friend in sticky situation....

[violet02]

So this may be a delicate topic but I wanted to get some advice from other people not so close to the situation.

I have a very close guy friend, he was having a very casual on/off sexual relationship with a young early 20s girl. I got along with the girl and liked her quite a bit. When he stopped wanting to hang out with her I effectively had to just back away from the situation and I wound up not seeing her (I didn''t avoid her or blow her off I just didn''t put any effort into contacting her). Anyways recently she just told my friend that she''s pregnant and she believes it''s his. She''s got about a week and a half left in her first trimester which means not a lot of time left if she decides to abort.

I think part of her believes this may bring them closer together but he told her they would never be together and he never felt the same way about her. So her stance right now is that she''s going to have the baby and give it up for adoption. My friend of course, doesn''t want her to do that. He feels strongly about not having a child of his out in the world somewhere and not in his care. He would prefer she get the abortion but of course he can''t make her do anything she doesn''t want to. It seems at this point as if she''s making these decisions because she''s being very emotional about things and not logical. I totally get that, I mean she just found out some shocking news. My friend asked me to talk to her but she''s afraid that I''m going to be mad at her or try to push her to get an abortion because he and I are friends.

I wrote her an email saying that honestly I just felt that she may need some supportive people around her (she has a lousy group of friends) and that no matter how my friend feels i''d like to help her out or talk to her or be there for her. Whatever she needs. I do sincerely feel bad for her. I''m just very concerned that she''s making choices based on some hope that my friend will either be with her or to spite him somehow. To top it off (not to get into too much detail) she does have some female issues that she''s been very irresponsible about dealing with which I''ve expressed to her before as being concerning. I know that she does look up to me and respects my opinion. I''m just worried she''ll be afraid to talk to me out of fear that I''ll be on my friends side trying to push her around (which I said in my email I wouldn''t).

She''s agreed to talk to me Sunday. I hope she does I''m just worried that she won''t answer and I''m not sure what to do at this point. I know it''s not my problem but I''m concerned about both my friend and her and I don''t want her to make decisions that may really mess up her life. If she wants to have the baby and give it up then that''s fine but I hope that decision is made from a rational point of view. She does have other physical issues which could cause her a lot of problems if she does decide to carry a child. To top it off she''s got very little money and is about to be booted from her apartment. It''s a real mess.

Anyways I hope I''m doing the right thing in talking to her. I don''t want to butt in per se but I''m very stressed and worried for my friend and this situation. I feel like there''s not a lot of time left to figure out what to do. He''s asked me to help him by talking to her so I''m doing what I can. I''m just at a bit of a loss as to how can I help the most here.

 

[Pandora II]

Oh dear, tricky one.

My FBIL has ended up with a DD thanks to 6 dates with some 20 year old he met on-line.

It has been a disaster from start to finish. They tried to engineer a relationship which didn''t work out - the split-up was messy. She''s allowing access, but he has a weird work schedule and she (quite rightly) is not prepared to let him have her EVERY weekend.

She''s living in his city, he''s moved to another about an hour away. I don''t think she''ll hang around there for long with no support network and then he''ll have a 5 hr each way trip to her hometown....

Frankly, we all wish that she''d not had the child - as does she.

 

[lisa1.01fvs1]

Hi Violet,

Having worked as a social worker, I''ve run across this scenario before.

Best to support her as you say.

If adoption, she can get a good attorney and have all fees + more paid (mediacl, etc.).

Don''t know "female" problems. What is making u think her health would be in jeopardy?

There are so many parents wanting a non-drug exposed USA baby (assuming she''s not using).

I would advise to stay out of the triangle. Your friend (guy) sounds scared and not coping well.

She needs to decide and then you can assist in her decision.

IMHO.

Lisa

 

[lisa1.01fvs1]

Forgot to mention in most states you can abort up to 24 weeks.

 

[lisa1.01fvs1]

Oh and if there is a question about paternity they should have paternity test following delivery if that matters at all.

At this pt. your friend has no proof it''s his.

 

[decodelighted]

Yeeeeeeah. I think you should stay out of it. Entirely. Sorry, I just do. This is one of the biggest decisions this young lady is ever gonna make and I don''t think its fair to try to push a certain agenda. SHE is going to have to live with the consequences either way. (As is HE ... but that''s not your concern either. If he wanted his say with her, MAN UP and have it).

