Feeling like a major brat about my ring...

[Logan Sapphire]

Laila, what happened to the 3 stone ring in your avatar? It's simply gorgeous and I remember having a fit of envy when you posted it initially.

 

[Laila619]

Missy and Polished, thanks ladies! Sometimes you just need someone who listens and completely understands.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Everyone,

Your posts are really making me smile, nod my head in agreement, and feel much better. You all said such valid points and I feel like you really get it.

Not only did your husband make the effort to buy you a ring, he spent $6K, which, IMO is a nice generous amount to have spent. Yeah, so he only went to Jareds and bought the ring w/out researching, BUT, keep in mind, others don't even have husbands that do that much.

You do sound kinda pissed off in your post...maybe there is more going on that isn't being disclosed. Just thought I'd mention that concern... is everything else okay in your relationship?

MC, I do want to address this because I think you are right. There is more going on behind my resentment. My DH is an incredibly kind and loving husband and father, but he was very clueless when we were dating about the fact that I wanted him to propose. He literally will tell you that he had no idea I wanted that, and that it never even crossed his mind that maybe it was time to propose. I basically got fed up and told him I would be moving on, and THAT'S when he ran out to Jared that same evening, bought the crappy stone and setting that I HATED, and proposed literally the next day. So I wonder if my distaste for the diamond is partly because of the feelings surrounding our engagement and all of my frustration with his complacent personality. He is not a "make things happen" kind of guy. I think if I hadn't said I would be moving on, we'd probably still be just dating even today, instead of married with two kids. I also feel like he'll research things that are important to HIM, but it never occurred to him to research diamonds or rings. Man I seem to have a lot of anger about this for some reason. I feel like he cheated me out of a happy engagement...who wants your engagement story to be "Well I threatened to dump him and that's when he ran out, bought a junk bag ring, and proposed"? Once I found PS, I was so envious of all the gals whose boyfriends were doing so much research and committing so much energy and time into finding just the right ring for their girlfriend. It's like, why didn't my guy care enough to do that for me?

Yep! I completely understand where you are coming from. Some of us have that fantasy of the guy proposing and being overly romantic, etc., but in reality it doesn't happen very often. Are you happy in your marriage aside from this? Can you make a list in your head of the things your husband does do for you to show you he cares in the way he knows how? This can help remind you that he does care for you and loves you. If you feel there is even more going on then the eng. ring, then maybe it's time for counceling, as Tacori suggested. The reason I wonder is because now you have two children, so I take it you've been married at least a couple of years and you're clinging to something that didn't go as you wanted YEARS in the past! So, maybe something current is upsetting you and you're making the ring/diamond the symbolic point of something else?

 

[Laila619]

Your story sounds so much like mine. I helped DH pick out my first ering and we bought it at Fred Meyer. They showed me a couple diamonds that were 1ct. and both had inclusions but I took the round one anyway because I really knew nothing about diamonds. It was full of sparkle but once I found PS, I realized what a piece of crap I had. I tried different setting like you have and was still not happy either, luckily I found my pear at an amazing price. We sold my ring on craigslist thankfully to a very nice couple. I would try that route and see if you get any takers, you will lose some money but if your willing it can be done. good luck

Hahaha, I had a good chuckle over this. Thanks lknvrb4! I love your pear, you really got a killer deal. Glad to hear you were able to sell your round.

 

[Laila619]

Susimoo, thank you and hugs back! You're right, I'm sure this can still be fixed.

 

[Laila619]

I absolutely know how you feel.

My DH, who is a wonderful man, don't get me wrong, is really stubborn on some things. When we got engaged, he wanted my input as far as style, but he definitely insisted on picking my ering on his own. Now granted, he did a little research, he looked at quite a few diamonds in person, and he definitely negotiated to get a decent price, but I know we could have done better with a PS vendor. In the end, he picked a nice stone for me. It has a couple of tiny inclusions which bug me some days, but I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who notices them, and apart from that I think the stone is well cut. He had it set in a plain tiffany-style setting which I don't love, but he told me he wouldn't mind if I reset it sometime. Still hasn't happened, though.

