Feeling like a major brat about my ring...

[Laila619]

This post is going to make me sound like such a brat, and I know I am being one, but I can't help feeling this way. Back story: DH paid $6,000 plus taxes for a crappy Leo diamond back in 2008 from Jared. He waaay overpaid, since it's a poorly cut IGI graded diamond. It's a 0.98 carat H SI2, which probably means it's more like a J I1. It should be around 6.5 mm but it's only 6.23 mm since it's 63.9% deep. At the time, when I received it, I knew nothing about diamonds. So I had no idea DH overpaid, or that my diamond wasn't the best cut. Of course, after the 30 day return period expired, it was then that I found out about cut quality. Suddenly it all made sense as to why my diamond didn't always sparkle and why it looked small and dark and dull.

I've had this diamond in so many settings I've lost count. I've never been happy with it, but what really makes me mad about the whole thing is that DH put ZERO effort into it. He just went into Jared, asked for something "sparkly," they showed him this Leo, and he said "I'll take it." It makes me so upset that he didn't try to research or come to Pricescope like so many other gentlemen do in hopes of finding the perfect ring. The diamond is too small for my size 6.5 fingers, and I don't even like round brilliants. We can't sell the darn thing, because no one would want it! And I don't want to spend any more money because 1) I feel like I've wasted enough money on rings and jewelry already, and 2) I don't want to have two e-rings (I won't wear a pendant or RHR), and 3) I'm too frugal and diamond prices are high now compared to 2008. So I just feel stuck and frustrated. I'm so tired of buying settings, but none are making me happy, because the diamond is the problem, and the resentment I have for DH. Some days I just want to be done with rings, wear just a plain band, and stop obsessing.

A solitaire is what would make me happiest, but I feel like I can't have a solitaire with such a small diamond. I've tried a three stone and a halo, and they are not for me. But the solitaire will leave me dissatisfied because of the paltry finger coverage. And then I will start obsessing all over again. It's just a never ending cycle, but at the heart of it all is the resentment of DH for being so uneducated, wasting so much money on a junky stone, and not putting any effort or time into it. I am so envious of all the ladies whose husbands come to Pricescope first and put in a lot of effort and time. For the money DH spent, I could have had a much bigger and better cut stone, and it drives me nuts thinking of how much money he wasted. Every time I look at my ring I think "What a waste of money!" and get pissed at DH. He doesn't know my tastes at all. Then I start to feel like a brat, because there are MUCH bigger problems in life and in the world, and it's *just* a silly ring for pete's sake. First world problems. There really are far more important things in life.

Whew, sorry for the novel. If you were me, what would you do? Please be gentle. Thanks!

 

[Rhea]

No advice here. I feel similarly about my ring though for slightly different reasons. I plan to follow along for advice.

 

[kenny]

Since it's deep maybe a recut would not change the face-up diameter.
Wouldn't you be happier if the light performance was better?
I'd email a scan of the grading report to BGD and see what he has to say.

Sure that would not address your finger coverage issue or setting issue, but at least you'd have a diamond with killer light performance AND it's the rock your DH gave you.

 

[Laila619]

Rhea, aww, sorry you feel the same way about yours too.

Kenny, thanks. I actually looked into a BG recut last year, but a lot of smart and knowledgeable folks on Rocky Talky advised me not to do it.

 

[distracts]

I'm being a brat about my ring lately too, so whatever. You're in good company, or at least you're in some kind of company.

