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Fickle Setting Syndrome (FSS)

MillieLou

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
646
I finally have my absolute dream diamond in a temp setting. Yay!

I am feeling the temptation to rush to a "final" setting to match my platinum wedding ring, and be all the things I ever wanted it to be etc. But I know I have Fickle Setting Syndrome. And really do not want to waste money. So I am trying to give myself a two-year cooling off period before taking the plunge. I am impatient. It's hard.

I would love to hear others' experiences of FSS (aka reset regret) and if / how they conquered it. Cautionary tales and smug success stories equally welcome.
 

MillieLou

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
646
Haha. "What not to do" would be equally well received! Let me learn from your mistakes! :devil:
 

yssie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 14, 2009
Messages
23,052
I know there’s no cure for this condition but I’d like to think that I’ve found an effective prevention regimen. My personal tips for smug success:

- If I’m not happy with the stone(s), fundamentally, no setting in the world is going to make me finally-final satisfied. I need to acknowledge this right away, and not waste money trying to “fix it” with multiple mounts that are all foregone conclusions. Better one loss than two or three or more!

- What I like and what I will actually wear aren’t necessarily compatible. I need to identify which bucket a piece I’m having made will live in, for me and my tastes and my lifestyle - will it be wearable art, emphasis on wearable? Or do I want art that happens to be sort of wearable, kind of, maybe? And if I want wearable art then I need to be willing to compromise on aesthetic to preserve functionality (I have trouble with this) - otherwise I just won’t wear it, and that will really annoy me!

- No snap decisions. I left my current e-ring upgrade stone in a temp for a full year before committing to a mount. And I know I made the right decision because I have loved that mount for four years now, and if I ever upgrade the stone again it’ll go right back to the same designer for the same setting!
 

MillieLou

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
646
Its worse when you've waited a few years to get the "dream setting" just to find out the "temp setting" was the dream setting!!:roll2::blackeye:

Oh no, tell me more! I worry about this - the 14K WG McCheapo temp setting from Blue Nile is surprisingly nice. I got them to make it with claw prongs, and while not nearly PS standard, they are neat, nicely shaped, smooth and completely un-catchy. I love the simplicity. What I don't like is it is so lightweight, and the wrong metal and shape to match my wedding ring. But what it I spend £1000 or whatever and it's worse :eek-2:
 

valenledge

Shiny_Rock
Joined
May 13, 2021
Messages
107
Its worse when you've waited a few years to get the "dream setting" just to find out the "temp setting" was the dream setting!!:roll2::blackeye:

Laughter and sympathy! It's tough when these are expensive choices!

I think you would need to wear a ring in that setting for a while to get a feel for how much you love it or don't. I wonder if buying a variety of CZ stones in the right size in different styles will help you make the decision of what you like, especially for the long term.
 

MillieLou

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
646
I know there’s no cure for this condition but I’d like to think that I’ve found an effective prevention regimen. My personal tips for smug success:

- If I’m not happy with the stone(s), fundamentally, no setting in the world is going to make me finally-final satisfied. I need to acknowledge this right away, and not waste money trying to “fix it” with multiple mounts that are all foregone conclusions. Better one loss than two or three or more!

- What I like and what I will actually wear aren’t necessarily compatible. I need to identify which bucket a piece I’m having made will live in, for me and my tastes and my lifestyle - will it be wearable art, emphasis on wearable? Or do I want art that happens to be sort of wearable, kind of, maybe? And if I want wearable art then I need to be willing to compromise on aesthetic to preserve functionality (I have trouble with this) - otherwise I just won’t wear it, and that will really annoy me!

- No snap decisions. I left my current e-ring upgrade stone in a temp for a full year before committing to a mount. And I know I made the right decision because I have loved that mount for four years now, and if I ever upgrade the stone again it’ll go right back to the same designer for the same setting!

Ah, this is what I needed to hear. I have been grappling between the wearability versus beauty dilemma, and can't resolve it as ultimately I can't fully have both. It doesn't exist. So I need to consider, decide, and own it. And not make any snap decisions. Thanks Yssie.
 

Tartansparkles

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 23, 2017
Messages
741
I'll offer perspective from the other side of the extreme - I waited too long for the 'one' and when I got it - even when I was working with the designer to create it - it had become a tick box exercise. I do love setting and I wouldn't change it, but there was little excitement about it. So now I'm looking for an additional something (it'll be coloured stones) to scratch the 'just got to have it because I want it' itch.
 

