for those with less than 30 days to go, or those who remember it

[janinegirly]

how do you feel? i always imagined being in romantic bliss, but i''m actually quite stressed and so tired of planning. sometimes i even have doubts and fears and everything is heightened (meaning if something goes wrong with FI, i start thinking, "oh god, will it be like this forever?"). not sure if this makes sense. i''m still excited but i have a lot of anxiety as it gets so close...

 

[eleguin]

I have 4 days to go before my wedding and I alternate between excitement and nerves. It''s definitely not a romantic bliss though, but I assume that''s how it will feel on the honeymoon. There are so many last minute things to finalize and worry about, I think most people are stressed or at least anxious.

 

[labbielove]

Hi Janine,
Our date is 9/22,
so yes I understand how you feel-
I am actually reading a book recommended to me called The Conscious Bride,
and am finding it quite helpful-
my opinion is everyone assumes a bride is in a state of romantic bliss and nobody wants to admit they are feeling anything but-
the truth is , outside of the planning stresses (which are HUGE!) a marriage is a huge transition in life- and of course a joyous one. However there is also a lot of things we leave behind as we get married- losses, if you will. It can be anything from your last name, if you choose to change it, to "loss" of the single life, etc. Our society doesn''t do too much to support these transitions, imo. So much of the focus is on the commercialization of "the wedding" day.
it''s totally normal to feel all the "not so comfortable feelings"

hang in there!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Long story short, I''m ready for the day to be over so we can move on with our lives. I know that sounds bad, but this is my life right now:

work, chores, getting things off of the "to do" list, work, blah blah blah.

I can''t seem to relax, things keep hovering over my head and my FI is draving me batty. You know how it is, Janine, with the pressure of the wedding and "FOREVER" always on your mind, any little annoyance with the FI gets magnified right now. This morning my FI was complaining about his job or the millionth time and I just kept saying "Look, if you''re not happy all you can do it change it". I''m really not that sympathetic right now, I have too much crap going on. Finally he snapped at me "IT''S NOT THAT SIMPLE!" Whatever, I can''t deal with it right now. I wished him a good day and left. I don''t even want to deal with any tension right now, ugh.

Hope you had a good weekend, Janine!!

 

[janinegirly]

phew..glad to hear i''m not alone.

and i definitely relate new england/Nicole!

the other day my FI said the wedding planning was the most challenging thing he''d done. I was sympathetic but inside was like, HUH?? He doesn''t realize what he sees is 1/10th of what is going on behind the scenes with planning!
We went to his family''s beach house for the long wkend. and the 2 of us were stressed, trying to capture some quiet time (for peace of mind, not romance!) and all the while FI''s brother and gf were just giggling, holding hands and being lighthearted. Ii couldn''t help but wonder what was wrong with this picture!

A lot of it is the stress and just exhaustion from trying to get it all done and keep everyone happy, but i think it''s also the hovering thoughts of the reality of "forever." Meaning if there''s something that FI does or his family does that doesn''t mesh with me, i think "man, it''ll be like this for the next 50+ years." Pretty ridiculous seeing how i''m the one who pushed so hard for this! I''m thinking it''s last minute fears (and i tend to be an overanalytical person--no surprise right?

).

 

[KimberlyH]

I never stressed about wedding planning and it ended up being such a wonderful experience for both DH and myself. I was the decision maker about most things but he was great about tagging along and just being a wonderful companion through the whole thing. There were definitely nerves about "forever" floating around in my head, but never any real concerns.

 

[aljdewey]

For me, the doubts/fears period you''re describing occurred much earlier. We were engaged in November, married in July. I think I got the "Oh, gosh, will it be like this forever" thoughts for about 2 months - I''d say mid-January to mid-March. Then, it settled down quite a bit

By the time Memorial Day arrived (six weeks before the wedding), I felt a peace, a calm, a surety I''d never felt before. I don''t know if you''d call that romantic bliss, but I felt as though hubby and I were definitely in sync and KNEW we were on the right path. By that point, everything that had to be done was done, and all that was left really was to enjoy the time with him leading up to the wedding. I did feel like those six weeks were magical, so I guess yes, I''d call that some form of bliss.

However......our wedding was really small and simple. No last minute RSVPs, no seating charts, no worrying about a ton of out-of-town guests, etc., so I think that may have had a lot to do with it. Ours was less of a production, so there was less that could really go wrong. I think that afforded us the luxury to spend more time ''living in the moment'' that most folks with larger scale weddings may not get.

 

[Nicki]

I''m just ready for it to get here already. I''m not terribly stressed, but I guess that''s part and parcel with eloping and having a private ceremony. There is not much for us really to worry about.

My first wedding, however, (I''m divorced) was a nightmare the last two weeks because I did ALL of the catering myself. I spent the two weeks beforehand doing nothing but cooking/baking 8+ hours a day.

 

[sumbride]

I''m at 32 days.

