for all you ladies involved in the e-ring selection process...

[slg47]

do you ever feel like you are taking over too much from your boyfriend? would you rather have him put in the effort/time/research to find you the ring? i read so many posts on PS where guys are going through all of this effort to find the perfect ring...i have been doing most of the searching/etc...

just wondering if any other ladies have opinions on being involved in the ring selection process!

 

[CharmyPoo]

Some guys care and some guys don''t. My guy doesn''t care but I always want him to care more. At the end of the day, just have to remember it has no reflection on how much they actually love us

 

[MrsBettyBoop]

I think it''s amazing that so many guys on ps do all this research to get things *just* right. And I know those guys are able to pick something their special lady will absolutely love. But some ladies are very picky and they need to be very hands on.

I don''t think there is any right or wrong way but I think it''s really special when the guy does all of the leg work.

 

[sonnyjane]

When it comes to anything expensive, I always want to make sure that it's perfect. I wanted something "different", with very light blue sapphires and a center diamond. I sent my DH (then boyfriend) tons of images of things I liked, with notes like "I like this, but would prefer side stones of X shape", or "I like these, but the color is off"... yadda yadda yadda. Basically, he ended up saying "You know I'm not very good at stuff like this, and I really don't want to mess up, so how about you just pick out the ring and I'll pay for it". I know for some that's not very romantic, but for me, it was music to my ears I ended up getting the ring I absolutely loved, and he didn't have to go through the stress of worrying about it.

 

[yssie]

Date: 5/4/2010 5:56:21 PM
Author:slg47
do you ever feel like you are taking over too much from your boyfriend? would you rather have him put in the effort/time/research to find you the ring? i read so many posts on PS where guys are going through all of this effort to find the perfect ring...i have been doing most of the searching/etc...

just wondering if any other ladies have opinions on being involved in the ring selection process!

I do wish FI cared more, but he just doesn't. I tell myself that it's perfectly fine for him not to share my hobbies, and remind myself that I have nothing but a passing interest in football.


I've basically handled this new ring selection myself, and I think he prefers it: this way I get exactly what I want and if I'm happy, he's happy. I'm incredibly picky so it would be tough to read my mind without pictures and diagrams, and if I'm going to do all of that why not just take over the whole thing, and eliminate any potential for miscommunication? I tell him my thoughts and he always gives his opinions, so in that way we're both contributing. I think we have a different dynamic than some couples, though - we're looking at this as our first big purchase together, rather than a gift just from FI, so that inherently puts less pressure on him.

 

[getting excited]

I never thought I wanted to pick "the ring." I always assumed that I would give the bf a bunch of options so he could see what I liked. But then I put on a ring that blew me away! Now it is all I think about and wonder if I will be dissapointed if that is not what he chooses. I am now thinking I maybe should have just let him pick everything from the beginning. I know he has great taste and will pick something beautiful, but now that I have my dream ring in mind, I am not sure anything will compre.

I guess my point is that it is ok to go either way with letting him choose or choosing yourself, but if you let him choose, stop looking yourself or else there is a chance you will be dissapointed. I do not think that letting a guy choose the ring means he loves his gf more than if he wasn''t as involved. In the end, they just want us to find a ring we want which is very sweet!

 

[Circe]

Not even a LITTLE.

Honestly, some people are just jewelry people, and some people ... aren''t. I love my husband dearly, but, a) his taste in jewelry is at the extreme other end of the bell curve from mine, and, b) he doesn''t give a fig about/understand quality or design. Case in point? To celebrate 6 months together, he got me a pendant. Sweet gesture, right? It was a great big asymmetrical hollow heart, randomly studded with small ruby marquises, sort of in the style of the 80s. It wasn''t quite my style, but I figured that, you know, it was a nice thought, and I could always wear it on a long chain. But he caught me looking at it speculatively, and said, "Oh, you don''t like it ..." in a very disappointed voice. And I hastened to reassure him that, no, no, it was great, I just thought I''d remembered him saying he didn''t like heart-shaped jewelry ....

... and he got a thoroughly revolted look on his face and said, "Wait, that''s a heart? I thought it was just one of those swoopy Art Nouveau patterns you liked ...." And the next day the pendant was exchanged, and that was pretty much that. Not too bad with a random gift, but potentially traumatic with something as symbolic as an e-ring.

My husband''s not a romantic guy, but he buys me cases of Diet Pepsi even though he won''t touch the stuff with a crane; he hides toilet paper all over the house because he knows I will forget to pick any up and wind up sheepishly tossing some Bounty in there if he doesn''t take measures, and he figure being the Toiletries Squirrel is easier than hounding me about it; he crosses the i''s and dots the t''s and generally shows his love in myriad smaller and more day-to-day ways.

Your guy loves you enough to do what makes you happy, even if it''s encouraging you in your fascination over something that''s not near and dear to his heart? Cherish that. If, on the other hand, he knows how you feel and ignores it, either by not encouraging you or by overtly criticizing you, I''d suggest a serious talk ....

