thirtysomething bride...blues?

[TravelingGal]

I''m 33 and getting married in October. All my friends got married in their 20s and they are amused (and some a little horrified) that I don''t seem "excited" about my wedding.

Of course I am excited, but more for the marriage than the wedding! I don''t want to stereotype this into a 20 something vs thirtysomething thing because I know there are lots of 30 somethings that want a princess wedding and a lot of 20 somethings that don''t. But I wonder if age has something to do with it for me. The thought of putting my 30 something year old friends in matching dresses doesn''t sit well with me, so I am not having bridesmaids. I don''t want a bridal shower or a bachelorrette party. My friends really want to do something for me, but I think it''s a waste of money...not because I don''t think I''m worth it (I do!

) but because at the end of the day, I don''t think I''ll appreciate/want it like they did in their 20''s.

My boyfriend is even mentioning that we don''t have to be so frugal on our wedding plans. Honestly, I am not cheap in any way, but I just like the idea of having a small wedding that doesn''t cost much so we can put the money on other things (like a house in Los Angeles...you REALLY need to save your pennies for that!)

Am I alone in thinking like this? I do think back to when I was a lot younger, and I did imagine a princess wedding back then...but I don''t know where those "dreams" went! And it''s not the guy...I am TOTALLY thrilled to marry him.

I''m also interested if any of you have done things that weren''t typical wedding-y, but still celebrated the process. For example, I don''t want a bridal shower but they want to do SOMETHING. I don''t feel that they should have to pay for that kind of stuff...but I don''t want to seem ungrateful. Anyone do something else in lieu of a bridal shower and gifts?

 

[decodelighted]

SING IT SISTAH!!! (38 and feel 100% the same) Don''t have much advice though. If I figure anything out myself, I''ll post!

ps -- though I''m not sure if I would have felt Princessy in my 20''s either - its SO not me.

 

[appletini]

I''m 26 and think the same as you. Not mention my FI and I went to so many weddings last year I''m tired of them, and its all about details that no one will remember anyway. Although you should definitely have a bachelorette party even if its just a spa day, it will be a fun memory to have with your girlfriends. Basicially I think weddings are for everyone except the bride and groom b/c people have so many expectations.

 

[sosst7]

TravelingGal - I''m definitely with you in not having a huge wedding and would rather put the money that would have been spent on the wedding on something like a house. I''m 25 and never really wanted anything big because I am not comfortable in the spotlight and I kinda like the idea of a small and intimate ceremony.

As for what your friends can do for you, maybe you can all get together for dinner and cocktails? If people want to bring you gifts, they can and if not, that''s okay too. Appletini had a great suggestion of a spa day or something along the lines of that. That way, they can all join you in your celebration!

 

[cinnabar]

I was 41 when I got married, but I still had a bachelorette party (we call then hen parties in England). A group of us went to a local restaurant. It wasn''t about getting presents or playing games, it was just a nice send-off because I was emigrating after the wedding.

I also didn''t think it was appropriate to put friends of my own age in cutesy dresses, but I had a work colleague who was only 20-something and she really wanted to be a bridesmaid; she''d never been one before, maybe because people thought she was a bit ditsy. She organised my bachelorette and took her "duties" very seriously, I was so glad I asked her.

We don''t have bridal showers in England, so that wasn''t something I had to worry about. I said "no presents" to our guests because my husband-to-be had a home already and I didn''t want to have to ship a load of crockery abroad; electrical items like toasters wouldn''t work either.

I''ve seen weddings where older bridesmaids have been given a colour and they could pick any outfit at all as long as it was that colour, so they don''t have matching dresses or have to wear something too cute for them.

 

[ivanadiamond]

I think it is great that you are more excited about your marriage than your wedding day, it seems like you have your priorities straight. I think that you and your FI should do whatever works for you. Some people want big events, some prefer small. it''s great that there isn''t one way of doing things but rather your day can be tailored to what you and your fiance envision it to be.

As far as a shower/bachelorette, if your friends want to do something for you though, why not let them, it doesn''t have to be something that isn''t you, but how about a day at the spa? or go wine tasting in Santa Barbara? We took our girlfriend to Palm Springs for her bachelorette/shower and we just relaxed and spent saturday having breakfast and spending the day at the spa and in the evening we cooked pasta and drank wine and just hung out- It was so much fun and more what the bride had in mind.
I also know you can take the train up to sb and go out a wine tasting tour where they pick you up from the train station...or you could spend the day at Burke Williams locally? Or Glen Ivy day spa in Hermosa Beach?

