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FI threw the cost of my ring in my face

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DiamondSmitten

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 4, 2006
Messages
257
Ladies please feel free to tell me if I am overreacting but I am soooo upset. We live with my parents because we got rid of our CC debt and are saving for a house. Part of saving for this house is saving approx 5000-6000 dollars for the FI''s entertainment center. (HD LCD TV, HD TIVO, Speakers and a stand for the TV) Personally I think this is insane. He says its because once we have a house money will be tight and we will stay in a lot and therefore he wants a good entertainment system to enjoy during all the staying in. Well I think spending the 5000-6000 on the entertainment system is the reason we won''t get out much because that money is endless nights out with friends and weekends away etc. He isnt giving an inch on it and won''t even compromise on brand or inches (wants a panasonic 62 inch or bigger) so I have given up. It will take us about 3 months to save for the tv which means 3 months longer of him bitching about being with my parents. I have tried to come to terms with all of this until recently. We spent 9100 on my ring before taxes (in December of 2006). To be fair in 2001 we purchased my first engagement ring with stocks from when he was a baby that he cashed out for 2500, sold it for 3000 after we got back together after a year long break so 3000 of that was NOT his "hard earned money". He has been telling me he WANTED to get my this ring because it was soo beautiful and he saw how happy it made me and it meant so much for him to ask me to marry him with something I would want forever and want to pass down through generations. WELL, anytime I, or anyone else, says that that is toooo much money for an entertainment center he says "well 10000 is a lot for a ring but Rachel got that and gets to wear it everyday". Then today we were talking about saving money and he says "well you have to 10000 ring and I want my 5000 dollar entertainment center, you got wht you want now I get what I want. HOW can he compare a TV which will be dated in a few years and not worth anything as he wil want tot replace it with whatever is newer and cooler to the ring he PROPOSED MARRIAGE with? This is a ring I will wear for the rest of my life, no upgrading nothing because it MEANS SO MUCH to a effing TV, I am so damn hurt. I CANT BELIEVE he threw the price of it in my face. I don''t even want to freaking wear it anymore the whole thing is tainted. I told him time and time and time again only to spend 6000 total with the 3000 from the other ring and he said no no no, that he WANTED me to have that ring and not to let anyone make me feel bad (his mother threw it in my face and he knew how much that hurt). I can''t even look at him or the ring.... what should I do?
 

WTNLVR

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 30, 2005
Messages
623
Hubby feels the same way. Yep- bought a tv that cost 4k last month. They equate the two things on equal terms. You will not get him to change his mind IMHO.
 

anchor31

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 18, 2005
Messages
7,074
Ok... Let me get this straight. You live at your parents to get rid of debt and are trying to save up for a house, but he spent 10k on your ring and wants to spend 6k on an entertainment system? Seems to me like your man needs to get his priorities straight. If he insisted on spending the money for your ring when you said 6k was fine, he should not be throwing this in your face.
 

DiamondSmitten

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 4, 2006
Messages
257
Just to be clear we are now CC debt free and have Approx 8000 saved towards moving. So we are not total morons with no sense of responsibility. I said 6000 because we had the 3000 from selling the old ring and 3000 saved already in a ring fund we created after getting rid of all CC debt (mostly debt from college as my parents could not contribute a cent to my tuition, room board, books or living expenses). FI decided he wanted me to have the diamond and setting instead of upgrading or changing later in life.
 

gailrmv

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 8, 2005
Messages
3,136
Well, as they say in Econ 101, fixed costs are sunk. You have already bought the ring so there is no point in debating over it. It makes sense to me to move out of your parents house as soon as possible, get settled into your new house, use the TV/etc that you already have, and save for the new entertainment center over time. It seems unfair to me (to your parents) to continue living with them in order to afford a luxury purchase. And, it seems like your FI does not want to keep living there either. So I guess I don''t really see where he is coming from. We have a ~$300 tv and ~$200 dvd player that we''ve had for years and they work GREAT.
 

KimberlyH

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 15, 2006
Messages
7,485
Wow, this whole situation is very strange. If I were your parents and I knew you spent $10,000 on a ring when you didn''t have a place to live, besides my home, you''d have been looking for a new place to live a long time ago and then there would be no complaining on his part or staying 3 months longer to save additional money on another luxury item.
 

