event blues

[PK&Sweets]

Hello All,


I have a simple, maybe silly question(s). Here''s the story... this is my first marriage and my fiance''s second. He has two kids, 9 (f) and 7 (m), from first marriage....they visit from Canada and stay with us in VA during the summer for 7 weeks (7/10-8/28 this year). We got engaged in Feb. and decided on simple/small wedding or elopement. In fact, we''ve waited so long to plan, that eloping might be our only option. If we had a "real" wedding we would want to (of course) include the kids/entire familly etc. The only problem here is the kids are only here in july/august. Well, and this is where i start to look like a jerk, his first wedding was in August and I''m honestlly just not up for having our anniversary in the same month. Our engagement date is in the same month as theirs... and why I know this.. I''ll never understand. We''ve done everything to avoid any other event duplication. BUT I''m worried that I''m being too difficult/silly/whatever... what do you think? am I being a jerk? is this going to scar the kids forever? They''ve expressed no interest in being ring/flower people...or involved in any real way

just desire to be present.




One more thing... right now.. the plan is to have an "event" August 21st to bring both families/all friends together to celebrate us. The us being all four of us...as a "newly" joined family - with out the actual vows being exchanged. I guess it will be more like an engagement party/shower/reunion/house warming/etc. We plan on making it just like a wedding reception minus the wedding...portraits/flowers/cake/speeches/etc. The rest of the family (except my mother - only child/single parent) seems to be handling it just fine.. but I guess I''m feeling guilty or something. So...what i''m wondering is.. if you renew vows, does the anniversary date change? Seems like a stupid question, but having two "real" weddings seems like the only way to make everyone happy. I''d have a date not in August and the kids would be involved/or at least present, at the "real" thing.




Thank you for any help.

 

[niceice]

It's never easy trying to figure out a balance between "past lives" and your current life. We've balanced both worlds since the inception of our relationship. Robin has the distinct honor of being God Mother and Step Mother to my two boys and daughter

it's a LONG story, but that's how it worked out. We were married in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico via a private ceremony accompanied by a few close friends and family members, we did not include the children in the ceremony simply because their mother wouldn't let them come out for an unscheduled visitation and they really didn't seem to be affected by it (then or now). We suppose that it is all how you handle your explanation of things with them...

We can see why you would not want to have your wedding anniversary during the same month as your fiance's previous wedding anniversary, but in reality, your special day will be your special day and their day does not encompass an entire month, at least from our perspective. It will be what you make of it, just decide what is important to you and go with it

 

[pqcollectibles]

IMHO, I don't see a problem with having a small, private wedding ceremony in July. Just you and the kids, a few close friends, and other relatives. Whoever you want. And having your "Announcement Party" or "Reception" or whatever you want to call it in August.

 

[Lincoln]

PK - I have a similar situation. My family lives across the country, and my fiance and I were intending on having a small, private wedding, with a party later. However, I can't invite my family from across the country, and best friends from states far away and from Europe, to just a party. If I got an ivitation to a party, no matter how good of friend it was, I'd need one good kick in the *ss to get me to spend the time and money to attend. And I certainly would rethink the gift thing, not that that has anything to do with this though. I have told my GF that if we do the delayed party, it will essentially be her, me, and her friends and family.

Since our engagement, though, my fiance has started to realize that she needs to have more family and friends see the actual wedding than she really cared to, so it looks like the wedding snowball is about to begin to roll, making the after party a moot point.

 

[Robyn12]

Hello,

I don't think your anniversary date would change if you renewed your vows.

I also don't think you are being silly. If that's the way you feel, that's the way you feel. Feeling the way you do, I would not even consider having the wedding in August. Why risk having your anniversary date be sad in some way to you? I really like the idea of having the wedding in July for you and your future husband (and maybe your closest family), and then maybe renewing your vows and having the "reception" in August for everyone else... This way you have a July anniversary, but everyone gets to celebrate with you in August.

That being said, IMO, this should be a happy time in your life. You should let go of worrying about your future husband's past, and not be threatened by it in any way.

Just my two cents. Good luck!