For the Men

[MissAva]

Thanks Guys!

 

[strmrdr]

yes

If she wouldnt be happy with a ring that I can afford to buy it doenst look good at all for the future.

 

[mrssalvo]

can I vote what hubby would answer?

 

[MissAva]

It is not the money thing really. It is that he always pays for everything, he pays to fly to me and for me to fly to him. He pays for everything we do out even when we have my younger siblings with us. We share everything and he told me the budget and I know that is nearly 100% of his savings (like he will have 3-4% left). He is paying his own way through college and every summer prior to this one his intership money went to those loans and they are all payed off now. However is just seems like if I payed it for at least a portion of it he would be able to do something for himself. He is always working hard doing something for someone and never thinks of himself first. But you are right, I never thought that it would seem like I would be less then satified with what he was offering. To be honest I would say yes to one of those rings he makes me out of soder when he is in class. It is not the ring I want but him. Thanks.

 

[MissAva]

Date: 7/18/2005 10:35:04 AM
Author: mrssalvo
can I vote what hubby would answer?

Of course!

 

[Mara]

haha when i missed the 'for men' part i am like...wait why would greg be helping with the ring? he bought it!

der, my only excuse is i have not yet had my coffee!!

oh and i answered for him which is 'no' because he would never turn my money down.

he says he can't wait til the day i can support us both and he can quit his job and be a house husband!

 

[AsscherGirl]

Date: 7/18/2005 10:39:15 AM
Author: Matatora
It is not the money thing really. It is that he always pays for everything, he pays to fly to me and for me to fly to him. He apys for everything we do out even when we have my younger siblings with us. We share everything and he told me the budget and I know that is nearly 100% of his savings (like he will have 3-4% left). He is paying his own way through college and every summer prior to this one his intership money went to those loans and they are all payed off now. Howevr is just seems like if I payed it for at least a portion of it he would be able to do something for himself. He is always working hard doing something for someone and never thinks of himself first. But you are right, I never thought that it would seem like I would be less then satified with what he was offering. To be honest I would say yes to one of those rings he makes me out of soder when he is in class. It is not the ring I want but him. Thanks.

Matatora,

I remember reading somewhere that you said your boyfriend was very traditional & originally wanted to have no input from you on your ring. In this case, I''m almost positive that he wouldn''t want you to help pay for it.

I think your intentions are great, so instead of paying for part of your ring, maybe you should take the money & buy something just for him. You could go on a trip together or you could get him something you know he''s been wanting for awhile, but hasn''t had the disposable income to pay for it.

That being said, he could also have the exact opposite reaction (maybe he wants to be a house husband like Greg

). Of course...you know him best. Good luck!

 

[mrssalvo]

Hubby and I actually did both pay for my original engagement ring. He didn''t have money at the time and I was the one with the steady income. It worked for us at the time but occasionally we both regret going that route. He feels cheated that he didn''t get to pick and purchase the stone and at tiimes I felt the same way. I know with my next stone hubby wants to handle the whole thing while I remain in the dark. My new stone will have so much more sentimental value b/c he will have picked the stone (from the ones I email him

and purchased without my help or knowledge.

Anyway, I understand you wanting to "pay your fair share" of things, but I think you should let the e-ring be from him. maybe you could open a savings account and then surprise him after the wedding with the extra $$ to buy items you''ll need for you new home etc.

 

[MissAva]

We are not often off at the same time since he attends RIT and I go to UA. When we are together it is usally here in NJ and we both have internships. I am getting him an iPod, when my parents bought me mine he thought it was quite spiffy. After years of exchanging gifts (we were friends first and started dating at 17) I dont think there is much left to buy him...I got him a gift certificate to his school bookstore for our anniversry last time becuase it was pratical thoguh not romantic. Long distance relationships are a pain sometimes it makes little surprises and what nots harder to do, though there is nothing better then havign a bad day and getting home to a long letter from the one you love. I am so grateful to have him in my life I just hate that all of the money burdens fall on him it makes me feel so rotten. Did any other ladies out there feel this way? If you arent married yet are you feeling the same things now?

 

[MissAva]

Thanks MrsSalvo! I hadnt thought of it like that either. Clearly I need to think about this alot more before saying something to him either way.