DiamondSmitten

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 4, 2006
Messages
257
I just want to say this isn''t about living with my parents. They allow us to live here because they have been able to provide SO LITTLE for me in the past. I have a masters degree but since they never were able to contribute a cent for schooling for life ( in fact I have lent them many thousands over the years) I am $70,000 in student loan debt in order to educate myself for a better life. They provide all the love and support in the world and I thank them for that but letting us live here is minimal compared to most of my friends who have had college, cars etc handed to them. It was 6000 "new dollars" for the ring as the 3000 was from the old ring, spent years ago, from stocks he was given as an infant.
 

cara

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 21, 2006
Messages
2,202
Um... counseling? Sorry, but he is not fighting fair or acting like a grown-up. This is not a way to embark on your own. If you two have made a joint decision to live w/ your parents for financial reasons, its not fair for him to bitch about it. At least not bitching that partially blames you for the situation, which is seems to be his tone.

I would tell him how ridiculously hurt you are at his comment, how it makes you not want to wear the ring, how it tarnishes something supposedly given with love when the cost is later hurled in an argument...

And grown-ups, planning to marry, do not keep living with parents to save up for a television. No matter how nice. That is something bachelors can do, but is not reasonable for people that are planning to marry and live as independent adults.

However, I do support his desire for a fancy entertainment center as an engagement gift, if that''s what he wants, even though it doesn''t have the staying power of a diamond ring. But for it to be a gift, it has to be on your terms, reasonable given your joint budget constraints, and not demanded at gunpoint. Imagine how we would ridicule the girl who said, "I just have to have this particular ring and no other even though my FI says its out of budget because we are saving for a house and living at his parents house and he desperately wants to move and be independent."

Just because he went over what might have been wise to spend on your ring doesnt make his childish demands OK now. I''d be really concerned over your future spending decisions if this is the precedent setter...
 

neatfreak

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 17, 2007
Messages
14,167
I''m also really concerned with his behavior. While an entertainment center is nice, you should BOTH be agreeing to save for it and it does not mean that he can throw the price of your engagement ring in your face. Sounds like something a 4th grader would do.

You really should talk to him and re-evaluate your priorities. Spending $10,000 and then another $6,000, while you are saving for a house is irresponsible on his part. Hell, that pays for a really nice downpayment in most areas of the country. I don''t blame you for thinking that your ring is tainted now. I wouldn''t want to wear something that was going to be thrown in my face during fights. I would seriously suggest that you reevaluate his maturity and that of his family''s.
 

cara

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 21, 2006
Messages
2,202
OK, I take it back. You still have $70k is school debt? Its not wise to buy a $5k TV even as an engagement gift. I said that thinking you all had no debt yet are then were going to buy a house. Its just not cool to blow that much on fun when you still have a bunch of debt. I''m all for getting him an engagement gift, but it should be kind of a prorated amount based on its potential lifetime. And are you guys planning on spending any $$ on a wedding? I know thats less important to guys stereotypically but it still need to be in the budget plans.
 

So_happy

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2006
Messages
1,084
I definitely do not see how one can compare a TV to an engagement ring, at least on an emotional level. However, maybe his underlying feelings are that he did whatever he could to get you an item that you and he could be proud and now he wants the same thing for himself....but in the form of a TV set up.

I bought my FI a gorgeous citizens blue angel watch a couple months after we were engaged because I actually wanted him to have something sentimentally equal too, to show off and be proud of......but then again we are on a different financial scale than you two are I think lol. (My ring was probably $2k and his watch about $500 lol). But I too am in grad school and we are living together in our own place so we knew outright that that fit our budget much better. We can''t wait to get the fancy living room furniture and TV stuff (I want it too, I have to admit) but that will have to come much later. We want to start a family right away
and know that a baby room is hugely more important than any size TV lol.

Anyhow, I guess I''m saying that getting married just simply can not be all about the "stuff" that y''all can get!? This is not an opportunity for him to get a dream living room theater because his woman is now paying half!!! That''s outrageous. Just think what that $5k would do for your home-buying budget......or retirement fund..........or future kids'' (if you want them) college funds.........those are things I personally would aim for first before TVs and couches.

And by the way, I really feel that the engagement ring is the item that sets the rest in motion......it''s not a "toy", it''s the signal that let''s you both know that this other stuff can now ensue. I realize others do not care about rings and I respect that decison but for you two.....the ring is already on your finger!!!! Now come all that other fun marriage-y stuff!! Not outright TOY BUYING!!!
 

