First "freaking out" Moment - The Guest List

[maple2012]

Ladies!

I had my first wedding planning panic attack yesterday... and it was over the guest list. I had originally wanted a wedding of about 80 guest. As of yesterday, our guest list was at 145 people. I started hyperventilating.

My mom has 8 brothers and sisters. My dad has a total of 13 brothers and sister. Multiply each of each times 2 for their spouse, then each has an average of 4-6 kids. Keep in mind these are teenagers and young adults so saying "no kids allowed" won't really help.

I got really excited about the idea of doing a romantic and nice rehearsal dinner for all of our guest traveling in from out of state and the wedding party. The cost of the wedding however with all these additional guest means that I cannot have my rehearsal dinner I dreamed of.

So here's what I started doing... I cut half of my uncles and aunts with larger families from the guest list. Is that awful of me? I didn't know what else to do. I could not justify not inviting any friends so aunts and uncles could attend that I had not seen in 10+ years. I feel really bad doing it because my aunts and uncles are all close and they will very easily know they were not invited, and that others were, but I feel like I need to put my foot down and take control over my wedding guest list.

If I had the type of family that would RSVP and follow through on that it would be one thing but I know this won't happen. None of my aunts or uncles are the RSVP type and if they do RSVP, that does not mean they will actually attend, throwing my entire guest count off. So instead I'm just not inviting the ones I think won't make it.

I feel awful about this but I don't know what else to do. Anyone else in this tough situation?

 

[TooPatient]

Guest lists are tough!

Could you invite the aunts/uncles/cousins you see more often and then not invite the others? That way you can still have invited the ones you are closer to but not have some massive guest count.

I'd even be prone to invite just the ones you feel close to -- as in just the ones you see more than one time per year (or at least talk/text/e-mail with).


An alternative you might consider is having your intended sized ceremony & reception with just the family/friends you are closest to and then having a less formal reception that you can invite all of the aunts/uncles/cousins to later.

 

[antiquesparkler]

Maple, I totally feel you. But I am a big believer of having the wedding YOU and your FI want and not trying to please other people. We have a tiny guest list of 25 currently and it needs to stay that way to stay in budget. I feel bad that we are not inviting ALL of our aunts and uncles but the truth is I am super close with my aunt and uncle and FI isn’t close with really any of his. So we are really having to narrow our guest list by people that we are close with and not necessarily their title. When we started, we said only grandparents, parents, and siblings. Unfortunately, the only set of grandparents I have left will not be able to come so when looking at the guest list, it was mostly FI’s family. So we decided to invite a couple more people from my side that we are close with. Now I am a little afraid that when I introduce my aunt and uncle to his parents, they will wonder why their brothers and sisters weren’t invited. Argh.
I think you need to go with your gut. If you haven’t spoken to someone in 10 years, how can they expect to be invited? I think you need to invite the people that are a part of your life currently. Easier said than done but that’s my two cents.

 

[maple2012]

Thank you ladies. Good advice and glad to see I'm not the only one in this spot!

Guest lists are so tough!

 

[ladidalola]

I feel your pain... one solution that I thought of is that I could send the invitation to the whole family, but state in the invitation that I have reserved two seats for them due to venue size restrictions. So, even if it's a family of 5 or 8, they'd know that I can only invite two and they can pick the representatives. Hope this helps

 

[maple2012]

I feel your pain... one solution that I thought of is that I could send the invitation to the whole family, but state in the invitation that I have reserved two seats for them due to venue size restrictions. So, even if it's a family of 5 or 8, they'd know that I can only invite two and they can pick the representatives. Hope this helps

Good idea!

What I am going to end up doing is just inviting the aunts and uncles I am the CLOSEST too and the ones that have 6+ total in family are being cut. I know I will have very angry people but i've decided that is the price for my sanity and it's not like I live in the same state as them or will ever see them again anyways.