Your girlfriends just want to be with you and make this time special. I wouldn''t worry so much about how much money they are spending because you could all spend the day at the beach and it wouldn''t cost anything as long as you were having fun with your friends.

I hear ya about saving money for a house in the LA market, we are having such a hard time trying to buy, that being said I wouldn''t change a thing about my wedding day, sure I could have spent the money on a new car or for a down payment on a house, but I just tried to be as present as possible that day, soaked up the abundance of love from our friends and family and enjoyed every last minute of it

 

[E B]

Date: 4/17/2006 4:12:02 PM
Author:TravelingGal

The thought of putting my 30 something year old friends in matching dresses doesn't sit well with me, so I am not having bridesmaids. I don't want a bridal shower or a bachelorrette party. My friends really want to do something for me, but I think it's a waste of money...not because I don't think I'm worth it (I do!

) but because at the end of the day, I don't think I'll appreciate/want it like they did in their 20's.

I'm 22 years old and I feel exactly as you do! I've never understood brides thinking that asking their friends to be BMs is such a great honor...not only do they have to buy an expensive dress they'll never wear again, but apparently, they're supposed to throw you two (or more) parties and pay for everything. I understand wanting your friends to be with you, supporting you, but being a bridesmaid in today's weddings seems like a drag, to be honest (though I've never been one, I'm the first of my friends to get married!). FI and I have decided not to have attendants, for our friends' sake...all of our friends will be guests, and they'll be with me when I'm getting ready, if they'd like. If they want to take me out one night before the wedding (and knowing them, they will), that'd be wonderful, but I'm not "expecting" anything.

 

[TravelingGal]

Thanks all...glad to know it''s not just me. I was beginning to feel like I was being negative!

I like the wine tasting idea...everyone I know likes wine so that may be fun.

BTW Ivanadiamond, you responded to an earlier thread way back, and today I am taking the advice and checking out charthouse to see if it''s a possible reception venue. I just hope they aren''t as expensive as Verandas. I was actually ready to ink the deal (even brought the boyfriend along) and the woman at verandas just rubbed me the wrong way. So they lost a sale for a friday daytime wedding...oh well!

And I don''t mean to bash bridesmaids...some people like doing it. But personally I have never met one that was thrilled for the honor, especially when the financial stuff came up. I''ve done it 3 times, and the only time I loved it was when it was my cousin (family!) and it helped greatly that she made no demands on us whatsoever...it only made me want to do things for her all the more. I know too many girls that are no longer friends with their MOH. Personally, I''d rather keep the odds in favor of my friends staying friends and not ask them to be in my wedding!

 

[teebee]

I totally understand where you''re coming from!! I''m 32, FI is 33, and our wedding is in 6 weeks. And, while we''re doing all the normal wedding stuff - bridal shower, bridesmaids, formal dress/ceremony/reception, etc. - I''m not just hopping up and down with excitement and anticipation over any of it. That''s not my personality anhow, but I think my age does have something to do with it... People keep asking me if I''m getting excited and then seem a little disappointed when I say "sure, I''m looking forward to it & I''m really just ready to get it over with..." But I am!! Wedding planning has been stressful, I''m not a kid, and I''m looking forward to getting married and having friends and family there with us... and then I''m ready to get on a plane and head for the BEACH!!

 

[E B]

Date: 4/17/2006 5:12:57 PM
Author: TravelingGal

And I don''t mean to bash bridesmaids...some people like doing it. But personally I have never met one that was thrilled for the honor, especially when the financial stuff came up. I''ve done it 3 times, and the only time I loved it was when it was my cousin (family!) and it helped greatly that she made no demands on us whatsoever...it only made me want to do things for her all the more. I know too many girls that are no longer friends with their MOH. Personally, I''d rather keep the odds in favor of my friends staying friends and not ask them to be in my wedding!

This is what I meant too. I''ve heard of many girls who are thrilled with the idea of being BMs, but even so, I''d feel guilty expecting them to do this and that. It''s just personal preference, though.

 

[icekid]

well, I''m only 25 (25 as of yesterday! holy crap when did that happen...) and I''m not all that interested in the wedding either. If my FI wasn''t really set on having one, I would just say screw it! Of course, he is the one who wants the wedding so naturally I will do all of the planning..... boys!

