Finding your ''calling''

[iheartscience]

I actually left what was probably my "calling" job last year. I was a buyer at a clothing boutique and I''m currently a research assistant on a public health study.

Not trying to brag but I am a crazy good buyer and I love clothes so it was a great fit. However, it was pretty much a dead end career-wise and I was at a point in my life (about to get married and buy a house) where I realized I would rather have a career with a future, great benefits and higher salary potential. I took a pay cut to take the job I''m currently in but I''m about to get a promotion and the raise will probably put me at or above my previous salary at the job I worked at for 5 years. Plus the benefits are fantastic-one of them is 2 free classes a semester so I''m going to be getting my master''s degree for free.

Plus I was honestly kind of bored at my buyer job. I love clothes and the job is actually more numbers-based than a lot of people realize, but still-my brain needs more stimulation than what my buying job was offering me. Something to take into consideration because I HATE being bored at work. I''m not sure if your calling involves jewelry or something else, but keep in mind that even something you love SO MUCH gets boring after a while. I''m actually not usually bored at my job now and I really appreciate that.

Good luck!

 

[JSM]

I really really love what I do... but it doesn''t pay particularly well. And while I enjoy going to my job everyday, and feeling like I''m making a contribution to knowledge and society... I worry daily about paying the bills. I have a bachelors and masters degree, and a lot of skills that will be highly marketable (in a better economy) in the private sector. I LOVE the academic setting I''m in, but it''s not enough to afford a home and have a family.

We have a place to live, something to drive, food on the table, and clothes on our backs, so we''re better off than many right now. But we can''t afford to travel, go out to restaurants, buy a home, raise children, or SAVE because of our debt load (my college loans amount to a mortgage payment. My scholarships and part time jobs didn''t cover enough - I wish now I went to CC to start, but hindsight is 20/20). Heaven forbid we both wind up unemployed again, we barely made it last time and still have credit card debt that accumulated during that time.


Gypsy, I don''t know your exact situation. Do you have money saved? Do you intend to have children? How unhappy are you? All of these things should be considered. Happiness is #1, but if you have to stress constantly about how to pay the bills, then it''s not worth it, IMO.

 

[Gypsy]

Such a HIGHLY intellegent and amazing group of women responding. First, thank you for your very thoughtful responses. You guys are so wonderful, I can't express how much your time and opinions mean to me.

Second... you bring up so many good points and also give me a starting point. Which, without realizing it, is what I wanted .

To start... figure out if I can be happy making less, and if we can be financially viable. Financial viability may be an issue short term, fortunately DH has full benefits so that wouldn't be an issue. Financial viabilty depends on if I can do what I do full time now, part time, and where we live. There are companies that contract out what I do, and I can pick my assignments based on length of commitment. It's not guaranteed or steady though. But I wouldn't be totally out of the marketplace, if the worst happened (god forbid) and something happened to DH, I would still have a working history, and I could get back into the job market. I was raised by a single mom too, and the thought of completely depending on my hubby, great as he is, gives me facial ticks. Not a good look and I'm vain enough to want to avoid it.

Then there is turning something that is a joy into a career. Would I enjoy it as much if I had to do it? Probably only one way to figure that one out. Give it a shot. Perhaps, ,like Perry suggested it's a matter of doing both and gradually weening off one to do the other. And to make sure I have a cushion of financial secuirity to depend on as Mrs. Mitchell stated.

We're not going to have kids, it's something we've talked about at length recently and we really both love kids, but other people's kids. I enjoy being Aunt Layla a not, but being mommy isn't something I'm looking for... except to the kitties. So that means I do have more flexibility that someone else might, who wants children.

As for what I want to do. I do have a nurturing and patient side... but really it's mostly limited to cats (and Neatfreak's twins, but they are angels, so it doesn't count) and I have for a long time wanted to be working with stray and feral cats (Matata

) and running a shelter. I'd love to work in administration and manage an animal shelter... a smaller one. It won't make much money at all. But I have been coming back to it again and again for the last 10 years.

