Friend wants to ask pregnant BM to leave bridal party-Insights?

[iluvcarats]

Now I think you should show her this thread.
(She may not be your friend anymore though.....)

 

[princessplease]

Thanks ladies. I agree that if defintiely needs to be done tactfully. I will definitely update once I try and enlighten my friend who is acting so foolish right now

 

[princessplease]

Date: 11/19/2009 1:51:47 PM
Author: iluvcarats
Now I think you should show her this thread.
(She may not be your friend anymore though.....)

Lol!! That would teach her, but yea, it''d be over! It did run through my mind to just be like "Hey I came across this website with a poster in smiliar situation and here was the reaction".

 

[neatfreak]

Wow-I''m sorry but your friend is selfish and immature.

I was MOH in my best friend''s wedding last year when I was 25 weeks pregnant with TWINS. And you know what? I did more work than all the bridesmaids COMBINED. While pregnant.

So honestly-if I were your friend''s FSIL and I was asked to step down because I was pregnant? I would tell her to f*** off. And that says a LOT because I NEVER say that. Ever.

 

[soontowed]

Let me play devil's advocate - it's her wedding, her pictures and if it matters to her that the one with the giant belly not stand out over bride, that's her choice. Yeah I get that she'll be in the family pics but that's different than in the main bridal/bridal party pics. I would rather have someone be honest with me and kick me out of their bridal party than to think that they might resent me for being in it. If she tells her FSIL she should just get over it. It's a big deal to the bride and she should not have something like this ruining the image she has of her wedding. I think it's just as selfish to kick someone out as it is to throw a tantrum over being kicked out.

PS one of my BMs is quite overweight so it has nothing to do with looks for me. I just think it sucks for the bride that the BM changed the "terms" of the agreement.

 

[meresal]

Date: 11/19/2009 3:50:12 PM
Author: soontowed
Let me play devil's advocate - it's her wedding, her pictures and if it matters to her that the one with the giant belly not stand out over bride, that's her choice. Yeah I get that she'll be in the family pics but that's different than in the main bridal/bridal party pics. I would rather have someone be honest with me and kick me out of their bridal party than to think that they might resent me for being in it. If she tells her FSIL she should just get over it. It's a big deal to the bride and she should not have something like this ruining the image she has of her wedding. I think it's just as selfish to kick someone out as it is to throw a tantrum over being kicked out.

LOL!!!!!! What's hilarious to me, is that ANY bride actually thinks that she will not be the center of attention on her wedding day.

It's called insecurity. Grow up and get over it.

The SIL will not be the one that is the most irritated in this situation. It WILL be her FMIL.

 

[meresal]

"PS one of my BMs is quite overweight so it has nothing to do with looks for me. I just think it sucks for the bride that the BM changed the "terms" of the agreement."

So if one of your BM's was hit by a car and in a wheel chair for the rest of her life, would you be mad if she got upset when you asked her to step down, because she broke the "terms" of WALKING down the aisle.

 

[princesss]

Date: 11/19/2009 3:55:45 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 11/19/2009 3:50:12 PM
Author: soontowed
Let me play devil''s advocate - it''s her wedding, her pictures and if it matters to her that the one with the giant belly not stand out over bride, that''s her choice. Yeah I get that she''ll be in the family pics but that''s different than in the main bridal/bridal party pics. I would rather have someone be honest with me and kick me out of their bridal party than to think that they might resent me for being in it. If she tells her FSIL she should just get over it. It''s a big deal to the bride and she should not have something like this ruining the image she has of her wedding. I think it''s just as selfish to kick someone out as it is to throw a tantrum over being kicked out.

LOL!!!!!! What''s hilarious to me, is that ANY bride actually thinks that she will not be the center of attention on her wedding day.

It''s called insecurity. Grow up and get over it.

The SIL will not be the one that is the most irritated in this situation. It WILL be her FMIL.

Yup. And I''m going to add the groom to the p*ssed off list, since apparently he doesn''t get any say over whether his own sister gets to STAY in the wedding party.

