Friend wants to ask pregnant BM to leave bridal party-Insights?

[princessplease]

I thought this would be an interesting discussion, and I honestly didn''t know what to say, so here goes:

A friend of mine (who is not in my wedding) is getting married in May, and just found out one of her BM''s (her FSIL, at that) is 2 months pregnant and will be 7 months at the time of the wedding. I know the BM, but just as an aquaintance; we''re not close or anything like that. The BM is very petite, so when she''s 7 months, she will look like she should''ve give birth a month earlier, lol! They already bought the dresses, by the way. My friend told me that she wants to ask her preggo BM (FSIL) to leave the wedding party because she doesn''t want her walking down the aisle pregnant and in pictures at 7 months pregnant. Honestly, I had no clue what to say, so I just listened to her, and figured the wonderful PS ladies would have some good insight.

Thanks!

 

[aliceinwonderland]

I think that it''s her FSIL and if she asks her to step down there are going to be some seriously hurt feelings that are not worth it! I that feels like it''s all about the appearances...it''s sort of on par with picking your BMs based on who is skinny/ pretty for pictures!

I think that if her concerns were more about her FSIL''s comfort level that''s totally different. I think that the only way she can replace her as a BM would be to have a conversation with FSIL about it. Along the lines of "I know that when you agreed to be in the wedding party that you were not pregnant and I would really understand if you are no longer comfortable in that role. If you would like to be excused I would really understand and you would be welcome to take part in another way by doing a reading etc. I really want you to be comfortable."

....anything else is going to read as you are going to be fat and I don''t want you to wreck my pics! Some people just blow my mind sometimes!

Alice

 

[purselover]

Are you serious???? She doesn''t want someone pregnant in her pictures??? I really hope there''s more to this because that is beyond crazy! Wow if my SIL asked me to step down b/c I''ll be 7 months pregnant I don''t think I could forgive her that is beyond messed up. Sorry if that''s harsh but geez

 

[princesss]

Hate to break it to your friend, Ms. True Blue Bridezilla, but if she''s family she''s going to be in pictures.

There are very few ways to ask somebody to step down that wouldn''t be (accurately) taken as an insult. There are even fewer ways to ask a future family member to step down because she got pregnant.

I think your friend needs a reality check, pronto. Though, sadly, usually people like that are never wrong.

 

[Winks_Elf]

I agree with Alice...if it was my FSIL, I''d express to her how thrilled I am for her being pregnant, but being a mother of four myself I understand how exhausting that point of pregnancy can be, so if she wanted to step down as a BM I would understand completely. If not, I''m certain the bridal shop can order a maternity version of the dress or another style more appropriate and comfortable for her figure at the time of the wedding.

 

[meresal]

Date: 11/19/2009 9:09:36 AM
Author: princesss
Hate to break it to your friend, Ms. True Blue Bridezilla, but if she's family she's going to be in pictures.

There are very few ways to ask somebody to step down that wouldn't be (accurately) taken as an insult. There are even fewer ways to ask a future family member to step down because she got pregnant.

I think your friend needs a reality check, pronto. Though, sadly, usually people like that are never wrong.

Exactly. You aren't going to keep the groom's SISTER out of all the pictures.

Alao, re: your pregnant comment about "looking like she should give birth a month earlier", comnig from someone that is 4 months pregnant right now and no one can even tell. How do you know she will be showing? Has she been pregnant before? My MIL didn't start wearing maternity clotes until she was 6 or 7 months, and she is 5-3'.

Not that any of that matters to her. Obviously your "friend" hasn't brought this up to anyone else, or it wouldn't be an issue anymore. If she is prepared to be a complete outcast at any and all of his family functions, then tell her to go right ahead.

ETA: In my personal opinion, if the FSIL wanted to step down or even thought about it, she would have said something when she announced the pregnancy. I have a feeling she is fully expecting to be in this wedding no matter what. I don't see this ending well.

 

[iluvcarats]

WOW!
I think I''d buy her one of those T-shirts that says "IT''S ALL ABOUT ME" and leave it at that.

 

[Clairitek]

I''m stunned that your friend would be so superficial to not want a pregnant FAMILY MEMBER in her wedding pictures. Let me guess, all of her other BMs are super skinny and gorgeous, not a single one overweight? Wow. If I were her SIL and was asked to step down because of a pregnancy I would probably hold that against the bride for a very very long time. I sincerely hope this bride gets a reality check and doesn''t say anything before she burns bridges within her future family.