Now my wedding band is another story. By the time we were picking out our bands I was well into the world of PS, I knew what I wanted (a shared prong eternity) and I knew there were a few vendors where I could get a nice quality one within our budget. But. DH was completely opposed to shopping online, regardless of all the shining testimonials here. He simply said he would not trust any online vendors, and we definitely couldn't afford to take a trip just to see some of these places in person (those that have B&M showrooms). So I was stuck with very limited options in the jewelry stores near us, and the few that had what I really wanted were charging $$$ which we could not afford. I ended up finding a pretty, thin, half-eternity at the same store where he bought my ering, and decided to go with it. Ugh... it's been a bit of a nightmare. Firstly, I have tiny fingers (size 3.25) and when we first ordered it they tried to size down a stock ring (!!!). When I picked it up, it wasn't even round! We were pissed, took it back and demanded they had a new one made to order at no cost to us. They did. It was better. But, the workmanship is still crap. The prongs are all uneven, the diamonds aren't set evenly, and they are awful quality diamonds (and unmatched bad quality at that). We bought the three-year "service plan" and in the past two years I have already sent it in to have prongs tightened twice and, just weeks after having it inspected and being told it was fine, lost a diamond, so I had to have that replaced. Now, our service plan will run out this fall, and I just know the thing is going to fall apart within a year after that, so my only saving grace here might be that we simply won't be able to fix it and I will have to get a whole new ring.

The real problem here is that a. I feel bad telling my husband that the ring we spent a fair amount of money on is absolute garbage and b. he is adamantly against upgrades. Like, ever. He pretty much told me "these are the only rings I will buy you because they have this sentimental value, so I don't ever want to get anything else." and we've talked about it before. I don't know... I think he might still come around and surprise me, especially when he realizes that my current rings are not going to hold up for long, but I worry about whether he will let me get something of the quality I know our money should get when that time comes. It's frustrating.

Hope you can find a solution you're happy with!

jazzoboe, oh no, I'm sorry you had to deal with all that! I suspect your DH might change his mind though eventually. Here's hoping! Thanks for the kind words and for sympathizing.

 

[MissGotRocks]

I think that a lot of people that found PS after they got engaged feel like you do about their ring. They now realize that there was better cut to be had than the stones that were purchased. In my case, I was engaged before the internet existed so that information was not available to us!

However, in time I began to realize that my first stone was not all that it could be. We embarked on a trade up plan with a 'wholesaler'; you can only guess that while I improved color and clarity I did not improve cut! That took care of several of the trades all the while I was realizing that I wasn't finding that special stone. Finally, I learned about ideal cut stones - probably due to internet searches now that I think of it! My husband and I went to a jeweler that sold ideal cut stones and would take other stones in on trade. Sadly, the amount he offered wasn't nearly as much as I had in the stone but he told me that the cut of my stone wasn't in line with what he sold. Seeing the stones for myself, I couldn't argue. I knew then though that in order to have one of those beautiful stones I would have to lose money and pay more money - ugh! However, it was that important to me so I bit the bullet and and did it. It gave me a stone that I wanted and a trade in policy. I later traded one more time for the stone that I have today.

That's the short version of how it all went. It doesn't include the tears and the fretting and the hand wringing and the feeling selfish for spending so much money and then feeling guilty for spending so much money. My husband was understanding though. The point of all of this is that nothing will change until you decide to do something. The Leo stones are pretty stones in many ways - I have a three stone pendant of Leo diamonds. They are a different flavor though than ideal cuts so not so sure that the same cut parameters we know and love can be applied. They are almost always deeper and smaller in diameter than their ideal cut counterparts.

Jared sells the Peerless line which I'm sure you are aware of. You could always trade your stone in - you'd have to spend double but you'd be well on your way to a nice solitaire. You would not get the same great price that you would from a PS vendor but you could get a pretty stone. The Leos are sold every day on ebay too - you could just sell it for what you can and start all over with a PS vendor. There is no other way to rectify this situation other than to bite the bullet and decide to either sell or trade the stone. Your husband is no guiltier than anyone else's in this particular situation. I think men who come here out of the general population for help are truly few and far between. Don't let this ring become a symbol of your feelings for him - just set about fixing the situation!