So many of you spoke directly to my psyche. Rainwood, you always do. Some of you speak to the part of me that says safety and viability is worth not taking a huge risk. T-gal and Alj... some of it is me, and I am working on that, pretty extensively (thank god for those benefits) but some of it is the job. My job is conflict, and conflict resolution. By definition, it is my job to constantly persuade people that I am right. It bleeds too much into my personal life, and I don't like what and WHO I am becoming. I want to go to work and not be focused on how to manipulate, persuade, cajole, and bullly someone (whether it is internal or external) that I am right. I know that's a part of many jobs, but for me... that's pretty much ALL of my job. If my job were more balanced, if I were in a different place that allowed me to do other things... more drafting, more managing contracts and tracking them and working with customers and vendors in a more collaborative manner it would be one thing. Unfortunately, I have a reputation and 'the problem solver' at work. I'm the person that gets handed the messy crap and the cranky vendors and the ones that just don't want to play ball. And it bores me. It bores the heck out me. I use the same arguements over the same objections day in and day out. There is no thought, no creativity and no challenge. And I don't want to manage people in a corporate setting. Management of that type just does NOT interest me-- teaching someone to do what I do now sounds like torture, it's bad enough that I do it, but figuring out to teach it and mentor it -- ICK. So... I'm stagnant. Yes, I make a good salary. Yes, I have stability. Yes, my company is (thankfully) doing well. But... what's next, and what is the point?

Ksinger, I would like to be able to divorce myself from work... but I don't seem to have that ability yet, though I am working on it.

 

[Harriet]

Gypsy, do remember that you have a good and very versatile degree.

 

[Allison D.]

Date: 3/8/2010 9:48:42 PM
Author: Gypsy


So many of you spoke directly to my psyche. Rainwood, you always do. Some of you speak to the part of me that says safety and viability is worth not taking a huge risk. T-gal and Alj... some of it is me, and I am working on that, pretty extensively (thank god for those benefits) but some of it is the job. My job is conflict, and conflict resolution. By definition, it is my job to constantly persuade people that I am right. It bleeds too much into my personal life, and I don''t like what and WHO I am becoming.

In all candor, I''ve noticed it to a greater degree just from your posts during the last year or so, so I''m not surprised. I think it''s admirable that you''ve been so introspective in identifying it and looking to make changes. That said, though.....

I want to go to work and not be focused on how to manipulate, persuade, cajole, and bullly someone (whether it is internal or external) that I am right.

I honestly think that most jobs in life will require this to some degree. That is to say......even a change to your ''calling'' may only been changing the players and the scenery, but not much else.

Managing a shelter will come with its own set of frustrations, and you''ll still find yourself in the position of persuading/bullying/cajoling I think. It will just be with others. It will be people who don''t take animal ownership seriously. It will be arguing with superiors about what the facility reeeeeeally needs to thrive. It will be arguing about what the best use of funding will be. It will be about what YOU think is really the ''best'' way to care for them. In short, I''m trying to say that while some things will change (setting, role), the persuading/cajoling thing likely won''t change, and some of the tasks associated with the dream job will likely also be boring and repetitive.

In my primary job, it''s been a huge pressure cooker lately and there''s been a palpable shift in the culture of the company I''ve been with for 13 years now. While part of me thinks ''ok, it''s time to move on'', the realist in me realizes that the climate is VERY much the same regardless of the company.

I honestly think the idea of taking legal assignments on contract is a great one, and one I was going to suggest before I decided I was already having diarrhea of the keyboard in my last post and refrained. Contract work would lessen some of the factors you''ve listed as issues because you wouldn''t have a long-term stake in the outcome, so you could perhaps function a bit more dispassionately. On contract, there wouldn''t likely be an expectation to transition to managing people, and the moment the gig gets old, poof.....time to move on. If you aren''t liking how something''s going, you at least have a projected end date when you can divorce yourself from it. Assignment work would likely give you a bit more variety, too.