 

[elepri]

I''m not sure how much it has to do with age because I don''t remember ever wanting a big, princessy wedding. I got married at 30 and although i was quite excited about the wedding, it was not particularly traditional. First, it was relatively small, although, being in NYC, certainly not inexpensive. I, like you, didn''t have a shower and my bachelorette party was just going out to dinner with a few close friends. I had no bridesmaids either. If anything, I had a better idea of what i did want at 30 than i would''ve at a younger age, so the wedding was much more of a reflection of us.

 

[daisyblue]

I know exactly how you feel. I am 37 and wanted to elope, but that did not fly with either family so I am having a small family only wedding, with only the children from both families as the attendents. The kids look darling in the outfits and don''t complain. Several of my friends are unhappy,but I am throwing a party for all of my friends after we move into our new house and I am ordering a wedding cake for that event and we will have a toast so they can all celebrate with us. This way we will have a ceremony with nice pictures etc, but nor have the huge elaborate event.

 

[Tybee]

TravelingGal,

I hear you loud and clear!
I''m thirty-seven, but will be 38 next week! (yeahaw April 29th!) Getting married this July. I feel like my big wedding days past me by, but good riddance to them! I in no way desire a big wedding.

I was really wanting to elope, but my friends and family sang a different song. Instead we are getting married in the Caribean. Only those who are truly dedicated will come with us.

I toyed with not having bridesmaids, but my girlfriends said that they would stand up there with me whether I wanted them to or not!
They will not all be wearing the same thing, they are all choosing their own dresses in their own shade of blue.

No shower for me, but some friends did throw an awesome low country boil for us--to surprise us they rented a crazy moon walk!
Imagine a bunch of tipsy thirty-somethings bouncing around in this big inflatable pig! The food was awesome, and it was such a sweet gesture, I still smile about it.

As far as a bachelorette party. I am praying that one doesn''t get planned. I''d really rather plan a weekend getaway at a beach house or a lake house with my favorite girls. That''s still in the works.

Enjoy yourself, and do things your way!

 

[lizz]

TG, this is such a great thread! It really made me think. I just turned 39, but was 35 when I got married. This is old in today''s world to be getting married for the first time. My priorities were just not on spending money on a wedding. I agree that age is probably related to what you want in a wedding. I also never envisioned myself spending a ton of money on a huge, expensive wedding. I wanted it small since I am shy and never liked the spotlight. We had 50 people at our wedding (including the two of us!). I had one bridesmaid, my sister. She picked her own dress in the color I chose, light pink. I have been a BM in weddings of people I never even talk to anymore! We have lost touch over the years as I moved away, etc. I never wanted friends in a wedding photo who I may not be talking to in 10 years or so. My sister was my one attendant, and my husband''s BM was his brother.

We spent a total of about $2000 on our wedding, and this included my dress! Like someone said above, the priority was on being married rather than on the wedding. We had a small, intimate get-together with great weather, music, and cocktails! Yay! That''s all you need. My father-in-law told me after our wedding that the amount of money you spend on a wedding is in inverse proportion to how long you stay married (i.e., more expensive weddings are related to shorter marriages). I''m sure this is NOT true for everyone. But there''s something to be said for focusing on the man you''re marrying and not the hype of a huge wedding. I was a BM in a friend''s wedding who is now getting divorced after 4 years and a VERY expensive wedding.

Oh, and I didn''t have a bachelorette party either. My friends did do nice things for me, which I never expected or asked for. Just spending quality time with my friends is all I ever could have asked for.

 

[curlygirl]

Add me to the group! I''m 35, just got married 2 months ago and I was soooo not into it!! I mean, I loved my wedding day but part of me feels like we had to do it to appease our families. My mother and sister had a shower for me but it was in an upscale French patisserie and there were no games. It was a civilized tea/champagne/caviar/petits fours event and just seemed like a fun afternoon with a bunch of great ladies. No bachelorette party for me--didn''t want one and frankly, none of my friends thought to plan one for me. No attendants except my sister who was my maid of honor and she wore a long black dress that she arleady owned.

You''re definitely not alone and you certainly do have your priorities straight--the actual marriage is what really matters. Don''t sweat it, sister, we''re all here for you!!