Last night I was asking FI how he wanted to do the intro and if we should go right into our first dance or do it later, and then would we follow immediately with the other special dances. He just sort of "roared" about the frustration of the details. It made his head swim, he said. I looked at him and said "Yeah, how do you think it''s been for me?" He understands that but it still doesn''t help him make a decision... and that''s why I''ve been making almost all the decisions, but in this one area that I can''t figure out, I asked him what he thought. ah well. shoulda known better.

Anyway, I''m kind of at peace now because I went through all that crap a few months ago. Like AlJ said, this time is more a period of calm. Probably because about a week ago I had a chat with my MOH and said "I don''t want to deal with anything anymore." She volunteered to serve as the intermediary for me. All bridesmaid requests (and there were a LOT) have to go through her. And then she calls me. I don''t get stressed when she calls... I practically calm down at the sound of her voice. But the others were getting me all worked up.

So now that almost all the decisions are made, and most of the rest are delegated, FI and I have a little more time for us. We started dance lessons, which has been really fun. And then after our lesson we go out to dinner together. That''s mid-week so it breaks up the week a bit. We''ve been going to the farmers market together on Sundays, even went for pedicures together yesterday. My massage therapist comes over once a week too. Also, since we got a new kitten, it''s given us something else to focus on. I can say, for now at least, that it ain''t quite bliss, but it is peace. And it''s fun too.

 

[neatfreak]

Mostly excited and at peace, but a few butterflies of course! It's just over a month for us now, but I'm not really stressed. Since we're getting married in SF and live in Wisconsin I probably SHOULD be, but I figure it'll be great no matter what happens, so I am just not worrying about it.

I make a few confirmation calls a week and still have a bunch of last minute things to do, but I'm not worried about any of them. They'll get done!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Janine, I have a feeling we''ll get to the "I don''t care, I just want to enjoy this" mode shortly. My wedding is so small and non-traditaional that I''m surprised I care about the details so much. I just really want my guests to enjoy themselves and have taken on a lot of projects to make it more personal. And since ours is on a private estate, we''re doing EVERYTHING on our own, so that part is overwhelming.

After this week, though, it should be better. We just have to get the FINAL details to our vendors this week and that should be it. But this is the thing: all of the big things are done and now we''re just down to the nitty gritty. If any of these smaller details don''t get done, it''s not going to be the end of the world.

MY FI has been a big help, especially with the big stuff, and he''s taken care of everything I put on his plate (surprisingly), and just yesterday he said "I really appreciate all of the hard work you''re putting into this" which really helps. On the other hand, he''s the one who wanted this wedding--I wanted to elope--so he feels much more pressure to do as much as possible.

Every day I just get a couple more things done and soon enough I''ll be able to sit back and relax! And you will, too, Janine! The day is going to be beautiful and so much fun and you''ll be glad you put so much work into it!

Alright, I''m off to go pick up our marriage license and get my engagement ring back (it''s been at the jeweller''s for two weeks!). So that''s one more thing off the list!

 

[Independent Gal]

I''m still 6.5 months out, but according to ''Emotionally Engaged'' and ''Conscious Bride'', this is all 100% normal. I had the jitters pre-engagement, but according to these books, so long as you actually face them and, uh, embrace them, so they are not the dominant feeling you have on your wedding day, it''s actually kinda healthy.

 

[E B]

Count me in! I wouldn''t say I''m super stressed, but I''m uneasy. If I had it to do again, I might grab my closest family and head to an island paradise, but I''m sure on the big day, looking into the eyes of all of my family and friends, I won''t regret my ''big'' (100 people, ha!) wedding for a second.

Just yesterday, I was talking to my FMIL who''s hosting our ''rehersal dinner'' (a big party for everyone who is invited to the wedding the night before) at her home, and she brought up the valet. A valet? Oh, crap. When FH and I thought about having a big party, we didn''t even think about the parking situation! I feel so bad that they''re having to hire a valet, but there''s not much we can do now. For the next 20-something days (AHHHHHH!), I''m going to be more mindful of things like that.

 

[HollyS]

Date: 9/4/2007 9:51:19 AM
Author: labbielove
Hi Janine,
Our date is 9/22,
so yes I understand how you feel-
I am actually reading a book recommended to me called The Conscious Bride,
and am finding it quite helpful-
my opinion is everyone assumes a bride is in a state of romantic bliss and nobody wants to admit they are feeling anything but-
the truth is , outside of the planning stresses (which are HUGE!) a marriage is a huge transition in life- and of course a joyous one. However there is also a lot of things we leave behind as we get married- losses, if you will. It can be anything from your last name, if you choose to change it, to ''loss'' of the single life, etc. Our society doesn''t do too much to support these transitions, imo. So much of the focus is on the commercialization of ''the wedding'' day.
it''s totally normal to feel all the ''not so comfortable feelings''

hang in there!

I have to agree with you, today''s society focuses on the wedding and not the transition into marriage. But I don''t think it was always that way. Weddings used to be (for the vast majority of folks) on a much smaller scale overall, and women were "brought up" to be wives and mothers. It was the natural progression of things.