DiamondSmitten

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 4, 2006
Messages
257
the student loans =~400 a month for 35 years, if we were to say give 5000 for that instead of the TV its taken off the LAST 5000 we would owe 30 years form now and doesn''t ease the finances now so its def not the way to go for that.
 

neatfreak

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 17, 2007
Messages
14,167
Date: 2/25/2007 5:06:47 PM
Author: DiamondSmitten
the student loans =~400 a month for 35 years, if we were to say give 5000 for that instead of the TV its taken off the LAST 5000 we would owe 30 years form now and doesn''t ease the finances now so its def not the way to go for that.
That''s not the point. The point is that if you are living with your parents trying to "save" for a house, a house is what you guys should be spending your $$$ on. You said you have $8,000 saved for a house? Well if you added the expense of the ring AND the TV together and had saved it, you would have THREE TIMES the amount you have saved. That''s the point.

AND your boyfriend is certainly being a child if he says that he deserves the TV because you got a ring. It doesn''t work that way. He should have bought you the ring because he wanted to, not so that he could use it as a bargaining chip in the future. And if you want to buy him an engagement present it should be on YOUR terms, not his.

Obviously it''s your decision what to spend your money on, but if you had turned all the $$$ you are talking about around, you could already be well on your way to a house.

I don''t mean to be harsh, but you asked for advice. I hope everything works out for you guys.
 

So_happy

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2006
Messages
1,084
I just had an idea for a compromise: Can you say that you''d love to invest in a quality entertainment center as soon as you have your own living room to put it in? Then once you get into your new home that can be something fun to do....design a really great living room.

(I still think it''s a huge expense especially for new home-buyers but hey we all prioritize differently at times)
 

KimberlyH

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 15, 2006
Messages
7,485
DS,

Someone posted in family and home about when is the best time to have a child and included all sorts of background information in her post that lead others to comment on it rather than answer her original question. And as was said to her, this is a message board, a public forum where you put whatever info you so choose out for scrutiny. You chose to divulge that you have major debt, are living at your parents and have spent/intend to spend $16000 on luxury items. It is only natural that people will comment regarding the entire situation. If you don't want to hear it, don't put that information out there in the first place. You could have simply said: I have a $10,000 e-ring and fiance threw it in my face that he deserves a $6000 enterainment center when that wouldn't be a smart financial decision for us right now, am I right to be upset? And then you probably would have heard what you wanted to. But that's not what you shared. What you did share is that you and your fiance are choosing, as a couple, to spend frivolously on items you want while living under someone else's roof. The circumstances of your childhood are irrelevant, what does matter is that two people who aren't responsible enough to spend the money they have on necessities (a place to live) are planning to get married and what that spells for most people is future financial disaster. The number 1 reason people get divorced is money, I think people responding to your post are just attempting to open your eyes to the fact that you and your fiance need to spend some time coming up with a long term financial plan that works for both of you instead of worrying about entertainment sets, because it sounds like you are worlds apart in terms of financial goals. It also sounds like you take quite a passive role in this relationship (he chose to spend X on ring, he has decided we're buying an entertainment center) but really resent him for it, which also equals huge problems down the road. The whole situation just doesn't sound too great for a couple who are about to embark on their lives togeth.
 

TCBug

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2006
Messages
58
Diamond Smitten --

I''m hoping I don''t get flamed here, but my feeling is that you should not be ready to string FI up quite yet. His love of electronics sounds kinda normal for a guy to me.

Others have made good points that you and FI need to review your goals and spending habits with an eye toward independence. I agree with these points. You guys need a plan to move out on your own. (My DH and I have lived without financial support since we were 22 -- 20 years ago -- so I am not encouraging you to live off your folks.)

BUT -- what really hurt you was that he threw the cost of the ring THAT BOTH OF YOU WANTED in your face. Then, you "kept score" by adding up the electronics that HE wants. Trust me on this: stop keeping score now -- BOTH of you!!! Your ring is important to you. As others have said, guys like their toys (even though they WILL get dated and useless and your ring won''t). I agree with you on the ring. My stone cost us about $21k 10 years ago (a 10th anniversary present). His Porsche cost about $55k 8 years ago. I have my stone and wear it everyday. His Porsche is LONG gone. I could throw that in HIS face -- but it''s really not so productive (or loving, or decent, etc.).

I know I sound like I''m blaming you, the victim of your FI''s diatribe. But what I''m really trying to say is that BOTH of you need to find a way NOW to NOT keep score. You both need to learn how to respect and honor what''s important to the other one. Then, you need to find a way to do it within your own budget so you won''t have to depend on family. Keeping score makes for unhappy years. Belive me. I know.
 