Cerulean

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 13, 2019
Messages
3,064
I know there’s no cure for this condition but I’d like to think that I’ve found an effective prevention regimen. My personal tips for smug success:

- If I’m not happy with the stone(s), fundamentally, no setting in the world is going to make me finally-final satisfied. I need to acknowledge this right away, and not waste money trying to “fix it” with multiple mounts that are all foregone conclusions. Better one loss than two or three or more!

- What I like and what I will actually wear aren’t necessarily compatible. I need to identify which bucket a piece I’m having made will live in, for me and my tastes and my lifestyle - will it be wearable art, emphasis on wearable? Or do I want art that happens to be sort of wearable, kind of, maybe? And if I want wearable art then I need to be willing to compromise on aesthetic to preserve functionality (I have trouble with this) - otherwise I just won’t wear it, and that will really annoy me!

- No snap decisions. I left my current e-ring upgrade stone in a temp for a full year before committing to a mount. And I know I made the right decision because I have loved that mount for four years now, and if I ever upgrade the stone again it’ll go right back to the same designer for the same setting!

Ditto. Every. Single. Word.

Here is my exhausting and expensive reset saga:
  1. Diamond 1: Bought a diamond on impulse.
  2. Setting 1: Solitaire with claw prongs. Loved how they looked, and I hated how they felt.
  3. Had prongs rebuilt to help…still hated the way they felt.
  4. Setting 2: Reset in a bezel. Issues with gallery design. (Gross, it caught water and gunk, constant cleaning)
  5. Setting 3: Reset again in a bezel. Allergy to metal. o_O This one was especially expensive custom setting from Sholdt.
  6. Diamond 2: Realized that the diamond was the problem. Didn’t like the cut, color, or size. Bought a GORGEOUS diamond I love.
  7. Setting 4: Chose a bezeland tried to remediate other frustrating design issues and “do something different” and went with a 3-stone. But missed a detail in my CAD that actually made the ring painful to wear. GAH! Only had it a few weeks.
  8. Setting 5: Reset again, in a 3-stone. Rushed AGAIN! (Don’t I learn?!) :naughty: Current design is functional, comfortable…but 3-stones aren’t me and it took me a few months to realize it. I also copied a design and regret it.
Remedy?

Be. Patient. Do not rush. Every blunder I made could have been avoided (maybe except for the allergy), if I had been patient. I’m now planning my (final) reset, but I’m giving myself time to make fricken’ sure it’s the right one for me. I am waiting at least 6-8 months before I kick things off.

Also, go try things on!!!! Going to a store, trying on different styles…was just so darn helpful.

Be realistic about design vs function. Already covered in other posts. If you are finicky about comfort…you really should listen to your inner nitpicker.
 
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Kasey Bug

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 9, 2008
Messages
106
Don’t rush it. It’s kind of like when you meet the “one” you’ll marry. You just know it’s right and you feel good about it. It’s the same with rings. You’ll continue to look until you see “the one” and that’s all it will take. Good luck
 

MillieLou

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
646
Thank you all for the replies! They are so interesting and helpful.
I'll offer perspective from the other side of the extreme - I waited too long for the 'one' and when I got it - even when I was working with the designer to create it - it had become a tick box exercise. I do love setting and I wouldn't change it, but there was little excitement about it. So now I'm looking for an additional something (it'll be coloured stones) to scratch the 'just got to have it because I want it' itch.

Ooh I am interested in this @Tartansparkles . How long did you wait, and why? Were you consistent in what you wanted all the time you were waiting? I would love to see it if you have a thread or photos somewhere.

Ditto. Every. Single. Word.

Here is my exhausting and expensive reset saga:
  1. Diamond 1: Bought a diamond on impulse.
  2. Setting 1: Solitaire with claw prongs. Loved how they looked, and I hated how they felt.
  3. Had prongs rebuilt to help…still hated the way they felt.
  4. Setting 2: Reset in a bezel. Issues with gallery design. (Gross, it caught water and gunk, constant cleaning)
  5. Setting 3: Reset again in a bezel. Allergy to metal. o_O This one was especially expensive custom setting from Sholdt.
  6. Diamond 2: Realized that the diamond was the problem. Didn’t like the cut, color, or size. Bought a GORGEOUS diamond I love.
  7. Setting 4: Chose a bezeland tried to remediate other frustrating design issues and “do something different” and went with a 3-stone. But missed a detail in my CAD that actually made the ring painful to wear. GAH! Only had it a few weeks.
  8. Setting 5: Reset again, in a 3-stone. Rushed AGAIN! (Don’t I learn?!) :naughty: Current design is functional, comfortable…but 3-stones aren’t me and it took me a few months to realize it. I also copied a design and regret it.
Remedy?