 

[mayachel]

I agree with the sentiment behind meresel''s sarcasm. Terms of agreement? Seriously, all I ask of my BMs is that they show up and are happy for me!

princessplease...please please please try to talk some sense into your friend. This is sheer madness. Regardless of what 7 months pregnant looks like on her soon to be sil, that is no possible way of uninviting her to participate in the bridal party. Even acting as though she were acting in this mother''s best interest, would be a thin veiled lie, that I''m sure she''ll see right through.

Shame on her for being so self-involved. Personally, I would celebrate a pregnant bridesmaid in my party, nothing says continuity of family more, IMO. Two of my three bm will have given birth within 6 months of my wedding, I hope that they are wearing their babies in our formal photos.

 

[honey22]

BRIDEZILLA ALERT!!!!

Seriously, your friend is a cow and she should be ashamed of herself. What an incredibly shallow and selfish attitude. If she doesn''t love her friends for the way they look, then she doesn''t deserve to have them.

How could anyone ask their BM to stand down cos they are pregnant?! Being pregnant is the most beautiful and natural things in the world. She should be celebrated, not made to feel like a leper.

Your friend disgusts me.

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 11/19/2009 3:55:45 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 11/19/2009 3:50:12 PM

Author: soontowed

Let me play devil''s advocate - it''s her wedding, her pictures and if it matters to her that the one with the giant belly not stand out over bride, that''s her choice. Yeah I get that she''ll be in the family pics but that''s different than in the main bridal/bridal party pics. I would rather have someone be honest with me and kick me out of their bridal party than to think that they might resent me for being in it. If she tells her FSIL she should just get over it. It''s a big deal to the bride and she should not have something like this ruining the image she has of her wedding. I think it''s just as selfish to kick someone out as it is to throw a tantrum over being kicked out.

LOL!!!!!! What''s hilarious to me, is that ANY bride actually thinks that she will not be the center of attention on her wedding day.

It''s called insecurity. Grow up and get over it.

The SIL will not be the one that is the most irritated in this situation. It WILL be her FMIL.

Gosh, Meresal. Sometimes you are my hero.

I agree that it will be her FMIL who is most angry here and that is the last person you want to disappoint when joining a family. That woman isn''t obligated to love this bride unconditionally like her own parents are and an act this ugly, shallow, and bitchy would leave marks for years to come.

This "terms of agreement" thing is also insane. People change. People lose and gain weight, cut and color their hair, get piercings or tattoos. I''ve never been asked to look a certain way for any wedding I''ve ever been in except to avoid tan lines if possible. The fact that a bride would consider dropping a BM from a bridal party due to her appearance is just unbelievable. I can see what Meresal was saying earlier about a bride wanting her "perfect" day. I hope she realizes that what makes a wedding day "perfect" is the people that are there with you when you get married, not how people looked. If this FSIL means anything to your friend, PP, she will just get over it and move on to more important things.

PP- Clearly this friend trust you and goes to you for help. I really really hope that you are able to talk some sense into her.

 

[emeraldlover1]

Things like this are just really sad. I can understand asking someone to leave a bridal party if they are mean or something, but pregnant?? I had a fairly large bridal party and most of my girls were small and skinny but I didn''t choose them because of that. I also had a bridesmaid that was pregnant. I thought she was one of the prettiest girls in my party. And guess what, both my friend and her husband were in our wedding party and they told us they were preggers the weekend of our wedding along with everyone else. It was kind of unavoidable at that point if you know what I mean. I think it actually added to the excitement of everything for our group of friends.

If i were this girls friend I''d probably tell her that what she is thinking of doing is shallow, personally.

 

[winelover23]

For some reason this is what pops into my head after reading this thread:

You''re so vein
You probably think this song is about you
You''re soooo vein........

 

[ysj99]

I actually know of a bride who ordered her married BMs to NOT get pregnant before her wedding!

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 11/19/2009 3:55:45 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 11/19/2009 3:50:12 PM
Author: soontowed
Let me play devil''s advocate - it''s her wedding, her pictures and if it matters to her that the one with the giant belly not stand out over bride, that''s her choice. Yeah I get that she''ll be in the family pics but that''s different than in the main bridal/bridal party pics. I would rather have someone be honest with me and kick me out of their bridal party than to think that they might resent me for being in it. If she tells her FSIL she should just get over it. It''s a big deal to the bride and she should not have something like this ruining the image she has of her wedding. I think it''s just as selfish to kick someone out as it is to throw a tantrum over being kicked out.