 

[princessplease]

Date: 11/19/2009 9:19:24 AM
Author: meresal

Date: 11/19/2009 9:09:36 AM
Author: princesss
Hate to break it to your friend, Ms. True Blue Bridezilla, but if she''s family she''s going to be in pictures.

There are very few ways to ask somebody to step down that wouldn''t be (accurately) taken as an insult. There are even fewer ways to ask a future family member to step down because she got pregnant.

I think your friend needs a reality check, pronto. Though, sadly, usually people like that are never wrong.

Exactly. You aren''t going to keep the groom''s SISTER out of all the pictures.

Alao, re: your pregnant comment about ''looking like she should give birth a month earlier'', comnig from someone that is 4 months pregnant right now and no one can even tell. How do you know she will be showing? Has she been pregnant before? My MIL didn''t start wearing maternity clotes until she was 6 or 7 months, and she is 5-3''.

Not that any of that matters to her. Obviously your ''friend'' hasn''t brought this up to anyone else, or it wouldn''t be an issue anymore. If she is prepared to be a complete outcast at any and all of his family functions, then tell her to go right ahead.

ETA: In my personal opinion, if the FSIL wanted to step down or even thought about it, she would have said something when she announced the pregnancy. I have a feeling she is fully expecting to be in this wedding no matter what. I don''t see this ending well.

Mers, she was pregnant before. At 7 months, she really looked like she was ready to give birth that same day!
I thought the whole situation was ridiculous and that my friend is treading on some really thin ice with this, I just wanted some good, rational perspectives to throw at my friend since she kind of angered me with this whole thing.

 

[princessplease]

Date: 11/19/2009 9:51:15 AM
Author: Clairitek
I''m stunned that your friend would be so superficial to not want a pregnant FAMILY MEMBER in her wedding pictures. Let me guess, all of her other BMs are super skinny and gorgeous, not a single one overweight? Wow. If I were her SIL and was asked to step down because of a pregnancy I would probably hold that against the bride for a very very long time. I sincerely hope this bride gets a reality check and doesn''t say anything before she burns bridges within her future family.

Claire, you''re right. They all are really pretty and tiny girls, and although I know my friend would never admit it, I really think that''s what it is about...just about looks.

 

[House Cat]

What an ugly thing to do. This will not reflect well on the bride at all. I would say something to that effect to my friend, the bride. I would warn her that the family isn''t going to be happy about her choice to omit the groom''s sister, simply because she''s pregnant.

Besides, pregnant women are gorgeous! Goodness, I love pregnant bridesmaids! It''s one of the few times when you get to see a pregnant woman dressed formally...in all of her glory. IMO her pregnancy should be celebrated, not discriminated against.

 

[that_someone_special]

I find it completely rude and shallow... and little of her to even THINK about asking a bridesmaid to step down because of being pregnant.

Good god.

 

[shertz1981]

I would be pretty mortified if I was asked to step down for that reason.

If it really is about looks, that''s totally appalling to me, but I''m going to give your friend the benefit of the doubt and assume there''s another, different issue at play.

It will kill her relationship with her FSIL, and all of her in-laws, if she asks her to step down. She has to ask herself if it''s worth it to her, because they will never fully forgive her for the slight.

JMO

 

[meresal]

Date: 11/19/2009 9:56:32 AM
Author: princessplease

Date: 11/19/2009 9:51:15 AM
Author: Clairitek
I''m stunned that your friend would be so superficial to not want a pregnant FAMILY MEMBER in her wedding pictures. Let me guess, all of her other BMs are super skinny and gorgeous, not a single one overweight? Wow. If I were her SIL and was asked to step down because of a pregnancy I would probably hold that against the bride for a very very long time. I sincerely hope this bride gets a reality check and doesn''t say anything before she burns bridges within her future family.

Claire, you''re right. They all are really pretty and tiny girls, and although I know my friend would never admit it, I really think that''s what it is about...just about looks.

PP, Your friend is not the only bride that had these thoughts. Every girl dreams of her day being the "picture" perfect event, where everyong is the epitome of a magazine spread... and it''s a real test to someone''s character when they are approached with a pregnancy or something else that would "hinder" the prefect idea.

A mature bride would be ecstatic for the sister and be so excited that there will be another "budding" family member to join the ceremonies... an immature bride will think only of herself and this picture perfect wedding, obviously not taking into account the fact that she could be "that" girl someday in the future. It would be shocking to her, but there are lots of women that would love for some of their closest friends and family to be pregnant, no matter when it were to happen.

