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Friends and family who are chronically late......

lilmosun

Ideal_Rock
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Since she's never been fired, I assume that she manages to get to work on time

For my firstborn, my office planned a breakfast baby shower for me....because I was always the last one in the office so there was no chance of me showing up while they were setting up :o
 

Phoenix

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I HATE people who are habitually late! It's understandable that once in a while, you might be late, like 5-10, even 15-20 mins late. But someone who's ALWAYS late 30 mins or so is clearly not respectful of other people and their time.

I HAD a friend like this. She was always always at least 30 mins late but more often 1 hr late. Then she met this bf who told her that her being late meant she was not respectful of other people's time. So, the whole time she was with him, she was always punctual for everyone. Then, she started being late again and everyone was like :"Ah, J is no longer with her!".

I HAD another friend like this, always late, like the other girl, 30mins-1 hr late habitually. We hated it!

Everyone who knew them told these girls to their face they didn't like them always being late, but it fell on deaf ears.

In the end, I stopped being their friend. Not specifically for this reason, there were other issues. But clearly we did/do not share the same values.
 

canuk-gal

Super_Ideal_Rock
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If I am meeting someone who is late I will wait 25-30 minutes and if they don't show I leave. If they continue to show up late I'll quit making plans with them.
If it's family or someone coming to our house I let everyone know we are eating at this time and if they aren't here we start without them. My nephew and his wife kept us waiting for holiday dinners for years. Once we starting hosting the dinners at our house I didn't wait for them. A few times of them showing up late and everyone has eaten already they started to show up on time.


It is difficult to leave. More than one acquaintance left the chronic repeater because they were stood up multiple times at 30 minutes...(coffee, golf , dinners, lunches) . Her excuses were disingenuous as everyone else were employed., had families and other obligations. I stayed with this particular friend longer than the others because I thought there was some respect, and hope, but there wasn't. It was only about her. I was a door mat.

cheers--Sharon
 
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canuk-gal

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I am American and my family is a stickler for punctuality. I am usually punctual (5-10 minutes early) or at the most 5-10 minutes late.

That being said, my husband is from Trinidad and when he or his family indicate that a party or event is starting at a particular time, I know that nothing will really begin until 1-2 hours later. I call it Island time. My friends from Puerto Rico and Bolivia also have loose interpretations of time as well and often perceive that it is rude to arrive on time since the host/ess isn't expecting anyone to arrive on time. In some cultures, punctuality isn't really a big deal.

My family in Germany is extremely punctual. I always arrive early to anything that they initiate.

If I am planning an event that is time sensitive I am aware of how to deliver my invitation to my friends depending on their tendencies to arrive late or on time.

The only thing that offends me these days is when someone says something about my boys that I think is uncalled for and then 'Mama Bear' makes an appearance.



Cultural / reciprocity. Even invitations have a limit or time frame. If you say 9 PM and it really means 1100 pm, the why set any time, or provide reservation at all? It get munania or the general references it will be when it will be.

My late family comes late, keeps everyone waiting, then stays til 4 am. Different set point for sure.

cheers--Sharon
 

MollyMalone

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For my firstborn, my office planned a breakfast baby shower for me....because I was always the last one in the office so there was no chance of me showing up while they were setting up :-o
I'm laughing because it reminded me of when I hosted a first-thing-in-the-morning, "meet and greet" breakfast for a new hire's 1st day. Most everyone had scattered before he eventually showed up... at 9:40 AM.

(Ordinarily, I would have been aggravated, not just agog that someone would be so late on their first day at a new job. But the front office had hired him over my objections, dismissing my concerns over how he had puffed up his resume & what his last boss had told me about him. So I actually was pleased that he got off to a less than impressive start. :D )
 

Asscherhalo_lover

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Many of my friends at work are habitually late, it's part of their culture, times don't mean anything, parties go on all night, etc. They KNOW that I am not this way. I am punctual and if I say something has an ending time, I mean it. When THEY are having an event I always ask them what time I should really be there, when I am having an event they know it will actually start and end at these times. We accommodate each other.

My Mother on the other hand...is nearly never on time. If it's a morning thing she's OK but as the day goes on it's less and less likely that she'll be on time. I generally just tell her to be there earlier than she should.
 

OoohShiny

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I am American and my family is a stickler for punctuality. I am usually punctual (5-10 minutes early) or at the most 5-10 minutes late.

That being said, my husband is from Trinidad and when he or his family indicate that a party or event is starting at a particular time, I know that nothing will really begin until 1-2 hours later. I call it Island time. My friends from Puerto Rico and Bolivia also have loose interpretations of time as well and often perceive that it is rude to arrive on time since the host/ess isn't expecting anyone to arrive on time. In some cultures, punctuality isn't really a big deal.

My family in Germany is extremely punctual. I always arrive early to anything that they initiate.

If I am planning an event that is time sensitive I am aware of how to deliver my invitation to my friends depending on their tendencies to arrive late or on time.

The only thing that offends me these days is when someone says something about my boys that I think is uncalled for and then 'Mama Bear' makes an appearance.

Your family sounds lovely and varied! :)


If it's family or someone coming to our house I let everyone know we are eating at this time and if they aren't here we start without them.

As a late person, I am absolutely fine with this and fully support anyone who chooses to do this. I would rather that my own failings did not inconvenience others, and if I have to suffer negative consequences from my actions, so be it!
 

CRYSTAL24K

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Cultural / reciprocity. Even invitations have a limit or time frame. If you say 9 PM and it really means 1100 pm, the why set any time, or provide reservation at all? It get munania or the general references it will be when it will be.

