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For those who chose not to have children

Always interesting to me that parents just absolutely MUST butt in and talk about how wonderful it is, even if the thread is specifically titled for people who don't have children...

Anyways. I prefer the term "child-free". I dont like kids, I dont want kids and I have known that since I was a teen. I absolutely do not regret it. I have nieces and they are wonderful, but even then I still didn't want to babysit or be around them as children much. The absolute worst sound to me is a screaming baby and it sends shivers up my spine to hear it. My mother was totally devastated that I didn't want children, but I always told her if she wanted a baby in her life she was welcome to try again or adopt one of her own! I've opened my home to 100+ foster animals and will continue to do that. I sleep in and spend my weekends how I like and enjoy the freedom that comes with being child free. To be honest I want NOTHING to do with being pregnant or giving birth, let alone raising a human lol. I've also seen children tear marriages apart (my in-laws included), it's A LOT of pressure on a relationship.

I like the idea of a "family", but to me, that doesn't need to include children. I love my life with just my husband and wouldn't want it any other way.
 
I just want to say I respect each and every person who has posted in this thread. The honesty and vulnerability is refreshing! Parenthood is not pretty, perfect or painless no matter how beautiful it is in the end for some. Our society does not speak openly enough about the reality of it from BOTH the mother's side or the father's side.
It is tough work, it is a lifelong commitment to put another human or human's ahead of oneself.
 
I feel like “do you want a baby?” Is a hard question. “Do you want an adult child sitting at the dinner table 20 years from now?” Was easier for my DH to answer.

We have two kids and at times it has almost broken us. Not actually, but it has really felt like it. Sleep deprivation plus loss of identity and personal goals is really major. Lucky for me I have always 100% wanted kids. In life everything you want will have a tax- the career, the partner, everything. Want a hot body? Pay the tax by working out at the gym. Want a kid? Well, the tax is high. And only you know if it’s worth it.

For me, I always wanted the breadth of life experience. Being a parent has made me grow as a person in ways I couldn’t have imagined. But it has taken money and sleep from me, and even a bit of health. Personal goals feel like a joke right now (my kids are quite young). I do not regret it - I simply acknowledge that it’s been extremely tough.

Ask yourself (perhaps)- how would your relationship with your partner be, if it went down three pegs? Ten?

What kind of health risks would pregnancy pose for you, and do you have the money and the health team to mitigate them?

What appeals to you about having a kid, and could you replicate those feelings elsewhere with ease? (Having a dog, or volunteering, or being the best auntie ever?)

We all have fear of missing out, sometimes. It is not always talked about how much parents miss out on. The list is long.

I am tired so if I sound doom and gloom, sorry! :D I wasn’t even supposed to respond but I did it anyways! The truth is, I absolutely love the dimension to my life that having kids has given me. But I am not secretive about all that I have lost in order to have this life. It’s a big trade.

One thing I’ve noticed is that moms who didn’t like their jobs are happier in motherhood than me. I loved my job and miss being able to focus so much on work. I used to be A-level and now some days I feel C+ and that’s been hard for me to cope with. A real identity shift.

Good luck and best wishes to you!
 
It was the best decision I made when I was 18!

I was asked to baby-sat a family friend's newborn baby, not for long period, just a couple of hours to give the mum some time to go out to do some errands and shopping etc...

It was only for 2 weeks, and I can't remember having to change that many nappies or needing to feed him - the mum made sure he was cleaned and fed before she went out.

He did cry a bit, and I had to try and calm him while worrying what could be wrong with him etc...

I thought at the time, if this was what having a baby was about, then I don't want to know.

The baby will turn 40 next year!

And I was not asked to baby-sit her second child! :lol-2:

We still joke about it when we met up at another family friend's funeral last year. :cry2:

The only time when I thought it would be nice to have a child, was seeing some really cute baby/toddler clothes in Baby Gap and wished I had one to dress up.
Then I thought about buying a teddy bear to dress up instead, as it would be cheaper and does not answer back! I was in my 30s at the time.

At about 13/14, I witnessed an argument between my sister (whom I do not like) and my mum, when my mum said she wished my sister were never born, to which my sister responded she did not ask to be born.

