Feeling like a major brat about my ring...

[JaneSmith]

You are not a brat, you are a human being.
You have received some excellent advice and wisdom already, so I'll just add a couple of my own experiences to maybe add perspective/help you feel not alone.

I have a very crappy engagement story. I would have loved a grand gesture but knew I'd never get it. He is just not romantic. I even considered doing a grand gesture myself but talked myself out of it. So I planned a low-key romantic proposal at home. I chickened out at the last minute because I think he twigged as to what I was up to and I couldn't tell if he was pleased or frightened.
Anyway, I casually brought it up in the shower a couple of days later.
"So, will you marry me?"
"Yes"
Me, in my head: Woo-hoo! Wait ... oh no! No romance! I got engaged in a shower! Waaaaah!

I felt bad for a long time, but let it go. We love each other and are happy. The story is now funny.
Now, I've planned a nice version of a vow-renewal for our tenth anniversary. I'm getting a nice ring made, and he is going to romantically propose to me with it. Yay! Re-do proposal!

I also didn't like my wedding ring. I've posted before in another thread about jewelry regrets, but the short version is, I got a completely different shade of irradiated blue diamonds than the ones I had picked, but it was too late to change.
This year I just went and got a nice eternity and now that is my wedding ring. Now I look at my wedding ring and am happy. Hubby was a little, not hurt, but not happy at first. He understood once I told him the whole story and how when I looked at my wedding ring, all I thought was 'oh, wrong colour'.

Anyway, enough rambling. I would either keep the diamond locked away for your daughter and get a big coloured stone e-ring, or sell the diamond and get a diamond e-ring you will love. Either way, forgive your hubby somehow. That resentment can seep insidiously into otherwise strong areas of a marriage.

 

[Laila619]

Laila, what happened to the 3 stone ring in your avatar? It's simply gorgeous and I remember having a fit of envy when you posted it initially.

Hi, LS, thanks. I still have the ring in my avatar, my grandmother's. The stones are tiny but it's a beauty. I think each stone is around maybe 0.25 carats?

 

[Laila619]

Cookie, thank you! 10 carat tourmaline ring?! Wow, AMAZING finger coverage there!!

Dreamer, thank you for the great advice. You are wise as always. I am glad to hear you still love George and are completely satisfied. For a while I thought I was too with my three stone, but alas no. I am sure I will get there someday! The funny thing is I was going through old threads and came across your old emerald cut sapphire and diamond sides three stone ring and I seriously drooled over it. Yummy!

 

[LaraOnline]

MC, I do want to address this because I think you are right. There is more going on behind my resentment. My DH is an incredibly kind and loving husband and father, but he was very clueless when we were dating about the fact that I wanted him to propose. He literally will tell you that he had no idea I wanted that, and that it never even crossed his mind that maybe it was time to propose. I basically got fed up and told him I would be moving on, and THAT'S when he ran out to Jared that same evening, bought the crappy stone and setting that I HATED, and proposed literally the next day. So I wonder if my distaste for the diamond is partly because of the feelings surrounding our engagement and all of my frustration with his complacent personality. He is not a "make things happen" kind of guy. I think if I hadn't said I would be moving on, we'd probably still be just dating even today, instead of married with two kids. I also feel like he'll research things that are important to HIM, but it never occurred to him to research diamonds or rings. Man I seem to have a lot of anger about this for some reason. I feel like he cheated me out of a happy engagement...who wants your engagement story to be "Well I threatened to dump him and that's when he ran out, bought a junk bag ring, and proposed"? Once I found PS, I was so envious of all the gals whose boyfriends were doing so much research and committing so much energy and time into finding just the right ring for their girlfriend. It's like, why didn't my guy care enough to do that for me?

Oh sweetheart, I feel so bad for you.... you sound like an Aussie girl! Because this is what happens to Aussie girls ALL THE TIME.
How can I share or make you feel better? Perhaps I can only say that at this stage you can help yourself by concentrating on how CLEVER you were to get what you wanted out of life Big Picture - you've got the loving man, the kids.