No advice, but I understand about resenting your SO for not doing research. In our case, I did the research and helped pick out the ring, but I resent him for tying me to a brick and mortar vendor in our city with middling craftsmanship who aren't used to setting colored stones, rather than a PS vendor like I wanted. And the feelings have gone crazy since my center stone fell out (only a month and a half after I last had the prongs checked!). I'd love to get the whole ring remade by a PS vendor so I could be sure my sapphire was set right, but that hurts his feelings too much and we've fought about it several times. Honestly, the reason I haven't gotten my stone re-set is that I'm afraid it will just fall out again and I'll lose it. Or they'll chip it in setting. And I can't explain the craftsmanship issue to him in a way that he understands. He just gets irrationally angry - literally the angriest I have ever seen him. Before my stone fell out, I could excuse the bulky prongs (the only aesthetic part of the ring I dislike) by saying at least they were safe, but now I don't even have that excuse! It's not BAD craftsmanship, but it's not PS quality, and they're not used to colored stones (for god's sake, the man at the store told me sapphires ONLY COME IN BLUE) and I'm pretty sure that came through in their setting job. I don't know. It makes me so sad to think about.

What happened to that halo ring you had a while back? Why can't you wear that instead? Or is it not an "instead" thing because it's your original e-ring and you just wished the entire thing had turned out differently from the start with it?

 

[Hera]

I believe that Pricescope is not representative of the general public because MOST men Do go to the mall and pick out a ring for their SO. I know my husband wouldn't have known where to start and would have just trusted the salesperson. I would try and let it go and appreciate the better qualities that he has.

As far as the diamond, why did people on RT advise against a recut? Is there something else that can be done to remedy the situation? Can you sell it at a loss and start over?

 

[Missy]

Laila, first of all, big hugs to you. I don't think you are being a brat at all. You know, this is a diamond forum after all and sure, while these are problems most people would kill to have (compared to other "real" problems) that doesn't mean it doesn't matter. We are not comparing these issues to life and death issues etc and again, this is a diamond forum and I can wholeheartedly assure you most of us understand where you are coming from and how you are feeling. So hugs!!

What I would do in your situation is forget about the money wasted. It's gone. There is no purpose served to lament over that anymore and just move forward. I would start saving for a new diamond (if you determine a recut is out) and I think your ER stone would make a lovely pendant and that way it wouldn't be "wasted" once you got the ER diamond of your dreams. Jewelry is meant to be enjoyed.

As for your dh, well, while I don't know the statistics I would daresay the great majority of men go into the jewelry store and ask the salesperson for help without knowing much (if anything) about diamonds. The men on PS are the exception to the rule to be sure so while I understand your feelings don't be too hard on your guy. I am sure he makes up for it in many other areas.

 

[Polished]

I feel for you laila. I would say don't be too hard on your husband over this and don't forget that back then you didn't know much about diamonds either. The upside is, he was prepared to pay a considerable amount of cash to get you a lovely sparkly ring and it was the shop that let him down badly. The other lesson to be learned here is that if at the start there is a problem, it sure doesn't go away over time. I'm so glad to see people come here for advice and assistance before they make their purchase.

I'm in the process of taking one of my rings and putting an aquamarine (her birthstone) into it and giving it to my best friend for her birthday. I don't know whether it would help you, for now, to get right away from diamonds and expense and instead treat yourself to a coloured stone in a size and cut and style of ring that wouldn't make up for the disappointment over your engagement ring but would create something new to enjoy for now.

 

[lknvrb4]

Your story sounds so much like mine. I helped DH pick out my first ering and we bought it at Fred Meyer. They showed me a couple diamonds that were 1ct. and both had inclusions but I took the round one anyway because I really knew nothing about diamonds. It was full of sparkle but once I found PS, I realized what a piece of crap I had. I tried different setting like you have and was still not happy either, luckily I found my pear at an amazing price. We sold my ring on craigslist thankfully to a very nice couple. I would try that route and see if you get any takers, you will lose some money but if your willing it can be done. good luck

 

[susimoo]

You are not a brat. I think we have all felt like this over something or other. The fact that it is your engagement ring the emotions attached to it can be extreme.

I still have my original three stone that we bought together at a mall store in about half an hour.

But hey, I loved it.

Then when I got an upgrade I got a one carat solitaire, G, VS 1. I would have worn that forever if I hadn't found PS. I had hankered after a two carat but that was totally unrealistic in the uk from because of price and the fact I couldn't have traded it in as part of the deal. That was unheard of from what I found.