And I thought at the time I did not wish for my children to say that to me, ever.

Later in life, friends would joke that me having kids would be like the monster plant in Little Shop of Horror having kids! Charming I thought, however, probably not entirely wrong! :lol-2:

I never had the calling, as if the biological clock does not exist. I lack maternal instinct and do not like babies. I find their cries very irritating and don't get me started about unruly children in public places!

Whereas I cannot resist the cries of a kitten, puppy, cat and dog.

When it came to relationships, it was never a consideration as I had always been very honest about not wanting any children at the onset of any romantic relationship.

I am childless by choice, and very happy with that decision with no regret whatsoever.

I prefer the company of cats and dogs over people at times if I am really honest!

DK :))

Edited to add I do not believe I could have been where I am in life if I had children. Yes it does make me kind of selfish, however, I do not wish to live my life according to other people's needs and wants. When I make a life-changing decision, I only have myself to consider, and the welfare of the pets are easier to sort out than kids and OH's etc... :))
 
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Having or not having children is such a personal decision and doing what is right for you.

I like children as long as they belong to someone else.

Never wanted children, never missed not having childern. I told DH when first started dating I didn’t want children.

We will be married 45 years in Speptember and never regretted not having children.
 
The decision whether to have children or not is entirely yours, and don‘t ever feel pressured in to doing what other people consider the ‘norm’.

Practically from the moment we married, people started saying “I expect you’ll be starting a family soon”, to which I replied “NO”. None of their business, and to this day, I hate to hear people saying that, and what really makes my blood boil is people saying “When are you going to give ME grandchildren?”:evil:

I don’t consider myself a maternal person, I‘d rather ooo and ahhh over a puppy :lol: BUT, I did decide that I wanted to have a child, I can’t really explain why, I think it was because I was so in love with my DH.

I was violently ill throughout the whole pregnancy, literally vomiting 3 times a day, I can’t say it was a joyful experience, and the birth :shock:, don‘t believe people when they say you forget the pain the minute they put the baby in your arms!

I had a very easy baby, he slept all through the night from 8 weeks old, and I can’t honestly say that I feel I missed out on anything because of having him. Of course there were times when I craved some adult conversation, but that goes with the territory. He started school full time when he was 4, and I made friends with other Mums then, one of them is still my best friend 34 years later.

6 years ago, our DS asked if we’d be prepared to leave our lives behind and move to the US so we could be near him and his now wife. We moved here 3 months ago, and are currently living with them until our house is ready.

Would I do it all again - yes I would.
 
Lol, I guess I will "butt in." I have 3 children. I gave up my career when my oldest child was 3 because he had cancer. (He's fine now). That was 15 years ago. Being a parent is crazy hard and teens are a different beast. Honestly, they make colicky infants and terrible tottlers seem pretty easy. My middle child (DD age 15) has crippling anxiety, OCD, and is mildly bipolar. So, I have had 2 out of 3 kids have a serious illness. It has aged me. It has been hard on our marriage. It has made me feel deep fear, the kind where you want to hide under the covers until it goes away. There is no love like a parent has for a child. But be prepared- it ain't easy. Would I do it again? Yes, but the meantime is very mean.
 
No regrets here. I never had any use for children and never wanted children.
 
Okay I have to vent. When I got married at 18 everyone in the family thought I was pregnant. When I didn't squirt a grub out from betwixt my thighs 9 mos. later the collective confusion was amusing. My mother then proceeded to ask me every hour on the hour when I'd make her a grandmother. When I said "never", she said " well then why did you get married?" I suppose it was a question based in the tenets of her religion that sex was only for the purpose of procreation and only within the bounds of marriage.

Being child free today is a bit easier than when I was young when women who chose to remain child free were considered to have something wrong with them. I'm happy that societal attitudes are evolving a bit and women who aren't mothers aren't as easily branded as selfish or deficient in some way. When I decided to get a tubal ligation, I went to many doctors (can't remember how many) before I found one that would do it without my husband's permission. I'll spare you all any further comment about that. I vividly remember the doc's words -- "You're an adult and if you live to regret your choice, you'll have to deal with it."

