Flowers...

[Anonymous]

Not quite the post you expect probably, but I'm churning over here and just need some perspective.

I'm wondering how many times a year (and what holidays, if you want to share) your FI gives you flowers. If they don't, is it because you specifically say you don't want them (and they know you mean it) or do they know that you love them but for whatever reason don't get them for you?

Thanks in advance for the honest answers.

 

[rosetta]

Probably about 6-7 times a year. That's all I want though.

It's not necessarily on special occasions either.

Sometimes he brings me flowers when he meets me at the train station, which I love.

 

[KittyGolightly]

He buys them for me on my birthday and Valentine's Day. He very rarely buys them for me more than that because, to him, flowers seem like a waste since you end up throwing them away. He prefers to show his affection in other ways and through other gifts, which is fine with me. I have no problem buying flowers for myself when I want something cheerful on the table.

 

[OUpearlgirl]

Hmm probably 5-7 times a year. Usually for our anniversary and my birthday. He has tried to get flowers for Valentine's Day the last two years, but both times it was kind of an epic fail-- it's now a joke and I've told him I never want him to buy them for me on V-Day.

For the most part, he has just surprised me and had them delivered at work when I'm having a tough day.

 

[merilenda]

I'd estimate maybe 5-6 times a year, but usually not for special occasions. When he buys me flowers, it's usually just a regular day, and he does it because he wants to and thought I'd like a pretty surprise. He does all the grocery shopping currently, so he's come home with simple bouquets for me a couple times in the last two months or so.

I actually prefer it that way! I can't remember if he got me flowers on our last anniversary or not, but I do remember a lot of the times he bought them "just because."

 

[confusedaisy]

Times a year? That's tough... I'll be honest- not very often. 1-2 times tops. I can't even remember the last time I received them. And I LOOOOOVE flowers so I'd like to get them more often- I'm even pretty sure I've told him that before too, but he just doesn't get them for me for whatever reason. I think he sees it as a waste of money because they die. He does do other things out of the blue, like get me a really interesting cheese he found in the green market (this is much cooler to me than flowers), or buy me a movie he knows I loved in the theaters, or have dinner and dessert waiting for me when I get home from work, or if he's picking me up from work, and he knows I'm having a crap day, he'll be waiting for me outside with a chocolate croissant. I guess he doesn't see flowers as an "I love you" thing (but he clearly knows the way to my heart is through my tummy).

 

[blacksand]

Yeah, I've gotten flowers once, that I can recall, in the duration of our relationship. Just not his thing. He say he doesn't do flowers for my birthday because my parents always send flowers, and he doesn't see a reason to have two bouquets on the table. He did get me flowers last year for Valentine's Day, and it was totally unexpected and wonderful. But this year, he was stuck working overtime all week for Valentine's Day, so he didn't do anything (we celebrated the following week, but no flowers). Oh, well. I love flowers, so I just buy them for myself if I want them. No big deal. He does plenty of other things to show he loves me. Flowers just aren't his thing, and that's fine. I have a friend who expects that she will receive flowers for any and all special occasions and is absolutely livid if she doesn't get them. She and her husband had a huge fight on her birthday this year because he didn't get flowers. It's not like he forgot her birthday...he made her a card, made dinner, and bought her tickets to a show she wanted to see. But she was furious because he didn't get flowers. I don't get it. I guess I see flowers as a nice gesture, but certainly not a necessary part of a relationship.

 

[asymons412]

I'd say probably... 10 times a year? Maybe a few more; a lot of the time when we go grocery shopping we'll stop and grab a little $4 bouquet. But that's only because he knows that when my Dad was alive, my mom had fresh flowers to put on the table every Friday for Shabbos. So my SO tries whenever he remembers.

 

[mayerling]

I don't think FI has ever given me flowers. Every now and then he'll say something like "I should get you flowers" and I just say "oh, you don't have to", and he doesn't.

 

[mayerling]

I don't think FI has ever given me flowers. Every now and then he'll say something like "I should get you flowers" and I just say "oh, you don't have to", and he doesn't.

Correction: I think he got me flowers for Valentine's day this year.

 

[sillyberry]

Hmm...not a lot of flowers.

He's sent me flowers twice since we've been long distance. When we were living together, he would pick me up a snapdragon or tulips on occasion. I would prefer flowers more, but I don't mind picking them up for myself, largely because he doesn't tend to pick very good flowers!