 

[TravelingGal]

You gals are great...I really do feel better and better about this! I''ve had some people say there was no way I could do a wedding for under 10K (my budget) in L.A. I thought, "Wha?!? How is that not enough? I realize that L.A. is expensive, but come on...10K is plenty of money if I lose the pomp and circumstance. I mean, I just bought my dress for $99.50 on sale.

Not a real "wedding" dress, but it''s white, kind of gauzy and beachy. Just a chance finding at a normal dress shop. If I could do it for 5K, I''d be thrilled, but I can''t really push my luck.

I think I am having a wedding for my mom (who is a lovely woman and scrimped when she was making minimum wage as a cashier at her friend''s grocery store to present me with wedding money. I always kept it aside and didn''t spend a dime - even though I never thought I''d get married!) However, if I could have held off getting married for a few more years, I think my mom would have locked this "over the hill" Korean girl in a hotel room with any guy and a marriage certificate and just begged me to consumate the damn thing. Then I would have really been off the hook!

 

[ChargerGrrl]

Another 30-something bride! I'll be 35 in August, and will be married in September.

For us, the wedding is about what we want. We're getting married at a winery, which is so "us", and all the other elements are falling into place. At 75 guests, it will certainly be manageable, and we're trying to keep it at $12k (almost unheard of in the L.A area!) We're certainly not skimping on things. Some (wine, food & photography), are just more important to us than others (my dress, flowers).

THANK GOODNESS we're not dealing with parents that want to be involved every step of the way. They've submitted their guest lists (which were reasonable- YAHOO!!) and that's been it for now. Please don't get me wrong- we certainly want to include them, but there's something to be said for planning it without any family drama!

As far as BM's go- I'm not having any. Just a MOH. My girlfriends were actually kinda relieved that I didn't ask them to be BM's. They will have a large role in the wedding. I asked them to all wear the same color (dark red/wine), and they will be invited to all events- rehearsal dinner, brunch, etc... They are throwing me a shower, and are planning a bachelorette weekend getaway. They're keeping me in the dark- all I know is that we're heading to either Palm Springs, Catalina Island, or San Diego for a weekend of spa-ing, dining and drinking!

I truly don't know if I would've eloped. I'm really excited about my wedding, and even more excited about the MARRIAGE!

 

[TravelingGal]

Chargergrrl, I''m with you...wine food and photography are the areas I will not skimp on. If I did, I know I could have had this wedding for way under 5K. But I don''t want to do it in a rec room with Korean buffet.

We thought about a winery, but it seemed like it would be expensive! Yours sounds reasonable...so does that 12K include everything? I''m pricing out the charthouse in Hermosa Beach for 50-60 guests, and it''s coming out to be about 6400 total. I''m guestimating on the high end.

Speaking of which, I have a question on estimating liquor costs at receptions, but I''ll start another thread on that.

 

[ephemery1]

Not engaged yet, but just chiming in because I''ve been thinking about this lately... I come from a small/medium-sized town where everyone grew up together, and my parents are VERY active in the community. Moral of the story, there will probably be at least 200 invitations going out from my side alone, and at least another 100 or so on my boyfriend''s side. Problem is, lately I am NOT feeling the big princess-y wedding thing. Right now we''re counting at least 8-10 close friend couples planning to get married around the same time as us next year, and I hate the idea of all those mutual guests going from generic wedding to generic wedding all spring/summer/fall long. Furthermore, I am really NOT a competitive person, so the idea of everyone trying to outdo each other is making me even more un-enthused. And I''m 26, for what it''s worth... I just have a feeling that by the end of "wedding season" next year, the agony and expense of trying to create yet another fairytale $60k wedding will not have been worth it.

I say go with your gut, and do what feels right to you!

 

[aljdewey]

Mark another one here. I married for the first time at 38......almost 39. I''ve always been more inclined to do an intimate wedding -- even as a young woman -- but it was even more important to me as an older bride. Even though I''m very social and an extrovert, I''m not one for parading around as the conspicuous center of attention.....and that was amplified at the notion of getting married as an older bride. I can''t explain why it makes a difference, but getting married in my mid- to late-30s seemed like it should be a more sedate affair.

In fact, so odd did it feel to me that I really considering eloping. In hindsight, I''m so glad I didn''t.....because I would have missed what is the most magical day of my life. But the cool thing about getting married older......it''s easier to set down the law on what you are comfortable with and what you aren''t. I did a MOH only, and very small (30 people) wedding.

