Long one, but I'm being driven insane. This one extended family member drives me absolutely effing nuts on occasion, like just now! He has certain speeches that he likes to make, and they're very personal and quite insulting, and he'll say them over and over, clinging to his broken record despite all evidence to the contrary. When I say over and over, he first made this speech to me five years ago!
I've put on weight over the years as I used to have a very stressful job in marketing, working all hours - full office days, evening work, weekend work, it was a nightmare. I had to move to another part of the country at one point and I didn't cope that well with being away from home. During this job, which lasted about ten years, I wasn't always happy due to work stress and I did put on weight. Life has been full of challenges since then too - a very sick partner who I looked after for a number of years, then suddenly I was older and the family started dying. Family and friend death during the last three years - I think we're at 16 deaths, with two pending. At one point I did lose about 40 pounds but put it back on and more during the stress of bereavement and caregiving.
I see these periods as just one of life's many challenges, and I don't worry about it because everyone has challenges. I met great people, had some fun, and learned a lot. So far it's been a wild ride. Also, I don't believe it's a crime to put on weight. It's your own business. Lots of people cope with life stress by doing things far more destructive than comfort-eating and putting on weight - drugs, gambling, promiscuity, and taking out stress on those around you.
I made the mistake of mentioning to this person that I was getting back to healthier living and had lost a couple of pounds this week. Oh god. When will I learn? He starts on his Speech of Doom, referring to my "problems" and how I got depressed and "all your problems" started when I moved away when I was young, etc etc etc. I really resent this because I was not depressed I was just very busy, getting home too late to cook or go to the gym etc, and I am a very happy-go-lucky person. And how insulting to refer to "my problems"! Thanks to my wonderful deceased family, I am very stable and secure. I do not lash out at others, I have never felt jealousy but am happy for others when things go well for them. I treat people well, have never hurt anyone, and do my best to be agreeable and look on the bright side, as most of the time I feel quite happy anyway. Sometimes I have felt down due to external circumstances like - oh, I don't know - my immediate family dying, say!
This person just loves to talk about "my problems." Wow, I wasn't aware that I had any, except being exposed to life stressors and coping the best I can, which describes most of us. But this person just loves to insist on my unhappiness and my problems. I'm not even unhappy! For some reason, I find this deeply dismaying - portraying me as some broken person or something, when in fact he's the one who is broken, having behaved despicably to his immediate family for decades. He used to beat his wife, and his kids tell me that although he didn't abuse them, he made their family life hell for years.
And the effing cherry on the top - another extended family member is very overweight, but she gets a free pass because she has twins. She is revered and exalted because she's a mother, and he treats her with great care. I pointed out that the "babies" are now ten years old, but no, no, according to the Relative of Doom it's not possible to lose baby weight. In his beautiful words to me today, "She has put on weight for quite different reasons than you have done." So again, I'm the problem, and she is above reproach because she's a mom.
What this all comes down to is that this relative bullies me for my weight and my childless status. He has always been a bully and he just loves to take his unhappiness out on me (he's a widower).
Anyone else got a horrid family member like this? Please tell me that I shouldn't take any notice of someone like this. I know I shouldn't - how can I get upset about insults from someone who used to abuse his family? I mean, I can't take seriously anything he says as I have zero respect for him, but for some reason the stuff he says really gets to me. Even though I know I shouldn't let it.
He's coming for Christmas. Flight all booked and no one else will have him - we all take turns, and this year it's our turn. I wouldn't mind having him if it were not for the Speech of Doom. I consider his misdeeds to be long in the past and my side of the family all agreed to help him in his widowhood, as we loved his wife so much. He has mellowed a lot in his old age but this Speech of Doom thing is a problem. Anyone else got a family member with a weird tic like this? It's like, sometimes he just has to bully me and can't help himself, and I guess if someone is overweight like me, then bingo! Something to get at!
I've put on weight over the years as I used to have a very stressful job in marketing, working all hours - full office days, evening work, weekend work, it was a nightmare. I had to move to another part of the country at one point and I didn't cope that well with being away from home. During this job, which lasted about ten years, I wasn't always happy due to work stress and I did put on weight. Life has been full of challenges since then too - a very sick partner who I looked after for a number of years, then suddenly I was older and the family started dying. Family and friend death during the last three years - I think we're at 16 deaths, with two pending. At one point I did lose about 40 pounds but put it back on and more during the stress of bereavement and caregiving.
I see these periods as just one of life's many challenges, and I don't worry about it because everyone has challenges. I met great people, had some fun, and learned a lot. So far it's been a wild ride. Also, I don't believe it's a crime to put on weight. It's your own business. Lots of people cope with life stress by doing things far more destructive than comfort-eating and putting on weight - drugs, gambling, promiscuity, and taking out stress on those around you.
I made the mistake of mentioning to this person that I was getting back to healthier living and had lost a couple of pounds this week. Oh god. When will I learn? He starts on his Speech of Doom, referring to my "problems" and how I got depressed and "all your problems" started when I moved away when I was young, etc etc etc. I really resent this because I was not depressed I was just very busy, getting home too late to cook or go to the gym etc, and I am a very happy-go-lucky person. And how insulting to refer to "my problems"! Thanks to my wonderful deceased family, I am very stable and secure. I do not lash out at others, I have never felt jealousy but am happy for others when things go well for them. I treat people well, have never hurt anyone, and do my best to be agreeable and look on the bright side, as most of the time I feel quite happy anyway. Sometimes I have felt down due to external circumstances like - oh, I don't know - my immediate family dying, say!
This person just loves to talk about "my problems." Wow, I wasn't aware that I had any, except being exposed to life stressors and coping the best I can, which describes most of us. But this person just loves to insist on my unhappiness and my problems. I'm not even unhappy! For some reason, I find this deeply dismaying - portraying me as some broken person or something, when in fact he's the one who is broken, having behaved despicably to his immediate family for decades. He used to beat his wife, and his kids tell me that although he didn't abuse them, he made their family life hell for years.
And the effing cherry on the top - another extended family member is very overweight, but she gets a free pass because she has twins. She is revered and exalted because she's a mother, and he treats her with great care. I pointed out that the "babies" are now ten years old, but no, no, according to the Relative of Doom it's not possible to lose baby weight. In his beautiful words to me today, "She has put on weight for quite different reasons than you have done." So again, I'm the problem, and she is above reproach because she's a mom.
What this all comes down to is that this relative bullies me for my weight and my childless status. He has always been a bully and he just loves to take his unhappiness out on me (he's a widower).
Anyone else got a horrid family member like this? Please tell me that I shouldn't take any notice of someone like this. I know I shouldn't - how can I get upset about insults from someone who used to abuse his family? I mean, I can't take seriously anything he says as I have zero respect for him, but for some reason the stuff he says really gets to me. Even though I know I shouldn't let it.
He's coming for Christmas. Flight all booked and no one else will have him - we all take turns, and this year it's our turn. I wouldn't mind having him if it were not for the Speech of Doom. I consider his misdeeds to be long in the past and my side of the family all agreed to help him in his widowhood, as we loved his wife so much. He has mellowed a lot in his old age but this Speech of Doom thing is a problem. Anyone else got a family member with a weird tic like this? It's like, sometimes he just has to bully me and can't help himself, and I guess if someone is overweight like me, then bingo! Something to get at!