It was beautiful and much admired. However, as soon as I realised that it wasn't as perfect as I had been led to believe, I knew I couldn't love it anymore.

So I bit the bullet and sent all the way from Scotland to Jonathan at GOG. He consigned it for me. It took a full year to sell but it was worth it. I never lost a penny. As the prices had increased since I bought it, Jonathan got me a great price. I used that to purchase my 1.7 GOG H &A. I adore it.

I also own an antique cushion from Adam at OWD, so as you can see I am not adverse to multiple erings.

My advice to you is this. If you can, get rid of it. You cannot find a setting that will appease these feelings. I do not see how it will ever change. Cut your losses, sell it, consign it, whatever. Get what you can and then get all the eBay guru's, forte kitty, dreamer, gypsy etc to find you the solitaire of your dreams.
If you go antique you can surely go bigger in size too.

Whatever you do, I am sending you HUGE hugs, because I know and understand your pain.

It can be fixed!

 

[jazzoboe]

I absolutely know how you feel.

My DH, who is a wonderful man, don't get me wrong, is really stubborn on some things. When we got engaged, he wanted my input as far as style, but he definitely insisted on picking my ering on his own. Now granted, he did a little research, he looked at quite a few diamonds in person, and he definitely negotiated to get a decent price, but I know we could have done better with a PS vendor. In the end, he picked a nice stone for me. It has a couple of tiny inclusions which bug me some days, but I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who notices them, and apart from that I think the stone is well cut. He had it set in a plain tiffany-style setting which I don't love, but he told me he wouldn't mind if I reset it sometime. Still hasn't happened, though.

Now my wedding band is another story. By the time we were picking out our bands I was well into the world of PS, I knew what I wanted (a shared prong eternity) and I knew there were a few vendors where I could get a nice quality one within our budget. But. DH was completely opposed to shopping online, regardless of all the shining testimonials here. He simply said he would not trust any online vendors, and we definitely couldn't afford to take a trip just to see some of these places in person (those that have B&M showrooms). So I was stuck with very limited options in the jewelry stores near us, and the few that had what I really wanted were charging $$$ which we could not afford. I ended up finding a pretty, thin, half-eternity at the same store where he bought my ering, and decided to go with it. Ugh... it's been a bit of a nightmare. Firstly, I have tiny fingers (size 3.25) and when we first ordered it they tried to size down a stock ring (!!!). When I picked it up, it wasn't even round! We were pissed, took it back and demanded they had a new one made to order at no cost to us. They did. It was better. But, the workmanship is still crap. The prongs are all uneven, the diamonds aren't set evenly, and they are awful quality diamonds (and unmatched bad quality at that). We bought the three-year "service plan" and in the past two years I have already sent it in to have prongs tightened twice and, just weeks after having it inspected and being told it was fine, lost a diamond, so I had to have that replaced. Now, our service plan will run out this fall, and I just know the thing is going to fall apart within a year after that, so my only saving grace here might be that we simply won't be able to fix it and I will have to get a whole new ring.

The real problem here is that a. I feel bad telling my husband that the ring we spent a fair amount of money on is absolute garbage and b. he is adamantly against upgrades. Like, ever. He pretty much told me "these are the only rings I will buy you because they have this sentimental value, so I don't ever want to get anything else." and we've talked about it before. I don't know... I think he might still come around and surprise me, especially when he realizes that my current rings are not going to hold up for long, but I worry about whether he will let me get something of the quality I know our money should get when that time comes. It's frustrating.

Hope you can find a solution you're happy with!