My late family comes late, keeps everyone waiting, then stays til 4 am. Different set point for sure.

cheers--Sharon

I cannot answer for how others think or behave. Since my family and friends are so different from each other, I have just learned to roll with it.

In your case, where you and the majority of your family are punctual, I would find it in bad taste to arrive late. I would absolutely not wait for them to arrive and would definitely let them know when it is time to go.
 

CRYSTAL24K

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Your family sounds lovely and varied! :)

Thank you! They are and I am so pleased that I have had the opportunity to see how life is in different parts of the world. I have travelled to a few different countries prior to having children and there are more places that I would like to see. I am getting my boys passports this year so that they can visit different countries and experience different cultures in person. (Travelling with them is finally not horrendous-LOL)
 

CRYSTAL24K

Brilliant_Rock
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Your family sounds lovely and varied! :)

Thank you! They are and I am so pleased that I have had the opportunity to see how life is in different parts of the world. I have travelled to a few different countries prior to having children and there are more places that I would like to see. I am getting my boys passports this year so that they can visit different countries and experience different cultures in person. (Travelling with them is finally not horrendous-LOL)
 

GliderPoss

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I've always been punctual but hubby used to be late to everything (& make ME late too!) then he joined the Army....now we are always on time! Lol
 
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ame

Super_Ideal_Rock
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I came into this world almost a month late (they wanted me to bake longer, and I was in no damn hurry to be taken out of that oven!) and I have basically been either RIDICULOUSLY early or fashion-diva late ever since. I can't take all the blame for tardiness, though, because often I am sitting in the car in the driveway waiting for DH to get the eff off his effing computer so we can leave. He so desperately doesn't want to go places that he doesn't WANT to go to, that he will make us ridiculously late in protest. It's really great. :roll:


I had a hair appt. a week or so ago. I booked it a week in advance. I had to leave work a little early (my choice) and arrived three minutes early. I was told that the wait would be 35-45 minutes. I said no it won't because I can't wait. I did have something else to do that evening. The stylist was twisting and turning and trying to be cute and said the manager gave her another haircut to do. The manager spoke up and said 'no I didn't.' She asked me if I wanted to rebook and I said no as I wasn't sure of my schedule. I had driven there in the pouring rain, no one tried to call to say that she was running late, and the stylist didn't call later to try to explain or rebook. I always book early, arrive on time and tip very well. I realize that things can happen but she tried to fib her way out of it. I eventually made another appt. in another salon with someone else. I just don't have patience with that nonsense anymore - too old for it I guess!
For me, that would be a public "execution" of a firing. I mean--I would publicly make it known that I would not be returning and that despite being fairly talented, the fact that she does not value the time of her clients and coworkers and her subsequent dishonesty are things you are not willing to tolerate. There are plenty of other fantastic salons out there I will gladly risk my life in crap weather in rush hour traffic getting to who will value my time and money enough to call me and let me know of a scheduling issue instead of waiting til I arrive and then lying about the issue.
 

aljdewey

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It's tough when folks have differing expectations.

My parents are the type who would rather be 45 min early than 5 min late. I tend to be a little less wound; it depends on the event. If it's something like a show or an event with a finite start time, I tend to be on time, but when we have dinner reservations, I don't sweat 5-15 min on either side. It's not like the food's going anywhere or the plane has left the gate.

I know it drives them crazy, so we do make an effort to be on time, but it does feel a little standing-on-ceremony-ish to me. Honestly, for us there is no correlation of how much we value (or don't) someone else's time. I just can't get that worked up about a few minutes either way.....for me, life is just too short for that. We are NEVER 20-30 minutes late; that I feel would border on rude.

But I will say it drives me crazy when the same people who are going to get hung up over 5 min are the ones who aren't expending the effort to arrive somewhere. My MIL used to get bent if we arrived late to her house on Thanksgiving.....but we were always the ones making the trek to her place. On a good day, that drive was 90 min. On Thanksgiving, it can run 2-3 hours. After spending hours in traffic we could not control, the last straw was getting bitched at because the effort wasn't good enough. Our resolution - we stopped going.
 

missy

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Just reading some of the replies and wanted to chime in that yes 5-10 minutes late is no biggie but I think chronically 20 minutes late or more on a regular basis is rude and thoughtless and inconsiderate. And yes keeping people waiting consistently means you don't value their time and is disrespectful IMO.

However if you are making a long drive/trip that is understandable as so many things can happen with traffic etc. So it does really depend. It's just consistent lateness when there is no good reason is disrespectful and then the solution is easy. No more plans with those people. So easy to just free yourself of people who aren't considerate and caring of you and your time.

Especially if they know it bothers you. I am big believer in communication. So if you have made it clear to the particular friends who are chronically late when getting together with you and they are still always late they have made the decision for you IMO. People who value your friendship and know how you feel about something and still dont make the effort to be on time have spoken loud and clear about how they feel about your friendship.

And of course if your friends not being on time doesn't bother you that's great. Just talking about the people to whom being on time matters. If you are all on board with being late that works for you and there is no issue. It is the people for whom it bothers I am talking about.
 

swingirl

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It seems there is always someone in our family who is late to a family function. We've learned to say "come at this time" and "we will eat that that time". So we eat no matter who is late and no one is offended. We accept that people have different priorities. Someone may need a nap, someone might hit bad traffic, someone might have a headache. I won't let it bother me. It's a different story if you are meeting for dinner and waiting with a glass of water and a menu.
 
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