 

[Anonymous]

Thanks for all of the responses! It's nice to see a variation. Personally, I love them but for whatever reason FI just...ugh. Doesn't do it anymore. He sent me 3 dozen roses for our first Valentines day and a few times here and there for special dates and just because but since he's moved here (almost 20 months ago now) he's sent them to me once, for my birthday - not this one but the one before that. He actually hasn't sent them to me at all in the 14 months that we've been engaged.

So I'm just kind of down about it. We've talked a LOT. He knows that I value them as an expression of love and make me feel special. He talks about doing it, but...doesn't. So it's nice to hear stories of similar relationships. I love him like no other, don't get me wrong. It's just one of a very small handful of things that leave me feeling disappointed (even though I feel like a brat even writing that out).

/end tangent

Thanks again all!

 

[KittyGolightly]

I'm sorry you're disappointed. Besides talking to him again about it, I'd say buy some for yourself on a regular basis. To be honest, I prefer to do this because I'm pretty picky about flowers. This way, if I want, say, peonies, I get peonies. I know it's not the same (and not really the point because you want them to be from him), but don't deprive yourself of a relatively simple and inexpensive pleasure just because someone else won't buy them for you.

 

[february2003bride]

This year? Zero. Last year? Once.

 

[Autumnovember]

For me? I tell FI that I want them and love them....he gets them for me for my birthday and valentines day and sometimes randomly.

My best friend also loves flowers and in the 5 years she has been with her BF, he has given them to her twice. This, pisses her off big time. She doesn't understand why he doesn't give them to her more often when she blatantly tells him that she LOVES flowers.

If I didn't tell FI that I love flowers AND want them, I doubt he would get them for me. He thinks they are pointless since they die eventually....such guy thinking right there.

 

[Anonymous]

Well I tried again to talk to my FI about it and his response was "I'm just not in the habit of it, I'll do it though." Which really just pissed me off, since he had no problems being in the habit of it earlier in our relationship. I realized that since we got engaged, he hasn't sent them once. In the beginning he sent them literally months in a row.

I'd have more hope if he didn't know absolutely by now how I feel and how much it's hurt that he's stopped sending them. It's just something that's gotten more upsetting as more holidays go by. Unfortunately I feel like my only solution at this point is to just let it go before it causes permanent tension and damages our relationship. I highly doubt that I'd be able to just be happy and excited to receive them after all of the crap. It just sucks to have that ruined, I loved it before.

Anyhow, thanks guys. Gonna bow out now I think and just focus on getting stuff done and the positive parts (of which there are many) of our relationship. I'll buy them for myself, I think that's a good suggestion, thank you Kitty.

 

[lulu66]

dh surprised me w/a bouquet recently when i returned home from a 2+ week trip. normally, if he gets flowers, we are at the grocery store doing our shopping & walk past the flowers & he says, "do you want to pick out some flowers?" he's not much for foresight or planning, really. it's all spur of the moment, "oh, they're right here," kinda stuff. but he does other things to show that i'm appreciated & cared for (i'm sure you're fi does that too). sometimes you gotta take it where you get it, ya know? and not place too much on the "it," just recognize the gesture.

 

[asymons412]

Well I tried again to talk to my FI about it and his response was "I'm just not in the habit of it, I'll do it though."

You know, my FI said the same thing when I first brought up that I would really like flowers a while ago, and that's why we normally pick them up at the grocery store now-- he picks them out (while I'm right there, hehe), he doesn't have to get in the habit of remembering, and I still get to see them on my table every day when I get home. Try to work it into your shopping trips, it takes a lot of pressure off of everyone-- you for expecting the "surprises," and him for having to remember to surprise you!

 

[mary poppins]

Never, and I'm fine with that. I've never expressed a preference one way or the other.

to him, flowers seem like a waste since you end up throwing them away. He prefers to show his affection in other ways and through other gifts, which is fine with me.

I'm particularly glad he doesn't get flowers for me on Valentine's Day because they are so overpriced just for that day.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

once in our entire relationship - he had them delivered when he was stationed overseas and trying to win me back. It used to bug me that the only time he had sent flowers was under duress.

Now that we're married, I buy flowers whenever I feel like it and don't care who picked them out. It's less expensive to get them at the store and arrange them myself - more money for shopping

As long as he shows love in other ways that you appreciate, I think this is one of those fights that just goes away once you're married since finances are combined.

 

[Anonymous]

Well after a good night's sleep and some much needed perspective, I feel 100% better. You're absolutely right about FI showing he loves me in other ways. I know that and 99% of the time I don't even think about the flower thing. I'm very happy to be back to normal!

Thank you all for the perspective and input. It helped!!!