You are right, she is treading on very thin ice.

Hard to believe, but one of my friends actually asked me to be one of her BM''s, even AFTER she knew I was going to be 8 months pregnant at the time of her wedding.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 11/19/2009 10:05:50 AM
Author: meresal

Date: 11/19/2009 9:56:32 AM

Author: princessplease

Date: 11/19/2009 9:51:15 AM

Author: Clairitek

I''m stunned that your friend would be so superficial to not want a pregnant FAMILY MEMBER in her wedding pictures. Let me guess, all of her other BMs are super skinny and gorgeous, not a single one overweight? Wow. If I were her SIL and was asked to step down because of a pregnancy I would probably hold that against the bride for a very very long time. I sincerely hope this bride gets a reality check and doesn''t say anything before she burns bridges within her future family.

Claire, you''re right. They all are really pretty and tiny girls, and although I know my friend would never admit it, I really think that''s what it is about...just about looks.

PP, Your friend is not the only bride that had these thoughts. Every girl dreams of her day being the ''picture'' perfect event, where everyong is the epitome of a magazine spread... and it''s a real test to someone''s character when they are approached with a pregnancy or something else that would ''hinder'' the prefect idea.

A mature bride would be ecstatic for the sister and be so excited that there will be another ''budding'' family member to join the ceremonies... an immature bride will think only of herself and this picture perfect wedding, obviously not taking into account the fact that she could be ''that'' girl someday in the future. It would be shocking to her, but there are lots of women that would love for some of their closest friends and family to be pregnant, no matter when it were to happen.

You are right, she is treading on very thin ice.

Hard to believe, but one of my friends actually asked me to be one of her BM''s, even AFTER she knew I was going to be 8 months pregnant at the time of her wedding.

Um, I hope you won''t be showing at all at 8 months, meresal-you wouldn''t want to ruin your friend''s photos!

Yeah, this bride is ridiculous. I can''t wait to see what her future husband''s family thinks of her when she cuts her future husband''s SISTER from the bridal party for being pregnant.

 

[marlie]

pp...your friend is being very selfish as you know. if you guys are close, i think you should have a talk with her about it. weddings bring out the crazy in people and maybe this is just some temporary wedding insanity. before this has a permanent impact on her relationship with her FSIL, try to talk some sense into her!

personally i think it''s cute that her future niece or nephew will ''technically'' be in the wedding pics. kind of a special thing in my mind.

 

[Mrs_T]

I am more of a lurker on PriceScope but I thought I would put my two cents in. I was married in April of this year. I asked my sister to be my maid of honor and she was ~ 6 months pregnant when I was married. I love the pictures and it was neat my little neice was there too (in a way)! My sister looked so beautiful and I would not have had it any other way!

-Mrs. T.

 

[vespergirl]

Date: 11/19/2009 10:03:39 AM
Author: swedish bean
I find it completely rude and shallow... and little of her to even THINK about asking a bridesmaid to step down because of being pregnant.

Good god.

Totally agree.

 

[Lilac]

This sounds like a friend of mine - I honestly believe she thinks the wedding is all about her and nobody else. She kicked a friend out of the bridal party because the friend said she couldn''t spend a lot of money on hair or makeup. I think if I told her I was pregnant (which I''m NOT, but if I was) she would kick me out of the bridal party too. It''s so hard to listen to a friend be so self-centered and selfish, especially when they never used to be before they got engaged. True bridezilla.

I think if your friend decides to kick her SIL out of the bridal party she will really risk damaging the relationship permanently. It''s not like the SIL will be 9 months pregnant and there''s a chance she won''t even be at the wedding. I think it''s kinda cute when I see pregnant bridesmaids all dressed up walking down the aisle. I hope your friend realizes this before she does something she might regret.

 

[dani2142]

Date: 11/19/2009 10:40:03 AM
Author: Mrs_T
I am more of a lurker on PriceScope but I thought I would put my two cents in. I was married in April of this year. I asked my sister to be my maid of honor and she was ~ 6 months pregnant when I was married. I love the pictures and it was neat my little neice was there too (in a way)! My sister looked so beautiful and I would not have had it any other way!

-Mrs. T.

You are too cute. I would be the same exact way. This lady seems like a biatch and major bridezilla!!!!

 

[princessplease]

Thanks for all of the good insight. I really think my friend is acting wacko, and I need to really have a talk with her before she burns her bridges.

 

[havernell]

Has your friend mentioned yet to her fiance that she wants to kick his sister out of the wedding? Does he have anything to say about this?