I've met women who want children so badly it consumes them. My daughter-in-law said not having kids was a dealbreaker and if my step-son didn't want them, she wouldn't have married him. I try to comprehend that but I can't get there. Someone giving up a person she loves to risk finding someone she may not love as much just to have a kid. My step-son maintained for years that he didn't want kids until he met is wife. I think he capitulated about kids so he didn't lose her so my concern is that when the kid(s) arrive, there may be an unpleasant reckoning for them. Also she has genetic predisposition to bi-polar syndrome and shows some symptoms and he as ADHD. The future child has a good chance of having serious issues. I'll remain silent on my opinion of people who know they have genetic maladies they can pass to children having children.

end of vent
 
TL,DR version: No regrets, occasional FOMO used to creep in but it has been a while.

Longer version (with possible bad idea sequencing): I (34) was raised in a catholic family, and growing up just assumed that some day I would have children. When I met my DH (37) nearly 15 years ago, we fell in love hard and fast, and about 2 months in were talking about marriage, how many kids we would want, etc.

Fast forward to being out of college, landing my first job in my field, a move across states, DH finding a new job, and about a year in after these changes (8ish years together at this point,2ish years married) we sat down for a talk about what we wanted our 5-10 year plan to look like professionally, personally, and financially. This took nearly 8 hours, spreadsheets galore, we forgot to eat because we were so engrossed in our dicussion, so 20 minutes later after were were "done" and waiting on pizza to be delivered, I nearly lost it when DH came back over to me and said we had forgotten something, I defintely raised my voice saying "How?!?!?!", as DH shrunk back and meekly muttered.... "Kids?"

:confused:
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I mean... they didn't cross my mind. Not once. A day long discussion about what we wanted our life to look like, and neither one of us had thought about kids. That really was my answer right there, but I've spent the last 7ish years since thinking "Okay, my biological clock will kick in, or baby fever, and we'll figure out how to start a family once I/we want it". My family is the most important part of my life, hands down. The lengths I went to ensuring my DH understood that before marrying me were in depth. I have four niblings that mean the world to me, and being blessed to be in a position over this last year to help my brother out financially has left me truly humbled and grateful for my life as is. We would not have been able to help him the way we did if we had any children of our own. Period.

At one point I told DH I was on the "no" side of kids, but if he decided he 100% wanted to be a dad, we would figure out how to make that work. I was not so against the idea that if that is what he needed for a fulfilling life I would say no, especially since we both assumed we wanted kids when we were younger.

I've been told I'll never understand true love, or joy, until I have kids. Had a patient break down in tears in the office telling me that God's gift to women above all was the ability to bring life in to this world and how empty mine will be if I don't fullfil that ability. Literally bit my tongue holding back from lying about being infertile to make them feel ashamed for saying such things. 'What about your legacy?!" "What are you going to leave behind if you don't have children?!" People seem absurdly shocked when I responded along the lines of "I feel like it's fine to just live a good and happy life while I'm here".

Raising children is fulfilling and brings meaning to your life, and yes, has some joy and happiness assocaited, but the cost to body , mind, and soul just isn't something I can do myself. Friends have been real with me about some heavy topics related to parenthood, including wishing they had not had children, the realities of the financial hardships that have been caused, careers stunted or lost, to name a few. Most say they would do it again. Not all.

So, here we are, child free by choice and so, so happy. We have a wonderful marriage, great friends, enough income and time to do what we want, and so,so much more. I love my life as it is.

Now, don't get me started on my rant about how badly we need to do better for working families and their children in this country. Just because *I* don't want to be a parent does NOT mean I want parents to have it rough. I hold a sincere and deep appreciation for all the people out there doing their best to raise humans.
 
My partner and I don't have children. We met when we were 31 and 32, and we've been together for 19 years. We were never 100 percent sure that we wanted children, so we simply didn't have them. It seemed like the right choice. About 10 years into our relationship, a health issue swiftly took the option away from us. Every now and then, I do feel sad about that. If I could go back to age 31 and know what I know now, yes, I likely would have chosen differently. But we enjoy our life (which was calm and peaceful before the arrival of our rambunctious puppy), we love our cats and dog, we're enjoying fostering kitties in need, and we shower our nieces and nephews with love and support. It's not always sunshine and rainbows, but life is good, all around.
 