Big hugs to you! I know how frustrating this situation can be and it's expensive to rectify but in my case, it was money well spent. I was finally able to move on to other things that I wanted but I couldn't do that until I had the ring issued resolved. It was as important to me as anything else was (other than the people in my life and my home) at that point in my life. It truly seemed to color many aspects of my life and once I figured out about the cut, I knew I just had to move forward. Money spent and happiness divided over many years of your life doesn't seem so bad when you look at it that way. If it makes you feel better, decide to repay yourself the money you will spend - even if it's only $25 a month. Then it seems more like a loan to yourself than a large debit from the account!

 

[Laila619]

Rosetta, thanks for your post. Your cushion does look lovely! And you have the gorgeous ring in your avatar too, lucky gal!

 

[Laila619]

Hey Laila !

Here's what I would do. Sell it. On eBay. Now.

I think I recall in an earlier post (quite a while back), you and your DH did not want to sell the ring because of its sentimental value. It seems that sentimentality has now shifted to some negative feelings. So, I would seriously, just sell it, get what you can and be done with that ring. I think it will be very cathartic for you!! And, whatever money you make, whatever fraction is winds up being of the original cost, well, it is what it is, take it, save it, spend it, whatever. It truly is just money!!

I agree with Hera - I do not think PS is representative of what the typical guy would do when purchasing a ring. That's why stores like Jared's exist and THRIVE. So, I do not think you should hold your DH to the PS standard!!! Honestly, it makes me a little sad that the ring makes you feel badly about your DH. Your DH is a total rockstar dad and husband, which I only know from what you've posted about him here!! So get rid of that ring!!

I will also share that I am sure we overpaid for my ring (purchased from local estate jeweler), though prices seemed comparable at the time to OWD. And there are days I want a big ol' eBay OEC. And, equally there are days that I love my ring, so I just let it pass honestly.

People feel differently about money. The fact that we may have overpaid is water on the bridge for me. Money comes and money goes. As long as this decision has not caused you any real financial hardship, just let it go. And, let the ring go too. I promise, you'll feel better once it's gone!! And, I'm sure some non-PS lady out there will be thrilled with it!

Do you wear your three stone ring? Have you talked to him about all of this? What does he say?

Hey LV! How are you friend? How is little S?! I think you are absolutely right, any sentimental feelings are gone. Best to just sell it at this point probably. And yes, you are right, DH is a rockstar dad! I need to keep reminding myself of this and stop feeling these negative feelings.

Sorry you feel like you overpaid too, but FWIW your ring is lovely!

 

[tammy77]

Oops I posted while you were posting that you've decided to sell it. Good luck and I hope you find your perfect stone!

 

[Laila619]

Laila,

I take it you've seen superideals in person as you've been a PSer forever, right? My understanding is that Leo's aren't that horribly cut. They are a branded diamond and have better cut than other mall store diamonds. It's not super duper ideal but if DH had to buy from a B&M, I'd say he didn't do too badly. He probably selected a round because it's an easy shape to set and pleases just about 95% of all women.

Very few people know about PS, cut quality and the like. I'd say most men do not do any research unless they happen to be of a certain personality type. Less so when it comes to diamonds and jewellery. Give them cars or a sound system and they'll be different though.

He spent a lot of money to get what he thought was best for you. Have you discussed this with him? Have you considered his point of view? You probably don't like my post but that's my 2 cents anyway.

Thank you Chrono! Everything you said makes absolute sense.

Yes, I've discussed this with DH many times and let's just say he is well aware of my feelings about all this, lol. The poor guy has heard me angsting about my ring and what to do with it many a time. His point of view was that he didn't know any better and it never crossed his mind to do any research. Then I feel so bad and like an ungrateful brat.

 

[Laila619]

Circe, thanks for your post! Lots of good advice and points! Jared does have an upgrade policy, but you have to spend double, and all of their stones are horribly overpriced unfortunately.