In lieu of a bachelorette party or shower, I asked the girls to just come out to dinner with me and have a few drinks at a wine bar. It was very age appropriate, very classy, and very intimate. I didn''t want gifts; a few of my friends really struggle just to make ends meet, and I didn''t need a thing - LITERALLY. It was nice just to spend the evening with them.

I''m sure you''ll find the things that work for you.

 

[ChargerGrrl]

Date: 4/17/2006 7:53:17 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Chargergrrl, I''m with you...wine food and photography are the areas I will not skimp on. If I did, I know I could have had this wedding for way under 5K. But I don''t want to do it in a rec room with Korean buffet.

We thought about a winery, but it seemed like it would be expensive! Yours sounds reasonable...so does that 12K include everything? I''m pricing out the charthouse in Hermosa Beach for 50-60 guests, and it''s coming out to be about 6400 total. I''m guestimating on the high end.

Speaking of which, I have a question on estimating liquor costs at receptions, but I''ll start another thread on that.

Hey TG:
We lucked out on the winery. It''s a brand-new one- just opened in Temecula this past January, and we were there only 3 weeks after that! It was a work in progress at the time, but we really liked it and the owners. It''s very intimate, remote, and off the beaten path. They''ve got some work to do, like landscaping and such. But it should be done by now. We''ll be there in 3 weeks, and I can''t wait to see it again!

Yep, the budget includes everything. I really think we can do it! Our food/beverage cost is about what you listed above for the CH. Our other big expense is the photographer, and that''s really it. We''re running the music off itunes, we''ll have minimal flowers, and my dress was $215! The only other things I''m not factoring in are the w-rings and the honeymoon.

Hope this info helps!

 

[Selkie]

I just turned 34, and am getting married in summer 2007. I never thought much about marriage, let alone planning a wedding, but within two minutes after he proposed and I accepted, we both knew exactly where ours would be, and what it would be like. I'm excited, but not over-the-top ecstatic about it, partly because I have so much time left to plan it. I'm not really interested in the typical pre-wedding things, because my friends are split almost evenly on two different coasts, and no matter where I have a shower or bachelorette, half the people I love wouldn't be there. I'll have only a MOH as well (if I can decide who I want to do it!). Maybe because I have only been to a handful of weddings, and all of them were very personal and unique, I don't have a lot of preconceived ideas of how they should be. I just want ours to be fun, relaxed, and highly personal.

ETA: Ours will probably be in the $6k-8K range, including the B&B for us and out-of-town family. That's a decent price for the Boston area, from what I hear.

 

[Logan Sapphire]

I was 28 when I got married and we didn''t want a big fuss either. We had a combined bachelor/bachelorette party, which meant that everyone squished into our condo for drinks and food. Both our workplaces threw us showers (although I was out of town for his)- we didn''t have one with our friends. I also didn''t see the point in making my friends buy matching dresses that they would never wear again, so I just asked them if they would wear a black, spaghetti-strap, knee-length, church-appropriate dress. I knew everyone had one in their closet from college dances, and I figured that would minimize their expense. Or, they could buy one if so inclined. Everyone''s dress turned out a little bit different from the others. I thought it looked great! One BM didn''t have transportation, so her husband would''ve been stranded. So, he came along in the limo too! It all was good. I figured the only real disaster would be if the priest didn''t show up, which meant we couldn''t get married.

 

[Caribou]

I'm 33....wait that's not right, I'm 34...I forgot my birthday was last Friday.

Anywho, We are getting married in September and aren't doing a big fuss either, we really are doing the full on wedding for family more so than for us. I'm looking forward to my wedding day but this planning stuff is for the birds I want that to be over with and it to be my wedding day so that can be over and I can be married to him.

I'm having a MOH and Best Man that's it. I hate being fussed over so I'm freaking out about that....that's the one thing I'm not looking forward too.

 

[nytemist]

Add me to the ranks. I will turn 35 a week before my wedding on Oct 31. When I was in my 20s, I never thought I''d get married at all, much less have a big fairytale event. I do think age and maturity change the opinion for most people. Ian and I want a small, cool, fun wedding that screams us, albeit kind of odd for others. We''re keeping to a budget of $5000 for everything. I asked my closests friends who still live in the area if they would like to stand with me, they are thrilled to do it. They are wearing black and they don''t all have to have the same style, plus I don''t want them to have something so "bridesmaid-y" that they can''t really wear it again. I really don''t want a shower, but I can still party like a rock star so I do want a bachelorette party.