So this was an easy decision for me. I didn't want to have children from a very young age. I just knew. Sometimes you just know and I did. I grew up in a very happy household and have loving supportive parents. I have a great relationship with my sister and my parents. Yet I just never wanted kids of my own. My sister was the opposite. She always knew from a young age that she wanted kids. It was her dream. Isn't that funny how different we are despite sharing so much of our genetics and our environment.

I also didn't think I wanted to get married but Greg changed my mind about that. Took him 5 long years though haha. Greg said he was ambivalent about having kids so I was lucky in that respect. He was 100% A OK with not having kids. I remember on our second date he asked me two questions. One did I ever want to get married. Answer NO. Two did I want kids. Answer NO. LOL lucky for me he felt confident in time he could change my mind about one and he was fine with two. LOLOL.

I have ZERO regrets about not having kids. Absolutely no regrets. Our life would have been completely different. Not worse or better just different. And for me I love our life as it is and was selfish in my decision I admit it.Some people view selfish as a dirty word but I do not. It is OK being selfish if you aren't hurting others. Then there is the selfish that hurts others but I digress. Another topic for another thread.

But there is nothing wrong with knowing one's mind and doing what is right for you and your partner and nothing wrong with not having kids. There are enough people in the world and I do not feel at all guilty for not contributing to the population.

I think there are more people who have kids who shouldn't than those who don't have kids who should have.


selfish.png


"It is every bit as important in life to understand who you are NOT, as to understand who you ARE."


I love our life together. Greg and I are very lucky. There is nothing about our life together I would change.
 
I have never had a desire to have children and I still don’t. My dog absolutely satisfies my nurturing instinct. Indeed getting a dog helped make the decision not to have children. Despite taking our pup to puppy preschool and training thereafter he has anxiety which we needed to manage. He has also more recently required surgery on two knees. My husband and I both agreed that having a dog was as much responsibility as we were willing to take on.

I think I am still of an age where I could have a child (late 30s) so we check in every now and again to make sure we both remain comfortable with our decision. I would have a child (actually I would want two if we were going down that path) if that is what my husband really wanted - I am not entirely opposed to the idea but don’t have any desire to have children myself. However, we remain happy with our decision.

Several years back when thinking about this issue I read the book “Two is enough: a couple’s guide to living childless by choice” by L. Scott. You may find this of interest.
 
Best quote I ever read was “having a baby is like getting a tattoo on your face. You better be really sure it’s what you want.”
Seriously, one of my BFF’s was unsure about wanting kids. I told her I wanted to have kids like I wanted to breathe air and if you don’t feel that strongly, you shouldn’t have them.
We are very close to our adult sons but do not plan on depending on them for anything. I already know we are going to get stuck with the responsibility of our parents ( who put in bare bones effort in raising us ) and I wouldn’t do that to my kids.
 
I have two kids. I fought like hell to bring them into this world. Many many cycles of (failed) fertility treatment, countless dollars spent. And then there's the physical part of 37+ weeks of pregnancy (I never make it past that for some reason). I always felt that I only wanted kids with the right partner. I'm thankful that my husband is that partner, but even with that it's hard. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. I miss the days when I would sleep in after a late shift, wake up with no/minimal responsibilities and go to the gym, then sit at Starbucks and sip my coffee until it was time to get ready for my shift. As much as I can't imagine my life without them, I miss that life. I've lost a lot of me in the last 3 years and it's HARD. A number of my friends have chosen a childfree life and I think their marriages are a bit happier, they are better rested, less burned out.

Summary: parenthood is hard. It's a personal choice. I believe true happiness comes through having confidence in one's own choices.
 