LOL!!!!!! What''s hilarious to me, is that ANY bride actually thinks that she will not be the center of attention on her wedding day.

It''s called insecurity. Grow up and get over it.

The SIL will not be the one that is the most irritated in this situation. It WILL be her FMIL.

Oh goodness gracious. What peresal said.

And what "terms of agreement" did she agree to be aside from being in the chick''s wedding? One certainly not reasonably expect a bridesmaid to stop living her own life between now and the time of the wedding.

If this a big deal to the bride she has a lot to learn about life.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

How rude!

If she kicks her future SIL out, she will pay for it. Most likely the entire grooms side of the family will be up in arms.

Not a great way to start a relationship with extended family.

 

[lucyandroger]

Date: 11/19/2009 10:01:12 AM
Author: House Cat
What an ugly thing to do. This will not reflect well on the bride at all. I would say something to that effect to my friend, the bride. I would warn her that the family isn''t going to be happy about her choice to omit the groom''s sister, simply because she''s pregnant.

Besides, pregnant women are gorgeous! Goodness, I love pregnant bridesmaids! It''s one of the few times when you get to see a pregnant woman dressed formally...in all of her glory. IMO her pregnancy should be celebrated, not discriminated against.

This is what I was thinking...the whole situation kind of has me confused. If she''s worried about losing the attention, then she must be really insecure. Since you''re her friend, maybe you can point out that the bride always get all the attention anyway and no one will even remember what the BMs looked like.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Date: 11/19/2009 7:01:19 PM
Author: lucyandroger

Date: 11/19/2009 10:01:12 AM

Author: House Cat

What an ugly thing to do. This will not reflect well on the bride at all. I would say something to that effect to my friend, the bride. I would warn her that the family isn''t going to be happy about her choice to omit the groom''s sister, simply because she''s pregnant.


Besides, pregnant women are gorgeous! Goodness, I love pregnant bridesmaids! It''s one of the few times when you get to see a pregnant woman dressed formally...in all of her glory. IMO her pregnancy should be celebrated, not discriminated against.

This is what I was thinking...the whole situation kind of has me confused. If she''s worried about losing the attention, then she must be really insecure. Since you''re her friend, maybe you can point out that the bride always get all the attention anyway and no one will even remember what the BMs looked like.

No joke. One woman in the center of all the pics in a big white dress. All the other women, belly or no belly, NOT in the center and NOT in the big white dress. She''ll be the center of attention anyway.

PP, I think your friend is so selfish. Or, to give her the benefit of the doubt, she''s let all these wedding details go to her head and has forgotten how to look at the big picture - that the wedding is about celebrating the joining of two people and two families. Maybe she needs to take a step back and reflect on that...or maybe she just needs a slap upside the head.

 

[Luckyeshe]

Date: 11/19/2009 9:17:50 AM
Author: Winks_Elf
I agree with Alice...if it was my FSIL, I''d express to her how thrilled I am for her being pregnant, but being a mother of four myself I understand how exhausting that point of pregnancy can be, so if she wanted to step down as a BM I would understand completely. If not, I''m certain the bridal shop can order a maternity version of the dress or another style more appropriate and comfortable for her figure at the time of the wedding.

+2. Her FSIL''s feelings would definitely be hurt! If anything, maybe she could talk to her FSIL about getting a maternity version to the BM dresses, but that if at any point she feels that she''s not up to being in the wedding party that it''s the FSIL''s decision and no one elses.

 

[princessplease]

Thanks ladies for all of your great advice. I''m a bit more calm about this situation, so I feel like I can approach it more rationally today. I''m gonna give her a call after work. I will say that my friend can be very vain at times. She''s very into image and of course, while that''s no excuse for her behavior, it''s insight into who she is. She can be a real boob at times (like here!).

 

[fieryred33143]

I ditto everyone else that is "

" at this situation.

And also re: this statement:

The BM is very petite, so when she''s 7 months, she will look like she should''ve give birth a month earlier, lol!

No one knows how your body will change when you are pregnant until you are actually pregnant so just assuming she''s going to look huge because she is "petite" is inaccurate.

