Feeling like a major brat about my ring...

[woofmama]

Laila as someone who was given a ring that wasn't my taste at all, I can relate to how you feel. My DH meant well and was proud that he designed it at a local jeweler...but it was very outdated looking from the start and featured a small marquise. I never liked it
I wore it for years but wasn't happy when people would ask to see my ring. When a prong finally broke I put it in the box & didn't look at it for about 8 years. I wore my wedding band and a couple of RHR's.
I am very much a girly-girl, love jewelry, fashion, make-up and was saddened by my lack of a beautiful ring but didn't want to hurt DH's feelings so I kept quiet.

Well about two years the dam burst! I finally said something. I told him at this stage in our lives together & for our 15th anniversary I was getting new rings. He was a bit hurt but got it past it quickly. I had slightly restyled the original ring and was wearing it but it still didn't make my heart sing. That cost me $400 & now that I have my new set I feel that I wasted that money. I have many small pieces that add up to money I wish I never spent. Perhaps that is why I was determined to get a great deal when pursuing my new rings. Finding PS was a godsend and helped me figure out what I really wanted. I am a huge researcher & love being savvy about my decisions. DH was more than happy to let me take over the reins on the upgrade.
DH is into jewelry and has bought me surprise bracelets, earrings etc over the years. Nothing expensive but nice pieces from local family owned stores. He now has said he won't buy me any more jewelry because he knows I've become a diamond snob
That is okay with me, I would rather have flowers, cards, perfume as gifts from him. It took some of the surprise romance away but now I have pieces I want to wear. Buy a ring that YOU LOVE! Just do it. I am thrilled that I did, DH got over it & we're both happy.

 

[february2003bride]

Laila-

Well, you know how many resets and diamond changes I've done, so if you're a brat then so am I. BUT, you are definitely NOT a brat.

DH's proposal to me was totally unromantic. I didn't have an idea in my mind how I wanted to be proposed too, I just knew I didn't want it to be in a public place (I'm not a big attention fan). It wasn't a public proposal, but leaving how some details, I was naked and DH was dressed up as Zorro, lol (it was after a Halloween party DH had thrown). No ring (which was fine, he wanted me to pick it out) and he did re-propose after he received the ring a few days later (and I was fully dressed, haha), but still. The funny thing though is, when I've retold our proposal story to friends (not family though- my parents would not find it funny, lol. They got a clean version ) they think it's awesome, romantic, and hysterical! Over the years I've learned to find the funniness in the proposal and now, I probably wouldn't change the story. DH has apologized for not planning a "picture perfect" proposal but honestly, life isn't picture perfect. And we have friends that had the "picture perfect" proposal/wedding/etc. that are now divorced. Those same friends that I envied for their romantic proposal stories they could tell, are now fighting over custody issues and hate each other. So while I may have a "imperfect" proposal, I have an amazing marriage and partner in life. I've asked DH why he didn't plan a more romantic proposal (years ago when it was really upsetting me) and he said that he was so overwhelmed with love for me that night, he knew he wanted to propose for weeks he just didn't know when or how, and that after the Halloween party he just couldn't wait any longer. How can I be mad at that? And he did the "perfect" proposal with this ex-wife (at midnight on NYE, at NYC's Times Square) and they were divorced 4 years later.

Like the other pp's, I think 1) guys are sometimes just clueless and 2) I think it's sweet that your DH went to Jared's and bought a ring immediately after you said, it's time buddy. He bought you the biggest, sparkliest ring he could afford without a second thought. So many women would love that! And 99% of the men in this world that propose with a ring, do exactly what your DH did. I do think this is where Pricescope is a blessing and a curse!

As for the ring, DH bought me exactly what I wanted. Unfortunately, the diamond chipped a few years later and I should have just replaced it with an identical ring. But I didn't, and then I had to sell the 2nd diamond to help my parents financially for a couple of months (mistake for many reasons). The diamond that I have now, I like it but don't love it and it's been in countless settings. I know the only thing that will make me totally happy with a larger diamond, either cushion, princess, or emerald cut, maybe a round is a great setting. But you know what? That ain't happening for a WHILE, darn it. DH said a few months ago, somethings got to give. I can't replace the diamond, I can't make it grow, lol, it's a first world problem, and that I should be grateful to have a diamond at all. All completely true. And I get annoyed when I think of the wasted money on the settings.