I find it a bit disconcerting that he believes it would be better to know his child is *dead* than being raised by a carefully chosen family. And I''m pro choice, so ....

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 5/11/2008 12:10:34 PM
Author: decodelighted
Yeeeeeeah. I think you should stay out of it. Entirely. Sorry, I just do. This is one of the biggest decisions this young lady is ever gonna make and I don''t think its fair to try to push a certain agenda. SHE is going to have to live with the consequences either way. (As is HE ... but that''s not your concern either. If he wanted his say with her, MAN UP and have it).


I find it a bit disconcerting that he believes it would be better to know his child is *dead* than being raised by a carefully chosen family. And I''m pro choice, so ....

I agree wholeheartedly with Deco. Stay out, it has nothing to do with you.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I think you should talk to her. She is scared and needs someone to talk to. If it were just her problem you could stay out, but this affects a child and that means it is a much bigger deal.

If she is unsure about the aborton, there are councilors she can speak to, some states require it. Just makes sure she doesn''t go to one of the ones that is against abortion, she doesn''t need to be manipulated one way or the other.

You might suggest she also talk to her doctor about the health risks. If they are serious enough, she should really consider not having the baby.

If she does want to go the adoption route, have her go to an agency. They can connect her with adoptive parents who will pay for everything so at least she doesn''t have to carry that burden. If she does this, try to talk to your friend about terminating his parental rights. He doesn''t want the child and it would be in the best intrests of the child to have a home where they are truely wanted.

I know this is tough, but I applaud you for helping someone who is in a VERY difficult position.

 

[LittleRock]

O.K., first I say to stay out of it too, this will get way more complicated.

But wanted to ask a few things if I may. You said she "believes" the pregnancy is his. But the two of them have had a casual on/off sexual relationship. Does that mean she could have had other relationships like this with other people? Just wondering if that''s a question in anyones mind.

It will never bring them closer together. Especially, if he''s flat out told her there is nothing! I think the parents need to decide what''s best "together" for the pregnancy. Are neither ready to be parents? I am truly not for either parents, it takes two to tango as we all know! If she is a strong person and is willing to give the baby up for adoption I say why not! There are so many willing couples that would love the chance to adopt. But, ultimately it''s up to whomever is involved. Stay out of it and don''t be the middle-person, it really could back-fire in the end. IMHO

 

[qtiekiki]

I would say to stay out of it too. I understand that you care about your friend and the situation, but it''s not your problem to deal with. It''s really irresponsible for your friend, at this point, to just say that he doesn''t want a child of his out in the world somewhere. It''s also unfair to bring up her "female" problems as a reason for an abortion. That''s a risk that she has to get assessed and decide if she is willing to take. As much as you want to be a support to her, I sense that you have a deeper concern for your friend and you are, in some ways, biased. I think it is best for the girl to speak to a counselor/social worker (someone not vested in the situation).

 

[Heidi137]

Your friend would rather see the child aborted than out in the world somewhere? I most certainly wouldn''t try to talk the girl into having an abortion. I could never live with the consequences of that decision. There are plenty of loving couples out there who would love to adopt a baby if she doesn''t want to keep the baby herself.

 

[Gemma12]

Date: 5/11/2008 6:27:24 AM
Author:violet02
So this may be a delicate topic but I wanted to get some advice from other people not so close to the situation.

I have a very close guy friend, he was having a very casual on/off sexual relationship with a young early 20s girl. I got along with the girl and liked her quite a bit. When he stopped wanting to hang out with her I effectively had to just back away from the situation and I wound up not seeing her (I didn''t avoid her or blow her off I just didn''t put any effort into contacting her). Anyways recently she just told my friend that she''s pregnant and she believes it''s his. She''s got about a week and a half left in her first trimester which means not a lot of time left if she decides to abort.

I think part of her believes this may bring them closer together but he told her they would never be together and he never felt the same way about her. So her stance right now is that she''s going to have the baby and give it up for adoption. My friend of course, doesn''t want her to do that. He feels strongly about not having a child of his out in the world somewhere and not in his care. He would prefer she get the abortion but of course he can''t make her do anything she doesn''t want to. It seems at this point as if she''s making these decisions because she''s being very emotional about things and not logical. I totally get that, I mean she just found out some shocking news. My friend asked me to talk to her but she''s afraid that I''m going to be mad at her or try to push her to get an abortion because he and I are friends.