 

[Laila619]

Sorry Laila! I understand too, since I became not-too-happy with my ering stone as well. We didn't know much about diamonds, though I'd done a little bit of research and what I'd found pushed me towards a 60-60 type of stone. Shortly after the ering was purchased, I found PS and broached the subject of trading it in for a better cut stone. DH wasn't having it though, as he was very wary of internet purchases at the time. I actually wore the stone happily for awhile, but I'm ashamed to say that I was unhappy with the size (.78ct), even though my husband had purchased it while in some major debt. I ended up making it into its 3 stone setting and I have to say, I'm still not 100% thrilled with it, as the original center stone is nowhere near ideal, while my sidestones are. I live with it though b/c it's a lot of money to fix otherwise and I can't, in good conscience, spend money on jewelry while we have two young kids to save for.

Why don't you care for 3 stones and halos? Is it b/c the center (heh, get is?) of the problem is your stone? Do you feel like side stones or halos would never gussy it up enough for you to see past your unhappiness?

What if you did put it away for awhile and just wear a plain band? Or save it for one of your kids? Or what about a RHR? Could you get over your feelings if you let it step aside as your ering and move to your other hand? That way, you'd still have it for sentimentality, but let it take a back seat to something else?

Hi LS! As you know, I love your three stone and think it really suits your hand. And I am envious of your tiny fingers too! I just don't like my three stone on me. I feel like the center sparkles even LESS in my three stone, and looks smaller. It just looks like one big blob of diamonds, with nothing differentiated if that makes sense. Plus the setting was done poorly. If mine was half as fluid and lovely as yours, I might be happier.

I'm with you too: I can't in good conscience spend any more money on rings or diamonds when we have two young kids to feed, clothe, and put through college! And that's why this kind of stings, because I feel like I only had one chance to get it right, before kids, and now it's too late.

 

[Circe]

Everyone,

Your posts are really making me smile, nod my head in agreement, and feel much better. You all said such valid points and I feel like you really get it.

Not only did your husband make the effort to buy you a ring, he spent $6K, which, IMO is a nice generous amount to have spent. Yeah, so he only went to Jareds and bought the ring w/out researching, BUT, keep in mind, others don't even have husbands that do that much.

You do sound kinda pissed off in your post...maybe there is more going on that isn't being disclosed. Just thought I'd mention that concern... is everything else okay in your relationship?

MC, I do want to address this because I think you are right. There is more going on behind my resentment. My DH is an incredibly kind and loving husband and father, but he was very clueless when we were dating about the fact that I wanted him to propose. He literally will tell you that he had no idea I wanted that, and that it never even crossed his mind that maybe it was time to propose. I basically got fed up and told him I would be moving on, and THAT'S when he ran out to Jared that same evening, bought the crappy stone and setting that I HATED, and proposed literally the next day. So I wonder if my distaste for the diamond is partly because of the feelings surrounding our engagement and all of my frustration with his complacent personality. He is not a "make things happen" kind of guy. I think if I hadn't said I would be moving on, we'd probably still be just dating even today, instead of married with two kids. I also feel like he'll research things that are important to HIM, but it never occurred to him to research diamonds or rings. Man I seem to have a lot of anger about this for some reason. I feel like he cheated me out of a happy engagement...who wants your engagement story to be "Well I threatened to dump him and that's when he ran out, bought a junk bag ring, and proposed"? Once I found PS, I was so envious of all the gals whose boyfriends were doing so much research and committing so much energy and time into finding just the right ring for their girlfriend. It's like, why didn't my guy care enough to do that for me?

Laila ... first off, I think that's a completely valid way to feel. I still sort of feel this way about (of all inappropriate things!) about the things surrounding my baby's birth. My husband didn't do anything WRONG by normal standards - if anything, he was great about being supportive by general standards. But I had such an image of How I Wanted Things that I thought I'd communicated it really clearly, and instead, something got lost in translation.

I had some issues with the whole child-bearing thing, and maybe because of that, I think I invested it with all the significance most women apply to their engagement and/or wedding. I was really laid back about those, but just crushed when the post-birth hospital-scene didn't go as planned - no sushi in the hospital, no flowers, no champagne (well, not from him ... happily, my lady friends had been listening on those counts). He did very generously get me earrings ... but he forgot to give them to me! Two weeks after we got home, I had to remind him! Oy.

