allycat0303
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2004
- Messages
- 3,450
Hi everyone,
I am not dealing with all this very well, and I feel so weak. I was there for the very last breath, and really, it was horrible. I always had the impression that death was peaceful, but it`s not. It was violent, and the whole thing was horrible. For the past few nights, I haven`t been able to sleep AT ALL because I keep picturing him taking that very last breath. This is the first time I have lost someone I loved, so I don`t know if anything I am feeling is normal.
I always thought that my fiance wouldn`t handle this well at all, but his strength astounded me. I think back to every night he spent at the hospital and the fact that he was there that last night for every single minute. Isn`t that crazy? I thought he was the one that would need support and instead it`s me. This might be strange, but during this whole thing, I discovered that my fiance is actually a better person then I thought. The depth of his love and committement to his family was MUCH beyond what I had attributed beforehand. And I would have qualified him before as a person to whom, family is very important even before all this. It goes to show how well his parents raised him.
The funeral will be on Saturday, I think it`s going to be very hard. Especially for fiance`s 2 older brothers who are falling apart. One is very, very angry. And the other, the doctors had to usher him out of the room because he refused to leave his father`s body (and he snuck back after to be with his father). They are both in various stages of denial/anger.
I am not dealing with all this very well, and I feel so weak. I was there for the very last breath, and really, it was horrible. I always had the impression that death was peaceful, but it`s not. It was violent, and the whole thing was horrible. For the past few nights, I haven`t been able to sleep AT ALL because I keep picturing him taking that very last breath. This is the first time I have lost someone I loved, so I don`t know if anything I am feeling is normal.
I always thought that my fiance wouldn`t handle this well at all, but his strength astounded me. I think back to every night he spent at the hospital and the fact that he was there that last night for every single minute. Isn`t that crazy? I thought he was the one that would need support and instead it`s me. This might be strange, but during this whole thing, I discovered that my fiance is actually a better person then I thought. The depth of his love and committement to his family was MUCH beyond what I had attributed beforehand. And I would have qualified him before as a person to whom, family is very important even before all this. It goes to show how well his parents raised him.
The funeral will be on Saturday, I think it`s going to be very hard. Especially for fiance`s 2 older brothers who are falling apart. One is very, very angry. And the other, the doctors had to usher him out of the room because he refused to leave his father`s body (and he snuck back after to be with his father). They are both in various stages of denial/anger.