 

[Gypsy]

I do have a versatile degree from an institution that, thank goodness, opens more doors than it closes to me. I don''t think I''d need further degrees to do what I want to do, I would just need experience and training and a few courses here and there. There is a thrill in negotiation, and a rush that I enjoy. I don''t hate all the conflict resolution, some of my skills can be used for GOOD. They just aren''t right being used for much of anything right now. And I think having a goal I believe in to work toward would make the difference for me in using my skills. Part of my frustration now is that my entire job (procurement contracts manager) is focused on negotiating the exact same document day in and day out, or changing another document so that it says the same thing as that one does. Using my negotiation and persuasion skills for in different ways and not always in an adversarial situation would be welcome. Or looking at the animals saved and knowing that they are the reason I am doing it would be welcome. I have no... goals, right now. I don''t feel like anyone cares about what I do... least of all me. I do what I do out of a fiduciary responsibility to the people who sign my paychecks. Nothing more, at all. There is no sense of personal acheivement, no sense that I am doing anything (other than the paycheck) that benefits me now, or in the future.

As for the bleeding... believe me, I see it. I have been stuck in a cycle of getting bitchy, then feeling guilty about it, and then avoiding whatever or whoever it was that ''triggered'' my bitchiness. So I''ve isolated myself from everyone and everything over the last year. And then my grandfather passed away and I''ve been breaking apart at the seams. Not knowing how to stop it, and how to hold myself together. I finally, a few weeks ago, started doing something about it. But... a lot of my frustration is bound up in my work and the fact that I am an ''achiever'' without anything more to achieve right now. Except sanity. But that''s a work in progress.

Talk about posting diarrhea. Anyway. Not the first time on here. Meh....

Contract work may be a good idea. I have some leads out, and I''m waiting to see what happens. There is one company that is VERY well placed in the marketplace and gets great jobs and very competitive wages for thier employees. So we''ll see. If they accept me as one of their contractors... It would be a good opportunity to explore and see if it is right for me. Having and end date for the madness would be lovely.

 

[miraclesrule]

Oh, I feel you Gypsy. You have just described my entire career. However, the one thing that keeps me going as "The Cleaner" is that I do have passionate and smart people to mentor. If I didn''t have that, I would be so outta there. It''s the golden handcuff syndrome. On one hand, you know that you are good at what you do, but then there is no diversity. I used to be able to balance the stress work with training, strategic planning, and inclusive collaboration that respects the position. Unfortunately, that has not been the job for at least three years now. It''s really like being on an episode of survivor. I have no answers. I thought I would balance it out with my work on the Board of a Non-Profit, but we are a working board. This means that I do the work they need pro bono.

I want to start my own consulting firm.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 3/9/2010 12:58:28 AM
Author: miraclesrule
Oh, I feel you Gypsy. You have just described my entire career. However, the one thing that keeps me going as ''The Cleaner'' is that I do have passionate and smart people to mentor. If I didn''t have that, I would be so outta there. It''s the golden handcuff syndrome. On one hand, you know that you are good at what you do, but then there is no diversity. I used to be able to balance the stress work with training, strategic planning, and inclusive collaboration that respects the position. Unfortunately, that has not been the job for at least three years now. It''s really like being on an episode of survivor. I have no answers. I thought I would balance it out with my work on the Board of a Non-Profit, but we are a working board. This means that I do the work they need pro bono.

I want to start my own consulting firm.

Sign me up. And yeah... that''s exactly it. I''m the cleaner... or the bulldog as I put it. Survivor, or Amazing Race where I work... everything has the have been done last week and ''someone'' forgot about it, turning their problem into my emergency. And the way we''re structured, the people who are having the ''problems'' are all my bosses or my ex-bosses. So there is no where for it to go. Buck stops here folks.

Thanks for letting me vent babe. ((HUGS))

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Gypsy, the most telling words of yours in all this thread for me are "end date." If you''re seeing an end date and seeing it as light at the end of the tunnel or something to cling to, then I think on some level, you''ve already made the discussion. Now you have to do the things discussed here to make it happen.

