jaylex
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Aug 8, 2008
- Messages
- 847
Hi Girls!
newbie to BWW here..
Thinking about my father/daughter dance has really got me confused (i guess would be the right word).
My parents are divorced and my mother is remarried.
My stepfather is a narcissist and in the past was abusive to me, my brother, and my mother (mostly verbal and emotional).
but he *seems* to have his moments where he's better.... and I actually feel that he really does care about me deep down. He and my mother will be paying for a pretty good chunk of our wedding (about 1/3?) and this is leaving me confused about the Father/Daughter Dance and the whole "being escorted down the aisle" thing.
My stepsister had both her dad and step dad walk her down the aisle but I'm not so sure I want that.
She avoided the dance problem all together by forgoing the "father/daughter" dance but I really don't want to do that either.
It's hard because when my stepfather and I are in a really bad argument, I want nothing more than to not include him in any "parent" role of the wedding... but when we're ok I feel guilty for having to exclude him.
I can't wait to have a father/daughter dance with my dad... but I'm not sure i'd feel comfortable dancing with my stepfather. I don't want him to feel alienated but I just don't know if I could stand being that close to him for 3 and a half minutes (which would honestly feel like an eternity). I do "love" my stepdad but just giving him a simple hug is hard for me to do given our past.
As far as walking me down the aisle, I'd rather have just my dad do that too... but once again, I don't want to hurt my stepfather.
I don't want him to have as *special* of a role as my dad, but I don't want to exclude him completely..
the only thing i can think of is to give my dad, FI's dad, Fi's stepdad, and my stepdad all the opportunity to make a speech at the reception.
I was also throwing around the idea of giving them personal "gifts" at the reception, like picture frames with us in them as a thank you or something.. I know that my stepdad would appreciate something like that.
I was considering the idea of having a "parent and bridal couple" dance.. My mom and stepdad, FI's mom and stepdad, FI's Dad and stepmom, My Dad and grandma (dad isn't remarried) and FI and I having one song to ourselves... would that be offensive to the guests to ask them to not dance to a song somewhere in the middle of the reception? (I wouldn't want to do it right after our first dance and the bridal party dance... too boring for the guests to be out of three songs lol)
Has anyone else ever been in this situation? How did you handle it? Even if you haven't been in the same situation, can you offer any advice?
Divorce SUCKS!
Sorry that was so long lol
newbie to BWW here..
Thinking about my father/daughter dance has really got me confused (i guess would be the right word).
My parents are divorced and my mother is remarried.
My stepfather is a narcissist and in the past was abusive to me, my brother, and my mother (mostly verbal and emotional).
but he *seems* to have his moments where he's better.... and I actually feel that he really does care about me deep down. He and my mother will be paying for a pretty good chunk of our wedding (about 1/3?) and this is leaving me confused about the Father/Daughter Dance and the whole "being escorted down the aisle" thing.
My stepsister had both her dad and step dad walk her down the aisle but I'm not so sure I want that.
She avoided the dance problem all together by forgoing the "father/daughter" dance but I really don't want to do that either.
It's hard because when my stepfather and I are in a really bad argument, I want nothing more than to not include him in any "parent" role of the wedding... but when we're ok I feel guilty for having to exclude him.
I can't wait to have a father/daughter dance with my dad... but I'm not sure i'd feel comfortable dancing with my stepfather. I don't want him to feel alienated but I just don't know if I could stand being that close to him for 3 and a half minutes (which would honestly feel like an eternity). I do "love" my stepdad but just giving him a simple hug is hard for me to do given our past.
As far as walking me down the aisle, I'd rather have just my dad do that too... but once again, I don't want to hurt my stepfather.
I don't want him to have as *special* of a role as my dad, but I don't want to exclude him completely..
the only thing i can think of is to give my dad, FI's dad, Fi's stepdad, and my stepdad all the opportunity to make a speech at the reception.
I was also throwing around the idea of giving them personal "gifts" at the reception, like picture frames with us in them as a thank you or something.. I know that my stepdad would appreciate something like that.
I was considering the idea of having a "parent and bridal couple" dance.. My mom and stepdad, FI's mom and stepdad, FI's Dad and stepmom, My Dad and grandma (dad isn't remarried) and FI and I having one song to ourselves... would that be offensive to the guests to ask them to not dance to a song somewhere in the middle of the reception? (I wouldn't want to do it right after our first dance and the bridal party dance... too boring for the guests to be out of three songs lol)
Has anyone else ever been in this situation? How did you handle it? Even if you haven't been in the same situation, can you offer any advice?

Sorry that was so long lol