Be. Patient. Do not rush. Every blunder I made could have been avoided (maybe except for the allergy), if I had been patient. I’m now planning my (final) reset, but I’m giving myself time to make fricken’ sure it’s the right one for me. I am waiting at least 6-8 months before I kick things off.

Also, go try things on!!!! Going to a store, trying on different styles…was just so darn helpful.

Be realistic about design vs function. Already covered in other posts. If you are finicky about comfort…you really should listen to your inner nitpicker.

Ah I can really identify with this @Cerulean ! I do think that a lot of things about jewellery have to be learned by having and wearing a piece. Metal allergies, comfort, catching water... How would you know unless you've had something very similar, and perhaps not even then? It's a minefield. The advice to go out and try on is very wise. I am an introvert by nature and feel terribly self-conscious in jewellers, so am no good at this, but need to do it.

Off topic, but I'm surprised to hear that you are troubled by the design of your current ring being *copied*, in that it seems quite generic (in a beautiful way!) to my undiscerning eye. As in, what a skilled jeweller would come up with from scratch if you took them 3 stones and asked for them to be made into a simple half bezel ring, you know? Maybe I just think that because I have this photo saved on my computer from 6 years ago when I was about to embark on a similar project. Googling "half bezel three stone" comes up with loads of the same general design. Half bezel 3 stone.jpg
 

rosethorn

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 4, 2020
Messages
80
This thread is making me feel soo much better about my ongoing ering redesign.

I think my issue had a lot more to do with not being someone who wore rings at all before I got married, so I didn’t really know what I liked at all or what would bug me. I’ve been buying a lot of inexpensive fashion jewelry to try different styles out.
 

Cerulean

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 13, 2019
Messages
3,064
Thank you all for the replies! They are so interesting and helpful.


Ooh I am interested in this @Tartansparkles . How long did you wait, and why? Were you consistent in what you wanted all the time you were waiting? I would love to see it if you have a thread or photos somewhere.



Ah I can really identify with this @Cerulean ! I do think that a lot of things about jewellery have to be learned by having and wearing a piece. Metal allergies, comfort, catching water... How would you know unless you've had something very similar, and perhaps not even then? It's a minefield. The advice to go out and try on is very wise. I am an introvert by nature and feel terribly self-conscious in jewellers, so am no good at this, but need to do it.

Off topic, but I'm surprised to hear that you are troubled by the design of your current ring being *copied*, in that it seems quite generic (in a beautiful way!) to my undiscerning eye. As in, what a skilled jeweller would come up with from scratch if you took them 3 stones and asked for them to be made into a simple half bezel ring, you know? Maybe I just think that because I have this photo saved on my computer from 6 years ago when I was about to embark on a similar project. Googling "half bezel three stone" comes up with loads of the same general design. Half bezel 3 stone.jpg

Exactly!!! Especially if you are sensitive to sensation...there are so many things that you can't know until you experience it. What other people are willing to put up with, might exceed your level of tolerance. For example–a setting that traps water and needs pressurized air to clear it out (or wait for it to slowly seep out...) honestly might go totally unnoticed to most people, or they wouldn't bother with it.

Sometimes it takes weeks or months to realize something! I will say, I think my experiences have taught me what to focus on and how to identify potential issues.

I can be very shy too...it was not a chain store, and when I called to make an appt, the people were very nice and honestly delighted to let me try things on. I think it was rare for them to get knowledgeable clientele! I also went with a girlfriend and it was fun for us to do together, even though she didn't care about jewelry. Make a day out of it and pick a place you'd never go to otherwise! Things that flatter other people don't look good on everyone! I love contemporary E/W settings in theory, but they make my large hands look...manly. I had to try one on to realize that.

Regarding my setting, from the top it looks fairly standard, especially for a semi-bezel 3-stone. From the profile...it is definitely unique. I have only seen the design from one vendor...it's called the 'Rule of Three' from Erstwhile. It has a unique profile with a floral-y motif. I doubt anyone would notice IRL, but I know...and it bugs me. I think Erstwhile is ridiculously overpriced with mediocre (at best) benchwork, but I still don't feel comfortable with my choice!

