usually late by.

It's a big bugbear of mine too, I think it's rude and inconsiderate of people to keep you waiting.

 

[Calliecake]

On of my close friends is always late. It is not unusual at all to have her show up 30 minutes late when meeting for dinner. She has many wonderful qualities and has more than shown she is a good friend thru the years. If I find myself getting upset while I wait, I try remind myself that I am far from perfect. I read email and visit websites while I wait. At least this makes the time go by faster.

 

[Matata]

I've had a few friends and family members who were chronically late. If their habit didn't change after speaking to them about it, I either no longer made plans with them or went about doing whatever it was we planned to do at the time we planned to do it regardless of whether they showed up on time.

 

[mom2dolls]

My best friend is always late, even before her son was born. When we have plans to meet for dinner, if they are late and my family is hungry, we go ahead and order. We do not wait anymore than about ten minutes after our agreed time. They can get started once they arrive.
She has never been offended, she knows she is chronically late.

 

[Kbell]

My ex was like that with everyone. Late 99% of the time. Work, family, friends...big events, small events... he was narcissistic. Only cared about himself. Didn't care who was waiting. Didn't care about wasting anyone else's time. He was almost never late for legit reasons. And heaven forbid if anyone was late & it was a rare time he wasn't! So happy not to deal with that anymore or have to apologize for him.

I know which friends usually run late so I'm prepared... Getting upset never makes them arrive sooner so I just arrive later myself and still usually beat them or know I'm going to have to entertain myself for a bit.

 

[katharath]

Tell them the time to meet 15mins earlier than necessary, or however long they're usually late by.

That's what DH and I started doing with my parents years ago. We are both early/on time people, and they are late people. We will lie about the start of movie times if we have to, lol!

As a kid my mom was always running late, I HATED it bc it meant *I* was late - to school, concerts, music lessons, etc all the time. I'm sure that's why I'm the opposite as an adult (always early).

They were almost an hour late the night we were introducing him to DH's dad, a few nights before our wedding; we had the best table in the restaurant and it was so embarrassing, they had to "hold" it for us and kept asking if we were ready to order, etc... just the memory makes me cringe and this was 17+ years ago. (Then they were almost late to the wedding a few days later). The thing that drives me craziest is that they always have this, "oh, are we late? What are you so upset for?" attitude about it. Although I have to give credit, they do seem better than they used to be.

Yes, this is a big pet peeve of mine, can you tell?

 

[missy]

I've had a few friends and family members who were chronically late. If their habit didn't change after speaking to them about it, I either no longer made plans with them or went about doing whatever it was we planned to do at the time we planned to do it regardless of whether they showed up on time.

Yes this is what I do too. When people are chronically late it shows they dont respect your time as much as their time IMO. So I just stop making plans with them or if we are in a group we start without them. Really no good excuse to always be late. It is a pet peeve of mine.

I am punctual or early. Always.

 

[MissGotRocks]

I hate when folks are late! I too am always an early bird - I wouldn't dream of keeping people waiting unless it was under dire circumstances. Likewise, I don't like being made to wait. We used to get invited to my SIL's house for dinner at 5 that was never really served until 7. We just weasel out of the invites now which are few and far between anyway. Our kids are grown and life has changed for all of us and to be honest, that works for me!

 

[canuk-gal]

On of my close friends is always late. It is not unusual at all to have her show up 30 minutes late when meeting for dinner. She has many wonderful qualities and has more than shown she is a good friend thru the years. If I find myself getting upset while I wait, I try remind myself that I am far from perfect. I read email and visit websites while I wait. At least this makes the time go by faster.

WOT you mean I'm not perfect? lollol Could you tell I was waiting for someone? I do think my friend is worth the wait--but it still irks me she late...even when I know she will be!!

cheers--Sharon

 

[canuk-gal]

I hate when folks are late! I too am always an early bird - I wouldn't dream of keeping people waiting unless it was under dire circumstances. Likewise, I don't like being made to wait. We used to get invited to my SIL's house for dinner at 5 that was never really served until 7. We just weasel out of the invites now which are few and far between anyway. Our kids are grown and life has changed for all of us and to be honest, that works for me!