DiamondSmitten

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 4, 2006
Messages
257
Thank you for all who gave their input. This was not so much to analyze finances, but rather how the sentiment of the ring was tarnished with his comment. We lived completely financially independent for 2.5 years while we finished school. Unfortunately life throws curve balls and CC debt happened not for frivolous items like those discussed previously but rather important ones. I moved in with the ''rents after we broke up and he moved in after we got back together. We decided to move into a house on a clean slate which meant no debt other than my student loans and car which were worked into the budget. The money to be spent on the entertainment center is not at issue because staying with my parents is not an issue. The issue was how he "backed up" the purchase, by throwing "my ring" in my face. We have a budget and a timeline set in place for moving and have worked with a mortgage broker/accoutant on this. We can''t move until late summer because we are helping my parents with something and I won''t screw them after the opputunity they gave us. Therefore we are saving several grand a month and can''t really move for 6 months anyway, that is why I say the amount isnt the issue we will have that under control. We have furniture etc from living in an apt for 2.5 years and are not starting fresh there at all. We can get up and move out right now if we wanted and use the FHA loan, 3% down, and be in a house in a month, but we can''t do that without seriously hurting my parents and screwing ourselves for no reason. The FI came from money and privelige and I guess a place where he wants the best of everything and wants it NOW. Me, I came from love and support, not so much money. I would rather go out and experience life than worry about the TV we are watching. (don''t the shows and movies have the same plot whether its HD or not?) I get that we need to discuss how to reconcile these two priorities and we will find a way for sure, I just need hm to see that tarnishing something as beautiful as the proposal of marriage and the ring that went with it shouldn''t be his bargaining chip.
 

TravelingGal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2004
Messages
17,193
I think we women have to get over it...a lot of men don''t care about the ring, nor place such emotional value on jewelry like we do. Anyone who thinks otherwise is wanting a man to think like a woman, IMO. I think plenty of men would love to get engaged and married without having to ever go through the ring buying process. But we women love the tradition so they oblige us and spend thousands.

You ask: HOW can he compare a TV which will be dated in a few years and not worth anything as he wil want to replace it with whatever is newer and cooler to the ring he PROPOSED MARRIAGE with?" Well, he just isn''t thinking that way. He is thinking ring cost X and makes you happy...why shouldn''t he be able to spend X on the entertainment center that would make him happy? At the end of the day, plenty of men just seen your ring as simply that...a ring. Jewelry. They don''t get it, just like we don''t get why they love their entertainment centers. But they drool over these things like we drool over settings. They look lovingly at their entertainment centers. Fondle them. Practically wear the remote like we wear our rings!

You said to feel free to say if we think you''re overreacting. OK, I think you''re overreacting. To the point where you feel like your ring is tainted just because he really wants to buy that entertainment center?


And I won''t even go into advice on the other issues some of the posters have addressed...
 

cara

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 21, 2006
Messages
2,202
A lot of these details were not entirely clear in your first post - probably you were quite hurt/mad and didn''t give a complete and accurate picture. Completely understandable...

As others have said, its too much to ask that we peanuts just comment on the one particular thing that you want us to comment on and not all these other juicy nuggets that are sprinkled about. Especially stuff that people reasonably disagree on like carrying debt. Pricescope would be a lot less interesting if it was just a cheering gallery.

Anyway. Still sounds like you should have a discussion with your FI about his use of ring cost as weapon in argument, and general financial approach to life. Its fine to have different financial approaches and backgrounds but really important to acknowledge your differences and come up with an agreed upon game plan. Without throwing stuff back in people''s faces during heated moments and causing them pain. Best of luck.
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2006
Messages
12,170
I have to agree with TG-I think you''re over reacting by saying that the ring is tainted because he said those things. I doubt he meant it, he probably just said it in the heat of the moment.He is more than likely thinking, she got the ring, I deserve my entertainment system. TBH, we all say things that others construe as something different, I dont think he meant to tarnish the ring or proposal by what he said.
 

anchor31

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 18, 2005
Messages
7,074
Date: 2/25/2007 4:17:41 PM
Author: DiamondSmitten
Just to be clear we are now CC debt free and have Approx 8000 saved towards moving. So we are not total morons with no sense of responsibility. I said 6000 because we had the 3000 from selling the old ring and 3000 saved already in a ring fund we created after getting rid of all CC debt (mostly debt from college as my parents could not contribute a cent to my tuition, room board, books or living expenses). FI decided he wanted me to have the diamond and setting instead of upgrading or changing later in life.
Now, I did not say that you were irresponsible morons.
What I said is that priorities may need to be reconsidered. After reading your posts, I still believe that.
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
Date: 2/25/2007 6:21:23 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I think we women have to get over it...a lot of men don''t care about the ring, nor place such emotional value on jewelry like we do. Anyone who thinks otherwise is wanting a man to think like a woman, IMO. I think plenty of men would love to get engaged and married without having to ever go through the ring buying process. But we women love the tradition so they oblige us and spend thousands.


