Feeling like a theif

[aphisiglovessae]

Hi everyone, I started reading these forums about a week or so ago and I''''m so addicted! I was hoping that maybe I could get some advice or some reassurance that I''''m not a jerk. SO, here''''s my problem:

I met my boyfriend a year and a half ago. We''''ve been talking about marriage since Christmas time (after 1 year of dating). As a matter of fact, he''''s already gotten the ring and now I''''m just playing the waiting game on when he''''s going to propose. The thing that bothers me is the fact that I picked the ring. I always told him that I didn''''t care what I got for an e-ring. I always said that it was the sentiment behind it that was important. I didn''''t mean to pick it out. Here''''s how it happened: In March, he was showing me rings that he happened to be looking at online. I think he just wanted to get an idea of what I liked. I found this site one day that had some pretty rings and we were looking at them together. There was only one or two rings on the site that he liked. One of the rings was especially pretty to me. I told him I liked it, but it was a little expensive and I told him all the time that I would like him to pick the ring and I didn''''t want him to break his pocket buying one. Well, I happened to be home visiting my parents one weekend and I was showing my mom some of the rings that my bf told me he was looking at. She really liked the same ring that both me and my bf really liked on that site. When I was talking to him on the phone I happened to mention that my mom liked the ring as well, not thinking that anything would come of it. I thought it was just conversation. Next thing I know he''''s telling me he''''s on the phone with the dealer!

And then a little while later he''''s involving me in picking out a diamond!

And then he buys one and is sending me all the results of the testing that Rockdoc did on the diamond. Now he''''s got the diamond mounted in the setting and it''''s ready to go (it''''s been ready for three weeks). However, he won''''t let me see it now that it''''s all ready because he said the ring is ten times prettier than it was when it was seperate. Oh, he let me see the setting and the diamond before he had them put together. I just feel like poo because I think I robbed him of the fun and excitement of picking out a ring and seeing my expression and surprise when he presents it. He involved me every step of the way in the purchase of the ring. He now makes comments about how I already know everything and he shouldn''''t have told me because now it won''''t be a surprise. I told him that no matter what, I''''ll be just as emotional and excited as if I never knew. I know that my reaction will be the same regardless, but I feel bad that it didn''''t go the way he originally wanted. I know he''''s the one that involved me and I didn''''t really jump in, but hindsight is 20/20 and I feel he''''s regreting it. Also, the waiting game is killing me because I know!

Am I a jerk for picking out my ring and did I ruin the proposal process?

Any input is appreciated.

 

[Basil Hallward]

Perhaps he will make up for the "letting the cat out of the bag" by presenting and proposing in some unforgettable way!

Good luck!  Hope you love It!

 

[aphisiglovessae]

He''s never been good at keeping secrets. I even think I know when he''s going to do it. I''m graduating this Saturday from college and the closer it gets, the weirder he acts. I can''t even mention anything about marriage or engagements without him jumping on me lately. I just think that he''s having a hard time thinking of a way to make up for letting me in on it and it''s making him resent me or something. I don''t know. I just feel like a heel.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

P.S. I just realized that this thread might belong in the LIW forum, so if someone wants to move it, feel free.

 

[AChiOAlumna]

I wouldn''t worry about your stealing his thunder in picking out the ring...if he really didn''t want you to know what he was choosing, he would have either told you to "butt out" and he definitely wouldn''t have told you that he was on the phone with the dealer...He probably is getting nervous about the upcoming proposal, which would account for his jumpiness. That being said, he''s probably relieved that he knows you''re going to L

VE the ring and that is probably a relief in itself. Most guys hold their breath in hoping they bought the right ring for their impending FI...you''re BF KNOWS he got that part right!!!

Sit tight and keep yourself occupied until then....

 

[MissAva]

Bless your heart! I think if he didnt want you to knwo you wouldnt. My BF has flat out told me I get no say. He has taken me on a few trips to stores to find out what I like. Now I am 100% out of the loop. My guess is that he is nervous about the actual question. Just say yes and give him oddles of kisses and it will be fine. IMO there is no use crying over spilled milk. You love each other, you are getting engaged, go and enjoy the moment!

Dont forget to get your nails done

 

[NoonersMom]

Welcome to PS!

Sounds like you have a very considerate BF/partner on your hands. I agree with Matadora....if he didn''t want you involved he would of told you flat out. One of my friends has experienced this with her BF. He absolutely refuses to discuss the ring or what their wedding will be like until they are engaged.

Your BF still has his opportunity to make it a surprise. You haven''t seen the completed ring or know when or how he will be proposing. Your knowledge of the existence won''t detract from the event itself.

Enjoy this time. It''s very exciting!

 

[aljdewey]

I was the one to select my diamond, do all the the legwork with the vendor, and pick the setting when my now-husband and I became engaged. He asked me without a ring, and we shopped from there.

Trust me when I tell you this: even if you''ve seen pictures of what it looks like......NOTHING is the same as seeing it in person, and NOTHING comes close to the feeling of actually hearing the words come out of your BF''s mouth asking you to be his wife. Even if you know it''s coming.