My one sister/family is always late--keeps us waiting at restaurants, etc, etc. And in addition same gig--dinner is supposed to be at this time and is always hours late. My dear 82 year old Mother discussed the "late dinner" this Easter, and things were on time. lol

cheers--Sharon

 

[arkieb1]

I actually set my watch to be 15 mins early so I'm not late anymore. I used to be one of those late people because I tended to get involved looking at or doing something else and literally forgot the time, so these days I set reminders for myself and am usually early. So I am a reformed late person

 

[MissGotRocks]

I had a hair appt. a week or so ago. I booked it a week in advance. I had to leave work a little early (my choice) and arrived three minutes early. I was told that the wait would be 35-45 minutes. I said no it won't because I can't wait. I did have something else to do that evening. The stylist was twisting and turning and trying to be cute and said the manager gave her another haircut to do. The manager spoke up and said 'no I didn't.' She asked me if I wanted to rebook and I said no as I wasn't sure of my schedule. I had driven there in the pouring rain, no one tried to call to say that she was running late, and the stylist didn't call later to try to explain or rebook. I always book early, arrive on time and tip very well. I realize that things can happen but she tried to fib her way out of it. I eventually made another appt. in another salon with someone else. I just don't have patience with that nonsense anymore - too old for it I guess!

 

[canuk-gal]

I've had a few friends and family members who were chronically late. If their habit didn't change after speaking to them about it, I either no longer made plans with them or went about doing whatever it was we planned to do at the time we planned to do it regardless of whether they showed up on time.

One gal was always late for our 4 some golf--she would arrive on the second tee. Lots of fanfare attached to that....the gal who always booked golf stopped inviting her and the late friend couldn't understand why. She routinely kept me waiting 1/2 hour for coffee and after a year or so...I told her it wouldn't wait again. Again "astonished" because she was "so busy". She really didn't understand anyone's POV about being kept waiting and I always held hope she would understand but it was always about her time.

 

[canuk-gal]

I actually set my watch to be 15 mins early so I'm not late anymore. I used to be one of those late people because I tended to get involved looking at or doing something else and literally forgot the time, so these days I set reminders for myself and am usually early. So I am a reformed late person

yay!! that took a lot of courage to post! lolol

 

[canuk-gal]

Yes this is what I do too. When people are chronically late it shows they dont respect your time as much as their time IMO. So I just stop making plans with them or if we are in a group we start without them. Really no good excuse to always be late. It is a pet peeve of mine.

I am punctual or early. Always.

Earring and punctuality twins!!

 

[lilmosun]

Guilty...at one time I was almost always 10-15 minutes late. One of my friends said she could set her clock to it.. never on time..never more than 15 minutes late. If I was ready early, I would find myself trying to squeeze in something that takes a little longer than I thought. Before I got married, I tried setting my clocks ahead..then I would automatically factor it in so would move my clocks further ahead another 5 minute..at one point my clocks were over 90 minutes ahead lol. Now I am a little better (and my clocks are normal courtesy of not living alone) but I think most of my friends have adjusted to me being late because when I am on time, I am always waiting lol.

 

[Matata]

She routinely kept me waiting 1/2 hour for coffee and after a year or so...I told her it wouldn't wait again.

Years ago we were friends with a couple who were chronically late not only for things they were invited to but also when they invited people over to their own home. We were invited for Thanksgiving. Dinner was supposed to be at 5. When we got there at 3, she hadn't yet taken the turkey out to defrost and her husband was putting the finishing layers of varnish on the dining room table he had built expecting that it would dry in enough time for us to use it that day. We ended up having pizza in the living room

 

[kenny]

Maybe I'm alone but I'd MUCH rather have late arrivers than early ones.
I'm a procrastinator who is getting ready till the last minute.
I actually tell people to NOT be early.

When that 'friend' of 45 years (now ex-friend) showed up 30 minutes early once to 'talk' I sent her away to return on time.