I know this sounds crazy, but it would also be a fun and therapeutic exercise to re-tell your story in as ROMANTIC way as possible. All through your courtship, there MUST have been a million fun and romantic times.... and then it all came together at your WEDDING, possibly your first pregnancy? (not so much the birth praps heheh)

I know early-ish in my marriage - and especially when the children were small and I was stuck at home, so bored - I felt a little shocked at how it had come to this: stuck at home, small kids, me and the laundry and the kitchen sink etc etc. And all this after years of silly non-romantic 'courtship' *cough cough* which was not really very exciting or romantic at all, and even scary or a bit disempowering at times!

Retelling your story in a way that suits you will make you feel good! And 'truth' has nothing to do with it! Because there are competing 'truths'!

He loves you! He spent a whack on your ring! (Waaay more than my fine, upstanding man did originally lol) You scared the c**p out of him and he couldn't get a ring quick enough for you lol! He has watched you do remakes! It's not really his fault. He wants you to be happy. Feel the love and feel empowered. <3 Lara

 

[decodelighted]

Well, this may sting a bit. You say at the time YOU knew nothing about diamonds either. So kind of a double standard if you ask me. Do you have the right to be disappointed in your e-ring? Of course! But I think, as a complete outsider, the resentment you have towards your husband is very unfair. I am sure he did the best he could at the time. I think a MINORITY of men find PS pre-purchase. Most people would not think such a forum even existed! So it is time to let go. Let go of that resentment. It is only going to hurt your relationship in the end. Don't take a loving act and turn it into a personal attack. At the end of the day it is just a diamond. How important is it? Sell it. Save the money and put it towards your dream ring. Forgive your husband.

Ditto. Ha! I'm on "team brat" -- but heck, it's human to be a brat from time to time. Is this really about the ring or are you mad at your husband for a *trend* of not being able to read your mind etc.? "Symbolic focus" -- who said that earlier in the thread. Easy to stew on something physical & costly. Figure a way to make yourself happy I guess.

 

[decodelighted]

I know this sounds crazy, but it would also be a fun and therapeutic exercise to re-tell your story in as ROMANTIC way as possible. All through your courtship, there MUST have been a million fun and romantic times.... and then it all came together at your WEDDING, possibly your first pregnancy? (not so much the birth praps heheh)

Retelling your story in a way that suits you will make you feel good! And 'truth' has nothing to do with it! Because there are competing 'truths'!

This is the BEST ADVICE. In life it's often a good idea to RE-TELL ourselves our own stories in a different way. You can really get stuck in a rut of thinking about something negatively. And sometimes just re-spinning it really helps break the habit.

 

[decodelighted]

I know this sounds crazy, but it would also be a fun and therapeutic exercise to re-tell your story in as ROMANTIC way as possible. All through your courtship, there MUST have been a million fun and romantic times.... and then it all came together at your WEDDING, possibly your first pregnancy? (not so much the birth praps heheh)

Retelling your story in a way that suits you will make you feel good! And 'truth' has nothing to do with it! Because there are competing 'truths'!

This is the BEST ADVICE. In life it's often a good idea to RE-TELL ourselves our own stories in a different way. You can really get stuck in a rut of thinking about something negatively. And sometimes just re-spinning it really helps break the habit.

 

[bunnycat]

Hi Laila!

A lot of emotional things get centered around our e-rings. I know I feel this way as well when it comes to what I am wearing on my left hand. I'm not that way at all about any other ring I wear, but the ones on that hand I get really fussy and perfectionist about.

I think the many wise ladies here are right when they say that the majority of guys don't know a thing about diamonds (though I would up that to the majority of people). We see time and again how people just trust a jeweler when they go make a purchase only to find out later it maybe wasn't as nice as they thought. I seriously think that general Jo and Jane think of diamonds in that they are all alike- you cut a diamond and it's sparkles as long as you do what the marketers say and get hi color and clarity. The cut quality issue seems to be a fairly new event in the diamond world, within the last few decades.

I also understand the "romantic gesture" aspect you've felt you were/are missing because I go there now and again myself. Hubs (uber sweet guy that he is) is also legally blind (he has what's called "low vision") and does not drive, so you can imagine that this kind of takes the wind out of the sails on romantic surprises and so forth. So though I miss sometimes that he's going to have a hard time doing something surprisingly romantic, and it's not really in his nature to do significant things without both of us being on the same page and he doesn't tend to "think out of the box" (that's my job!), his huge list of fantastic qualities far outweighs this and is a constant reminder to me of how lucky I am.