I wrote her an email saying that honestly I just felt that she may need some supportive people around her (she has a lousy group of friends) and that no matter how my friend feels i''d like to help her out or talk to her or be there for her. Whatever she needs. I do sincerely feel bad for her. I''m just very concerned that she''s making choices based on some hope that my friend will either be with her or to spite him somehow. To top it off (not to get into too much detail) she does have some female issues that she''s been very irresponsible about dealing with which I''ve expressed to her before as being concerning. I know that she does look up to me and respects my opinion. I''m just worried she''ll be afraid to talk to me out of fear that I''ll be on my friends side trying to push her around (which I said in my email I wouldn''t).

She''s agreed to talk to me Sunday. I hope she does I''m just worried that she won''t answer and I''m not sure what to do at this point. I know it''s not my problem but I''m concerned about both my friend and her and I don''t want her to make decisions that may really mess up her life. If she wants to have the baby and give it up then that''s fine but I hope that decision is made from a rational point of view. She does have other physical issues which could cause her a lot of problems if she does decide to carry a child. To top it off she''s got very little money and is about to be booted from her apartment. It''s a real mess.

Anyways I hope I''m doing the right thing in talking to her. I don''t want to butt in per se but I''m very stressed and worried for my friend and this situation. I feel like there''s not a lot of time left to figure out what to do. He''s asked me to help him by talking to her so I''m doing what I can. I''m just at a bit of a loss as to how can I help the most here.

Another vote in the ''stay out of it'' camp. Your friend and this girl need to deal with their own issues. You sound like a caring person and they are both hurting-but I''ve highlighted a few comments in your original post that I think might be red flags that this girl may have bigger issues than choosing between abortion or completing the pregnancy. She doesn''t have great friends (why not?) and she''s about to be evicted, and she''s not dealing with her health problems (which you, a relative stranger know about in some detail?) and she''s trying to use a pregnancy to get back together with a guy who has told her he''s not interested in much beyond casual sex with her? Whoooo boy. She may just have some growing up to do (I get that they are young), but there may be bigger issues here.

Good luck-let us know what you decide in the end!

 

[gailrmv]

It is obvious that you are a caring person with good intentions, but I don''t think there is a lot you can do. Maybe you can pull together a few resources for her like hotlines to talk with a counselor, and places to get prenatal care at a low cost, and pass that info along to her, if you want. In terms of deciding whether to have an abortion or not, I really don''t think you should get involved.

 

[cara]

Hmm, it sounds like you will have a hard time not being an advocate for your friend's position when you meet this girl. You will be no use to her or anyone if that comes across in your meeting, and you should probably back out unless you think you can be her advocate and friend. I agree with the peanut gallery that the signs point toward not getting too involved.

Does it help to kick you back toward a more neutral viewpoint to realize that your male friend has been very irresponsible and continues to be irresponsible in his views? A man serious about avoiding a child declines sex. If he chooses to have sex, he uses a condom, he chooses a responsible partner with whom he can rely on to practice effective birth control, he chooses someone he respects enough to raise his child or with whom he has discussed abortion/adoption/raising unexpected children. And he realizes that these precautions and discussions might still not be enough to keep him in control of his procreation.

A responsible man does not have an uncareful, very casual sexual relationship with someone that clearly has A LOT of issues.

I realize it is kind of pie-in-the-sky to expect that everyone makes responsible sexual decisions, but your friend is compounding things by his current reaction (not that I don't understand that why he's lost his cool.) He doesn't want his biological kid adopted, but does he want to raise it by himself? Is he prepared for that? Abortion is the least mentally taxing outcome for him, but what about her? Clearly she currently thinks that the physical burdens of pregnancy are worth avoiding the mental burdens of abortion, and she realizes that she isn't in a position to raise this child with a reluctant father.

Really the best thing you can do is give the woman someone to talk to, and to help her think through the ramifications of this decision. It is very mentally taxing to give your child up for adoption. It sounds like she needs she might have a physically challenging pregnancy. It sounds like she has a lot of other problems going on in her life right now. In addition to whatever support you can offer, she could benefit from family right now. And the support of the father, but at a careful level that leaves it clear that he is not interested in her romantically.