Anyway. My point is, he's still an incredibly loving guy who would do anything for me and the kiddo: he just, well, sucks on the whole "romantic gesture" front. It's something I accept about him, that only gets to me when I'm extremely emotional (I am guessing the "extremely emotional" is the commensurate trade-off on his part: gotta imagine that gets old for the phlegmatic types real fast). He can do our taxes, he will research the right home appliance for hours, but he not only probably cannot, but would never even think to, put that much thought into an aesthetic thing. Useful, yes: aesthetic, no. And since jewelry is, as even we have to admit, the furthest things from useful ...

I'm wondering ... given what you wrote in the bolded part, could your husband have a touch of that going on? And on your part, any chance you're maybe a little emotional after the birth of your little girl (CONGRATULATIONS, btw!!!), and some old stuff is floating to the surface? Symbolically, it would totally make sense to either want to move past the thing that made you feel unloved by replacing the ring, or maybe even to make him feel a little of what you felt then by rejecting the concrete manifestation?

P.S. - Yssie, thank you, and apologies if I sometimes sound like I swallowed a thesaurus! I swear to god, I can't turn it off, even when I try. When I read the Onion piece "Grad Student Deconstructs Take-Out Menu," I identified. Hard.

 

[Laila619]

Thank you so much to LaraOnline, CrisM, Maisie, Yssie, marymm, Tacori E ring, MC, TC1987, mjg, MissGotRocks, and Tammy! Mom duty calls, but I truly appreciate your posts and you have all made excellent comments and suggestions. Thanks for understanding. I will try to reply individually later.

 

[Laila619]

Have you considered something other than a diamond? Maybe a Moissanite (sorry if I am not allowed to say this) or a coloured stone?

Maisie, I have tried "those stones" over the years, and I think they are a beautiful option especially for ethical and budget reasons, but I ultimately think I prefer the real deal, much to my wallet's chagrin. Moissies are a nice gem in their own right though.

A colored stone I could definitely get behind, and I might consider buying a big honking blue sapphire for an e-ring. I love Distracts ring.

 

[cookies]

Laila, I have large finger size (, and also dislike halos and three stones, so I understand where you are coming from.

For a solitaire to have good finger coverage on me, the diamond needs to be at least 10mm in diameter. There was no way my husband and I could afford such a big diamond. Even if we could, I don't know if we'd want to spend that kind of money on a rock...

So I got a 10ct+ tourmaline ring instead, and I was/am very happy with the color, setting, and finger coverage. My husband was hesitant about custom ordering an expensive item sight unseen, but he went along with it. Then we saved for a longer while, and got me a half-eternity antique style band, with some small but ideal, D diamonds in it. Nowadays, I tend to wear the band more often because it's just more practical and shinier.

I think if you are willing to take a loss, the diamond can be sold, and then you could get something that you will truly enjoy. Try some large auction houses, eBay, etc. I've sold some of my expensive pieces for only 30% of the original price. Although the huge price difference (buy vs. sell) was quite a reality shock to me, I don't regret selling them, and actually felt relieved after they are gone. However, I do regret *a lot* buying them in the first place. That's why I am a lot more cautious now about new purchases. If there's a slight chance I will dislike it, I won't go forward. Jewelry is meant to be enjoyed by the owner after all.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Laila you are being a brat, but that does not invalidate the feelings you have! I know exactly how you feel and I have been there. For a very long time I looked at my rings and felt a mix of annoyance that they were not exactly what I wanted, anxiety at the money spent, some vague desire of "different" that I could not put my finger on. I am happy now. Like, really satisfied. But I was not for a long time and I can really relate.

It was the worst when I was wearing my sapphire. I tried setting it into a different mount, which we paid way too much for at a crappy B&M. I had only myself to blame. And I struggled a long time to try and "recoup" that investment in some way by trading in the diamonds, remaking the mount... etc etc.

So here is how you get past thing. Are you ready? Are you listening?

You let it go.

Let go of the annoyance at money overspent. Let go of your anger at your husband. I know its hard, I would feel JUST like you because I too am very frugal. But you have to LET. IT. GO.

I recommend some sort of ceremny, just you and your ring. Write all the things you are mad about and hate on little papers and then drop them into a bucket and burn them. And as they burn, let them free.

