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feeling sensitive: i''m not obsessed with details--is this weird?

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janinegirly

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wedding planning has been challenging so far, but I think i''ve done a good job (I hope!) of keeping things low key and not going manic about silly details. I''ve just never been the Martha Stewart type or the kind of girl who planned her wedding before she even found the boyfriend.
I am looking forward to my special day, and want it traditional, but I''m not really that interested/concerned about minutia--colors of table cloth, having the perfect dress, every detail being perfect. I''m an older bride (early 30''s), but always been more of a down to earth person vs. wanting to be the centre of attention. I tend to see things in the "bigger picture" and look what really counts to me. I guess I''m just more practical than most brides. I think I might be different and wonder if anyone else relates. My bf made a comment (after I''d desribed myself as above) that he just thought "most girls" were into the details. That hurt me a bit, but I didn''t say anything. I wonder if I''m missing some girl genes?
 

ellaila

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Apr 7, 2006
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Ha ha, no you're not weird!

I was the same way. I didn't care about table cloth colors or what specific flowers were used for decorations or what my flower girls were wearing (I didn't know until I saw them on the wedding day!) ... and I think I saved myself a lot of headaches by being that way!

I cared about our vows, our rings, and our families and close friends all being there. I cared about having beautiful photos. Most of all, I cared about having some great memories of the day! And I had all those things
And I'm happy to say that our room was absolutely breathtaking with its white tablecloths


Do what you're comfortable with! To be honest, I think the best things about weddings are the spontaneous things -- not the things that were obsessed over in the planning stage. The beauty of a wedding comes from the couple getting married, not the material things that surround them.

ETA: Not to say that I didn't care about some of the details, of course! I wanted a beautiful bouquet (check), a pretty dress (check), and some of the other bridal trappings ... it's just that I didn't let myself freak out over *every* choice, you know?
 

firebirdgold

Ideal_Rock
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Nov 30, 2005
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If you are, I am too!


I want things to look nice but I''m just not worrying over the details. I have enough stuff in my life to get stressed about!

Well, ok I did get a bit obsessive over finding the perfect dress.
 

diamondfan

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Jun 17, 2005
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Maybe he is just surprised, because he likely thought all brides get nutty about their weddings...I would assume he meant it in a nicer way, like he is pleasantly surprised that you are on the mellow end of the spectrum! Kudos to you, I am sure it will make most things so much more pleasant for you and all of the people involved in the wedding!
 

labbielove

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Jun 28, 2006
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Same way here. I''m in my late 30s and while we are so thrilled to be having this celebration with our families, there are some things we really care about, and some things we don''t put as much time into.

I hear you about fi, though. I think it could be a male thing. I just don''t think he realizes how much there is to do. In his defense, he doesn''t have much wedding experience while I could practically be a professional bridesmaid.

It helped me to show him a list of to-do''s and I then asked what he did/didn''t want input into. For instance he is very into the music and the wine/beer that we will choose to have served, and the menu. So I let him run with those things, and for everything else I keep him posted on what the deal is and/or ask for assistance or input when needed. He is a major computer whiz so he will create the maps, our website,etc. and I will pick out what color paper it goes on, etc.

For both of us the photography was the most important, so it''s a huge % of our budget, and we spent a ton of time researching and interviewing.
 

Officers girl

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Jan 16, 2007
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Im the same way honestly I would be happy to have it in my parents back yard with a blugrass band and barbecue
but that isnt accepted so a planning I must go
Be glad your calm its better than being on your way to the nutty bin over which shade of pink best illustrates your love
 

dtnyc

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when did you all get engaged?

It might catch up with you. I think I started out fairly low key and was by no means a bridezilla (I let my BM''s choose from 6 different dresses and they only matched in color and somewhat in length) but I started figuring, hey, if I have to make a decision on something, it might as well be well-researched, and I might as well get the best value I can, and it might as well all coordinate nicely.
 

janinegirly

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Sep 21, 2006
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engaged 2 mo''s ago. yes it very well might catch up with me. And I do think I''ve been on top of the planning and focused on major details (i''m always here!). I just get the impression from FI that he thinks most girls are obsessive and wonders why I''m not manic all excited and matching colors in every spare moment. I think he should be happy that I''m "balanced" and not bridezilla (yet!), but I took his comment to mean I wasn''t "girly" enough or what he was used to seeing (he''s beein in 7 wedding parties, me: 0!!)
Anyway, thanks for the feedback, it helps provide perspective!
 

Jas12

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i think there are just as many ''low key'' brides as ''manic, center of attention seeking'' ones. Out of all my friends none have been a detail-obsessed bridezilla. Then there is someone like me, i am detail obsessed but not b/c i want to be in the spotlight (i hate this sort of thing) but b/c i love to entertain and spoil ppl and a wedding is the perfect oportunity for me to treat my guests to something special (while pretending it is for me ;-). Also, i think a lot of girls get wrapped up in meeting expectations, pleasing people etc. that what they intended to be low-key turns into a full-fledged ordeal.
 

NYCsparkle

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Jul 23, 2006
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I was a non stressed bride and didn''t care about little things either. I knew that the day would be perfect, because I was marrying my best friend and thats what mattered. My day was beautiful and special and I didn''t get crazy over colors and stuff. All the other stuff was just not so important.
 

curlygirl

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Apr 9, 2005
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I was the same way. Honestly, I just wanted to have a simple, elegant wedding and didn''t feel the need to stress out over details. One thing I was really concerned with was making sure that my guests enjoyed themselves. And really, I could only do so much to guarantee that--I gave them the tools they needed to have fun (good food, open bar, good music, great people) and the rest was up to them. Fortunately it all went really well and everyone had a blast. The only other thing that I was worried about was how I looked! That''s what you should think about too! Hair, makeup, dress, etc. That''s the best part! Don''t sweat the small stuff because seriously, nobody will notice!
 