So what does all this mean?

What I have gleaned from your posts and reading the recut thread is you have a mindclean issue with your original stone because it's not ideal specs (or a size you'd like to have). It seems you had a larger stone at one point that was in a halo? I don't know what prompted you to sell the whole thing and not just keep the stone and sell the setting, but maybe if you answer that question you might have a better idea of what you want in a ring? was there a reason not to keep just the stone?

Now, the stone itself is a branded cut. You got plenty of good advice not to mess with it because it'd probably be worth more that way. I also agree that if the stone is now giving you negative sentimentality then you probably ought to make a decision on it. I think you just have to decide what bothers you more; letting it go because of the sentimentality or keeping something that is causing angst and living with the angst.

If it were me, I'd get over the sentimentality part and sell it. No, you probably aren't going to get what you paid, yes, diamond prices are higher, but indecision and spinning your wheels is a real emotional drain too (speaking from experience here). Then you can decide what you really want. The reason I say this is because I don't have any background info on why you had the bigger stone and let it go too.....????

As for selling the original ring, just remember that most people aren't educated about diamonds (and also probably don't care all that much, I think.) Leo is still a branded cut and people buy it. It is a flavor, just not the kind of diamond flavor you like. There are plenty of people out there who are fine with it so I would consider that and if you sell, just sell it for what it is and not what it isn't. Check what the current Leo pricing is for the specs you are have and you can make a better judgement from which to go from.

 

[Laila619]

Oh laila I'm sorry you feel that way but You know I see what you wrote here differently "Well I threatened to dump him and that's when he ran out, bought a junk bag ring, and proposed"?

I see it as you threatened to dump him he ran out and got you the sparkiest best ring that he could porpose with because you were worth it and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you and didn't want to lose you. Now that's romantic and please don't stay angry at the poor guy forever. Hugs to you and yes I know exaclty how you feel so I'm not trying to make lite of your sittuation.xo

Cluless, I suppose you're right when you put it that way. That is a nice way of looking at it. Thanks for your sweet post!

 

[Laila619]

Thank you so much to Rosebloom, Cluless, Diamondseeker, Clairitek, webdiva, Elisateach, missy, Mommy2BMR, TC1987, distracts, JaneSmith, LaraOnline, decodelighted, and bastetcat!! I might not be able to reply individually to everyone, but I've enjoyed reading your stories and I truly appreciate your advice and words of wisdom!

 

[Laila619]

A bunch of you asked why I sold the 1.8 carat round I upgraded to:

1) I realized I really don't like round brilliants on me all that much. I prefer cushions, or even oval or pear.
2) Because of the crazy diamond price increases in 2010, I was able to sell the diamond to a PS vendor for a small but nice profit so I couldn't pass up the opportunity!
3) I was uncomfortable owning an expensive stone when I still had the first diamond, it wasn't "mind clean" for me to be able to justify the expense.

I really don't need a big diamond to make me happy, although it is nice. What makes me truly happy and what is "mind clean" for me is feeling like I got a killer deal, like I got my full money's worth. That's why I have been obsessing over this (in my eyes) wasted $6,000.

 

[Laila619]

Just popping in to give you some advice from an old married lady.
You are not a brat, you are however I think looking at this through the PS lens which you and your DH were not looking through at the time.
First of all untiL recently the grand over the top proposal we all have been subjected to, did not exist. Most girls got a quiet in a restaurant will you marry me? or a random walk in the park kind of proposal. My own proposal (back in 197 was terrible especially by todays standards. My Dh carried the ring around with him waiting for "the moment" it never came. We had shopped together for on 47th st NYC.I choose it. Long story short, after about 3 weeks of knowing it was in the apartment and trying it on when he was not home We were in bed together and I starting whinging about why is he waiting, we have told my parents,we told his parents, my dying grandmther wasnt getting better, we are even looking at venues etc.. .. he jumps out of bed opens the drawer and tosses the ring at me, he says here ya go, then he hops back in bed and rolls over. I thought he was joking! ! SERIOUSLY!!
Later that night he did say some mushy crap about spending our whole lives together.. BLAH BLAH Blah. It always bothered me I didnt have a romantic engagement story but tell, but,we have been together for 34 years. He has been my rock through sickness and trauma. We are each others best friends.