Then set your diamond that you hate into a pendant and put it in a safe and forget about it. One day give it to your daughter or something. But don't wear it any more!! Just forget about it entirely!

Then for at least 2-3 months just wear a plain band.

And when you feel like you have really moved on emotionally, you can think about what you might want to wear. And you can get it right this time

That's my advice.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Oh, or sell it. For whatever little penny you can get. And then take a vacation with the money to celebrate letting it all go!

ETA: And now that I have read the whole thread, I reiterate my suggestion to sell the ring. Sell that thing! Whi cares if you only get like $2k? That is a lot of money to do something fun with, like a vacation or just a rainy day fund. Then you have buy a NEW guilt free ring to represent whatever you want it to represdent. I am like you and only wear one piece of diamond jewelery, and it means a lot to me. So getting it right mattered!

Oh, and finances and life changes so much over time that you never know what the future holds with bling. Don't feel like you "missed out on the chance" to buy some good bling. I felt that way many times --"This is IT for ever! We will never have money for this again!" but somehow we do You may not be able to get ring now, but you might be able to get another symbolic piece of jewelery that makes you feel super-fabulous (that is what my ring means to me).

 

[Rosebloom]

Laila, what a bummer! That just stinks. And when you explained how the proposal happened I sympathized with just how frustrating this must be for you.

I think it's very important to take care of yourself. It sounds like you don't wear a lot of jewelry - in fact this is your one big piece. I'd get it right. I think your happiness is vital - for your own health and for your ability to be a good and loving mother and wife. It's not unreasonable to be frustrated by this. By no means should you wear a ring that makes you remember feeling unwanted! That's just not a good idea. Stick it in a drawer, save money for a ring that will make you happy and make the change. It's so important to model happiness for our children. So why not start here?

 

[Cluless]

Oh laila I'm sorry you feel that way but You know I see what you wrote here differently "Well I threatened to dump him and that's when he ran out, bought a junk bag ring, and proposed"?

I see it as you threatened to dump him he ran out and got you the sparkiest best ring that he could porpose with because you were worth it and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you and didn't want to lose you. Now that's romantic and please don't stay angry at the poor guy forever. Hugs to you and yes I know exaclty how you feel so I'm not trying to make lite of your sittuation.xo

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Laila, I can't totally relate to the dissatisfaction with the diamond and wanting another one. Most men, probably 99% go in a jewelry store to buy a diamond ring knowing just about nothing other than what they can spend. A tiny fraction are the research type who will come here before buying. And the fact is, this forum hasn't been around forever and wasn't as big as it is now in earlier years. So try to let that go because you will find that most of us who had diamonds before PS are not satisfied with our original stones, and the vast majority of men have little knowledge when buying a diamond.

I hate to bore you with my story, but I had a fairly nice looking 1 ct. diamond that was F color and that was really all we knew at the time. Diamonds were mostly not certified back then. It had a large table and was nice and bright. I initially went with him to look at diamonds at one little jewelry store and he went back and bought it for me. Initially it was eyeclean to me, but eventually I could spot the inclusion. It bothered me and finally after 2 of our kids were out of COLLEGE!, I mentioned that maybe I'd like to change the settings on my rings because I was changing over to white metals. He, being sentimental, told me he'd rather get me a new ring and just leave the old one as it is and one day give it to one of our kids. (Although I am sure now he'd let me set it in a pendant if I wanted). I knew I wanted a high quality diamond and that is what made me arrive at PS, because I needed to learn what a high quality diamond was before attempting to buy one! And I found that the 3 or 4 local jewelers I went to simply did NOT have ideal cut stones in their stock. There was no selection at all! So I see why men end up with less than stellar diamonds even when shopping at nice jewelry stores!

Anyway, long story short, I got my diamond from GOG, sold it and got another, now wish I had waited for an AVR instead, they don't have the exact specs I want, but I think I want to go to a little larger stone and don't know whether to go to the larger AVR in lower color or just another larger RB!!! See, I have gone nuts because there are too many choices now that I know what is out there!