I don't mind when people are late (up to 30 min).
Gives me time to grab a glass of wine and catch my breath.
I'm an introvert, and socializing is stressful.

 

[House Cat]

On of my close friends is always late. It is not unusual at all to have her show up 30 minutes late when meeting for dinner. She has many wonderful qualities and has more than shown she is a good friend thru the years. If I find myself getting upset while I wait, I try remind myself that I am far from perfect. I read email and visit websites while I wait. At least this makes the time go by faster.

You are one of the kindest people in the world Callie. You teach me a lot. I've been meaning to tell you that for some time. This post seemed like the perfect opportunity to do so.

 

[Calliecake]

House Cat, Thank you for your kind words. I have thought many, many times that I wished I knew you in real life.

 

[OoohShiny]

There are late people in this world and there are early/on-time people.

I don't think I will ever be the latter

I try and really will myself to be on time, I really do, but I'm usually away with the fairies and time just disappears and then I'm late. Or if I have somewhere to go in town, I know it's not far so don't set off too early, and then I get sidetracked or have to finish doing something and end up late. I hate the 'dead time' that is waiting around so I guess I am subconsciously eliminating it, but am aware that my lateness may create such time for others...

I always turn up, though, I hate committing to something and then backing out, so I hope that being reliably late is better in other people's eyes than being unreliable

Being low in self-confidence is probably a large factor. I can't have a 3 minute shower, jump out, towel off and just throw on any old thing that's clean - I have to make sure my terrible, apparently-still-a-teenager skin is as good (i.e. as 'least bad') as it can get and that my choice of clothes is coordinated and appropriate and hides the bits of me that don't look good, otherwise I spend the whole time I'm with other people being self-conscious

If I looked like Brad Pitt, with a great body, great skin, great hair, and an ability to pull off pretty much any look, I'd happily be out the door in 10 minutes. As it is, my very minimum time getting from the bed to out-the-door is around 20-25 minutes, and that's only if the house is on fire or I have a plane to catch (because everyone looks like cr*p on a plane lol)

 

[telephone89]

I find people who are late are usually disrespectful of me in other ways. Being disrespectful of my time is a big no-no to me. I 100% get if traffic is horrible one day, or there's construction so you had to park extra far. But chronically? No. Friendship is a 2 way street, and if I'm the only one 'giving', I will eventually run out. If I'm ready a bit early, I'm happy to leave early and wait checking on my phone or chatting with H, because it was my choice to be early. But once it passes the time we were supposed to meet it really annoys me. If you wouldn't show up to a job interview or other important thing late, why am I so different? Why do you place such little importance on my time?

I remember one time, myself and 2 other ladies were meeting up for brunch. I arrived a tad early, like 10m, to find the place closed. I texted everyone that it was closed, and we should find an alternative. The second woman told me she was on her way, and lived very close. She arrived a little over 10m later, so still 'late'. But she picked me up, and we went to the alternative place. Our other friend hadn't texted back. We were sitting and waiting, when she finally said she had just woken up and would be there in an hour. Excuse me? No. We told her not to bother because we'd be done by then.

If you can't tell this is a pet peeve of mine LOL. Tbh I've mostly eliminated the chronically late-ers in my life, because as I said, it seems to be a symptom of something larger and I aint got time for that.

 

[dk168]

I allow up to 15min late, then I would go ahead with the event without the latecomers.
All my closests and dearests know I do not like being late, and they are seldom late.

DK

 

[MollyMalone]

Since she's never been fired, I assume that she manages to get to work on time, but the youngest of my sisters-in-law is always late so far as any of us in the extended family know; she was even 30 minutes late (as in 30 minutes past the start time on the invitations) getting to the church for her wedding.

For awhile, we all used to hopefully think she'd grow out of it, but no. So whenever any of her siblings or I invite her to dinner at our homes, we tell her to come a 1/2 hour earlier than we really expect anyone & have no qualms about sitting down at the table without her being present.