 

[rosetta]

Honestly laila, the number of men who know about diamonds is MINISCULE. The vast majority of men did exactly what yours did. Heck, if it wasn't for the fact that I had gone to a UK jeweller with my husband to look at various stones, my husband would have gone straight to Tiffanys and bought a 1 ct D IF RB and called it a day. I was very very lucky to have gotten a 1 ct F VVS1 cushion instead, and still it was overkill and overpay for colour and clarity IMHO. I thank god it has killer optics, but that was a complete FLUKE.

Im with missy: let it go. This diamond will never be up to your standards. You know too much! Look to your future diamonds. We have all made mistakes in our younger and more naive days. Try to look past this one, and you will find the peace you seek.

 

[Loves Vintage]

Hey Laila !

Here's what I would do. Sell it. On eBay. Now.

I think I recall in an earlier post (quite a while back), you and your DH did not want to sell the ring because of its sentimental value. It seems that sentimentality has now shifted to some negative feelings. So, I would seriously, just sell it, get what you can and be done with that ring. I think it will be very cathartic for you!! And, whatever money you make, whatever fraction is winds up being of the original cost, well, it is what it is, take it, save it, spend it, whatever. It truly is just money!!

I agree with Hera - I do not think PS is representative of what the typical guy would do when purchasing a ring. That's why stores like Jared's exist and THRIVE. So, I do not think you should hold your DH to the PS standard!!! Honestly, it makes me a little sad that the ring makes you feel badly about your DH. Your DH is a total rockstar dad and husband, which I only know from what you've posted about him here!! So get rid of that ring!!

I will also share that I am sure we overpaid for my ring (purchased from local estate jeweler), though prices seemed comparable at the time to OWD. And there are days I want a big ol' eBay OEC. And, equally there are days that I love my ring, so I just let it pass honestly.

People feel differently about money. The fact that we may have overpaid is water on the bridge for me. Money comes and money goes. As long as this decision has not caused you any real financial hardship, just let it go. And, let the ring go too. I promise, you'll feel better once it's gone!! And, I'm sure some non-PS lady out there will be thrilled with it!

Do you wear your three stone ring? Have you talked to him about all of this? What does he say?

 

[chrono]

Laila,

I take it you've seen superideals in person as you've been a PSer forever, right? My understanding is that Leo's aren't that horribly cut. They are a branded diamond and have better cut than other mall store diamonds. It's not super duper ideal but if DH had to buy from a B&M, I'd say he didn't do too badly. He probably selected a round because it's an easy shape to set and pleases just about 95% of all women.

Very few people know about PS, cut quality and the like. I'd say most men do not do any research unless they happen to be of a certain personality type. Less so when it comes to diamonds and jewellery. Give them cars or a sound system and they'll be different though.

He spent a lot of money to get what he thought was best for you. Have you discussed this with him? Have you considered his point of view? You probably don't like my post but that's my 2 cents anyway.

 

[Circe]

I don't think you're a brat, because I have some things my husband brought into the house that I look at in the same way. Like, that's really sweet, but ... I do not enjoy wearing it.I think I agree with Vintage Lover (as usual), though with a few caveats. If the ring is being overwhelmed with negativity specifically because of the money tied up in the ring, I think there are a few ways to go.

First is to overcome the feelings, save it as an heirloom, be a better person, blah blah, which is nice work if you can get it, i.e., pull it off. I know in RT more than one poster has expressed frustration over how rings are treated as synechdoche for feelings, but ... sometimes it's the case. Is there any chance it's some frustration finding an outlet in the ring? My husband's great, but he doesn't "get" me about jewelry. Occasionally, there's a little "If you really loved me!" if I'm pissed about something else - jewelry makes for an excellent symbolic focus. Thing is, he really does, his brain just works completely differently from mine. Seriously, on every level. He hears things I don't, I see things he doesn't (quite literally - he has freakishly sensitive hearing, I see in the dark like a cat), so I suppose it's no small wonder we perceive expressions of affection and aesthetics differently as well. Thing is, it's easier for me to let go on, like, our key-holder than it is jewelry.