1628106529622.png
 

Babyblue033

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 11, 2008
Messages
1,173
Its worse when you've waited a few years to get the "dream setting" just to find out the "temp setting" was the dream setting!!:roll2::blackeye:
I had a moment of panic about this after my reset! When I replaced my lost ering with a gorgeous OEC, we set it into a "temporary" setting. It was a solitaire but with a pretty detailed band, but I don't consider myself a solitaire girl and the genetic peg head always bugged me. When I had the opportunity to reset it, I went with a setting I've been dreaming about for nearly 10 years. I was sure I would love the combo, it was my holy grail ring finally coming together.

Once I got the new setting I loved it initially. Then I realized that the gorgeous facet pattern on my OEC that I loved so much wasn't as easily visible in a more enclosed halo setting. I missed the stone being the focal point, while the halo obviously made the stone looked bigger, it also "hid" it a bit and I totally panicked that I made a huge (and expensive) mistake.

It took me a bit but I do love my ring. It's not the same and some days I still miss how the the stone looked without the distraction of a fancy setting. So I guess my 2 cents on this topic would be to make sure 1) you love the setting style ON you vs. what you see on screen or on other people, 2) that new style doesn't have an impact on your diamond's visual or performance.

I did set a colored stone into the old setting with an updated head from DK, which incidentally is supposed to arrive today so there's the silver lining :bigsmile:
 

MillieLou

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
646
Exactly!!! Especially if you are sensitive to sensation...there are so many things that you can't know until you experience it. What other people are willing to put up with, might exceed your level of tolerance. For example–a setting that traps water and needs pressurized air to clear it out (or wait for it to slowly seep out...) honestly might go totally unnoticed to most people, or they wouldn't bother with it.

Sometimes it takes weeks or months to realize something! I will say, I think my experiences have taught me what to focus on and how to identify potential issues.

I can be very shy too...it was not a chain store, and when I called to make an appt, the people were very nice and honestly delighted to let me try things on. I think it was rare for them to get knowledgeable clientele! I also went with a girlfriend and it was fun for us to do together, even though she didn't care about jewelry. Make a day out of it and pick a place you'd never go to otherwise! Things that flatter other people don't look good on everyone! I love contemporary E/W settings in theory, but they make my large hands look...manly. I had to try one on to realize that.

Regarding my setting, from the top it looks fairly standard, especially for a semi-bezel 3-stone. From the profile...it is definitely unique. I have only seen the design from one vendor...it's called the 'Rule of Three' from Erstwhile. It has a unique profile with a floral-y motif. I doubt anyone would notice IRL, but I know...and it bugs me. I think Erstwhile is ridiculously overpriced with mediocre (at best) benchwork, but I still don't feel comfortable with my choice!

1628106529622.png

Ah I see what you mean now. I also get what you mean about *you* knowing even if no one else does. I'm the same. It's a curse :(

I am also cursed with being bothered about the sensation of rings. In fact, I started a thread about just this topic last year! There are a few of us about. I cannot stand the feel of water under or in rings. I am also really sensitive to rings being too tight (argh) or too loose (grr). It all has to be *just right* so I end up wearing a plain band. I look at people who wear multiple multi-stone rings and just marvel at how they can tolerate it.

Thank you for the encouragement for going to try things on - great idea to do it with a friend. I'll give it a go!
 

MillieLou

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
646
I had a moment of panic about this after my reset! When I replaced my lost ering with a gorgeous OEC, we set it into a "temporary" setting. It was a solitaire but with a pretty detailed band, but I don't consider myself a solitaire girl and the genetic peg head always bugged me. When I had the opportunity to reset it, I went with a setting I've been dreaming about for nearly 10 years. I was sure I would love the combo, it was my holy grail ring finally coming together.

Once I got the new setting I loved it initially. Then I realized that the gorgeous facet pattern on my OEC that I loved so much wasn't as easily visible in a more enclosed halo setting. I missed the stone being the focal point, while the halo obviously made the stone looked bigger, it also "hid" it a bit and I totally panicked that I made a huge (and expensive) mistake.

It took me a bit but I do love my ring. It's not the same and some days I still miss how the the stone looked without the distraction of a fancy setting. So I guess my 2 cents on this topic would be to make sure 1) you love the setting style ON you vs. what you see on screen or on other people, 2) that new style doesn't have an impact on your diamond's visual or performance.