But, just like then, we are still allowing society to tell us how we should act and react. We should covet the huge wedding, the perfect proposal, the ring of our dreams, the beautiful house, and charming children. And we feel pressured to perform for everyone: be the perfect bride, wife, hostess, mother, employee, etc. Therein lies the source of much of our stress. We need to stop trying to live the life others would choose for us, and live our own.

Janine:

Relax - take a deep breath - savor every moment. You will (good Lord willing) never have this moment again -- this small space of time between engagement and marriage. Enjoy everything about it. Remember, no one else has walked YOUR path, it is uniquely yours. Revel in it.

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Ssheessh, I am one year out and completely overwhelmed...can I please be the "un" concious bride..tehe

 

[TravelingGal]

Hm...30 days out until my wedding...that was one year ago today....

I felt pretty relaxed, except some things weren''t done yet (like flowers and who was going to do them). But I always felt like things would fall in place and really, I didn''t care much about the details anyway.

I do remember mourning my singlehood a bit. I loved being single! The independence and travel...it just made my spirits soar. But the eve of my wedding, TGuy dropped me off at my hotel and gave me the biggest hug. He very tenderly said, "I can''t wait to see you tomorrow and be your husband." Now, he''s NEVER that sentimental and I was really touched. It made me realize that I was a lucky woman and about to embark on a very cool adventure.

So I stuck with my plan that night to kick back by myself and enjoy my last night of singlehood. I had an oceanfront room so I sat on the balcony with a glass of wine and toasted away my singlehood. I loved my life before I met TGuy, so it was nice to reflect back on it.

I guess all in all before my wedding, I was calm, excited, but a little sad too.

 

[Independent Gal]

T''Gal, I so hear you. I love / loved my single life too, the freedom, travel, independence.

I love the idea of spending the last night alone, sit back, reflect. I think I will borrow that idea.

 

[NYCsparkle]

HAH! ROMANTIC BLISS!?!?!?!?!! the month before the wedding is mayhem and anxieties...running around and dealing with some mini dramas. the wedding will be worth it and you will really savor the quiet times on your honeymoon...

 

[janinegirly]

haha, good to know nyc!
feeling better these days. was so exhausted (mentally) earlier in the week, but seems to have passed now. everything is just really heightened during these last days, so sometimes i must come off as bi-polar!
thank goodness for this board

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Hey, Janine,

So funny you mention that because I feel the exact same way. I am almost always exhausted after the weekends because that''s when i get the majority of all wedding-related things done. I actually have assigned at least one task to each day, even during the week, but the weekends are the worst. Because the wedding takes a back seat during the week, I usually feel less bogged down by wedding stuff by the end of the week. Then the cycle starts over.

Did you decide on a ribbon color for the favors, Janine?

 

[Trelala]

It wasn''t romantic bliss for me either. My outta town guests started coming in 1 month before the wedding and many of them have never even been to the States. Hubby and I remember saying to each other that as soon as this is over we''ll have free time.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 9/6/2007 3:33:35 PM
Author: Trelala
It wasn''t romantic bliss for me either. My outta town guests started coming in 1 month before the wedding and many of them have never even been to the States. Hubby and I remember saying to each other that as soon as this is over we''ll have free time.

I felt the same way!!! I also, was so stress and sort of a bridezilla. hehee

Best wishes for a relaxing and beautiful day to you all who have weddings coming up soon!!!

 

[janinegirly]

just looked at my website and it says 21 days left! oh my god..starting to get nervous! i still haven''t started any beauty regimes and haven''t had pedicure/mani/hair done in ages. need to start working on that

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I haven''t started any beauty regimines, either. In fact, I''m a afraid to change anything skin-related for fear that I might break out. So far I''ve just been praying for no pimples over the next 20 days!

I planned to just get a mani/pedi the day of, but I''m thinking of doing one this weekend, just as practice? I don''t know, I haven''e decided on a color or anything.

I''m not doing a trim before the wedding (my stylist needs all the length she can get), but I''m getting my color touched up the weekend before.

No broken nails, no pimples and no freakish skin rashes or anything, please!

Oh, and I had some faint tan lines and decided to tan just once or twice. I never tan, so I was nervous, but I''m glad I did. I might go once more before the wedding day.

I probably should have started a beauty regimine, but oh well!

 

[E B]

21 days?

Well, I finalized my cake design with my baker this morning, and it's the cutest.thing.ever. And today, I have to put together a set for the string duo to play during the ceremony. Let's see...need to pick up FH's tailored suit from the Men's Wearhouse, and work out like crazy. Those are my weekend goals.

I also talked to my florist about the flower arrangements, which I'm so excited about. The quote ended up being a little higher than I'd hoped, but she's going to make everything lush, with funky additions (baby brown artichokes, anemones, etc.) and in the itemized list, she had listed a *jewel-wrapped* bouquet. How can I say no to a jewel-wrapped bouquet?

21 DAYS!