Second would be to sell it, recoup whatever possible, get something you like more - good, except you will get maybe 1/3 what he paid for it secondhand, and will probably still feel a little "AGH" about the lost money. If you can release that, I say go for it. I struggle with the whole "money spent is only valid if it's useful/pleasant," because I am a financial ignoramus and money is money, but it's true. The jewelry that I own that I don't wear? Functionally useless.

Third would be to reset it - a one carat might look small as a ring, but I bet it would look huge as a pendant, or, maybe somewhere down the line ... an earring, if you got another? I know you said you didn't wear pendants much, but maybe the right pendant would change your mind? I know I didn't wear bracelets until I got my deco line bracelet, then, BOOM. Love at first bracelet.


Finally and, fourth ... does Jared have any sort of trade-up policy? Would you feel better about the sunk cost if for another couple of hundred, the stone was a better cut? And where maybe if you flat out said, "dude, this would mean a lot to me, study it with me" that might shake the negativity?

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Sorry Laila! I understand too, since I became not-too-happy with my ering stone as well. We didn't know much about diamonds, though I'd done a little bit of research and what I'd found pushed me towards a 60-60 type of stone. Shortly after the ering was purchased, I found PS and broached the subject of trading it in for a better cut stone. DH wasn't having it though, as he was very wary of internet purchases at the time. I actually wore the stone happily for awhile, but I'm ashamed to say that I was unhappy with the size (.78ct), even though my husband had purchased it while in some major debt. I ended up making it into its 3 stone setting and I have to say, I'm still not 100% thrilled with it, as the original center stone is nowhere near ideal, while my sidestones are. I live with it though b/c it's a lot of money to fix otherwise and I can't, in good conscience, spend money on jewelry while we have two young kids to save for.

Why don't you care for 3 stones and halos? Is it b/c the center (heh, get is?) of the problem is your stone? Do you feel like side stones or halos would never gussy it up enough for you to see past your unhappiness?

What if you did put it away for awhile and just wear a plain band? Or save it for one of your kids? Or what about a RHR? Could you get over your feelings if you let it step aside as your ering and move to your other hand? That way, you'd still have it for sentimentality, but let it take a back seat to something else?

 

[LaraOnline]

Wow. Unbelievably caring and loving advice here...

Well my little harmony to the choir (*singing to the converted* ahem) is don't feel bad about feeling bad about all this!!
Let's face it, a ring is like a bra, or a pair of underpants...darn essential, and you Wear. It. Every. Day. A wedding set can feel like your eyebrows lol. Love em or hate em, you've gots to wear em. So don't feel bad about being bored or frustrated by your rings.

I too have a little story. I didn't think my rings reflected my inner creativity, inner eye-for-quality, or my inner tastefulness either tbh.
By the end I felt a little like I was strapping an iron slave ring on my finger every day. sssshhhhh

So I conceived a plan: I hunted out a vendor that I wanted to work with LONG TERM. I found one with fantantic upgrade policy.
And then while I saved (it took forever) I sweated and planned and sweated and planned and FINALLY decided on my 'forever' *cough* ring style. Tiffany six prong. (You probably have all this bit - the dream ring set - totally down already). I also went with a vendor that allowed me to pay off interest free over a year, just to get me over the line.

Then I announced what I WAS DOING! I built a big speil about my fifth anni yadda yadd I'm intending to upgrade my ring to something more 'grown up'... And yes, I guess my DH was a little....silent about it all. I didn't want him involved!! And then I went straight to my vendor! At first I picked out a .85, and then decided to go up a little and rock a 1.1 (which I loved and posted on Pricescope). Then I wanted to go up (darn PS), so I traded in again.

And overall I have found that when I did *what I wanted* I felt satisfied, and not bratty at all!.

I *do* feel sentimental about the original little sweetie (not even worth selling, I like it sitting in my jewel box), and I feel sentimental about the newer set. As far as hubby's aware, the question to upgrade was sorted years ago, at the five year anni. At the end of the day, I'm the one who has to wear the darn thing!