It might be trite, but maybe a Juno screening is in order? Along with a copy of the NYTimes review of the movie, that calls it a "fairytale" that a young woman could just give away her child and go back to her carefree young life. If she is really thinking adoption and not keeping it, she needs to be mentally prepared.

 

[violet02]

Okay to answer a few questions about the situation since neither will read this....

Of course he's want her to abort, from a guy's perspective it's frightening and that appears to be the easiest way for him to deal with it. Of course from my side I would never convince someone to do that either way and I'm pro-choice, ie, pro 'choosing'what you want to do.

From the health persepective, she does have an inverted uterus. From what i've heard that shouldn't cause her any problems but I know it causes her issues with sex and who knows what else. She ALSO has high risk untreated HPV. By untreated I mean she's had irregular pap smears for over 2 years. She's had a coposcopy and been adivsed that there is a large amount of irregular cell growth on her uterus. I tried to advise her on this since I had a situation once where I need some freezing down on my own uterus for similar reasons. She is too afraid to do the freezing and has opted for two years to not treat it out of fear of pain and I'm not sure what else. So that's a health concern right there on it's own.

There's a huge question of paternity. She has hooked up with other men in the last few months so he'd have to get that test when the baby is delivered if it's delivered. But the 9 months beforehand will be very difficult. I'm not too much of a stranger to her since we were friends for awhile before all of this. I got busy with wedding planning and work and basically haven't seen or talked to her in a long time. Plus my friend was uncomfortable with her in his life so most of the time I was out with him and that meant I couldn't invite her along. So I do feel badly about losing touch like that.

In terms of my friend I have DEFINITELY gone over and over with him how irresponsible he is. In fact I think this woman probably passed this high risk strain of HPV to him (he had no idea she had it until I told him a week ago). It was irresponsible of her not to tell him this. In turn he's already had unprotected sex with his new gf who I've insted she tell so she can get tested and get a pap smear to ensure if she does have it she's being monitored for it. He said no more unprotected sex with his new girlfriend anymore.

The email I wrote the girl on Friday hasn't been read yet so I'm not sure about calling her quite yet. I did not call her yesterday as I had said I would since she didn't read it or reply at this point. My business trip is canceled for today and tomorrow which really frees me up a lot so I have some more time to be around if I need to be.

Now for the next steps I guess!

 

[Independent Gal]

Wow. Does she understand that untreated HPV cell changes can turn into cervical cancer and KILL her?!

Frankly, that would be my number 1 concern. That is no joke. That is not funny.

 

[LittleRock]

Violet - You really sound like the only responsible person in this whole situation.

What a mess! See, this is what happens when people have unprotected sex....geez! I really still think you should should stay out of it and help out at a distance. You sound like a wonderful friend thou.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------





Pregnancy test $15.00

Paternity test $600.00

Court ordered child support for the next 18 years $91,800

12 pk of condoms that could have avoided std and unwanted pregnancy - "PRICELESS"

(child support was rough estimate people.) Not trying to make fun of the situation, but people use protection!

 

[ljmorgan]

Hi violet, I think the best thing you can do in this situation is to offer your help, and leave it to her if she wants anything from you. She and your friend REALLY need to work this out themselves, and I think that you should let them deal with it, even though your friend has asked you to speak with her.

 

[violet02]

Date: 5/12/2008 2:54:06 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Wow. Does she understand that untreated HPV cell changes can turn into cervical cancer and KILL her?!

Frankly, that would be my number 1 concern. That is no joke. That is not funny.

Oh yes she does! I have definitely been over this with her. I don''t get at all why she''s afraid of a freezing procedure versus dying.

Anyways another update. She''s eager to talk to me and would like me to meet with her in person today. I am going to go and talk to her, lend her my support and see what she has to say.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 5/12/2008 6:42:25 PM
Author: violet02

Date: 5/12/2008 2:54:06 PM

Author: Independent Gal

Wow. Does she understand that untreated HPV cell changes can turn into cervical cancer and KILL her?!


Frankly, that would be my number 1 concern. That is no joke. That is not funny.

Oh yes she does! I have definitely been over this with her. I don''t get at all why she''s afraid of a freezing procedure versus dying.


Anyways another update. She''s eager to talk to me and would like me to meet with her in person today. I am going to go and talk to her, lend her my support and see what she has to say.

Lend her a sympathetic ear, BUT NO ADVICE! This isn''t your place to offer your own advice...