I can understand why you want to keep the diamond for sentimental reasons. But part of holding on to something for sentimentality is because the memories tied to it make you HAPPY. Your Leo diamond doesn't. So sentimentality should not be a reason to keep it. Reading through the thread I see that you are going to sell it, and I think that's great! I think you should sell it, start your seed money, when you know what you want, you and DH pick it out together, so he at least feels like he had some say in your new wedding set.

But you are definitely not a brat! There is strong emotion tied to a proposal and for some crazy reason, rings. At the end of the day, a ring is replaceable, your DH is not. He obviously loves you and is a great DH and father. I would definitely focus on that (while you have fun researching diamonds and new settings ).

 

[NonieMarie]

Well, this may sting a bit. You say at the time YOU knew nothing about diamonds either. So kind of a double standard if you ask me. Do you have the right to be disappointed in your e-ring? Of course! But I think, as a complete outsider, the resentment you have towards your husband is very unfair. I am sure he did the best he could at the time. I think a MINORITY of men find PS pre-purchase. Most people would not think such a forum even existed! So it is time to let go. Let go of that resentment. It is only going to hurt your relationship in the end. Don't take a loving act and turn it into a personal attack. At the end of the day it is just a diamond. How important is it? Sell it. Save the money and put it towards your dream ring. Forgive your husband.

I haven't yet read any posts beyond this one but this is exactly what I was thinking. I think you have fixated on the negative feedback of chain stores and all the members here that find, with lots of research, the "perfect diamond". It has to have all the right angles and reports. But when all is said and done, the only one that know all the specs is the one wearing the darn thing. Everyone else just thinks it's a diamond. Now with that being said, if I had the money to buy a killer stone, I would be as obsessed too.
Please let you anger go.

 

[february2003bride]

Well, this may sting a bit. You say at the time YOU knew nothing about diamonds either. So kind of a double standard if you ask me. Do you have the right to be disappointed in your e-ring? Of course! But I think, as a complete outsider, the resentment you have towards your husband is very unfair. I am sure he did the best he could at the time. I think a MINORITY of men find PS pre-purchase. Most people would not think such a forum even existed! So it is time to let go. Let go of that resentment. It is only going to hurt your relationship in the end. Don't take a loving act and turn it into a personal attack. At the end of the day it is just a diamond. How important is it? Sell it. Save the money and put it towards your dream ring. Forgive your husband.

I haven't yet read any posts beyond this one but this is exactly what I was thinking. I think you have fixated on the negative feedback of chain stores and all the members here that find, with lots of research, the "perfect diamond". It has to have all the right angles and reports. But when all is said and done, the only one that know all the specs is the one wearing the darn thing. Everyone else just thinks it's a diamond. Now with that being said, if I had the money to buy a killer stone, I would be as obsessed too.
Please let you anger go.

Like I said, Pricescope is a blessing and a curse and those are great examples. I love PS and have learned so much but there are days I wish for diamond ignorance again.

 

[Laila619]

Thank you so much everyone for your thoughtful posts! I truly appreciate you taking the time to offer advice.

 

[Laila619]

Feb, were you able to sell/recoup money on any of your old settings? Or did you return them in the store's return window?

 

[Roxy]

Thank you so much everyone for your thoughtful posts! I truly appreciate you taking the time to offer advice.

Laila I'm sending you HUGE HUGS! Sometimes we just need to vent and I think that's what you've done ... you let things vent and then you let them go .

PS is definitely a major blessing, but the knowledge you gain can become more confusing than helpful (ie, you log on looking for a 1ct princess in a solitaire setting and a few hours later you're on the hunt for a huge AVR w/ double halo and 2 eternity bands ). Gotta love it!!

Don't give up on trying to consign your stone. Definitely contact the PS vendors (I know GOG sells via consignment quite frequently) & see what you can work out. I'm sure you can tell from all of the responses that you're not alone in feeling "bratty" from time to time .

 

[texaskj]

Here's one of my soggy stories about men, rings and sentimentality.
My second husband did almost everything right when we were dating. Sweet, romantic, a grand gesture for Valentine's Day at work so everyone could see (a hint of things to come, but I was too young to figure things out.) He asked me to marry him on bended knee after we watched When Harry Met Sally. Took me to a jewelry store and bought me a ring I really loved. The first five years of marriage were great, the second five were OK, the last five were a geometric slide straight into hell. He could have put a Elizabeth-Taylor-worthy ring on my hand but it didn't make up for the fact that he's a selfish ass.
If you just can't stomach the loss, I'd take DS's advice.
Let it go. Life is just too short.

 

[Laila619]

Thanks again everyone!