Hugs
Jen

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 3/9/2010 3:13:43 AM
Author: Mrs Mitchell
Gypsy, the most telling words of yours in all this thread for me are ''end date.'' If you''re seeing an end date and seeing it as light at the end of the tunnel or something to cling to, then I think on some level, you''ve already made the discussion. Now you have to do the things discussed here to make it happen.


Hugs

Jen

I agree. I know I said it before but life goes by in a blink. You gotta do what makes you happy. You just do. So I always say when you don''t know what to do wait. Decisions made out of emotions, haste, or quickly are usually the wrong ones. So wait and listen to those signs. They will be there and you''ll know what is right for *you*. In the meantime I would save every single cent you can to plan for going after your dream. You''ll need it more later than you do now. Life is not a dead end. Your career shouldn''t be either. (((hugs)))

 

[elrohwen]

I've been reading this thread with interest, but because I'm in sort of the same position, I didn't have much to add until you mentioned wanting to run a cat rescue.

I know some people in rescue, and volunteer at a rabbit rescue run by one woman out of her home. I know she makes zero money doing what she does - every cent goes towards her bunnies and her husband's income supports them. She's been doing it for 5 years (worked with cats before the bunnies) and she's to the point where she's taken in a lot of unadoptable rabbits who have nowhere to go. It's very hard to be a no-kill shelter because you do get to capacity with unadoptable animals at some point unless you are careful to only select the emotionally and physically healthy ones to take in (which is, of course, extremely hard because you want to save them all). It's a fantastic thing that she does, and I'm happy to help out. However, if you're considering this path, I don't know that it can really be a "career" as it seems nearly impossible to earn any money doing it - the animals will always need more money, more vet care, more food, etc. I'm sure you know most of this, since you're involved in rescue already, but I just wanted to throw it out there.

I think it's an amazing thing to do and despite the challenges, can be extremely rewarding because you are working for a goal and a cause that you are very passionate about. I'm just not sure it would be possible to be truly financially independent while doing it. I think working part time in your current career, or finding another similarly-paying career that you can do while doing cat rescue in your free time would be the best option. And if you do find a way to transition over to all rescue work, then more power to you!

 

[ChinaCat]

Gypsy- Thank you for posting this, I find myself in a similar situation lately and this thread has given me lots to think about. I''ve been wondering how you are doing lately. Hope you find a way to make peace with your situation, whatever you choose. Life is too short to be THAT miserable in what you do. You have other options, you just need to figure out what they are.

 

[decodelighted]

For once I have no advice! Mostly because I feel a lot like you do -- only less "stuck" than "lost". And I''m still in avoidance mode because dealing with looming, enormous upheaval and the possibility of saying goodbye to my calling for a unknown hopefully more secure future is daunting and scary. Not wanting to make this about me -- just to show you that you''re actually farther along than you might think! At least you''re asking the questions some of us are too paralyzed to even formulate yet. Yanno?

 

[rainwood]

Gypsy -

I have to head out for a few hours, but wanted to at least do a quick post and then come back to it later when I have more time.

There seem to be at least 4 different threads running through your predicament, and I'm not sure all of them point to the same resolution. One is what I'll call "turning off the lawyer switch." This is a problem for most young lawyers, and particularly for women. I'll try to address this in more depth later, but I think I understand where you're coming from. The second is doing the same thing over and over again. I'll think about it when I'm out, and see if I can come up with anything. The third is the sense you spend most of your time cajoling, persuading, bullying. This is related to the lawyer switch, but is also its own issue. I'll come back to that too. The fourth is your need to achieve/lack of being fulfilled. This is the one that might point you to a different resolution than the others.

Think about whether I've identified these 4 issues correctly and I'll come back to this thread this evening.

 

[Porridge]

I don''t have any advice Gypsy - I don''t have enough life experience. All I can say is that from the people I do know, it''s the ones who like what they do that are successful. Doesn''t seem to matter what it is. They like it, so they are good at it. From my limited knowledge of you (the online you), I wouldn''t have a hard time imagining you contriving and successfully implementing all sorts of fundraising and organisational ideas for a cat shelter.