It's a yucky place to be, so please don't call yourself a brat!!!!!!!!!

 

[CrisM]

Laila,

Your feelings are completely valid. As others have mentioned, your husband did shell out a significant sum and salesperson didn't get him best value. In fairness, there are very few people who have the knowledge that the forum members here do, especially in the stores. I understand your feelings about looking at your ring and feeling resentment. I also completely get trying different versions but being dissatisfied. My husband and I have been circling the ring question for four years. I can't count the number of times I've changed my mind, in part because I'm aware of how much money this really is and want to get it right the first time. Like you, I want to look at my hand and have good feelings and memories reflected back. You are definitely not alone in this and I imagine many members here have been in similar situations, especially if they can compare pre-and post- Pricescope purchases. Even re-reading some of my posts reflect the same frustration you're feeling. Bratty is exactly the right word!

Your feelings are unlikely to change. I would bite the bullet, sell the stone and get what you want. But not without first having a very honest, authentic conversation with your partner. His feelings are tied into the ring as well, as were his funds. They probably weigh as heavily for him as your feelings do for you. Is there a way you can both compromise? That's what it took for my husband and I, after a final, heated and emotional “discussion”. But it’s how I felt. And he said some things of which I was not aware that softened my stance. Thankfully, he is still not at all interested in researching diamonds and has left it to me. But we compromised on the budget and we were together when we found the setting.

Can you search for a new setting together? Can you add some of your own funds to get what you want? Can a new ring be labeled an "upgrade" instead of a "replacement for the one I dislike"? There are number of ways to approach this that could bring you closer together. Any other suggestions, PSers?

Sending you dust.

 

[Maisie]

Have you considered something other than a diamond? Maybe a Moissanite (sorry if I am not allowed to say this) or a coloured stone?

 

[LaraOnline]

I know a woman with an absolutely stunning sapphire ring.... It. Is. Amazing. IRL.

 

[yssie]

Oh Laila, you don't sound like a brat at all. Honestly.

I think I remember that thread about the potential recut - your stone is so unusual, with that super high crown, I really would love to see it IRL and I can't honestly say I feel that way about all that many stones. Not that that makes it the perfect stone for you

I really like missy's post. If after several resets you think your feelings are in fact tied to the diamond and the way it was acquired, well, I think it's perfectly fine to feel however you feel, strictly "logical" or not. 'Just get over it, there are more important things to worry about' never works IRL - you just become more and more resentful... or maybe that's just me!

I know you said a solitaire would make you happiest, but do you think you could be happy with a threestone with your current stone as a sidestone, and compromise with your DH on the sentimentality? If you like old cuts they're generally more cost effective than RBs and branded stones, so you might talk to SS about the possibility of having it recut into an old style and take your time looking for a center and side to match - or better, find the side and center and then have SS recut, but you'd have to talk to them beforehand to confirm the stone is a viable recut candidate.


ETA I have to say it: you, Circe, are one of very few from whom we can expect synechdoche in everyday speech One of the many reasons I enjoy your posts - the fact that they're always so well-reasoned would be another - and I lucked out on not needing a dictionary this time

 

[marymm]

OP - I think your DH did the very best he could in terms of general societal norms when it comes to ERs... and honestly probably even better than that - as an uninformed, in-love consumer, he went to a large jewelry store and bought a Leo, which is represented (by Jared's) as a better quality diamond, and went with an almost full carat, near-colorless (per IGI) diamond. The fact is, back then you yourself didn't know any better and had the two of you gone shopping at that time, who knows what quality diamond you might have selected? Can't really go back in time and presume you would have educated yourself to PS standards. Holding on to resentment about something that happened in the past, that can't be changed (since we can't time travel), especially where your DH really did do the *expected thing* but not above-and-beyond... that's a lot of negative energy.