 

[hopefulheidi]

I had to vote for my boyfriend on this one because it came up in discussion yet again, yesterday. I personally don''t see anything wrong with the two of us dumping our funds into a savings account that can be used to purchase my engagement ring but N8 is much too traditional to even dream of letting that happen. He pays the majority of our monthly bills (but he also earns significantly more than I do) so I know he doesn''t have a lot of extra money each month to put away for such an expense. I pay my own bills and some of our joint bills, but I''d have at least a little something to save for such a purchase but he refuses to let me help.

The original plan was that I would take over some of the bills which would free up some of his income for this savings account but it seems that regardless of how many expenses I start paying, he never seems to have any to put away at the end of the month. I imagine this engagement ring fund is more of a priority for me than it is for him, so his solution, really isn''t a solution at this point. It''s all very frustrating. The $4000 we just spent to put together a home theatre would have gone into a ring fund if I had been in charge but at the same time, together we spent it on something we built together and something that we use together on a daily basis, so I really have no room to complain (alright, maybe I have a little room after 4 years of dating, but N8 is such a good, responsible, selfless guy that I can''t really begrudge him some small happiness in his stressful life).

But anyways, kudos to any men out there willing to accept some financial assistance in the purchase of what should in this day and age, be a joint symbol of love and commitment.

I''m definitely going to start putting my money into a N8 and Heidi fund and maybe I''ll pay off his student loan in exchange for my engagement ring or something hehe Really at this point it''s all a matter of semantics, his money, my money, our money hehe whatever, but we''d both end up with something we really want when all is said and done so it could be a good solution

 

[allycat0303]

Hi Matatora!

I''m answering for my boyfriend and that is "No". Originally I wanted a 1.7 RB in a Leon Mege setting. It was a little bit out of his price range (and I think a bit crazy considering what girls wear in Canada) so I was going to pay for some of the ring. Honestly, it''s our car, our future house, so why not our ring? My boyfriend pays for everything and will pay for my schooling so I don''t see a problem with helping him out with the ring.

HOWEVER, I did end up choosing a slightly smaller diamond, 1.3, which was completely in his budget, so I didn''t end up contributing. And he did say that he preferred it like that, but if I had really been unhappy with the 1.3, then he would have accepted a contribution.

I think you could ask him, and if he minds, then ease your conscience and accept the beautiful ring which he will buy you!

 

[fountainfairfax]

I know this was for the guys but I had to chime in.

When the guy has been saving for the ring and finances are kept separate I can see keeping with tradition and having the guy pay for the entire purchase but so many couples live together and share finances. I also think pricescope members are in the minority when it comes to paying for e-rings with cash savings. Many couples I know have gone or are going the credit card/ loan route to pay for the ring, some type of financing. When those bills come due and money is pooled, who is paying what becomes irrelevant (I know that was the case with my ex. He put the e-ring on his cc and the payments came out of our joint account.)

Also, I have two friends who both participated in the e-ring purchases and had a different budget in mind than their BFs. Those friends contributed the differences between what the guys wanted to spend and what they wanted. One guy was actually just fooling her and used the money she contributed to buy her studs. The other guy was really in need of her contribution, so it went to the ring.

My boss also told me about a friend of his son''s- she had her heart set on a ring that cost $$$. He had a budget of $$. She paid the jeweler the difference w/o him knowing so she could have her dream ring. Not the best way to start a marriage!!!!

 

[MissAva]

I want to help...I am fairly certain that we will have to setting custom made because I like really low heads, like the tiffany style. But I still want my wedding band/s. I was thinking since I will know about it anyway why dont I just pay for it and then he can have a bit more play money. I am just trying to figure out if it is a good thing to say or not. Dont want to hurt his pride.

 

[MissAva]

Date: 7/18/2005 2:53:57 PM
Author: fountainfairfax
I know this was for the guys but I had to chime in.

When the guy has been saving for the ring and finances are kept separate I can see keeping with tradition and having the guy pay for the entire purchase but so many couples live together and share finances. I also think pricescope members are in the minority when it comes to paying for e-rings with cash savings. Many couples I know have gone or are going the credit card/ loan route to pay for the ring, some type of financing. When those bills come due and money is pooled, who is paying what becomes irrelevant (I know that was the case with my ex. He put the e-ring on his cc and the payments came out of our joint account.)