Sorry if I missed it, but do you currently volunteer at one?

Anyway, I am sending hugs in place of advice. I''m deciding my career path right now too, and it is a friggin anxiety-ridden pain in the @$$.

 

[Gypsy]

Yes, Rainwood your issue spotting is unmatched.

And any insight is welcome. I have some thoughts to add that might be of interest (in other words more ''sharing'' on the way). You are likely a great mentor Rainwood, I do wish there was someone like you in my real life. But I am greatful for you on here just the same. Thank you.

One thing my therapist identified today (had therapy today, yay!) was that in my personal life, especially now that we are in CA and near my disfunctional family, I am passive and self protective and have very few skills to enable me to maintain healthy boundaries with people. And that my primary tool for dealing with issues is avoidance. This is triue. But paradoxically, at work I am assertive, powerful and have no issue with confrontation or boundaries. My challenge at work is relationshop building, I suck at it. But the reason I am taking a few weeks off right now (well one of them) is I started noticing that I was getting too aggressive at work and that my effectivness was just declining as everything in the rest of my life spun out of control. I was either a hermit at work, avoiding all my coworkers and any conflict, or a terrier at negotiation. None of this is good. Identifying it is good, understanding that it is a problem is good, and working toward fixing it is good. My therapist feels that I need to get to a place in my personal life where I can be assertive and healthy about my boundaries and still maintain relationship (it''s either be passive and maintain relationships, or aggressive and maintain boundaries but lose the relationship right now) AND be able to tone things down at work and still feel safe and still be effective there. Work in progress. YAY. But at least I feel that I am getting more control over things, just but understand what it is that I am doing.

MrsM... yes, end date is a good thing. It''s a milestone. And right now, I don''t feel like I have any to reach for so that is as good as any. i think that if I can identify things I can achieve still though, that ''end date'' thing may lessen in intensity. But right now, it''s like my only goal. Strange but true.

Tacori... I agree honey, and I appreciate the support. I am trying to not make decisions out of *this* whatever it is, but at the same time, if I don''t make some major changes, I''ll be stuck *here* and *here* is not a good place. It''s a depressed, anxious and very scared place. I just have to get some confidence back so I can make some positive changes.

elrohwen, I can totally see that. I do it with my own cats. Duncan''t medical bills this last month were over 3K. At that doesn''t include Hally who cost us another 1K. And I happily make the sacrifices financially to make sure they are okay. Do I wince, yes. But do I regret it, not for a second. I think it''s like having kids. Most people who have them, don''t resent the money they devote to them. I don''t resent the money that goes to my kids. I do think it would be a challenge to make money at rescue, which is why the hesitation is there.

Hi Chinacat, feel terrible that so many people are in the same boat and struggling too. Still, it is kind of nice not to feel so isolated and to know that I''m not just plum crazy. ((HUGS))

Ahh, Deco. I''m sorry you feel lost honey. It''s hard to be adrift. And avoiding it is a lot easier. I was doing that for all I was worth, but I was breaking to pieces come December and knew if I kept it up I''d crack up entirely and end up commiting myself to a place where white jackets are more than a fashion statement. As a champoin avoider... taking the first step and asking for help after I identified the need took me 6 weeks. then another two to actually get help. And by then, the butterfly nets were out. And then once I was getting help the first week of introspection was just UNCOMFORTABLE. It still is but it gets easier each time. But it is a work in progress. But I do feel better now, just having some control back, feeling something other than that ball of anxiety and fear in my belly at the thought of the future is so lovely. The ball is still there, but I can calm it better now, before it overtakes me. I have some hope back.