 

[packrat]

I''m too controlling so when I got a new ering, I did everything myself. I asked his opinion on things-the setting, the person who was doing it, the stone color etc. If I gave him a choice between a couple rings that I just couldn''t make up my mind on, I know he''d do fine tho. I don''t pick out his firearms, he doesn''t pick out my jewelry.

 

[RaiKai]

DH and I got engaged rather spontaneously and then married ten weeks later...so I opted for no ring at the time for various reasons. We looked for our wedding rings together and had a lot of fun though and it was a great shared experience! It would have been the same with an ering.

DH was quite sentimental about my ring, so, when it came time to get a new ering and wedding ring following the wedding (due to some issues with the original ring) he definitely had preferences for elements of the design and wanted to be part of the process again. I was on the same page so it worked out well.

So I would share ideas with him and show pictures and discuss it. Ultimately it was up to me though since we both agree I am the one wearing it and it was paid for out of my own fun money (aka tax return)! He just had me promise not to wear it once I got it - not even to try on - until he could put it on me himself with some repetition of our vows as he is sentimental that way!

That is just our dynamic though. DH has great taste (better than mine!), he would pick something great, but neither of us is comfortable leaving the other out of small decisions - never mind major ones - especially where they impact the other so much - and we really enjoy doing things together. We talk about everything and it would be strange to do otherwise for a ring I am going to wear forever!

Couples need to do what works for them. If that means keeping the ring a surprise - great! That just would not fit for us....and an entirely surprise proposal (as in no talk of marriage) would definitely not fit for us!

 

[KittyGolightly]

I think it''s so nice when guys take the time and effort to figure out what their girlfriends would really like and to pick out just the right ring.

I thought it was even nicer that my boyfriend let me pick out my own.

 

[RaiKai]

I wanted to add I am not a jewelry person. Before my wedding ring all I really wore were my gold studs and belly ring! I am not interested in wearing my other stuff very often.

That made it even more important to pick my own ring as DH cannot go by my usual tastes in rings AND if I am going to wear something every day I better LOVE it for not only sentimental reasons but aesthetic and comfort ones too! There are so many things I never would have realized that worked or did not work for my lifestyle and personality if I had not been so involved in researching and looking!

 

[elle_chris]

With my first e-ring, he asked what I wanted, I told him, and he got it. With my second, I did everything from picking out the stone to the setting. Only thing I asked was his opinion, because I wouldn''t want to wear something he hates.

Like Charmy said, it''s no indication of how much you love someone. The fact that my hubby gets up every morning before me to make coffee , even though he''s not a morning person- just so I can sleep for those extra few minutes, says more to me than any piece of jewelry he can ever buy.

 

[slg47]

Wow thanks for all of your replies! It''s weird because I read about all of these guys putting in all this effort and I''m like, oh, that''s so sweet

BF and I decided that I would do most of the picking because I am picky and that way I would get what I want, also less pressure on him to pick something that I might not like especially since it is an expensive purchase! I''ve been really happy so far but I do feel like I have taken over the reins a bit, which is fine with me...because now I get what I want (if I can ever decide on a setting...)

But no, I realize that this is not a reflection of how much he cares...I know he cares. He''s the best, and exactly what I want (and now my ring will be too!!!)

 

[Dreamer_D]

Like the other ladies, I am a too picky and demanding for DH to even begin to try buying me something without my input

He does participate in the process to a degree, and I appreciate that effort, but in the end he just wants me to be happy!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 5/4/2010 6:29:35 PM
Author: yssie

Date: 5/4/2010 5:56:21 PM
Author:slg47
do you ever feel like you are taking over too much from your boyfriend? would you rather have him put in the effort/time/research to find you the ring? i read so many posts on PS where guys are going through all of this effort to find the perfect ring...i have been doing most of the searching/etc...

just wondering if any other ladies have opinions on being involved in the ring selection process!

I do wish FI cared more, but he just doesn''t. I tell myself that it''s perfectly fine for him not to share my hobbies, and remind myself that I have nothing but a passing interest in football....

... and golf, and hockey, and tennis, and curling

 

[CharmyPoo]

I really enjoy all the sweet stories that were shared as part of this thread. It reminds me of all the wonderful things my guy does for me that sometimes I forget.

 

[Dancing Fire]

i picked all my wife''s jewelry.she can take it or leave it!!

 

[yssie]

Date: 5/4/2010 8:06:11 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
i picked all my wife's jewelry.she can take it or leave it!!

If my FI picks a 3.3 for me one day I'll take it in whatever setting he likes, or even just taped to my finger, really

 

[MrsBettyBoop]

Date: 5/4/2010 8:17:51 PM
Author: yssie

Date: 5/4/2010 8:06:11 PM

Author: Dancing Fire

i picked all my wife''s jewelry.she can take it or leave it!!

If my FI picks a 3.3 for me one day I''ll take it in whatever setting he likes, or even just taped to my finger, really

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 5/4/2010 8:17:51 PM
Author: yssie

Date: 5/4/2010 8:06:11 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
i picked all my wife''s jewelry.she can take it or leave it!!