 

[princessplease]

Date: 11/19/2009 11:08:19 AM
Author: havernell
Has your friend mentioned yet to her fiance that she wants to kick his sister out of the wedding? Does he have anything to say about this?

I honestly don''t think she did yet. She told me this yesterday, and I told her I''d call her back by Friday at the latest, so I''ll ask her when we talk again. She definitely did not mention talking to her FI about this, let alone FIL''s.

 

[KimberlyH]

How ridiculous. Your friend''s poor future husband.

As for her size, pregnancys are all different. My mom gained 70 pounds with my sister but was wearing her regular jeans at 9 months when pregnant with me (I was the second baby). There''s no garuantee she''ll look a certain way, but even if the woman is as big as a house it doesn''t mean she should be removed from the bridal party, unless she asks to be for her own comfort.

 

[Princess_Dreamer]

One of my first thoughts was "what does the future husband think about this decision?" Honestly, I really hope he sticks up for his sister in this situation...that''s ridiculous.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I am just so turned off by this. Completely grossed out.

This isn''t some friend from college...this is FAMILY...and even at this, even if this was just a "friend"--how dare she try to exclude someone because they won''t meet her "mold" of the perfect bridesmaid! And frankly, she should be ASHAMED of herself for even considering this. What a shallow, self centered, PITA b***h bridezilla.

If the FSIL wants to bow out because she''ll be 7 months pregnant and tired, that''s one thing...but to have the decision made for her,

.

Tell your friend she''s lucky to have a wedding party at all with her attitude.

 

[violet3]

Your friend (the bride) sounds a bit rediculous IMO. Although it is her wedding, shouldn''t she also be helping one of her closest friends to celebrate an incredbily important event in her life too?

I personally would think a pregnant bridesmaid would be a great memory, but then my sister is going to be a pregnant bridesmaid and she''s been trying to have children for 5 years, so we''re all thrilled

 

[MagsyMay]

Wow, that might be one of the rudest things I''ve heard of a bride doing or wanting to do! A friend of mine just got married in September and two of her bridesmaids were well over 6 months pregnant and it looked FINE. One girl was showing a bit more (her second baby), and she is extremely petite and still looked adorable and was wearing the same dress as the other girls.

You need to tell your friend flat out that it is horribly unacceptable to request her to step down because of this. If the FSIL brought up that she would be tired, uncomfortable, etc., then that''s one thing, but I don''t even know if I would bring that up to her as it sounds like a fairly thinly veiled and passive aggressive way of asking her to step down. Maybe another family member could broach that subject with her casually, but if a bride came and said that to me, I''d see right through it.

 

[vc10um]

PP, I think all the ladies above me have pretty much hashed out the issue, and I think it''s important that you bring the error of your friends ways to her attention, but just a friendly reminder not to make accusations, etc, when discussing the issue. You''re going to have to approach this one with a lot of honey if you''re going to want her to see the potential fall-out before it happens...if you approach it with vinegar, chances are she''ll probably shut down, not listen to reason, and ask FSIL to step down without a second thought on the matter.

Best of luck to you on this one...let us know how it goes!

 

[ts44]

Date: 11/19/2009 12:52:38 PM
Author: vc10um
PP, I think all the ladies above me have pretty much hashed out the issue, and I think it''s important that you bring the error of your friends ways to her attention, but just a friendly reminder not to make accusations, etc, when discussing the issue. You''re going to have to approach this one with a lot of honey if you''re going to want her to see the potential fall-out before it happens...if you approach it with vinegar, chances are she''ll probably shut down, not listen to reason, and ask FSIL to step down without a second thought on the matter.

Best of luck to you on this one...let us know how it goes!

Agreed, even though you''re all fired up about it and rightfully so, it will need to be approached with much more tact than your friend is showing.

My mother borderline did this to me when I was discussing my bridesmaids with her. I was pretty horrified. Now she sees how stupid she was being, but people do get caught up in making the day "perfect."

Mom: So who are your bridesmaids?
Me: Well I asked Bridesmaid 1
Mom: Okay!
Me: I asked Bridesmaid 2
Mom: Oh she''s so nice.
Me: And of course I asked Bridesmaid 3!
Mom: *long pause* Isn''t she kind of...larger?
Me: Mom!
Mom: And I think she''s trying to get pregnant isn''t she?
Me: MOM.
Mom: Well I''m just thinking of your pictures. She''s so much....taller than the other girls!
Me: This conversation is over. Thanks!