Hi Porridge, no, I''m currently AVOIDING (sensing a theme??) volunteering, cause I feel GUILTY (another theme??) that I am not doing more, devoting more, sacrificing more. But it is something I am going to get over this week. It''s one of my goals for the week. To start volunteering at one of the shelters near by here on the weekends. I feel so much better about myself and my world when I do. And I don''t know how I got here, where I am avoiding something I love out of guilt. Weird. But true. So, I''m gonna put my big girl pants on, tell myself that I have nothing to feel guilty about, and that the animals don''t care how long it took me to smack myself upside the head, they just care that I did, and that I''m there. Best of luck to you on your career path. For something that is ''just a job'' it feel like a heck of a lot more, huh. From what folks keep telling me, it''s a matter of perspective. Not too much attention to your job, else you get too caught up in it, not too little, else you get fired. I apparently I need gold locks. Too bad I''m a brunette.

 

[Sabine]

I''m currently a SAHM. When I quit my last job (teaching) I knew I would never go back into it full time...it''s not my calling and not worth doing. With my husband''s job, I probably would not ever NEED to go back into the work force, but I fully intend to once my current and any future LO''s are in school. So for me, if I found my calling, I would completely start over even if it meant going back to square one. MY problem is finding my calling...I have NO idea what I''d be happy doing and no idea how to figure it out without wasting tons of time and money.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

If *here* is a bad place than you will change your direction. Awareness is the first key. You are aware you are unhappy. You are aware you need help. I think it is wonderful you are in therapy where you can deal and learn to accept your lingering issues regarding your past and your family. Always remember it is okay to visit your past but that doesn''t mean you have to move in. Change is hard. It is painful and it is a slow PROCESS. Not a decision but a process. When the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing, that is when you will have the courage to change.

I think volunteering would be wonderful for you. It will give your purpose and time doing something you love. We all need that. To feel like we are making a difference no matter how little it may be. I really, really do believe that most things in life will fall into place if you take control of the things you can and surrender the things you can''t. I know (as you know) what it is like to feel like you are suffocating in pain and resentment. Just take everything a day at a time. Nothing has to be decided TODAY. In the meantime you can work on you. You are stuck with your mind FOREVER so it is best to sort out your stinking thinking now. I know I have mentioned this on other threads just writing (or even saying) a gratitude list really helps me put things into perspective. Life is good and I am cheering you on. Tessa brought out her pompoms and is doing a cheer for you.

Make a list of 10 things you are going to go for YOU this week. Do at least 5 of them

We are ALL works in progress. MAJOR HUGS!

 

[rainwood]

Gypsy -

Thanks for your kind words. Let me see if I can offer anything of help.

Turning off the lawyer switch. I know a lot about this one because I was terrible at it. I was so terrible at it that I didn''t know there was such a thing until my husband once said "You''re talking to me in your lawyer voice." And I''m going "What are you talking about? I don''t have a lawyer voice." But he was right. I did. And it wasn''t just the voice; it was the way I asked questions, narrowing things down until I''d pinned him into position, spotting inconsistencies and logic gaps in what someone was saying. I couldn''t even go to the movies without spotting all the holes in the plot. I was a real pain. And most law students/law grads/lawyers suffer from it to some degree. And I think women get judged on it more harshly because it goes against how some people think women act.

There are two ways to try to work on the problem (not eliminate it because I don''t think that''s realistic), one short-term, one long-term. The short term one is to be conscious every day of leaving the workplace, and going back into normal mode. Take an actual physical break, whether it''s exercise or playing with the cats, or listening to music for 15 minutes but something that marks the shift from work into your home life. Once you''ve learned to make it a habit, you might just be able to downshift without the activity. But that''s only short-term. It''s hard to be two entirely different people - the person you are at work and the person you are at home. You can and should be different, but not entirely different.

The long-term solution - one that took me many years to figure out - was to integrate more of who I am as a person into my work as a lawyer. I thought I had to act a certain way, be a certain way to be a good lawyer. In private practice, I was a litigator in a field where there aren''t many women and I thought I had to be like all the men who practiced in that field. But I didn''t. I could bring a different style and perspective and interestingly enough, when I started doing that I became a better lawyer.