Gussie said:
Lol, I guess I will "butt in."
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I probably could have phrased that better and I'm sorry if it rubbed you the wrong way. I just feel like there is already so little space in the world for cfbc-ers, and this thread mirrors real life, where a discussion about NOT having children somehow always turns into a discussion about HAVING children.
Reading the responses, so many of which were not relevant to the actual title or content of OP and listing how "they didnt want them, now they wish they had more!" or how "meaningful" it is, how "worth it" it was, how its "the best thing ever" how "you/they may change your mind". These all come off as microaggressions that the alternative ISNT meaningful or worthwhile. Having someone say that you may change your mind is belittling and condescending.
I'm obviously a bit sensitive (over sensitive!) to this topic, as I generally feel like there is no space to actually discuss NOT having children without parents "butting in" and talking about how great it is when that wasn't the question asked.
 
telephone89 said:
I probably could have phrased that better and I'm sorry if it rubbed you the wrong way. I just feel like there is already so little space in the world for cfbc-ers, and this thread mirrors real life, where a discussion about NOT having children somehow always turns into a discussion about HAVING children.
Reading the responses, so many of which were not relevant to the actual title or content of OP and listing how "they didnt want them, now they wish they had more!" or how "meaningful" it is, how "worth it" it was, how its "the best thing ever" how "you/they may change your mind". These all come off as microaggressions that the alternative ISNT meaningful or worthwhile. Having someone say that you may change your mind is belittling and condescending.
I'm obviously a bit sensitive (over sensitive!) to this topic, as I generally feel like there is no space to actually discuss NOT having children without parents "butting in" and talking about how great it is when that wasn't the question asked.
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I get your point. I hope that my post didn't rub you the wrong way. My point was that there is good, bad, and ugly with children. Any decision to have them needs to be with open eyes because it is not all glamorous. Those that say so are either lying or have euphoric recall. :lol:

Peace!
 
My mum wanted me and my 2 siblings to have children, and said she would look after them if needed. That was before she realised I would not be living with her if I could help it.

She nagged me about having kids for as long as I could remember.

Then when I hit 37, she changed her tune and advised it would not be advisable for me to have kids anymore as I was too old with an increased risk of abnomality and complications (thanks mum for calling me old at 37!).

She started to ask about my fur kids when we spoke over the phone about 10 years ago when she finally accepted that I was never going to have kids and most likely to spend the rest of my life living on my own by my choosing! :lol-2:

DK :))
 
Sprinkles&Stones said:
Hello,

I had a question for those of you who chose not to have children.

Do you regret it? Are you happy with your decision? Do you wish you would have done anything differently?

Hubby and I are childless, and looking towards the future and would love to hear your thoughts.


Thanks!
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When I was about 6 years old, I looked at my aunts belly..and saw the baby kick. I knew I wouldn't be having children in this lifetime. I never EVER wanted them. Now mind you-that did not take away from the incredible loss that I felt when I realized I did lose a child [that's another story for another time]. But I STILL do not regret a moment of it. I made the right decision 100%. You can be mothering and nurturing and giving without being tied to someone or something. You can devote your life to you or you and your partner without guilt or the what if. Here is the gods honest truth-I'm italian and german and I was nicknamed the tornado when I was a little girl. I have 2 nephews and 1 niece and I do not understand WHY we can microchip our animals but we can't track our kids for safety purposes. I send myself down that rabbit hole every time.

I digress. The answer is no, not one moment of this life that goes by that I have regretted not having children. I love my life and would not change 1 single decision [good or bad] about it.
 
So sorry for "butting in" since I have children. There is not right or wrong way. Only what is best individually. 2 of my kids do not want kids and I absolutely respect that decision. It's their choice. I certainly do not think people who do not want children should be socially pressured into doing so. It's not for everyone and I totally get that. I am not in the camp that having children makes your life more "meaningful". Everyone has a different definition of what is meaningful.
 
My sister (59) and two cousins (late 60's) do not have children. They did not yearn for children when they were young and of child bearing age. They all had x-husbands or men in their lives that wanted children but it did not sway any of them to reconsider. My cousins are now single and my sister has been with a man for over 25 years who also did not desire children of his own. None have stated regret. They all seem happy in their decision and have talked about why the decision was personally the right path for them. They all love having nieces and nephews and they are all wonderful dog parents.
 