Aww, this is very sweet!

I just thought of an funny story. Back when we had just gotten engaged and I was thrilled with my 1.17ctt pear in its classic HW inspired baguette setting, we went out to dinner at Winged Foot Country Club in LArchmont NY. The dinner companions were all older women in well established marriages to well to do men. They all ooed and aahed at my ring and seemd genuinly impressed,but then i saw their rings, all at least 3 cts and up!! and one of the women very sweetly said, yes this is what yours can grow up to be in 25 or so years!

 

[Laila619]

I have a very crappy engagement story. I would have loved a grand gesture but knew I'd never get it. He is just not romantic. I even considered doing a grand gesture myself but talked myself out of it. So I planned a low-key romantic proposal at home. I chickened out at the last minute because I think he twigged as to what I was up to and I couldn't tell if he was pleased or frightened.
Anyway, I casually brought it up in the shower a couple of days later.
"So, will you marry me?"
"Yes"
Me, in my head: Woo-hoo! Wait ... oh no! No romance! I got engaged in a shower! Waaaaah!

LOL! I'm sure it wasn't funny at the time, but that's definitely a cute story!

 

[Laila619]

Retelling your story in a way that suits you will make you feel good! And 'truth' has nothing to do with it! Because there are competing 'truths'!

He loves you! He spent a whack on your ring! (Waaay more than my fine, upstanding man did originally lol) You scared the c**p out of him and he couldn't get a ring quick enough for you lol! He has watched you do remakes! It's not really his fault. He wants you to be happy. Feel the love and feel empowered. <3 Lara

Thanks, Lara, that is really great advice. You're so sweet!

 

[chrono]

In that case, selling it will also not be mind clean for you because you know it'll be at a loss. I think it's time to rewire your brain to view the ring differently, put a positive spin on it. Either way, I think the ring stays although you may wish to put it away for a while until it is sorted out in your mind.

The poor man didn't realize it's time to take the next step when suddenly he became desperate at the risk of losing you so what is a man to do at gun point? He runs off to the mall, plunks down a wad of cash and demands the best diamond in the store. Salesperson said RB is a safe bet and Leo is the best they have. He could have done worse by getting you a princess cut with some really funky super deep cut and still overpaid. How many guys even know there are other jewellery stores apart from the mall? Back in my e-ring days, I myself didn't know much about diamonds too. I think it's time to let go and move on. He sounds like he's trying very hard to make you happy. Think about the now and the future. The past is the past and cannot be changed.

 

[bunnycat]

A bunch of you asked why I sold the 1.8 carat round I upgraded to:

1) I realized I really don't like round brilliants on me all that much. I prefer cushions, or even oval or pear.
2) Because of the crazy diamond price increases in 2010, I was able to sell the diamond to a PS vendor for a small but nice profit so I couldn't pass up the opportunity!
3) I was uncomfortable owning an expensive stone when I still had the first diamond, it wasn't "mind clean" for me to be able to justify the expense.

I really don't need a big diamond to make me happy, although it is nice. What makes me truly happy and what is "mind clean" for me is feeling like I got a killer deal, like I got my full money's worth. That's why I have been obsessing over this (in my eyes) wasted $6,000.

I do agree with Chrono that if you can't get yourself over the "wasted money" part, then selling or keeping it you are going to have baggage about it and so that seems to me to be the first place to start. Believe me when I say I know what you are going through. You might be surprised though if you can actually get yourself to make a decision on it one way or the other. The continual refusal to move one way or the other with it really will drain you and your relationship emotionally. Also, this purchase was so far in the past now as to not be affecting your current finances, so it seems futile to keep beating yourself and hubby up over it as wasted. You're still together so it's not been wasted! (But it is, perhaps, time to move on....)

I had similar feelings when I found the OEC that I have about spending extra money and having 2 rings and I agonized over it but once I decided to do it and keep it, and actually make a decision, I was fine and it was such a relief to let go and not carry that around.