 

[Gemma12]

Date: 5/12/2008 6:59:08 PM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 5/12/2008 6:42:25 PM
Author: violet02

Date: 5/12/2008 2:54:06 PM

Author: Independent Gal

Wow. Does she understand that untreated HPV cell changes can turn into cervical cancer and KILL her?!


Frankly, that would be my number 1 concern. That is no joke. That is not funny.

Oh yes she does! I have definitely been over this with her. I don''t get at all why she''s afraid of a freezing procedure versus dying.


Anyways another update. She''s eager to talk to me and would like me to meet with her in person today. I am going to go and talk to her, lend her my support and see what she has to say.

Lend her a sympathetic ear, BUT NO ADVICE! This isn''t your place to offer your own advice...

I would second neatfreak above. Good luck.

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 5/12/2008 5:11:54 PM
Author: LittleRock
Violet - You really sound like the only responsible person in this whole situation.

What a mess! See, this is what happens when people have unprotected sex....geez! I really still think you should should stay out of it and help out at a distance. You sound like a wonderful friend thou.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pregnancy test $15.00
Paternity test $600.00
Court ordered child support for the next 18 years $91,800
12 pk of condoms that could have avoided std and unwanted pregnancy - 'PRICELESS'

(child support was rough estimate people.) Not trying to make fun of the situation, but people use protection!

Little Rock, SO much Word on that entire post! All I could think of was "boo hoo" for the guy. He doesn't want a kid out there, then dont have unprotected sex you moron. It seems like, from your descrition, it's common knowledge that this girl is a bit of a "live wire" so why would he assume she's being careful? He was just being a lazy, irresponsible dolt. Honestly, this sort of thing pisses me off no end.

That said, I'm glad you're going to talk to her, and while I have no issues whatsoever with abortion, I think it's a decision only she can make. But pointing out the pros and cons seems like what a good friend would do in this case. If your guy friend wants her to have an abortion, that's fine, but HE should be the one talking to HER about THEIR decision. IMO...

ETA: I acknowledge on the above comments that the baby might not even be his but since he did have unprotected sex with her, I'm assuming it is for the sake of discussion.

 

[Gypsy]

Wow. I don''t think she''s gonna listen to you honey. She didn''t listen about the cancer, she''s in a bad situation and considering having a baby to bind a man that doesn''t want her, and she''s prone to risky sexual behavior. That doesn''t mean you shouldn''t give her an shoulder to lean on, I''m not saying that. But I think you are a caring responsible person who clearly has a good head on her shoulders. Neither your friend or this girl sound like they are a)conscious of how high the stakes are for themselves or for the child b) any where near ready to make a decison of this magnitude. I can see the situation getting very bad-- whether or not you get involved. I think that you need to look inside yourself and decide how you will feel if things do south if you DO get involved or if you don''t.((HUGS)) honey. Whatever you decide, if you need a place to vent, to ask for advice or anything-- you know how to get a hold of me.

 

[isaku5]

I agree with neatfreak too. Offer no advice (very hard to do), just be there to listen when she wants you to: Offer tissues and your shoulder to cry on.

 

[somethingshiny]

Violet, I believe your question was just "what do I do/say?" Regardless of either of their current/past situations, I would stay out of it. Lend an ear and an "I''m sure this is hard" but that''s all. If you/he/she EVER change minds about "pro-choice", YOU''RE the one that they will forever blame. That''s a tough issue to stand on when you''re outside looking in, but even harder when you''re directly connected.

You seem to be a very compassionate person so I know it must be difficult to watch a train wreck, but I think it''s best to stand afar.

 

[lisa1.01fvs1]

The inverted uterus is a non-issue and for the most part so is the HPV (for a healthy baby).

They would simply do a c-sect to remove exposure. Don''t know how that bodes for her later on though.

The whole thing stinks and at the center is this little life. If she delivers at a hospital w/ little to scant pre-natal care a social worker will do an eval and possibly call in the State to assess things at home. Oh, and they will probably address the HPV then as well.

I''m pro-choice yet I don''t want to pay for the delivery or foster care or whatever goes on the taxpayer''s dime (even court if it comes to that).

You can''t even believe the numbers of million dollar NICU babies born to US/non-US moms who don''t even visit their kids in the unit!

Violet there''s nothing to say..........