HS4S_2 said:
I am not in the camp that having children makes your life more "meaningful".
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Then why did you have children? What do they bring to your life that made having them worthwhile? I ask because I think it's important for those who are unsure about having children to hear the perspectives of those who have done so. People can make more informed decisions when they can compare and contrast with those who made opposite choices. I think that's very important when deciding whether or not to bring a life into the world especially because babies are nonrefundable. Once they're here, they can't be sent back.
 
Sprinkles&Stones said:
Hello,

I had a question for those of you who chose not to have children.

Do you regret it? Are you happy with your decision? Do you wish you would have done anything differently?

Hubby and I are childless, and looking towards the future and would love to hear your thoughts.


Thanks!
Click to expand...

Can I ask where you are in this process? What notions or concerns do you have at this point about which stance?
 
I never wanted children.
I’m not a “child person”
I like cream sofas. And holidays with child-free swimming pools.
I work full time and am very career focussed.
The thought of breastfeeding (over 18s only I’m afraid) and having a “thing/ parasite” growing inside me was gross
I was never going risk my pelvic floor, continence or ability to orgasm for ANYTHING

I have two kids.

Being an only child and the child of an only child my family is tiny. The thought of my parents dying, a potential forever partner buggering off with his secretary or some other younger model, and me being completely alone scared the shit out of me. I always wanted a massive family (loads of siblings and cousins) but that wasn’t within my control.

so I found a way to make having kids work within my tolerance thresholds.

My husband fortunately agreed that he was happy to be a stay at home dad so they had one parent dedicated to their care - but it didn’t have to be me.

I chose elective C-sections so my vagina wasn’t at risk of being destroyed - because that wasn’t a situation I was prepared to risk having seen some life changing outcomes in friends and family.

I made sure we were financially secure enough to be able to spend some child free time (especially when they were babies).

I do not at all regret it now. I adore my kids. And find it more rewarding the closer they get to adulthood.

But that is only because I was fortunate enough to do so in a way which I could manage without making mine or their lives unhappy as a result. That doesn’t mean it hasn’t been a compromise or a challenge.

Not everyone is suited to or wants to become a parent. That’s totally fine. I wanted children for selfish reasons - I wanted to have a family environment in my older years - I had no desire or yearning for babies or toddlers. That doesn’t mean my children aren’t adored, happy, appreciated and the light of my life. But I knew there were certain conditions which would allow me to be a good parent and also retain my sanity.
 
nala said:
Can I ask where you are in this process? What notions or concerns do you have at this point about which stance?
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HI!

Yes of course!
My and DH have been together for 12 years. At this point, eyebrows are getting raised. Our biological clock is ticking. We need to make the decision whether we want a child in the next few years, before we run into biological factors that could cause issues (being a "geriatric" first time mother due to age).

*side note: (We are not open to adoption, since I myself am adopted and am not emotionally equipped to deal with that. We are not open to IVF or fertility treatments either so biological the "old fashioned way" is the only option we would consider for having children).
**We are not open to having children past the age of 35, since we both had very old parents and it has caused us a lot of burdens. Who wants to graduate from college and immediately start to morph into the 'caregiver' role to your senior citizen parents? That's us now. We haven't even bought our first house yet and are grappling with a widowed senior citizen mom who can't live on her own and needs to sell her house and move into a old people's home.

Neither of us want kids. Neither of us have ever, EVER, felt any kind of paternal or material instinct. Neither of us like children now. Neither of us have ever felt any desire to be around children. Both of us are "turned off" by children. I have done my fair share of babysitting and found it horrible. DH has never spent any amount of time with any infant or child.

We have been having almost monthly meetings (LOL) where DH and I sit down and look each other dead in the eye and say "so what are we gonna do". We are long term planners, and have recognized that while we may not want children now, will we change our minds in the next few years?

We are financially and physically able to care for children. But we are both selfish, and I question if we are emotionally able to be good parents.
***According to all our parents and our therapist, we would make "GREAT" parents, and are emotionally sound enough to become parents, but me and DH secretly doubt it.


We have agreed that we could raise a child. But do we want to? Not sure yet. Our biggest concern over not having children is that we would regret it. But that's mostly because society has TOLD US that's how we'd feel. We don't feel any lack in our lives now, and that's after 12 years of being together.
 