 

[lulu66]

glad you're feeling better about it today!!!


sometimes all you need is a little perspective that & as you get closer to the wedding somethings just get blown out of proportion (in our own bride minds); we're all allowed a few freak outs

 

[Mayk]

I am totally spoiled... but we do it together... every Sunday we shop at Fresh Market for Sunday Dinner... and they always have beautiful fresh flowers... we pick them out them together.. he does surprise me sometimes with them when I have been out of town.. or special occasions... but picking out the fresh..not so expensive ones (usually around $10.00)... makes it fun for both of us. Take that man flower shopping....

 

[diamondringlover]

He use to get me flowers every week when we were dating but lately not so much (been married 27 years) I usually get them for a anniversary and a birthday, this year I got them for Mothers Day (our anniversay was 3 days later) and the only other time I get them is when he screws up royally and he is trying to not piss me off further

 

[marymm]

It varies - some years he gives me flowers for occasions and "just because" maybe 6-8 times that year - other years no flowers at all. Honestly, it is the same thing with presents - sometimes he'll be on the ball and give me presents - and on the actual day of the occasion - other times he'll give me a sweet handwritten card with lovey-dovey stuff or cute stick figures - and sometimes he'll give me nothing at all! When he gives me nothing, I wait maybe two weeks (his family is notorious for giving presents for birthdays or Xmas sometimes months after the actual date has passed), and if nothing has come my way from him I go ahead and buy myself some gift and later will show it to him and thank him for the lovely present.

It used to be very important to me that he mark every occasion in some concrete fashion - but that's how I grew up - every holiday and birthday and anniversary and rite of passage was celebrated with at least a cake if not presents - unsurprisingly, this is not how he grew up at all. He does remember my favorite book authors, he does go to romantic comedies and plays and the opera with me, he does love to gossip with me about the latest news and scandals of his favorite sports teams. I now see these things as his everyday presents to me and they are as sweet as flowers and last quite a bit longer.

He does regularly bring me little rocks and shells from the beach though... It is nice to be presented with treasures now and then, that's for sure.

 

[hoofbeats95]

Several times a month. . . once a week. . . My DH and I LOVE flowers! we have fresh flowers on the table nearly all the time. He usually buys them when he's shopping and I get them when I get home from work. He sends me flowers (generally from proflowers) 3-4 times a year. He has always been this way (we've not even been married 2 months) but we'll see how long it lasts now that we are married. lol!

 

[TooPatient]

Cut flowers? Twice in the last 7 years.

One was not for Valentine's day (we don't celebrate that), but near to just because I was feeling really down. He showed up with these half-dead purple roses (shelves had been picked clean from V-day) and groceries to cook me dinner

The other was for my birthday a few years ago. Ugly color, over-priced, and a day early. But it was a sweet thought.


Potted flowers?
Lots. (mostly when we're out together)
He knows (because I told him) that I'd much rather get a live plant that I can put in our garden and enjoy watching them grow and bloom every year. I find it really relaxing/satisfying/nice to pick something out together, find where to put it, take care of it, and be reminded of those happy memories every time I see it.

 

[Future Mrs. Sterling]

I get flowers from him once or twice a year, and they are always grocery store flowers. When I do get them, I don't care where he bought them. I'm just happy I got any at all, especially since he thinks flowers are stupid because they die in a week.

 

[monarch64]

I've never kept count? Flowers are not an important gesture to me, at all, however. If they were, I imagine he would indulge me enough times so that I was happy. We do so many other things for each other that demonstrate how we feel about each other and our relationship and flowers, being so fleeting, just aren't a priority. If I HAD to count per year, I would say maybe twice on average in the 21 months we've been together? Don't get me wrong, I LIKE receiving flowers, but I always have a slight twinge in the back of my mind, as in "ohhh, they're going to die soon!" I get flowers from people when we host parties/get-togethers, or birthdays, or whatever, and my thought is always the same. I must be one of those unromantic people--I just don't see the point of spending money on something that doesn't last long (although beautiful!) instead of putting that money towards something that will. Perhaps that is why I appreciate jewelry so much and have been a longtime member of this forum?

Have you ever read the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman? I'm not necessarily a proponent, but I have read through them and I have to say that there is some good insight there as far as what pleases you as individuals within an exclusive relationship. You might gain something from the reading. Good luck!

 

[Miss_GG]

We have been together 2 years and he has bought me flowers a handful of times. Now that we are living together i like to buy my own flowers and every now and then i drop hints that I'd love for him to buy me more flowers lol but all in all, he is generally very affectionate and loving towards me on a day to day basis and thats enough for me to know he loves me