 

[sparklyheart]

I''m in a wedding where the bride didn''t put one of her best friends in the bridal party "because she has a kid."

I''m still not sure what that has to do with anything..but maybe she should be friends with your friend, PP? They might totally "get" each other!

 

[aliceinwonderland]

Date: 11/19/2009 5:00:31 PM
Author: winelover23
For some reason this is what pops into my head after reading this thread:

You''re so vein
You probably think this song is about you
You''re soooo vein........

Hahah...I find this song entertaining b/c in reality the song sort of is about them

Alice

 

[zoebartlett]

That is beyond rude. I''d tell this girl the same thing NF said, and I don''t say that usually. Unbelieveable.

 

[blackbetty]

I think that is an apalling idea.

It is possibly one of the tackier, more insulting things I''ve heard. Who cares if she''s pregnant? It''s like saying pregnant women are unattractive, which is hardly the case, as well as saying that your bridal paarty''s only worth is their looks, not their support and love and place in you life.

I hope she freaks out & eats so much in the months approaching her wedding that her wedding dress looks like they poured her in & forgot to say when! Is that wrong? Probably...

Lilac, as a side note, once you get through the wedding obligations you''ve committed to, I''d reconsider that particular "friendship."

 

[princessplease]

Date: 11/20/2009 1:17:08 PM
Author: blackbetty
I think that is an apalling idea.

It is possibly one of the tackier, more insulting things I've heard. Who cares if she's pregnant? It's like saying pregnant women are unattractive, which is hardly the case, as well as saying that your bridal paarty's only worth is their looks, not their support and love and place in you life.

I hope she freaks out & eats so much in the months approaching her wedding that her wedding dress looks like they poured her in & forgot to say when! Is that wrong? Probably...

Lilac, as a side note, once you get through the wedding obligations you've committed to, I'd reconsider that particular 'friendship.'

I honestly think that is all it is for her...just about the looks with small, super pretty girls in the BP.

 

[lucyandroger]

Date: 11/20/2009 2:05:03 PM
Author: princessplease

Date: 11/20/2009 1:17:08 PM
Author: blackbetty
I think that is an apalling idea.

It is possibly one of the tackier, more insulting things I''ve heard. Who cares if she''s pregnant? It''s like saying pregnant women are unattractive, which is hardly the case, as well as saying that your bridal paarty''s only worth is their looks, not their support and love and place in you life.

I hope she freaks out & eats so much in the months approaching her wedding that her wedding dress looks like they poured her in & forgot to say when! Is that wrong? Probably...

Lilac, as a side note, once you get through the wedding obligations you''ve committed to, I''d reconsider that particular ''friendship.''

I honestly think that is all it is for her...just about the looks with small, super pretty girls in the BP.

I thought the cliche was that brides wanted ugly and bigger bridesmaids (in an awful dress) so that they looked skinnier and prettier? Now the BMs need to be pretty and thin? So confusing

...lol

 

[doodle]

If I were her FSIL and was asked to step down because of being pregnant, maybe I''m a mean evil busybody, but I''d promptly turn around and have a conversation with my brother about how he may want to tread carefully marrying someone so superficial lest he gain a few pounds and wind up with her divorcing him. I mean, if she''s that shallow, imagine her reaction if he were ever in a car crash or burned or disfigured in some way--how would she respond to that?

 

[doodle]

Okay, just finished reading the rest of the comments--the terms of the agreement?!?!

I thought the terms of the agreement when you ask someone to be in your wedding party were more along the lines of, "I love you, and you are an important part of my life, so I want you there beside me during one of the most important parts of my life. Thanks for sharing in my happiness" not "You will be a size 6 at maximum, hair perfectly curled, teeth bleached, and nails manicured, or I will SLAY you in front of all my family and friends."

 

[absolut_blonde]

I''m sorry, but your friend sounds like a self-centered -insertyourchoiceofwordhere-. I would seriously re-think a friendship with someone like that. A friend should have your best interests at heart and clearly, this one is thinking of no one other than herself.

I would be nothing but HAPPY for any of my 3 bridesmaids should they become pregnant before my wedding. The photos, or ''stealing my thunder'' or any other superficial notion would be the last thing on my mind.

Bridesmaids are people, not accessories