 

[rms]

It''s really great to see so many 30-something brides!!! I used to feel like there was something wrong with me for not getting married in my 20s...

I got married when I was 35, about 1 1/2 years ago. We had 2 receptions of 100 people each because we live on the west coast and our families are on the east coast. But we definitely kept them pretty low key, and the cost stayed pretty reasonable. The most important thing was celebrating with our family and closest friends. We didn''t invite people who were just acquaintances. I also only had a MOH. As the actual days arrived, I got more excited about the planning, but I tried not to worry too much about all the little details....a lot because it is stressful, and some because I didn''t care too much. Like my flowers for example...I didn''t really care what kind of flowers I had, I just wanted something pretty with certain colors.

But I totally passed on all the pre-wedding stuff, no engagement parties, no shower, no bachelorette party...they just weren''t something that I wanted.

I guess as long as we do what makes us happy to celebrate the occasion...

 

[Mara]

i had alot of fun with our wedding (married at 29) but i was never the princess type. i actually tried on one of those gowns and took a picture of me scowling in it and greg got the biggest kick out of it. anyway....there''s no ''right'' or ''wrong'' when it comes to getting married, do what makes you happy and try not to be influenced by other people''s ideas of what is right or wrong (aka family !!)....you want to have great memories that are of you two the way you are happiest!!

 

[KristyDarling]

You sound very normal for a 33 year old bride. In fact, you sound exactly like me right now. Ohhh....if I could do it all over again, I would in a heartbeat, and I'd do EVERYTHING differently. Now that I'm in my 30's my tastes and priorities have changed a lot. I got married at 27 (not so long ago!) and had 134 guests, ceremony in a big, historic church, and reception in the dining room of a famous San Francisco museum. I wore an A-line dress that had a short train and had bridesmaids in matching dresses. I fell victim to the whole "princess for a day" extraganza-spectacle and even wore a tiara. The wedding planning process was stressful and DH and I got into countless fights about the classic "who's doing all the work here" dilemma. It seemed like we had forgotten to savor the joyousness of almost being married and I was too focused on the details instead. In the end, I felt like I was putting on a show for others (particularly our parents' friends, who made up about 85% of the guests, ARGHHH!), rather than creating a meaningful commitment ceremony for me and my honey.

I believe that I was pretty mature at age 27, but now I think I'm mature in a sort of mellower, more introspective way. If I were to do it all over again, I'd stand up to our parents and exclude all of their wedding guests and invite all of OUR friends instead. I'd keep it small, probably no more than 50 attendees, and I'd have a short afternoon ceremony followed by a cocktails and munchies at a beautiful, outdoor location. And definitely no princess dress or tiara.

No wedding party. No DJ and no dancing. Altogether MUCH more low-key than what we had. Because when I look back now on my wedding, I don't recall feeling overwhelmed with joy or getting misty-eyed at the wonderfulness of finally being married....all I remember is the nervousness that something would go "wrong," worrying whether the food would be good enough for our parents' friends, whether they'd all get along, and whether we'd look dumb during the first dance. Of course, in the end the most important thing is that I married my hubby, and that was definitely the best choice I've ever made in my life, but it woulda been nice to have had some sweet wedding memories to look back on instead of the nerve-wracking "show" that we had put on for everyone else.

The wonderful advantage of being a slightly older bride is that you are perhaps less inclined to fall victim to the princess fairytale (unless, of course, that's what you want. Sounds like not in your case tho) and can instead, stand behind your priorities and make your wedding exactly what YOU want. Go for it....with no regrets! This is YOUR day, and enjoy it exactly the way that you want to!

 

[diamondfan]

I think a dinner party, with your close pals, intimate and lovely, would be nice replacement to a traditional shower. Also, a couples "shower" with a fun theme and dinner could be lots of fun and less stress.

To me, a wedding is the beginning, of your life together and the journey...a lot of people think of it as the END and thus it takes on a life of its own. I think it sets you up for disappointment. I agree some people just want that princess fantasy and I say, go for it if you do. But, lots of times, major money is spent, someone is always upset (where they are sitting, why they are not in wedding, why can''t they bring a date, hate the bm dress...on and on)...their expections of this "perfect day"...how could one day live up to it all every time someone gets married? You are starting life together. That is the great thing...and what is really important...