Matata said:
Then why did you have children? What do they bring to your life that made having them worthwhile? I ask because I think it's important for those who are unsure about having children to hear the perspectives of those who have done so. People can make more informed decisions when they can compare and contrast with those who made opposite choices. I think that's very important when deciding whether or not to bring a life into the world especially because babies are nonrefundable. Once they're here, they can't be sent back.
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I worded my post incorrectly. My children make MY life more meaningful but I do not think people who do not have children have a less meaningful life. I hear often that life is more meaningful if you have children and I do not believe that is accurate for everyone. I loved all of having children. I enjoyed the pregnancies, the toddler stage and everything beyond. I enjoy spending time with my older children. Was it always easy? No. Were there bad days? Absolutely. Did I ever miss working in my career choice? Sometimes. I ended up home schooling all of my kids and do not regret the choice. We traveled the World and we had so many great times. I would not change anything. I may have decided to have another child had I not had a tubal ligation. I tried and it didn't work out with IVF. I fully believe that my life is not more meaningful than someone who chose to not have children. It's such a personal choice and we are all DIFFERENT. I miss having young children and it took a while to navigate not having others to care for all the time after spending so many years doing so. I am now enjoying and embracing this new chapter of my life. Had I decided not to have children my life would have been equally meaningful in a different way. My husband and I were able to have the family we wanted but had we not been able to do so we would have been happy with our lives regardless. We loved each other before children and love each other still.

I get annoyed for people who choose not to have children and so many tell them why they should. Not everyone wants that path and that is OK. Sorry for the confusion of my other post.
 
seaurchin said:
I'm sure there are also many other paths to fulfillment.
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Truer words were neve spoken. Today nobody's forced to have children anymore. I wish more people would make this choice much more consciously.
My child free friends all live fulfilled lives. .

I do think as long decisions are informed decisions taken made by two consenting adults, one will most probably be happy with them.

@Sprinkles&Stones your last answer even makes me wonder why you think you are in doubt.

The only "pro" reason seems to be that other people think you'd be good parents.

Since those people won't be getting up at night to feed your baby, their opinion matters just about zero.

You and your partner don't have to justify your choice before anyone but one another.

Disclaimer: This comes from a person with 6 children , each of them by choice. Best decision ever FOR ME. But I can see why people chose not to have any children and I can also see that that they live happy and fulfilled lives
 
I never wanted kids. My husband made it a condition of getting married that I agree to have one and my love for him overrode my concerns. After 12 years, we got married and I was pregnant the very next month. I know this is an unpopular opinion, but I don't enjoy motherhood. So if you really feel strongly about it, trust your gut. My husband would like another and I told him no way am I doing this again.
 
MaisOuiMadame said:
Truer words were neve spoken. Today nobody's forced to have children anymore. I wish more people would make this choice much more consciously.
My child free friends all live fulfilled lives. .

I do think as long decisions are informed decisions taken made by two consenting adults, one will most probably be happy with them.

@Sprinkles&Stones your last answer even makes me wonder why you think you are in doubt.

The only "pro" reason seems to be that other people think you'd be good parents.

Since those people won't be getting up at night to feed your baby, their opinion matters just about zero.

You and your partner don't have to justify your choice before anyone but one another.

Disclaimer: This comes from a person with 6 children , each of them by choice. Best decision ever FOR ME. But I can see why people chose not to have any children and I can also see that that they live happy and fulfilled lives
Click to expand...

I know, it sounds silly!

But I want to be completely objective and open to other's stories and opinions. I really appreciate everyone's wisdom and experience, since I know that I lack wisdom and experience in this area. Not that a social media platform will change my opinion (it won't) but I feel that I want to be as well informed as I can before I make an emotionally based decision :)
There are sometimes where I imagine what it would look like if we had a little family, if we did have a child together. But usually those images include a PERFECT child and are all happy. I've seen enough heartbreak to know that nothing and no one will ever be perfect, and I can't make my decision based on a late-night dream of a only happy family.
I really just appreciate everyone's responses and vulnerability, as it helps me see a bigger picture <3
 
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