 

[jlc0604]

E-rings are very difficult to pick out for another person, even when you know them and their taste really well. There are plenty of stories on here of women that are excited to be engaged, but feel bad because they don''t absolutely LOVE their ring and they don''t want to hurt FI''s feelings by asking to change it. So be thankful that you know you''re getting exactly what you want, even if it''s not a complete surprise. Men love to make women happy. I think all his regrets will melt away when he sees how happy your are after he proposes!

 

[ame]

Don''t feel bad. It''s better to be involved than have the issue of him choosing something you don''t particularly care for without you being involved.

He still has the "fun" part of the proposal

 

[snow_happy]

hello

I think the proposal part (which can be elaborate and totally designed by him) will still be a surprise and I know that was really important to my FI when we got engaged. At least he knows he is spending money on a ring that you BOTH love. I kind of had an idea what my ring would look like but like someone earlier said.. it will take your breath away even more when you see it in person.

It sounds like you will still be surprised and everything will be great. My FI still looks over at my hand and talks about how beautiful he thinks the ring is I helped him find the original design and then he tweaked it. Plus I think most women nowadays have at least some input as to what their engagement ring will be...so no worries.

Make sure to post pictures of your ring when you get it!

 

[AmberGretchen]

I totally agree with most of what has been posted here. I had a really similar situation - I was very involved in the whole process and saw the separate "parts" of the ring before they were put together.

I''m sure that even if the timing of the proposal isn''t a compelte surprise, the proposal itself will still be unique and special to you (it helps to not read proposal stories beforehand and really just don''t have any expectations as much as you are able - this helped me). Regardless though, alj is right about this one - there is nothing as amazing as hearing your bf ask you to spend the rest of your life with him, and it won''t matter when he does that whether you had a say in the ring or not. Try to enjoy the anticipation and then the engagement, and congratulations in advance!

 

[just_looking!]

I think you have the best of both worlds! The knowledge that a proposal is likely and all the fun of being involved in the e-ring purchase!

 

[teebee]

Date: 4/27/2005 10:32

3 AM
Author: aljdewey
I was the one to select my diamond, do all the the legwork with the vendor, and pick the setting when my now-husband and I became engaged. He asked me without a ring, and we shopped from there.

Trust me when I tell you this: even if you''ve seen pictures of what it looks like......NOTHING is the same as seeing it in person, and NOTHING comes close to the feeling of actually hearing the words come out of your BF''s mouth asking you to be his wife. Even if you know it''s coming.

I totally agree with aljdewey on this and was in a very similar situation. I did the research, picked the stone & the setting, even went to the FedEx station to pick it up... But all of the pictures in the world do not compare to exhilaration you will feel seeing the ring in person and having him slip it onto your finger!! I''ve had my ring for several months and sometimes, especially on bright sunny days, I just sit and stare at it in awe ~ it is it''s own little sparkly surprise every day!!

And really, I think it''s very sweet that he was so excited about it that he wanted to include you in the process ~ I bet that is part of his charm and personality that you love!! Every couple has their own style and personality so embrace whatever road you both take towards your engagement and marriage as your own personal story and enjoy it! My engagement was so far from a romantic ideal, but it''s what got me to this point and I''m happy about that ~ maybe you could reassure your boyfriend that you''re happy with whatever he does or has planned because it will eventually lead to your engagement ~ because I think he is worried that by involving you, he disappointed you or ruined your dreams of a surprise engagement. Reassure him that nothing is ruined!!

And by the way, you are not a jerk for being anxious to receive a ring that he already has!! Totally normal....

 

[aphisiglovessae]

Well folks, HE DID IT!

I thought he was going to do it at my graduation this Saturday, but he surprised me with an early proposal! Today was my last day of finals and I had been so stressed out this past week, so he mentioned going out for dinner to "destress" me. I thought it would be nice and quickly agreed. He took me to our favorite Italian restaurant (which we hadn''t been to since Hurrican Ivan) and we had a nice quiet dinner with great conversation (as usual). Then once we were finished, I thought we were going home to finish the night relaxing in front of the T.V. or something.... But he was driving in the opposite direction! I asked where he was going and he said he wanted to go some place to talk. A little perplexed, I said ok (you know it''s kinda scary when someone says they want to talk) and didn''t think anything of it after that. Once we got to where he wanted to go, he was a little disappointed that it was closed. It was where we went on our first date after dinner and talked forever: a children''s memorial downtown on a pier overlooking the bay (it must''ve sustained some damage from the hurricane

). But there was a veteran''s memorial across the street in a park and I said "Why don''t we talk over there instead?" Still a little disappointed, he said ok. So we''re walking and talking and ended up sitting at the main memorial. After still a long talk, he all of a sudden gets up, looks at me with this huge grin and gets down on one knee!!

Then he asked me to marry him while I''m sitting there going "You''re doing it now?!?!"

I barely even heard him ask! I just kept looking at the ring! Then I finally said "Of course I''ll marry you!" and quickly put the ring on. Now that I think about it, I probably should''ve let him put it on me, but I was so excited, I wasn''t even thinking...WOW! The ring is absolutely gorgeous! I can''t wait to get hold of a camera to show you all. My old camera broke months ago and I''ve been dying without it.. Also, I need to do my nails before I take pictures. The one day I don''t do my nails (I was planning on doing them tomorrow), he proposes! Gosh!