If my FI picks a 3.3 for me one day I''ll take it in whatever setting he likes, or even just taped to my finger, really

hahaha!

 

[slg47]

Date: 5/4/2010 8:17:51 PM
Author: yssie

Date: 5/4/2010 8:06:11 PM

Author: Dancing Fire

i picked all my wife''s jewelry.she can take it or leave it!!

If my FI picks a 3.3 for me one day I''ll take it in whatever setting he likes, or even just taped to my finger, really

yssie don''t you have like a size 4 finger??? talk about finger coverage...

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 5/4/2010 8:17:51 PM
Author: yssie

Date: 5/4/2010 8:06:11 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
i picked all my wife''s jewelry.she can take it or leave it!!

If my FI picks a 3.3 for me one day I''ll take it in whatever setting he likes, or even just taped to my finger, really

i''m too afraid to risk $6K or whatever on a custom setting. what can i do if she don''t like the $6k setting? scrap it?

 

[HopeDream]

My BF is a computer guy - anything to do with computers he''s on it - keeps track of the new chipsets and quad cores and developments in hyperthreading and all that jazz. He''s just not interested in diamonds and was overwhelmed by the options available. I''m a picky jewellery girl and am very intrested in all the diamond and engagement ring details.

So in our house it makes sense that he is in charge of computers and I''m in charge of diamonds. I wouldn''t want him putting time into something he''s just not interested in.

I have headed the engagement ring hunting and buying process and BF is quite content to sit back and let it all happen - What he really cares about is the girl not the ring.

 

[Diamond_Newb]

I just wanted to add my 2 cents...I know every situation is different but for me personally i wanted to do it on my own. Luckliy i had an idea of what my GF liked and have decent taste. With that said some guys need help in the decision process. I cant tell you how terrified i was making the monumental decision on my own. In the end my months of research yielded a beautiful ring that my FI absolutely loves and claims it so sparkly and white that is looks fake LOL

Either way i dont really think its about the how more of the why or symbolism of the ring and how happy you both are!

 

[luckynumber]

i started to micro manage the whole situation, without realising how much it meant for my SO to do it himself, and to make it a surprise.

suffice it to say, he is now doing it all himself, and i''m completely in the dark.

i am THRILLED because i thought he didn''t care as much about the ring, but clearly he does.

he''s taken all my preferences into account (i''ve given him a LOT of info) but the final version is up to him.

i find this way so, so much more romantic and have started to enjoy being a lady in waiting much more now. Real old-fashioned charm.

there will be more years of buying other rings together, so it''s wonderful that he is able to make this one a surprise, and in keeping with tradition.

 

[motownmama]

MY DH did it all himself - no hints - no nothing. I think it''s really special and I loved it being a total surprise - more romantic in MY mind (just me). I agree that in the last 15 years there have been TONS of times when I made suggestions and put RHR''s on a wishlist, and he''s a huge jewelry buyer for me; but there''s the rest of ones lives together for that - I love that the ER is set aprt in that respect.

 

[luckynumber]

Date: 5/5/2010 1:58:16 PM
Author: motownmama
MY DH did it all himself - no hints - no nothing. I think it''s really special and I loved it being a total surprise - more romantic in MY mind (just me). I agree that in the last 15 years there have been TONS of times when I made suggestions and put RHR''s on a wishlist, and he''s a huge jewelry buyer for me; but there''s the rest of ones lives together for that - I love that the ER is set aprt in that respect.

i''m with you motownmama!

now if only he would follow your DH''s example, and buy me those RHRs....

 

[lyra]

Date: 5/4/2010 5:56:21 PM
Author:slg47
do you ever feel like you are taking over too much from your boyfriend? would you rather have him put in the effort/time/research to find you the ring? i read so many posts on PS where guys are going through all of this effort to find the perfect ring...i have been doing most of the searching/etc...

just wondering if any other ladies have opinions on being involved in the ring selection process!

I was very involved in the selection process. I picked out the ring within his budget and he bought it. Worked for us. We''re still married 27 years later.

 

[redhead02]

My SO and I tried to do it the old-fashioned way, where we showed each other ideas ...trying to find where the common ground was, things we both liked. We''re rapidly finding out that we have polar opposite tastes, so I''m ending up being more involved than originally planned.

It makes me relieved because I love jewelry, and if it''s something I''m going to wear every day forever, I have a lot of opinions on what I''d like it to look like. I''m not anticipating many RHRs as gifts because jewelry''s not really his thing, so it''ll be nice to get the ER right. I definitely don''t think he loves me any less - quite the opposite I think it says a lot if the guy lets you be involved if you WANT to be.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

When Dh and I went shopping, he just sat there while I looked at diamonds. The ring I picked out ended up being returned a week later because I realized it wasn''t me. So, again, DH just sat there while I looked at diamonds and picked out a new one! lol (I prefer to pick out my jewelry - if I am interested in something, I discuss the purchase with him and then do the legwork myself.)