My opinion for you is to plan to keep the current diamond in a three stone as a RHR or reset in a pendant for sentimental reasons. It doesn't sound like a bad diamond to use somehow. (Be glad he spent $6k and not $20k on it!) Plan for the new diamond and save until you can get it for an anniversary. That is the only solution I see because selling the current diamond at a big loss just doesn't make any sense to me.

 

[Clairitek]

I can relate to you about the money spent on the ring and feeling a little upset that the money wasn't used the best way possible (read: to get me the biggest diamond possible). For what my DH spent on my B&M cushion in a semi-custom platinum solitaire I could have had a 1.25 carat MRB ideal cut from an online vendor in a plain setting (which is what I wanted). But DH didn't want to do the online thing so I let him choose what he wanted within my parameters (eye clean, J color or higher, high cut quality). I ended up with the prettiest modern cushion I've ever laid eyes on but it's still way smaller looking than I could be wearing had he not been stubborn with the online buying.

Our 5 year anniversary is next year so perhaps I will reset and scrap the non-PS quality bench work of the setting!

Anyway, I understand why you feel like a brat and I hope you can find a way to let go of your negative reaction to the ring. It does seem that selling it on eBay would be the best bet. I'm sure there's someone out there who is willing to take it off your hands for a good chunk of what you paid for it! Then you can start the fun process of shopping together to get your forever ring!

 

[webdiva]

Great thread and great suggestions! I do feel that you can get something you love by selling it, there are a ton of fantastic deals floating around and I love the suggestion to consign. Everyone always wants a 1 carat and $6k nowadays seems cheap for that - you may be able to resell for what you paid.

My hubby also only researches stuff he wants and wasn't interested in diamonds. I also initiated the wedding talks and the timeline. He proposed the day after with some roses and champagne and no ring - he was smart enough to break with convention and realize I needed to pick out the diamond and ring. I did all the research and leg work, with one visit to a brick and mortar with him to view various cushions and radiants. He got a little involved in the setting modification design because he's somewhat artist but really didn't get excited until it came in the mail finished and saw how ecstatic I was and continue to be. I seriously beam when I look at it and stare at it much too often. I wish the same feeling for all women with rings, and why I love this forum! Hopefully he allows you to break free of this diamond and the bad will that follows it, and you can find something you prefer. Then you can both be happy with the results and move on.

I don't think you're being a brat because it's something that is on your hand most of the time (love the eyebrow analogy someone made!) and using your hands all day reminds you that you're not happy with it. Best of luck!

 

[webdiva]

Now I'm back and wondering what happened to the 1.8 carat ring from Eternity, after I read that other thread of yours? Do you still have it? Wondering why this first ring is such an issue if you have some a fabulous other ring?

 

[Sparklelu]

Just popping in to give you some advice from an old married lady.
You are not a brat, you are however I think looking at this through the PS lens which you and your DH were not looking through at the time.
First of all untiL recently the grand over the top proposal we all have been subjected to, did not exist. Most girls got a quiet in a restaurant will you marry me? or a random walk in the park kind of proposal. My own proposal (back in 197 was terrible especially by todays standards. My Dh carried the ring around with him waiting for "the moment" it never came. We had shopped together for on 47th st NYC.I choose it. Long story short, after about 3 weeks of knowing it was in the apartment and trying it on when he was not home We were in bed together and I starting whinging about why is he waiting, we have told my parents,we told his parents, my dying grandmther wasnt getting better, we are even looking at venues etc.. .. he jumps out of bed opens the drawer and tosses the ring at me, he says here ya go, then he hops back in bed and rolls over. I thought he was joking! ! SERIOUSLY!!
Later that night he did say some mushy crap about spending our whole lives together.. BLAH BLAH Blah. It always bothered me I didnt have a romantic engagement story but tell, but,we have been together for 34 years. He has been my rock through sickness and trauma. We are each others best friends.
While he appreciates good jewelry and has bought me some nice pieces, since about 1990 I've intiaited all my new purchases and he justs goes along with this
He was especially good about letting me do what I wanted with my replacement ering just 2 years ago. (old one was stolen)
He knows I found PS and would make a good choice.

I really like what was pointed out about you starting to look at the proposal differently, when he was faced with losing you he panicked and ran into the arms of Jared and got you what he thought was the best. He was afraid of losing you!