Which one would give you more angst? Keeping the ring and all the associated baggage with it not being the kind of stone you like, or selling it and feeling like you made some money back, but still took a loss? Does either one of them seem less angst-y? I guess what I am saying from my experience with the OEC purchase is that even if the selling at some loss would cause some angst over wasted money, you might be surprised at how having made an irrevocable decision on it and having funds to freely and without guilt of still having the original allows you to purchase something you may really like may make you feel (like an OEC)....

 

[Laila619]

A bunch of you asked why I sold the 1.8 carat round I upgraded to:

1) I realized I really don't like round brilliants on me all that much. I prefer cushions, or even oval or pear.
2) Because of the crazy diamond price increases in 2010, I was able to sell the diamond to a PS vendor for a small but nice profit so I couldn't pass up the opportunity!
3) I was uncomfortable owning an expensive stone when I still had the first diamond, it wasn't "mind clean" for me to be able to justify the expense.

I really don't need a big diamond to make me happy, although it is nice. What makes me truly happy and what is "mind clean" for me is feeling like I got a killer deal, like I got my full money's worth. That's why I have been obsessing over this (in my eyes) wasted $6,000.

I do agree with Chrono that if you can't get yourself over the "wasted money" part, then selling or keeping it you are going to have baggage about it and so that seems to me to be the first place to start. Believe me when I say I know what you are going through. You might be surprised though if you can actually get yourself to make a decision on it one way or the other. The continual refusal to move one way or the other with it really will drain you and your relationship emotionally.

I had similar feelings when I found the OEC that I have about spending extra money and having 2 rings and I agonized over it but once I decided to do it and keep it, and actually make a decision, I was fine and it was such a relief to let go and not carry that around.

Which one would give you more angst? Keeping the ring and all the associated baggage with it not being the kind of stone you like, or selling it and feeling like you made some money back, but still took a loss? Does either one of them seem less angst-y? I guess what I am saying from my experience with the OEC purchase is that even if the selling at some loss would cause some angst over wasted money, you might be surprised at how having made an irrevocable decision on it and having funds to freely and without guilt of still having the original allows you to purchase something you may really like may make you feel (like an OEC)....

Hi Bastetcat!

Well, so far, I've been in the camp of stubbornly keeping the stone and somehow trying to find the elusive setting to make it work for me, so I can wear it and get our money's worth. But obviously, we know how that's been working out!

So maybe it is time to try to sell it once and for all. It'd probably be cathartic and freeing like a few posters said. Although there is still a tiny part of me that would feel bad since DH is a sensitive guy and I know he feels like he let me down.

 

[bunnycat]

Yeah- continuing to think of something like this that you've had for years in terms of money's worth probably isn't the best idea. It was a symbol of a moment in time. My DH is a very sensitive guy too, but what's more important to him in terms of sensitivity and sentimentality is that I have something I am happy with and not how we came about to it.

I for one would tend to think that would be more distressing to a sensitive guy to have to keep feeling the angst and always having that original one "in you face", as it were, than to just let it go, sell it, and get something that DOES put a smile on your face. Get him involved so whatever y'all get has part of "him" in it too, and not just from an "ooh-shiney" perspecitive. I don't think many guys get that, not even mine. He totally gets the history and the technical details that makes old cuts different but not the "ooh-shiney" part.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I do think you need to consider his feelings. My original diamond is sitting in a drawer and will be given to one of my children at some point. I wouldn't even ask my husband if I could sell it because I know it would hurt his feelings. But I will never wear it again. Still, someday a child or grandchild will love to have those diamonds we were given for our engagement rings! Think of it as an heirloom for the future and put it away or make it into a pendant which might make your hubby happy that you want to use it!!! Use some of the money you got back on the 1.8 diamond to buy another one to wear. I really think this is solvable!

 

[partgypsy]

A bunch of you asked why I sold the 1.8 carat round I upgraded to:

1) I realized I really don't like round brilliants on me all that much. I prefer cushions, or even oval or pear.
2) Because of the crazy diamond price increases in 2010, I was able to sell the diamond to a PS vendor for a small but nice profit so I couldn't pass up the opportunity!
3) I was uncomfortable owning an expensive stone when I still had the first diamond, it wasn't "mind clean" for me to be able to justify the expense.

