Ex GF Returns....

[swingirl]

Your BF dated this woman for 2 years and broke up knowing her age and what she looked like. You shouldn''t have any insecurities there. You guys have been dating for 1 year and your relationship is still new so it''s possible there is some history and old business with his x. He should be the one to take care of this without your input.

If she emailed, texted, phoned twice at 2:30 a.m. your BF hasn''t given her a clear message. He obviously hasn''t blocked her number or told her to leave him alone. You shouldn''t have to tell your BF to do those things, he should want to. He should be more annoyed with her than you since her behavior could put his relationship with you in jeopardy. Let him do the wok on this one.

 

[makemepretty]

I don''t think he should e-mail her, nor she he return her calls or texts. Just let it go. Be secure in your relationship and he can reinforce he has moved on by not responding to her at all.

 

[Dreamgirl]

I don''t know. I''d be worried a little bit too. I don''t think you are being silly at all about it when it involves an ex who is now constantly bugging him!

 

[makemepretty]

I don''t think he should e-mail her, nor she he return her calls or texts. Just let it go. Be secure in your relationship and he can reinforce he has moved on by not responding to her at all.

 

[Treasure43]

Date: 7/14/2009 6:38:26 PM
Author: makemepretty
I don''t think he should e-mail her, nor she he return her calls or texts. Just let it go. Be secure in your relationship and he can reinforce he has moved on by not responding to her at all.

Ditto on this! Excellent advice makemepretty. If she really is obsessed with him, any contact from him will just reinforce her desire for him. Him not responding at all sends the strongest message! I have an ex who after me not speaking to him for a year STILL texts/calls/IMs me sometimes and I completely ignore him. This has greatly decreased the contact and his contact is slowly dropping off as I refuse to acknowledge him in any way.

 

[LadyBlue]

When I was engaged with my now DH, his ex and my exes kept calling all the time, even after asked the to stop calling. So we changed our number, both of us, and the problem was over, no more exes

.

 

[Little Monster]

LitigatorChick,

Having gone through something kind of similar, I understand how nerve-wracking that can be... Evil ex-girlfriends

I guess my biggest suggestion would be to remember that he loves YOU & wants to marry YOU! Obviously her emailing & calling him isn''t okay, especially once he explained that he has a girlfriend living with him, who is soon to be his fiancee. But, asking him to CC you on the emails between them sounds like you don''t trust him... which would be the last thing you want him to think. Unless he has done something in the past (with this girl or someone else) that has betrayed your trust like that, I would believe him & trust him to do the right thing. Maybe that sounds naiive, or passive, but I think it turns out the best in the end that way. You cannot be worrying 24/7 about her -- you won''t always be there if she calls, or with him all the time when a woman might come on to him. Learn to trust him 100% & you will be there with him, through everything, in his heart.

Sorry that all sounds so sappy... take a deep breath & remember he loves you!

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I know this can be nerve wrecking. I think you got a lot of good advice here. I can understand being worried about the fact she is younger, pretty ect. But think about this. She is the ex girlfriend, and he is dating you know. Maybe he realized that she is the type of girl she is is not "his type" and that you are.

 

[trillionaire]

Dear Ex,

Your recent texts/calls/emails have been rather inappropriate, and I would greatly apreciate if they would cease. I''m sorry that you are having a hard time moving on. Here are some places that might be able to help you process your thoughts in a healthy and constructive manner.

(Insert list of Counseling services.....)

I do not think that continued contact would benefit either of us, so this will be my last email. I wish you all the best for your future.

- ex boy

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 7/14/2009 6:12:11 PM
Author: tlh
Trust him, and get your sense of self confidence back. Who cares if she misinterprets the email? You can''t MAKE him stay, you can''t MAKE him love you more... you have to trust that he WANTS to stay with you, and that he LOVES YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.

Best wishes!

Just a big +1 to the above (with a bit of cutting involved). You are planning on marrying this man and spending your life with him, you should be confindent enough in your love for one another that he will handle this appropriately without your involvement.

And so as to not seem insensitive, my husband has been contacted in a similar manner by his ex-girlfriend, who knew we were married. It just wasn''t a big deal to me because I have faith in our relationship.

 

[sparklyheart]

LC, I think you are getting all worked up about this (if that''s even what is happening here?) because of your current situation.. You know he''s going to propose, he has the ring, now you just have to wait. Of course an ex coming into the picture would make you jealous. Is this going to delay the proposal? If he keeps waiting, is it because of her?? I know every girl here would have those same thoughts if her ring was sitting somewhere in the house and she knew it. He clearly wants to be with you and that''s it. There will always be other girls in his life who can be perceived as a threat but the fact that he has told you about this and blown her off in the past says a lot. Trust him and let it be.. She will get the picture sooner or later.. Even if that picture is of a gorgeous ring on your hand

 

[cindygenit]

No need to be insecure. Your BF loves you, not A. He won''t leave you because she is drop dead gorgeous ( or you think she is anyway).