Wanted to post a quick update: I have decided to consign and/or sell my diamond for sure. I just was driving myself nuts trying to find the perfect setting for it, and I realized it would never happen because it's the diamond I'm unhappy with. No setting will be able to fix that. DH really doesn't care, he just wants me to be happy. Honestly, I'm pretty tired of bling and I really don't want anything right now. We're remodeling our house and it's more fun to spend money on that! Today I pulled out my plain 2mm white gold wedding band and put that on. I like the look of just a plain band, it looks "married." And I wore it out today instead of my e-ring, and it was nice not worrying about babying the diamonds or worrying about scratches on the setting, etc. With two little ones under 2.5, a plain band is more lifestyle friendly. Now, don't get me wrong, maybe I'll buy myself a blingy 5 stone band someday, but for now I'm content to take a break from buying and just ogle all of your goodies here. Plus then I can really think about what I'd like eventually.

 

[junebug17]

Glad you're feeling better, and more at peace Laila! It always feels good to reach a decision. Sometimes it's a relief to stop thinking about diamonds and rings! There's no rush, better to take your time and buy when you're ready and sure of what you want. Thanks for the update!

 

[Laila619]

Glad you're feeling better, and more at peace Laila! It always feels good to reach a decision. Sometimes it's a relief to stop thinking about diamonds and rings! There's no rush, better to take your time and buy when you're ready and sure of what you want. Thanks for the update!

Exactly, Junebug! It feels kind of freeing. I'm always happy to help other people spend their money on diamonds though.

 

[Christina...]

Thanks again everyone!

Wanted to post a quick update: I have decided to consign and/or sell my diamond for sure. I just was driving myself nuts trying to find the perfect setting for it, and I realized it would never happen because it's the diamond I'm unhappy with. No setting will be able to fix that. DH really doesn't care, he just wants me to be happy. Honestly, I'm pretty tired of bling and I really don't want anything right now. We're remodeling our house and it's more fun to spend money on that! Today I pulled out my plain 2mm white gold wedding band and put that on. I like the look of just a plain band, it looks "married." And I wore it out today instead of my e-ring, and it was nice not worrying about babying the diamonds or worrying about scratches on the setting, etc. With two little ones under 2.5, a plain band is more lifestyle friendly. Now, don't get me wrong, maybe I'll buy myself a blingy 5 stone band someday, but for now I'm content to take a break from buying and just ogle all of your goodies here. Plus then I can really think about what I'd like eventually.

I read this whole thread through, and I smiled a great big goofy smile when I read this! I'm happy that you were able to find some peace with this Laila. I decided a long time ago to start wanting the things that I have instead of the things that I don't. It's not always easy, especially on PS, but life is happier when I do. *hugs*

 

[VRBeauty]

Good for you!

 

[susimoo]

You made my day! I think you made the best decision. Oh and my DH was totally disinterested too. As long as I only spoke about it on here and not to him, he was 100% fine with it.

When I did this, even although it wasn't a quick process it was a great relief when I finally accepted that I was ready to let it go.

I truly think you will come out of this a happier and blingier girl. Cos you know we are going to enable you as soon as it is sold, right?

 

[Laila619]

You made my day! I think you made the best decision. Oh and my DH was totally disinterested too. As long as I only spoke about it on here and not to him, he was 100% fine with it.

When I did this, even although it wasn't a quick process it was a great relief when I finally accepted that I was ready to let it go.

I truly think you will come out of this a happier and blingier girl. Cos you know we are going to enable you as soon as it is sold, right?

I'm 100% counting on it!

Thank you Junebug, Christina, VRBeauty, and Susimoo!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Great!!! And you put that money in a bling account and don't spend it on the house or I can almost guarantee you'll be sorry! You'll find something you love eventually, I am sure!

 

[LaraOnline]

You made my day! I think you made the best decision. Oh and my DH was totally disinterested too. As long as I only spoke about it on here and not to him, he was 100% fine with it.

When I did this, even although it wasn't a quick process it was a great relief when I finally accepted that I was ready to let it go.

I truly think you will come out of this a happier and blingier girl. Cos you know we are going to enable you as soon as it is sold, right?

Hi there Suse!
Praps your experience will be similar to ours, Laila.
I found that when I was directional, positive and independent in my decision -making there was no 'husband' drama about the upgrade.

Anyway it's been a fun thread!

 

[rosetta]

Great decision! A plain band is the best for the early child rearing days, and you can buy what you REALLY want when you are ready. If you decide to tie it with a significant anniversay: even more meaningful!

 

[Missy]

Laila, I am so happy you arrived at a decision that brings you peace and something to look forward to in the future!