TravelingGal

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Dec 29, 2004
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Hey, welcome to the thirty-something-I-don''t-give-a-caca brides club!
It''s the formula to have a really nice wedding...hehehe.

My hideous (which is too nice of a word in my opinion) visitor''s book posted on PS not long ago is proof that no one cares about the details. And if someone DID recoil in horror from seeing it, no one told me...and most likely no one will say anything to you if something is not perfect. Relaix and enjoy!
 

KristyDarling

Ideal_Rock
Premium
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Jul 27, 2005
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You know, I just posted about this in another thread yesterday. No, you are not weird!!! I cared very little about the details of my wedding, in fact, I just didn't want to deal with planning at all. So I hired a wedding coordinator who pretty much just told me which vendors to use and which flowers, cake, favors, etc. to buy. I bought the third dress I tried on because I was lazy and the price was right. In hindsight, though, I REALLY wish I had tried to take a more active interest in planning my wedding. Maybe not all aspects of the wedding, because it wouldn't have felt natural to me (I honestly don't care to spend a lot of brainpower dreaming up cute and unique favors), but I should've cared more about how I looked and I should not have let the wedding coordinator tell me to use overpriced, mediocre vendors. (I loathe looking at my wedding pics now. The makeup and dress were disasters. And I hated my photog and videographer....I overpaid for very average work.)

It's totally normal for some women to feel low-key about their weddings....heck, they're probably the least stressed of all brides on their wedding day! BUt don't do what I did and just make decisions out of total indifference. Remember that this is the ONE chance you'll have to be the bride, so own it!!! Pick your top 3 priorities and focus on those...and let everything else happen naturally (delegate, delegate, delegate!!).
 

akw94

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Feb 10, 2006
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Janine,
You are not weird! I thought I would be much more interested in the details. I find that more and more, the importance to me is celebrating w/friends and family. What the invitations look like or what flowers I use, I''m just not as concerned with. Sure, I want them to be nice but I think that can be done w/o all the fuss. We''re using my mom''s good friend to take pics, possibly even using my grandma''s recipe to make our own wedding cake, etc... I just want it to be nice, for everyone to have a good time, to celebrate this day w/the people most important to us. How exactly that gets done isn''t as important to me.
 

nejarb

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Joined
Aug 3, 2006
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324
Date: 1/23/2007 11:32:54 AM
Author: Officers girl
Im the same way honestly I would be happy to have it in my parents back yard with a blugrass band and barbecue
but that isnt accepted so a planning I must go
Be glad your calm its better than being on your way to the nutty bin over which shade of pink best illustrates your love

there''s still planning to do if you have a backyard bbq wedding! i am sooo not into the wedding thing, but pressure & harrassment made us cave in. instead of going to the ct house we''re having small wedding at friend''s ranch in colorado. and the caterer is going to grill the meat. but what kind of meat? which caterer to use? etc...
 

fatafelice

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Jul 26, 2004
Messages
1,756
I don''t think you have anything to feel weird about! My FSIL didn''t give two figs about her wedding details, and I think she had more fun at her own wedding than any other bride I have seen!

I do wish my FI was a little more like yours, however. I feel like I am into some of the details, but not nearly as obsessed as I could be (except about the invites, lol). But last weekend FI and I got into a row about his mother/the rehearsal dinner (long story short, she''s crazy) and he said he was worried that I was too concerned with the details. Ugh. We talked it out, but it was an aggravating comment nonetheless.
 

Blenheim

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Feb 27, 2006
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Date: 1/23/2007 11:37:38 AM
Author: dtnyc
when did you all get engaged?


It might catch up with you. I think I started out fairly low key and was by no means a bridezilla (I let my BM''s choose from 6 different dresses and they only matched in color and somewhat in length) but I started figuring, hey, if I have to make a decision on something, it might as well be well-researched, and I might as well get the best value I can, and it might as well all coordinate nicely.
I agree with this. I started out incredibly low-key, and while I still don''t care at all about some aspects (one my potential florists cares WAY more about the color of the table linens than I do) I developed more preferences along the way. FI''s even worse. He pretends like he doesn''t care about details, but he does. When I suggested letterpress he got upset because he really wants engraving. Okay, engraving it is.

I think that it sometimes makes more sense to delegate some things. I have virtually no experience with flowers, and honestly I don''t think that it''s something that I''m going to have much more of an interest in after the wedding. On the other hand, the florists we might use have been working with flowers on a daily basis for years. Why not just trust them to pick things out, with a little guidance as to what colors and looks we like?
 

sarie_j

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 15, 2007
Messages
130
I don''t think you''re weird at all, but beware because like the others said, it may catch up with you - That''s what happened to me - Am getting married in May and hadn''t done a single thing until this month and now I''m all crazy lol, not as bad as some, but a lot more interested than I ever thought I would be. I don''t think it matters what level of detail you choose to go to, after all it is the marriage that matters not the wedding. To feel better just remember the mantra that everyone repeats on here over and over -- It''s YOUR day, you should have it how you want, focus on what is important to you and don''t worry about what anyone else says about anything.
Just my .02 ...
 
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