Wedding Family portraits without my husband??

[anchor31]

Hey all! I''ve been juggling two jobs lately and taking two classes, as well as adjusting to my new married life (3 months on Sunday!), so I haven''t been online much, but I still lurk here every now and then. Congrats to all the new BIW and the BIW graduates!

So here''s what''s driving me to post tonight. My brother''s getting married tomorrow afternoon, and I was talking to my mom on the phone about driving directions and the like and she said that she wanted to take family portraits "just the five of us" (meaning mother, father, brother, sister and me) before the wedding. I said that my husband should be in the photos as well, but she insisted that she wanted "just us". Now I''m not going to make a scene tomorrow and if she insists I''ll just do it, but to me that doesn''t feel quite right. J is my husband now, and he is in the family now. I feel that he should be included even in the "just us".

Am I overreacting? Maybe I''m just miffed that I seem to be called "miss" more often after being married than before, and that people keep calling my husband "my boyfriend"...

I dunno, I guess I just feel like nobody wants to acknowledge my marriage, or something. Or maybe I''m just a spoiled brat.

Thoughts?

 

[Octavia]

Anchor, I don''t think you''re being a brat! You''re a newlywed and I imagine it''s frustrating when people don''t acknowledge it...but I don''t think people are purposely trying to goad you unless they know you just got married.

As far as the family portraits, is it possible to compromise, and have your husband in some photos and not in others? My family quite often does variations on the "family portrait" when everyone is together (although they''re just snapshots) and usually have different combinations, such as all the cousins together, my mom with her siblings and father, my dad with his siblings and mother, etc. I don''t think either of my parents feel left out when this happens, and I fully expect that when FI and I get married, we''ll still have photos with just me, my brother, and my parents in them. But it''s not as though those are the only pictures we take.

If your mom is insisting that your husband not be in any of the photos, that''s a different story...but as long as there''s not a big time crunch, it seems like doing photos with different combinations of people would be a good solution!

 

[lauralu]

I have 7 siblings and at all of their weddings my parents had a "family pic" taken of my parents and all us kids as well as a "family pic" of my parents, us kids with spouses and our kids. They also always do a pic of my parents and just the grandkids. My family seems to use the weddings as an opportune time to take advantage of the photog for family pics as well.

In our family it is no biggie to have a photo of my parents and just us kids. However, we also always do one with everyone. If they are not doing one of everyone (to include your spouse) that would bug me.

 

[iheartscience]

My family does the same thing-pics with just us and pics with the spouses, too. Nothing wrong with it, in my opinion. I''m sure they don''t mean to slight your husband at all.

I think you might just be feeling sensitive since you''ve been getting called "Miss" and people have been calling your husband your boyf.

 

[honey22]

I understand that you are upset about it, but when it comes down to it, they are her photos and not yours. She should get to say who she wants to be in her professional pics. You don''t have to hang them in your house, so I wouldn''t bother.

If she said that your husband wasn''t allowed to sit with you on the family table or something like that, it would be different. But I guess she just wants her immediate blood family in those pics and that''s her choice. Sorry to sound harsh, but trying to see it from her side.

 

[Rhea]

Your family immediate family is different to your mother''s immediate family. She just wants a couple of photos with the children she gave birth to, your sibling''s partner''s won''t be in the photos either. I''d do it, it''s not as though your DH is going to have to sit on the sidelines for more than 10 minutes.

When we visit my grandparents they still regularly get photos of them with their five children, no partners or grandchildren. Each family unit that could possibly be made ends up taking a photo. It''s not meant to exclude anyone, just different group photos for different people.

 

[neatfreak]

As long as J isn''t being singled out as the only partner NOT in the photos, I would let it slide. Moms are weird like that sometimes, they just want the family they raised ya know?

I wouldn''t take it personally honey. And great to see you!!!

 

[anchor31]

Ah, nothing like my PS pals to help me put things into perspective.

Thank you very much for your honesty, I appreciate it, and I understand what you mean. I never intended to refuse or anything, like I said, I don''t want to make a scene. But still, I don''t feel as annoyed as I was yesterday. I guess I''m being a little sensitive about it all.

I''m just not sure why you say it''s my mother''s photos, honey22... They''re not, they''re my brother''s and his FW''s. Ultimately, I think they should decide what pictures they want taken.

Anyway, I''m heading off to get ready! It''s looking like it''s going to be a beautiful sunny day, and it should be fun.

Thanks all!

 

[crystalheart1]

I agree with Neatfreak,, roll with the punches ( in the stomach ) and keep in the back of your mind...yes
Moms can be a bit wierd at times...

 

[bee*]

Date: 10/31/2008 9:55:05 PM
Author: thing2of2
My family does the same thing-pics with just us and pics with the spouses, too. Nothing wrong with it, in my opinion. I''m sure they don''t mean to slight your husband at all.


I think you might just be feeling sensitive since you''ve been getting called ''Miss'' and people have been calling your husband your boyf.

My family and D''s family do it also. I still like getting photos done with just my main family and then D gets in the photos with us also.