I really don't need a big diamond to make me happy, although it is nice. What makes me truly happy and what is "mind clean" for me is feeling like I got a killer deal, like I got my full money's worth. That's why I have been obsessing over this (in my eyes) wasted $6,000.

This. But you can't get this. Your husband picked it out, as a big show of his love to you. It's water under the bridge. It's like someone giving you a 6K sport car that is uninsured and you crashing and totalling. Or burning 6K cash at Las Vegas, or taking 6K for a risky investment and losing the principal. You can't redo this.

So, where you are now, where do you want to go? Is 6K worth impairing your relationship with your husband? Put it that way, it sounds irrational, right? Remember while maybe he was not as educated as you would have like (just like you admit you didn't know about diamonds back then either!) he was doing it with good intentions. If you don't enjoy wearing the ring, just wear a simple band and keep the ring in your jewelry box or security box, no rule you have to wear your engagment ring. And stop thinking about it so much.

If having a diamond ring of a certain size, etc is still a goal. Then make it your goal. Sell jewelry you don't care for (sounds like you already did that) instead of anniversary gifts or dinners ask your husband to contribute to the anniversary ring fund instead. Make coffee at home and put your starbucks money in the kitty. When kids are older get a part time job. Keep the fund seperate from rest of funds. And be patient, and keep it in perspective. Many of the people on this forum did not get their dream ring until 25 years down the line.

I myself am very picky about jewelry, and gemstones, and my husband doesn't understand it. He has tried, but really giving jewelry, and gifts in general is not his forte (he hates shopping). I think my and your husband are more typical than the few men who find this website, so it can skew your perspectives. I bet if you took a poll of all your girlfriends and how they got their rings, you might be surprised. Good luck

 

[bunnycat]

I guess thehubby sensitivity issue would come down to what you think his personality is more like.

DS makes a point that her DH would be unhappy if she got rid of the original, so she keeps it and puts it away. And that may be what works for their situation. It's a valid point you should consider.

I know my DH would be unhappy like that. He'd rather me wear something I love than keep something I dislike tucked away just because it came from him. The first ring he gave me was a bad job from Zales (pre PS) and the stone fell out and the setting bent in less than 2 months. (And I am NOT hard on jewelry; that was the first ring I'd ever bent). So I kept the stone, set it in a pendant with a Mahenge spinel he got me for my birthday and had the shank unbent and sold the setting. It now resides in a happier home with a stone that suits the setting more and I have a lovely pendant that really suits the stone better than the ring setting did.

Perhaps y'all could both sit down and write out the pluses and minuses of both options without reference or thought of guilt or what "could have/ "should have" been or terms like "waste" coming up and see what transpires objectively. Maybe just say you'd really like to decide what the right thing to do with the ring is and say that you need his help. Make sure he feels included or I bet there would be unhappiness.

 

[junebug17]

Everyone else has given great advice and a lot of food for thought, so I just want to say I don't think you're being a brat! There's nothing wrong with being dissatisfied with your ering. Many people feel the same way, or else nobody would ever upgrade lol. But I hope you can eventually get past being upset about the money and forgive your husband. I think in time you will. He did what he thought was necessary to keep you in his life. Yes, in hindsight he should have researched, but many people don't even think to do that. And there's nothing to be done about it now, so harboring these feelings really won't change anything, and is probably making you feel pretty lousy.

As for your current stone, I think it would be nice to keep it to give to your daughter when she's older. You don't like the stone, but she doesn't have to know that! I'm sure she'd be thrilled to receive something like this from you. It would make a beautiful pendant for her. Or try selling it just to see how it goes, and put the money towards a new ring.

I hear you on not wanting to spend a lot of money on jewelry right now - I live that life! But I hope you can figure out a way to get a ring that you love. It sounds like it would give you a lot of joy.

 

[HollyS]

Just about everyone has weighed in here, so I guess I'll add my two cents:

If you really don't like it, and it wouldn't hurt your DH's feelings if you didn't wear it, then don't wear it.

If he thinks he did well, and he's proud of the ring, wear it and . . . here's a novel idea on a diamond forum . . . ignore it.

Diamonds are fun. They are, however, utterly unimportant to the quality of your life.