You ask: HOW can he compare a TV which will be dated in a few years and not worth anything as he wil want to replace it with whatever is newer and cooler to the ring he PROPOSED MARRIAGE with?'' Well, he just isn''t thinking that way. He is thinking ring cost X and makes you happy...why shouldn''t he be able to spend X on the entertainment center that would make him happy? At the end of the day, plenty of men just seen your ring as simply that...a ring. Jewelry. They don''t get it, just like we don''t get why they love their entertainment centers. But they drool over these things like we drool over settings. They look lovingly at their entertainment centers. Fondle them. Practically wear the remote like we wear our rings!


You said to feel free to say if we think you''re overreacting. OK, I think you''re overreacting. To the point where you feel like your ring is tainted just because he really wants to buy that entertainment center?



And I won''t even go into advice on the other issues some of the posters have addressed...
I agree completely with everything TGal said.

*M*
 

DiamondSmitten

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 4, 2006
Messages
257
Well, after licking my wounds... OUCH. I have to say after TGal's post I feel refreshed. I also spoke to my dad who basically said the same thing. He is a guy, he wants a toy, I am a girl and as far and he can see I wanted a ring. I was hurt because of everything I put behind the ring but I can't expect that from him. He LOVES me, and has for many years and will continue to do so. We talked, he won't use it as a weapon and I won't read so much into the things he says. As for the life advice, thanks guys but we have that part under control, this fight does NOT define our 6 year relationship.
 

TravelingGal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2004
Messages
17,193
Date: 2/25/2007 7:45:18 PM
Author: DiamondSmitten
Well, after licking my wounds... OUCH. I have to say TGal's post I feel refreshed. I also spoke to my dad who basically said the same thing. He is a guy, he wants a toy, I am a girl and as far and he can see I wanted a ring. I was hurt because of everything I put behind the ring but I can't expect that from him. He LOVES me, and has for many years and will continue to do so. We talked, he won't use it as a weapon and I won't read so much into the things he says. As for the life advice, thanks guys but we have that part under control, this fight does NOT define our 6 year relationship.
Good for you DiamondSmitten. When all else fails, Dads usually have good advice and give it a lot more lovingly than some PSers (er, OK...I) could.
 

ladykemma

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 2, 2006
Messages
2,194
Date: 2/25/2007 4:36:49 PM
Author: KimberlyH
Wow, this whole situation is very strange. If I were your parents and I knew you spent $10,000 on a ring when you didn't have a place to live, besides my home, you'd have been looking for a new place to live a long time ago and then there would be no complaining on his part or staying 3 months longer to save additional money on another luxury item.
uhhh, yeah. i'd tell you guys to hit the road, if you have enough money for a 6000 dollar tv. and 70k in debt.
 

DiamondSmitten

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 4, 2006
Messages
257
Date: 2/25/2007 8:13:39 PM
Author: ladykemma

Date: 2/25/2007 4:36:49 PM
Author: KimberlyH
Wow, this whole situation is very strange. If I were your parents and I knew you spent $10,000 on a ring when you didn''t have a place to live, besides my home, you''d have been looking for a new place to live a long time ago and then there would be no complaining on his part or staying 3 months longer to save additional money on another luxury item.
uhhh, yeah. i''d tell you guys to hit the road, if you have enough money for a 6000 dollar tv.
They would never tell us that... I would read the whole post, we help THEM too, they can''t afford for us to leave untill late summer as mentioned above.....
 

ladykemma

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 2, 2006
Messages
2,194
reality check: my hubby and i make a combined total of 150,000 a year, no debt, house is paid for. retirement contributions are maxed. we can't afford nor would we ever consider a 6000 dollar tv. we are saving for cash for a new toyota truck at the moment. we have two small tvs, both rather old.

while I realize different strokes for different folks, quite simply you can't afford it. instead i would hammer at the student debt, [possibly] while living under your parents roof. if you worked real hard you could have that paid for in three years.

you can afford a 120 dollar dvd /tv combo from walmart. if dave ramsay were here he'd tell you to have a garage sale and sell everything of value to get out of debt.

let's do the suze orman check: (paraphrased -apologies to suze)

do you have six months of emergency savings
are you working
do you have any debt
are you maxing out retirement
then you can afford it.

check out also Dave Ramsay, Mary Hunt, and Jerrold Mundis for getting out of debt advice.
 