The 30-minute leeway is usually sufficient, but one year on Xmas Day, she still didn't make it at the true time of our reservation -- and our reservation was at a restaurant that, it turned out, doesn't seat you until everyone in the party is present. Fortunately, there was room for us all in the bar area; we could order appetizers/small plates & the bar staff was great fun, so we had a good time while waiting, and waiting, for her. As did the bar staff: they started a pool amongst themselves, betting on when she'd show up; the winner pocketed all of our collective tips. She didn't seem to be at all abashed when the winner volunteered the reason why she'd just made him so happy.

 

[canuk-gal]

Since she's never been fired, I assume that she manages to get to work on time, but the youngest of my sisters-in-law is always late so far as any of us in the extended family know; she was even 30 minutes late (as in 30 minutes past the start time on the invitations) getting to the church for her wedding.

For awhile, we all used to hopefully think she'd grow out of it, but no. So whenever any of her siblings or I invite her to dinner at our homes, we tell her to come a 1/2 hour earlier than we really expect anyone & have no qualms about sitting down at the table without her being present.

The 30-minute leeway is usually sufficient, but one year on Xmas Day, she still didn't make it at the true time of our reservation -- and our reservation was at a restaurant that, it turned out, doesn't seat you until everyone in the party is present. Fortunately, there was room for us all in the bar area; we could order appetizers/small plates & the bar staff was great fun, so we had a good time while waiting, and waiting, for her. As did the bar staff: they started a pool amongst themselves, betting on when she'd show up; the winner pocketed all of our collective tips. She didn't seem to be at all abashed when the winner volunteered the reason why she'd just made him so happy.

great story. And happy ending?

 

[CRYSTAL24K]

I am American and my family is a stickler for punctuality. I am usually punctual (5-10 minutes early) or at the most 5-10 minutes late.

That being said, my husband is from Trinidad and when he or his family indicate that a party or event is starting at a particular time, I know that nothing will really begin until 1-2 hours later. I call it Island time. My friends from Puerto Rico and Bolivia also have loose interpretations of time as well and often perceive that it is rude to arrive on time since the host/ess isn't expecting anyone to arrive on time. In some cultures, punctuality isn't really a big deal.

My family in Germany is extremely punctual. I always arrive early to anything that they initiate.

If I am planning an event that is time sensitive I am aware of how to deliver my invitation to my friends depending on their tendencies to arrive late or on time.

The only thing that offends me these days is when someone says something about my boys that I think is uncalled for and then 'Mama Bear' makes an appearance.

 

[Begonia]

Drives me freaking crazy. My in-laws were late for our wedding. Mostly the MIL's issue. I try not to sweat it some 20+ years later but the memory of her holding up my wedding still makes me
pretty PO-ed.
Arriving later yourself has helped in the past.

 

[luv2sparkle]

My BIL is always late. Not just a little but hours. Like for family holiday dinners. When my son graduated from college he actually came, mostly so he could tell him his rival school was better, but then when we took everyone out for dinner after, we waited for an hour and a half. They live in LA and went home to get something. The restaurant was not far from their house. We haven't seen them since. I quit inviting them for holidays, because his wife will want to bring something. Then they show up long after everyone has finished eating.He has some weird sibling rivalry with my DH-who could not care less. There is also never an apology or explanation from him either. My MIL and FIL never say anything to him about it at all. They are so afraid not to have a relationship with him or his kids anymore. For a long time they didn't, not because they had done anything but he just had some stick up his butt. They kissed his for so long so they could get back into his good graces. DH's parents actually forbid me to say anything negative about him. Humph, like that is going to stop me. We just don't get together anymore. Can you tell I am a little bugged?

 

[marcy]

If I am meeting someone who is late I will wait 25-30 minutes and if they don't show I leave. If they continue to show up late I'll quit making plans with them.
If it's family or someone coming to our house I let everyone know we are eating at this time and if they aren't here we start without them. My nephew and his wife kept us waiting for holiday dinners for years. Once we starting hosting the dinners at our house I didn't wait for them. A few times of them showing up late and everyone has eaten already they started to show up on time.