 

[phoenixgirl]

I agree that you shouldn''t be in the middle of this. Sometimes other people''s drama can suck us in . . . I think that''s what this is. This isn''t a drug addiction where the person clearly needs a friend to intervene. This is a sticky situation that irresponsible people have gotten themselves into. It''s one thing to be a friend, but it''s another to seek out drama and place yourself in the middle of it. I think you''re heading down the latter road.

It''s not your job to advocate for your friend, or to convince this girl to take care of herself and the baby properly, or to abort the fetus. If she asks for your advice . . . great. But if you must convince/pressure her into meeting with you, just to convince/pressure her into x, y, or z . . . that is overstepping the line IMO.

DH''s brother always tells us stories about friends with the worst problems . . . so either he is a pathological liar, he is cursed and all his friends suffer for it, or he somehow seeks out people in chaos. I think it''s the last one. It''s possible to invite chaos into our lives thinking that we are helping, but we all need to find our own way in life.

 

[violet02]

Here''s an update.

The girl eagerly wanted to meet with me Monday night so I took her to dinner to talk. I listened to ALL of her thoughts and feelings, anger, upset, sadness you name it. I told her I really was only concerned for her well being in whatever it was she decided to choose to do. She appreciated the fact that I didn''t tell her what to do or try to pressure her one way or another. I said it wasn''t my place at this point to give advice just support. I think it went pretty well but I have no idea what her choice will be. I do know that when we left it her thought was that she may have it and try to raise it. She feels that because of her inverted uterus (which I''ve read doesn''t mean you can''t have kids) she wasn''t going to be able to have children ever or it would be very difficult so she''s looking at this as a sign or if she does abort she feels that she may never be abl3e to get pregnant again. I don''t think this is necessarily true but this is what''s going on in her mind right now. She''s also resentful of people trying to tell her at age 23 she''s very young and may not know better or whatever. I definitely did not talk to her about her age or anything like that, that was just part of what she vented to me.

Anyways she set up a sonogram for tomorrow afternoon. I said I would go with her but tomorrow isn''t great for me but I think my FI and I can make it because we have a cake appt from 1-2pm and her sonogram is at 320pm. We then have a tux appt at 6pm! Busy day. She also requested that my friend go with her. I asked him to go since he wasn''t sure what to do. He''ll be paying for the sonogram as well. Anyways to lend support my FI and I will meet the two of them at the hospital.

Phew, that''s whats going on so far. I feel that as things go I don''t think I''ve overstepped my bounds. I may be taking on too much though for sure. I did tell my both of them that I wasn''t going to push anyone''s agenda on anyone else. It''s not my place to make a decision for anyone. I''m just there to support them both.

She''s a bright girl with a bright future ahead of her. I hope she makes the best well thought out decision for herself.

 

[violet02]

By the way....

Thank you so much ladies for all of your advice and support.

I went into that meeting last night armed with plenty of good advice for myself and I think things went a well as they could.

Kudos to you all!

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 5/14/2008 2:55:41 AM
Author: violet02


Anyways she set up a sonogram for tomorrow afternoon. I said I would go with her but tomorrow isn''t great for me but I think my FI and I can make it because we have a cake appt from 1-2pm and her sonogram is at 320pm. We then have a tux appt at 6pm! Busy day. She also requested that my friend go with her. I asked him to go since he wasn''t sure what to do. He''ll be paying for the sonogram as well. Anyways to lend support my FI and I will meet the two of them at the hospital.

HUGE RED FLAG

She is trying to involve him in the hope of getting him to commit to her in some way.

Does she realize how the situation could go?

I spent time yesterday talking to FBIL''s ex-girlfriend F who is beyond furious because FBIL has a new girlfriend who he is living with and when he has his daughter for the weekend she spends time with the new girlfriend.

F is really upset that this other girl is bathing/dressing her daughter, they are both taking her to the zoo etc like some big happy family, and she is on her own trying to cope with everything day to day. She''s terrified that her daughter will call this other woman ''mummy''.

The poor kid is stuck in the middle of all this. Frankly I think it''s inappropriate that he is introducing his daughter to the new gf so quickly - he isn''t known for having stable relationships.

You cannot force someone to love you or be with you because you have a child together, so I truly hope that she isn''t thinking this way - I have been watching the pain of that for the last 18 months.


Why do they spend so much time teaching girls how not to get pregnant and so little time teaching boys the consequences of getting someone pregnant.