 

[AprilBaby]

I know plenty of girls who would be thrilled with a Leo ring from Jared. I say this not so you would like it, but to say it is very sellable. Most of the girls I work with would be thrilled. Try to sell it, take your loss, and get a mind clean diamond you love. It wouldn't be for me either but I would convince hubby to upgrade.

 

[mich_t]

Laila, just to provide you with another use for your original ring if you decide to keep it and get another: I use my original set whenever I travel overseas, as I don't want to risk my new set.

My original set is a very brown, badly cut, uncertified but eyeclean .49ct diamond in a very generic setting and whilst I don't like wearing it at home, wearing it abroad makes me happy...I get a little reminder of home, my husband and my family (especially if I'm by myself, which I have been for the last few trips). In this way, I get to honour the sentiment of the original ring and still wear my new set when I'm home

 

[mich_t]

Just to add, I totally empathise with the lack of romantic engagement. My husband and I were 21 when we got engaged. We just mutually decided to get married after being childhood sweethearts, went to the jewellry store and I picked the diamond and setting. My husband was rolling his eyes later that day, because I rang up to increase the size of the diamond from .30ct to .49ct (he thought I was being precious) and the real kicker?...I ended up paying for most of the set because I had more saved!! We basically just picked it up and I put it straight on. We then announced it to our parents and got a sound lecture for being "immature" etc. Totally romantic!! So, I understand where you''re coming from.

And hubby is still a bit clueless with jewellry but very sweet and I know he does his best. This year, he bought me cluster earrings and was very proud because the woman at the store told him that they were "superior" because they had 58 facets! I love them, but I refuse to loupe them in order to keep mind-cleanliness!!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I guess thehubby sensitivity issue would come down to what you think his personality is more like.

DS makes a point that her DH would be unhappy if she got rid of the original, so she keeps it and puts it away. And that may be what works for their situation. It's a valid point you should consider.

I know my DH would be unhappy like that. He'd rather me wear something I love than keep something I dislike tucked away just because it came from him. The first ring he gave me was a bad job from Zales (pre PS) and the stone fell out and the setting bent in less than 2 months. (And I am NOT hard on jewelry; that was the first ring I'd ever bent). So I kept the stone, set it in a pendant with a Mahenge spinel he got me for my birthday and had the shank unbent and sold the setting. It now resides in a happier home with a stone that suits the setting more and I have a lovely pendant that really suits the stone better than the ring setting did.

Perhaps y'all could both sit down and write out the pluses and minuses of both options without reference or thought of guilt or what "could have/ "should have" been or terms like "waste" coming up and see what transpires objectively. Maybe just say you'd really like to decide what the right thing to do with the ring is and say that you need his help. Make sure he feels included or I bet there would be unhappiness.

Oh, let me explain that I think a pendant is a better idea! I just had a 1 ct. diamond from my mother as well, and chose to have it recut for a pendant because it was higher clarity than my e-ring stone. I thought one of my kids might want to use my original ring as an engagement ring, so I didn't see any reason to reset it since I was using my mother's diamond for a pendant. I think I told her in my earlier post that I thought she should keep hers and set it in a pendant! My point was that it is better to keep the diamond if it is going to hurt the feelings of the spouse, especially since a big loss would be incurred if the stone was sold.

 

[HopeDream]

If you decide to sell it, then sell it ASAP, so it's not dragging you down every time you think of it.

If you do decide to keep the stone for a pendant, or decide that it's to become a family heirloom then why not pursue having it recut?

I know a re-cut could decrease it's value commercialy (so decidedly out if you're going to sell), but if it's definitely staying in the family, (and not being sold) and becoming a pendant or whatever, then it deserves a makeover to become as beautiful as possible.

I think it would become more mind-clean for you if it was well-cut. (a fresh start)

What do you think?


P.S. I picked out and bought my own ring when I got engaged (DH had absolutely no interest in diamond rings) and I'm still kind of sad that he's never bought me any diamonds (not even a little one). Even if an engagement ring is carefully researched and chosen from the beginning, there is still room for regret and discontent.

We're all diamond brats here - each in our own way

 

[LaraOnline]

We're all diamond brats here - each in our own way

Never a truer word spoken lol

 

[Missy]

We're all diamond brats here - each in our own way

Never a truer word spoken lol

I know I'm feeling like one right about now.