Repetitive stress.
There is always going to be some of the same thing over and over again. It doesn''t matter what the job is. Few of them offer a new and different challenge every day. What might help there is to expand what you do. If you''re the ''go to'' person, you might be able to expand that beyond the contract negotiation stuff. People tend to see lawyers in a narrow light, but that doesn''t mean you have to stay in that light. If there are other areas where your skills would be useful (and it sounds like there could be a TON of those), start doing some of those things as well. I''m now in-house and I''ve expanded into all sorts of things that aren''t necessarily just legal in nature. I really enjoy that.

The persuading, cajoling, bullying part. I don''t know your field (is it some kind of tech?), but part of the issue may be in how you view what you''re doing. You said your job is to persuade people that you''re right. No, it isn''t. Your job is to reach an agreement that will work for both your company and the vendor you''re dealing with. It''s not just semantics. It really is to come to an agreement on a contract. My company doesn''t have the luxury of being able to dictate all the terms of its contracts, especially in this economy. Maybe your company is in a different position; if so, lucky them! I have to know which parts of the transaction are crucial, which are nice, and which I can let go. It''s my job to ask the questions so we figure out what can work for us on that particular project and get as close to that as possible. If your company has a different philosophy, ignore what I''ve said.

Need to achieve/Unfulfilled. This is where you might need to keep your big girl pants on. If your need to achieve is strong, contracting for work on a piece meal basis isn''t going to do it for you. You''ll be going from job to job, not building anything, not moving ahead, not building relationships or a career path. I don''t see how this does anything except remove you from your current workplace. Maybe that''s your primary need but it won''t improve that aspect of your life. And I''m going to be a crotchety old biddy and tell you that expecting to be fulfilled by your job can be the road to disappointment. I like what I do, I like the people, but it''s not who I am and it doesn''t dictate how I feel about myself. It''s a job. There are the lucky few who are truly fulfilled by what they do. But it''s not realistic for everyone. It can be harder to find fulfillment if you don''t have kids. They almost automatically fill that space. But it''s still possible and your life can be just as rewarding (I know this first hand). That to me is where your love of animals comes into play. You can make that one of the purposes in your life and find your fulfillment there as a hobby. I know several people, including my next door neighbor, who do that exact thing. Working with animals can be heartwrenching, I''d never be able to do it because it would tear me apart emotionally, but if you think you can, go volunteer and see if that helps to make you happy.

As for the family aspect, we all revert in some respects to being a different person around family. It just kind of goes with the territory. Some change may be possible, but unless you can drag the rest of the family to therapy with you, you can only change what you do and say, not what your family members do and say.

Whew! Sorry for the long-windedness.

 

[Porridge]

Date: 3/9/2010 7:06:28 PM
Author: Gypsy
Hi Porridge, no, I''m currently AVOIDING (sensing a theme??) volunteering, cause I feel GUILTY (another theme??) that I am not doing more, devoting more, sacrificing more. But it is something I am going to get over this week. It''s one of my goals for the week. To start volunteering at one of the shelters near by here on the weekends. I feel so much better about myself and my world when I do. And I don''t know how I got here, where I am avoiding something I love out of guilt. Weird. But true. So, I''m gonna put my big girl pants on, tell myself that I have nothing to feel guilty about, and that the animals don''t care how long it took me to smack myself upside the head, they just care that I did, and that I''m there. Best of luck to you on your career path. For something that is ''just a job'' it feel like a heck of a lot more, huh. From what folks keep telling me, it''s a matter of perspective. Not too much attention to your job, else you get too caught up in it, not too little, else you get fired. I apparently I need gold locks. Too bad I''m a brunette.

Ugh, I can identify with a lot of what you''re saying, and it isn''t nice!

Well, when it comes to being dissatisfied with what you are doing there are two types - the ones who plod along, moaning and getting more bitter by the day, digging deeper into the rut, or those that do something about it. It''s an utterly crap period, this decision making one, but it''s a good step, a solid life lesson, and most importantly, in the greater scheme of things it will be a short period.

And you have nothing to feel guilty about.

 

[Gypsy]

Losing my mind... or just my memory playing tricks on me. Rainwood, I would have sworn I replied-- in detail, but apparently not. I read your post late last night, so I must have dreamed it.