Also, I have two friends who both participated in the e-ring purchases and had a different budget in mind than their BFs. Those friends contributed the differences between what the guys wanted to spend and what they wanted. One guy was actually just fooling her and used the money she contributed to buy her studs. The other guy was really in need of her contribution, so it went to the ring.

My boss also told me about a friend of his son''s- she had her heart set on a ring that cost $$$. He had a budget of $$. She paid the jeweler the difference w/o him knowing so she could have her dream ring. Not the best way to start a marriage!!!!

Well we live in seperate states most of the year so we cant join banks since there are no crossovers, I even have multiple banks becuase of this. We are from families that would frown on our living together (read both sets of parents would be displeased to the point of no mroe christmas cards).
Luckily we both feel the same about debt so it will definately be paid for in cash. He is so cute he opend a special account just for the money for my ring.
I would not however EVER lie to him in order to get a ring that I just had to have, I dont have to have anything and you are right that is no way to start a marraige. How many people did she tell....how does he not know?

 

[Buena Girl]

I voted "yes" on behalf of my boyfriend. He wants the e-ring to be 100% from him. However, we usually "go dutch" on just about everything, so I have no problem with him not accepting help (in my case, it would have been a diamond I had inherited, not actual money contribution). There will always be time for RHRs and other fun diamond purchases for you two to pay for jointly after you are married.

I think that you are already helping him out immensely by doing Pricescope research. Maybe instead of helping him out monetarily for things since it sounds like he would not accept your money, you can continue to search for the best value for the money he spends. Best value for car insurance prices, best cell phone, best internet, best airfares, etc., etc. Maybe do Consumer Reports research for him? If he already does all of that for himself, than I guess you might just have to sit back and enjoy this time while it lasts. You''ll have joint accounts in a few years!

 

[AChiOAlumna]

Prior to becoming engaged, we were living in separate apartments. I had already been helping him regain control of his finances, but they were HIS. We hadn't merged our accounts or money. About a month before we got engaged, we moved in together. He wasn't using his apartment anymore anyway, and it was seemingly a waste of money to pay for an apartment and utilities when he was always over at my place anyway. Prior to moving in together, we had already begun shopping together for an e-ring. He would've never allowed me to aid him in purchasing the ring. He had firm beliefs that if the "man" was going to propose, that "he" should pay for the ring and not finance it...I left him with his beliefs and he bought for me what he could afford at the time...and it meant the world to me!!

The only monies we combined prior to the wedding were our living expenses (rent, food, utilities, etc.)...even then, he would "give" me his portion of the monies so I could pay the bills. We didn't join our accounts until after the wedding. Now, everything is combined, so when we purchased my new w-set, WE purchased it together (although he likes to say HE purchased it for ME...he's so sweet!). Now, it's not an issue to combine our finds for jewelry...11 years ago, he would've never stood for it.

 

[diamondlil]

I did not vote for my hubby, but at the time we got engaged, it was not a big surprise. We discussed everything and were going to build our first house to be done shortly after we were married. By the time we were buying a ring, we pretty much considered my money as his money and his money as my money. We did not live together or have a joint account set up until after we were married, but we were already thinking and acting as if the money all came from the same pot, so to speak. We came up with a ballpark figure together on the amount to be spent, we picked out 2 stones together (which he had the final say for some element of surprise), and I chose a simple setting to my liking.

At the time, I would have been happy with a Pepsi tab as my ring, but I''m sure glad it did not come to that.

 

[MissAva]

I think I would say no to a Pepsi tab....but yes to Diet Coke!

 

[sxn675]

Well, I would have LOVED to have chipped in for my ring, since I was making more than twice what H was making when we got engaged and I don''t have student loans. I always wanted a stone that was two carats, but that wasn''t in the cards. But, I didn''t ask him and I thought that his pride was more important than me getting my dream ring. Don''t get me wrong, I love my ring and all (it''s .97). But, he knows that one day we''re going to get some sort of upgrade .

I did purchase him a Cartier watch for a wedding gift and my parents bought him the suit that he wore for our wedding (pretty pricey). Maybe you can think of something like that? Also, you could consider purchasing the wedding bands. Good luck!