Maybe you can reframe the situation and allow yourself to view your husband's actions (in picking the diamond/ER) as generous and loving - especially as he did select something branded as better quality (even if us PSers know it is not) - while simultaneously deciding that the ER he chose does not best serve you or your marriage today (and frankly with the re-sets and passage of time, you've really given it a good chance).

Honestly, I'd put the ER aside and wear just your WB until you've saved enough money to purchase a diamond with one of the PS vendors with an upgrade policy - if you have to start out smaller than you like, at least it will be a sparkler and make you happy every time you look down - and stick with a simple setting until you reach your desired diamond size. I think WF still has the 3-month flex payment plan, so you can buy a diamond with 20% down and then take 90 days to complete the purchase.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Well, this may sting a bit. You say at the time YOU knew nothing about diamonds either. So kind of a double standard if you ask me. Do you have the right to be disappointed in your e-ring? Of course! But I think, as a complete outsider, the resentment you have towards your husband is very unfair. I am sure he did the best he could at the time. I think a MINORITY of men find PS pre-purchase. Most people would not think such a forum even existed! So it is time to let go. Let go of that resentment. It is only going to hurt your relationship in the end. Don't take a loving act and turn it into a personal attack. At the end of the day it is just a diamond. How important is it? Sell it. Save the money and put it towards your dream ring. Forgive your husband.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Well, this may sting a bit. You say at the time YOU knew nothing about diamonds either. So kind of a double standard if you ask me. Do you have the right to be disappointed in your e-ring? Of course! But I think, as a complete outsider, the resentment you have towards your husband is very unfair. I am sure he did the best he could at the time. I think a MINORITY of men find PS pre-purchase. Most people would not think such a forum even existed! So it is time to let go. Let go of that resentment. It is only going to hurt your relationship in the end. Don't take a loving act and turn it into a personal attack. At the end of the day it is just a diamond. How important is it? Sell it. Save the money and put it towards your dream ring. Forgive your husband.

Hi,
I agree with both Loves Vintage who said, "I think I recall in an earlier post (quite a while back), you and your DH did not want to sell the ring because of its sentimental value. It seems that sentimentality has now shifted to some negative feelings. So, I would seriously, just sell it, get what you can and be done with that ring. I think it will be very cathartic for you!!," and Tacori who said forgive your husband... MOVE ON.

Not only did your husband make the effort to buy you a ring, he spent $6K, which, IMO is a nice generous amount to have spent. Yeah, so he only went to Jareds and bought the ring w/out researching, BUT, keep in mind, others don't even have husbands that do that much.

You do sound kinda pissed off in your post...maybe there is more going on that isn't being disclosed. Just thought I'd mention that concern... is everything else okay in your relationship?

 

[TC1987]

Personally, I'd be thrilled with that 1.7 or was it 1.8ct in the halo. Or take it out of there and put it in a 6 prong or vintage-y fishtail head and then have a big solitaire. But...

Here's my suggestion for the original, since it's inexpensive and you tried everything else:

Try wrapping your finger around that diamond so that no light can get in from the bottom. If it looks the same amount of light return (not dimmer or windowed) that way as with the bottom opened up, then try an illusion head for a 1ct round, with the shank (and sidestones) of your choice. The diameter of the 1ct size illusion plate is 8mm side to side, giving you a big look. The illusion heads are very comfortable and wearable, too. Some people despise them, but I like them. My original e-ring diamond was 5.8mm, and I wore it in the 3/4ct illusion head for years, because it cured the DSS. haha

http://www.stuller.com
Round Illusion 4-Prong Box Setting
Item #: 971:63578:S
-- or --
Round Illusion 4-Prong Box Shank Setting
Item #: 172:1723:S

-- or --
complete ring
Illusion Box Solitaire Mounting
Item #: 140172L:9589

eta: I fixed the part #s so they are all 1ct option, I think.