I did set a colored stone into the old setting with an updated head from DK, which incidentally is supposed to arrive today so there's the silver lining :bigsmile:

This is good advice @Babyblue033 - I can see myself in the same position. I think I would go for a simple solitaire for my final setting but I would have to take care that it doesn't impact performance in some unexpected way. The very lightness / thinness of the flimsy temp setting may be setting off my diamond to best advantage!

Have you got any before and after photos? I would love to see :appl:
 

Bling_of_Fire

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2020
Messages
77
Not exactly "fickle" but advice is if you find a setting that is perfect then just get that setting or that person to make it instead of trying to have it recreated. I was in love with a setting from a designer, but I thought it was just too expensive and also it was sold at a B&M store that I really didn't care for. So I got one custom made from a different person. It saved quite a bit of $$, but looking back I wish I had just spent the extra cash to get it made exactly the way I saw it originally. Because there are still some elements of the ring that bug me, but not enough for me to want to scrap it only to pay for the original and thus throw even more money down the drain. Anyway, it sounds obvious but it wasn't obvious at the time! Reading about some of the other "redos" is making me feel better about my regret though!
 

Diamondbug

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 23, 2009
Messages
832
Oh no, tell me more! I worry about this - the 14K WG McCheapo temp setting from Blue Nile is surprisingly nice. I got them to make it with claw prongs, and while not nearly PS standard, they are neat, nicely shaped, smooth and completely un-catchy. I love the simplicity. What I don't like is it is so lightweight, and the wrong metal and shape to match my wedding ring. But what it I spend £1000 or whatever and it's worse :eek-2:

I had my three stone ring with pears and pined for a three stone cushion. After a couple of years of pining, I took the leap. It is a beautiful ring, my dream ring but now it just looks like a wall of diamonds, the pears were simple and classic and let the main stone shine. I will probably have another three stone with pears made.

I think that you probably should go and try out some rings.... for the longest time I wanted a halo after seeing all the beautiful halo settings on PS but when I had a chance to try some in person, they were not for me. Saved me a lot of time and $$.
 

wifelife

Rough_Rock
Joined
Sep 21, 2017
Messages
58
I am in a similar position to you. I recently bought a diamond I LOVE, and put it in a temporary solitaire.

Eventually I want to reset it into a three stone (cushion with pear sides, rose gold, maybe bezels in there somewhere?). But before now I have gone through A LOT of settings. So, for now I am happy with the solitaire. Maybe in the next 12 -18 months will I reset it, but I want to be really sure and not regret it. Surprisingly I am actually loving the solitaire.
 

Tigerlilyrosepetal

Rough_Rock
Joined
Feb 16, 2021
Messages
86
I, too, am a sufferer of FSS. Finally, a name to my condition!

I have been going to my jeweler's every 3 months throughout the last year to get my ring changed, trying to get my wedding set right: the look, comfort, fit, wearability, sentimentality- all have to be on-point.
The process:
1. bought an large antique setting for my smaller MRB and the stone was too small.
2. bought another antique setting for the MRB and the stone was too big this time.
3. missed the first antique setting that I had wanted for a very long time and bought a large stone for it that was more yellow than expected. Got over the color, but...
4. Bought another antique setting to maybe put the large stone in because it could have matched the stone color better, but ended up liking it with a ruby instead
5. Put my modern stone into a similar style of my old wedding setting but new and wider (part great eBay find) because the MRB looked too shiny/heavy in the second antique setting.
6. new wedding set too wide on my finger, drove me nuts in the summer. Very uncomfortable but beautiful. Back to the shop it went.
7. new e-ring with MRB stone currently being set

So, basically, this last year I have ended up with many antique e-rings and wondering what to do with them now as I am excited to pick up the new e-ring with my MRB tomorrow. I am considering making all my antique rings right-hand rings.

I have to say it is has been so hard( (for me, at least) to find the right balance of beauty, functionality, wearability, and budget!! I wish I would have just did this design that I am getting tomorrow a year ago, but I really did not know what I would like had it not been for the trial and error. I will also say that going in to a really good jewelry store and trying on all sorts of e-rings really helped me out to see what I liked! I just don't like to buy from jewelry stores because of their huge mark-up in prices!

Love this thread. Thanks for listening to my ring saga of the last year:)
 

nala

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 23, 2011
Messages
5,682
I have no insight to offer as I’ve clearly learned nothing….but I am grateful for each experience…It’s always fun to shop for a new dress and I have no intention of going to rehab for this predilection.
 
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