I just thought of an funny story. Back when we had just gotten engaged and I was thrilled with my 1.17ctt pear in its classic HW inspired baguette setting, we went out to dinner at Winged Foot Country Club in LArchmont NY. The dinner companions were all older women in well established marriages to well to do men. They all ooed and aahed at my ring and seemd genuinly impressed,but then i saw their rings, all at least 3 cts and up!! and one of the women very sweetly said, yes this is what yours can grow up to be in 25 or so years!

Please go to Jared and see what your options could be,consider selling it online,it is a branded stone and a good size so you may be surprised what you get.
I feel like I rambled a bit here hopefully I made sense!

I want to add I really like your 3 stone!

 

[Missy]

Oh laila I'm sorry you feel that way but You know I see what you wrote here differently "Well I threatened to dump him and that's when he ran out, bought a junk bag ring, and proposed"?

I see it as you threatened to dump him he ran out and got you the sparkiest best ring that he could porpose with because you were worth it and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you and didn't want to lose you. Now that's romantic and please don't stay angry at the poor guy forever. Hugs to you and yes I know exaclty how you feel so I'm not trying to make lite of your sittuation.xo

I completely agree! This is how I see it too! So romantic and while it didn't happen the way you had hoped it would it is clear he how much he loves you Laila. He couldn't bear the thought of losing you so he rushed right out and bought you a ring without a second thought! I agree that it is sorta romantic the way it happened.

 

[Mommy2BMR]

I had to laugh about how DH was threatened and ran out that night to buy a ring before you got away! It IS sort of sweet the way it happened and that he truly had no idea what was expected of him

I had to nag my DH as well. It was about 11 years ago, after a year of dating, I brought up the subject of marriage. It was a funny conversation because he lay down on the floor and broke out in a lecture about how we were still young, 1 year is not THAT long to have been dating, and something about testing the ship in different waters before taking it out to deep sea

Not long after that, I saw business cards from jewelers, and then before I knew it we were picking out our diamond together at a jeweler's. He paid for it in front of me, put it in his pocket, and proposed that night. Luckily, even though it was 10 years ago and without PS, we ended up with a decent 1 ct RB at a decent price, but there was nothing romantic about it. But you know what? I was so excited to be engaged and then married to this man, I didn't care how it happened. He remains clueless about jewelry and about romantic gestures, but I know I am his EVERYTHING, and I don't care if I didn't get an airplane banner, fireworks, or whatnot. It wouldn't have been his style anyway.

As for the ring, I am upgrading it now to a bigger stone (for our 10 year anni, actually almost 11 now) and deciding what to do with my original one (sell, trade in, RHR, pendant, put in a safe and do nothing).

I agree with whoever suggested you take it off for a while until you cool off, and revisit the issue when less irritated about the whole thing

 

[TC1987]

$6000 back in 2004-2005 would have bought me a nicely cut G SI1 1ct at my local jeweler. None of my local stores had more than one or two 1ct diamonds in stock, actually. I was in a metro area of 75,000-80,000 people so I didn't expect to not have stores well-stocked, but that's the way it was.

By 2008, $6000 probably wouldn't have bought that same diamond. Looking at diameters, 6.25 or whatever the OP's stone is for a .98ct isn't the end of the world. It's about the right diameter for a .9, which lots of people get due to it looks 1ct but it under the price point. There is a PS adage that an upgrade is worth doing if you get 10% larger faceup size (that's from the early PS days, lol) and 6.5mm vs. 6.25 or 6.3mm is less than 5% if I did the math correctly in my head. The ASET images in the recut discussion didn't look bad but I also didn't comb though all of the discussion about how a Leo ASET looks to see whether those were considered good of bad for Leo diamond.

So, overall, I think you are just working yourself into a foul mood, OP. If you want a 2ct diamond and can't afford one, it's either time to give up the dream, work another job to earn money for it, or try a sim stone, I suppose.

 

[distracts]

then i saw their rings, all at least 3 cts and up!! and one of the women very sweetly said, yes this is what yours can grow up to be in 25 or so years!

Haha, I love that!