ANYWAY. Long and short is... I will reply tomorrow as it is (again) late tonight. And I promised myself I''d go to bed early so I get up relatively early in this time off. So I will reply tomorrow. But I did want to thank you SO VERY MUCH immediately for all the time and thought you put into your response. There is a lot in your post that makes sense to me. Chief among them training myself to detach, and how unfulling I might feel as a result of contract work. I was actually concerned about that.

My company''s philosophy... I could use your advice on that in detail, if I may. I don''t have a real mentor at work and your advice might help me figure a couple of things out. I''ll have to give you a little information tomorrow. And if you don''t feel comfortable giving me even more advice, please let me know. I already feel beholden.

You post and advice and your voice really made me think, and again, thank you very much.

Porridge, thank you. I have to re-wire my brain. LOL. I''m the bitter, digging in type. Then I break, and do something.

 

[Dogmom]

Gypsy,
I work in admin for a large non-profit animal welfare organization and would encourage you to REALLY think about making this move. As wonderful and fulfilling the job can be, burn-out is a MAJOR issue. It even has a name - "compassion fatigue." If helping animals, especially doing TNR is what fulfills you, try doing it on a volunteer-basis and see how it goes.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 3/11/2010 1:22:12 PM
Author: Dogmom
Gypsy,
I work in admin for a large non-profit animal welfare organization and would encourage you to REALLY think about making this move. As wonderful and fulfilling the job can be, burn-out is a MAJOR issue. It even has a name - ''compassion fatigue.'' If helping animals, especially doing TNR is what fulfills you, try doing it on a volunteer-basis and see how it goes. I am so frustrated and burned-out right now that my opinion is skewed. While I truly am not trying to disuade you, I just want you to have a realistic view of what you might be facing.

Just free associating .. but maybe there isn''t any ONE calling for people. But a series of different adventures over time. Almost EVERYTHING would cause burn-out *eventually*. Learning to cope with "repetitive stress" is valuable surely ...because it would be very taxing to keep running from thing to thing at the first sign of trouble. BUT, so many folks these days have whole other *sections* of their lives. Two or three different careers or paths or what have you. Either from layoffs or new adventures or gaining the means to follow old dreams or developing new interests/causes. Choosing to do something doesn''t have to mean "forever".

 

[Haven]

Date: 3/11/2010 1:44:06 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 3/11/2010 1:22:12 PM
Author: Dogmom
Gypsy,
I work in admin for a large non-profit animal welfare organization and would encourage you to REALLY think about making this move. As wonderful and fulfilling the job can be, burn-out is a MAJOR issue. It even has a name - ''compassion fatigue.'' If helping animals, especially doing TNR is what fulfills you, try doing it on a volunteer-basis and see how it goes. I am so frustrated and burned-out right now that my opinion is skewed. While I truly am not trying to disuade you, I just want you to have a realistic view of what you might be facing.

Just free associating .. but maybe there isn''t any ONE calling for people. But a series of different adventures over time. Almost EVERYTHING would cause burn-out *eventually*. Learning to cope with ''repetitive stress'' is valuable surely ...because it would be very taxing to keep running from thing to thing at the first sign of trouble. BUT, so many folks these days have whole other *sections* of their lives. Two or three different careers or paths or what have you. Either from layoffs or new adventures or gaining the means to follow old dreams or developing new interests/causes. Choosing to do something doesn''t have to mean ''forever''.

Oh, these are both great points.
I volunteer with an animal shelter, and the FT employees have shared stories about frequent burnout with me. I''ve never heard the term "compassion fatigue" but it sounds apt to me.
Deco--I heartily agree with you that maybe some people don''t have ONE calling. I know that certainly applies to me. The prospect of finding a career that I enjoy now, and that I anticipate enjoying for the next 30+ years, is too daunting for me to even approach. Maybe that pressure is part of the problem, Gypsy?

 

[rainwood]

Gypsy -

If you''d like my thoughts on your work-related ponderings, post away!