You need to trust your boyfriend. He will do the right thing by you cos he loves you!

 

[LitigatorChick]

Thanks everyone for your insight. You are very kind and supportive.

BF emailed her last night, telling her it is over (for the billionth time), telling her that he is with me and that we are going to get married, and telling her not to contact him anymore. He let me read the email before he sent it.

I hope that is the end of this. He has promised to tell me if she contacts him in any way. If she continues this "I want you back" crap after this past email, I will find her and tell her myself how inappropriate this is.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 7/14/2009 10:47:24 PM
Author: trillionaire

Dear Ex,

Your recent texts/calls/emails have been rather inappropriate, and I would greatly apreciate if they would cease. I''m sorry that you are having a hard time moving on. Here are some places that might be able to help you process your thoughts in a healthy and constructive manner.

(Insert list of Counseling services.....)

I do not think that continued contact would benefit either of us, so this will be my last email. I wish you all the best for your future.

- ex boy

Perfect. Especially the list of counseling services.

 

[omieluv]

Hi LC! So sorry to hear you and your BF are being plagued by the ex-gf. Your insecurity totally makes sense, so do not feel bad about it, especially given what you have gone through with your past relationship. Given that he mentioned that the ex has "mental issues," it is probably best for him to send a clear message to her, in a gentle, yet firm way. However, I would not be surprised if she disregards what he says, as she does seem to be a bit unbalanced at this point in her life.

As others have said, you are an intelligent woman and wonderful mother, so try to think on those things when you are feeling insecure. Given these qualities, you are so much more of a catch than his ex. Not to mention that you are more than likely a hottie in your own right!

Take a deep breath, think of your many charateristics that make you awesome, and you will feel better! If that does not work, look at your son, as he is so adorable.

 

[HollyS]

Date: 7/14/2009 6:12:11 PM
Author: tlh
is the only reason you're wanting to be copied is so the ex can see your name on the email?

Because honestly, I think asking to be cc'd is bad news. Trust him, and get your sense of self confidence back. Who cares if she misinterprets the email? You can't MAKE him stay, you can't MAKE him love you more... you have to trust that he WANTS to stay with you, and that he LOVES YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.

Leave it alone, and just vent about it here. I'd be happier if he just ignored the email, and didn't respond to it at all. A response is like feeding a stray cat, once they know where the food comes from, they'll keep coming around....

best wishes, and a huge hug!

Post deleted.

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 7/15/2009 10:12:01 AM
Author: LitigatorChick
Thanks everyone for your insight. You are very kind and supportive.

BF emailed her last night, telling her it is over (for the billionth time), telling her that he is with me and that we are going to get married, and telling her not to contact him anymore. He let me read the email before he sent it.

I hope that is the end of this. He has promised to tell me if she contacts him in any way. If she continues this ''I want you back'' crap after this past email, I will find her and tell her myself how inappropriate this is.

I would not do that.

She will EAT THAT UP. She will love that she is getting to you. (Believe me, I have an ex-friend who preys on men in relationships. Getting a rise out of the current GF is like crack to her!) Don''t give her the satisfaction! Focus on feeling good about you, not making crazy ex feel bad. It''s not worth it.

 

[LitigatorChick]

Hey everyone, doing better now and hoping that the ex is gone for good!!!! Can focus again on lots of manis for the upcoming engagement!!!!

 

[mousey]

I know I m a bit late to this, but I had an ex like your FF''s. He was Soooooo inappropriate. He took to ringing my Mom''s house (the only no he had for me) in the middle of the night (like 4am) drunk, and crying at her. He also emailed a number of times. I found that ANY reply to him was treated like encouragement. The ONLY way of treating him was to ignore every form of contact from him. I also get where you and FF are coming from in including you in the email.... My boyf trusted me completely (I HOPE), but I felt the need to always tell him when this ex contacted. It sounds weird, but I felt if I did nt completely include boyf then ex and I would share a secret or something. These situations are ICK. Especially cos I kept on thinking, if me and boyf broke up (we won t but if...). then I would hate to treat him like this. I said this to boyf, and he replied that he would never disrespect me enough to ring my family home in the middle of the night, and would know that if we could be friends we would have to be really careful of each others feelings, and the feelings of the SOs in each others lifes. feeling for you litigator, totally understand, but it sounds like your FF is trying everything he can to be up front and honest with you, and also not totally horrid to her. If she contacts again though, it might be worth totally stonewalling her- there are some people in this world that do not understand ''it s over'' until, no matter how it is said!