Scooba

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 10, 2006
Messages
431
I''m sorry but I don''t think this is about the ring...you would rather live with your parents and have $15000 worth of toys? You can''t save for a TV when you move? He won''t move into a house without a TV? I''m just really confused...

I actually think the comment was harmless, he''s a boy, my ring cost ALOT of money, FI is the kind of guy who doesn''t buy anything for himself, I had to make him get the car he wanted, but he bought me a ring the cost of a down payment on a house, I know he would just rather have that money sitting in the bank, it''s a ton of money, but he loves that the ring makes me happy and gets more excited on compliments on it than I do...I''m not condoning what he said, it is childish and inappropriate and cannot be said about something that is supposed to be a simple of your love, but just let him know that it hurt you and was inappropriate, I''m sure he didn''t realize, or intend harm, he''s just being a guy

But you guys need to figure out your financials, sorry but you guys do not have 15 grand to be spending on luxury items with that kind of debt in my opinion, not saying you have to live in poverty but I think you need to be reasonable.

Also, you are a couple, and you need to spend money as a couple, it''s both of your money and debt, so all decisions should be agreed on by both of you.

And you are proving that you are not being smart about your situation by saying putting 5k towards the loans only takes off the last 5 years. You need to be paying more than $400 a month toward those loans and get them taken care of in 10 years, not 35! That will save you the cost of the TV and the ring and then some!!! Do you really want to be in debt for 35 years?

One more thing, I agree with Kimberly and Ladykemma, my parents would never tell me to hit the road either, but they should if we were spending that kind of money and claiming we don''t have enough for a house!
 

ladykemma

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 2, 2006
Messages
2,194
Date: 2/25/2007 9:16:53 PM
Author: Diamonds are Hot!
I''m sorry but I don''t think this is about the ring...you would rather live with your parents and have $15000 worth of toys? You can''t save for a TV when you move? He won''t move into a house without a TV? I''m just really confused...

I actually think the comment was harmless, he''s a boy, my ring cost ALOT of money, FI is the kind of guy who doesn''t buy anything for himself, I had to make him get the car he wanted, but he bought me a ring the cost of a down payment on a house, I know he would just rather have that money sitting in the bank, it''s a ton of money, but he loves that the ring makes me happy and gets more excited on compliments on it than I do...I''m not condoning what he said, it is childish and inappropriate and cannot be said about something that is supposed to be a simple of your love, but just let him know that it hurt you and was inappropriate, I''m sure he didn''t realize, or intend harm, he''s just being a guy

But you guys need to figure out your financials, sorry but you guys do not have 15 grand to be spending on luxury items with that kind of debt in my opinion, not saying you have to live in poverty but I think you need to be reasonable.

Also, you are a couple, and you need to spend money as a couple, it''s both of your money and debt, so all decisions should be agreed on by both of you.

And you are proving that you are not being smart about your situation by saying putting 5k towards the loans only takes off the last 5 years. You need to be paying more than $400 a month toward those loans and get them taken care of in 10 years, not 35! That will save you the cost of the TV and the ring and then some!!! Do you really want to be in debt for 35 years?

One more thing, I agree with Kimberly and Ladykemma, my parents would never tell me to hit the road either, but they should if we were spending that kind of money and claiming we don''t have enough for a house!
say you hammer at that debt to the tune of 800 month, you could have it paid for in 8-10 years.

we hammered at our mortgage and had the house "paid fer" in ten years.
 

DiamondSmitten

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 4, 2006
Messages
257
This time next year my personal income will be 15000 a year more than it is right now.... thats when you up the loan payments to make a bigger debt... not when you are buying a house, planning a wedding and helping your parents stay afloat.... student loans are set up so that the payments increase when your income increases. I am 23.... I will not roll over and not LIVE life... its tooooo short and I am toooo young. Everyone here has stated that people have different priorities, or different strokes etc, and then gone on to state how the way they do it is so much better..... kinda two faced no?
 
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