 

[mjg]

I think the whole process of buying engagement rings is silly. Most men know nothing about diamonds, and some are lucky they find a good B&M store, while others end up at the mall. This is why I'm in the process of picking out my own ring. My boyfriend would end up with something pretty questionable. He isn't very detail oriented, he's very trusting, and just wouldn't know any better. Sure, I'm not going to be as surprised, but hopefully I'll be happier in the long run! My point is, I think the guys who come looking here are in the minority. You can't help how you feel, but its not good to feel resentful so you should really think about what would make you happy. What about a blingy eternity band or 5 stone? Then you could keep your original but maybe not wear it all the time. If it makes you sad to look at, I would be inclined to say to sell it. Negative sentimental value isn't worth having IMO.

 

[Laila619]

Everyone,

Your posts are really making me smile, nod my head in agreement, and feel much better. You all said such valid points and I feel like you really get it.

Not only did your husband make the effort to buy you a ring, he spent $6K, which, IMO is a nice generous amount to have spent. Yeah, so he only went to Jareds and bought the ring w/out researching, BUT, keep in mind, others don't even have husbands that do that much.

You do sound kinda pissed off in your post...maybe there is more going on that isn't being disclosed. Just thought I'd mention that concern... is everything else okay in your relationship?

MC, I do want to address this because I think you are right. There is more going on behind my resentment. My DH is an incredibly kind and loving husband and father, but he was very clueless when we were dating about the fact that I wanted him to propose. He literally will tell you that he had no idea I wanted that, and that it never even crossed his mind that maybe it was time to propose. I basically got fed up and told him I would be moving on, and THAT'S when he ran out to Jared that same evening, bought the crappy stone and setting that I HATED, and proposed literally the next day. So I wonder if my distaste for the diamond is partly because of the feelings surrounding our engagement and all of my frustration with his complacent personality. He is not a "make things happen" kind of guy. I think if I hadn't said I would be moving on, we'd probably still be just dating even today, instead of married with two kids. I also feel like he'll research things that are important to HIM, but it never occurred to him to research diamonds or rings. Man I seem to have a lot of anger about this for some reason. I feel like he cheated me out of a happy engagement...who wants your engagement story to be "Well I threatened to dump him and that's when he ran out, bought a junk bag ring, and proposed"? Once I found PS, I was so envious of all the gals whose boyfriends were doing so much research and committing so much energy and time into finding just the right ring for their girlfriend. It's like, why didn't my guy care enough to do that for me?

 

[Tacori E-ring]

You can't change his behavior, only your reactions. As my signature says, expectations are premeditated resentments. You have two options as I see it. Option 1, let go. Move on. Get over it. Enjoy your family/life/relationship NOW. Option 2, address the issue head on. Go to counseling. Sort it out. Let him know how hurt you feel. Work it out.

 

[Laila619]

Distracts, I'm sorry you're feeling this way too. FWIW, I adore your ring and I'm considering buying a big honking sapphire just like it, with diamond side stones. I hope your stone can be set properly! That's scary to think you could have lost it!

Oh, as for that 1.8 carat in halo, I sold that ring a while back, so I don't have it anymore. Made a nice little profit though thanks to the diamond price hike!

 

[Laila619]

I believe that Pricescope is not representative of the general public because MOST men Do go to the mall and pick out a ring for their SO. I know my husband wouldn't have known where to start and would have just trusted the salesperson. I would try and let it go and appreciate the better qualities that he has.

As far as the diamond, why did people on RT advise against a recut? Is there something else that can be done to remedy the situation? Can you sell it at a loss and start over?

Hera, thanks, I agree, I need to appreciate his better qualities and let this go.

Here is the recut thread: [URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/karlk-stone-cold-yssie-and-other-pros-fic-help-please.167095/']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/karlk-stone-cold-yssie-and-other-pros-fic-help-please.167095/[/URL]

I think I was advised not to do it because the recut would put the stone into a lower price per carat bracket and the value would be diminished, and the Leo branding would be gone, it would just become a generic round.