Etiquette\Connotations of purchasing ring with Trade in Policy

[bboy1977]

I am intrigued by the idea of being able to trade in a diamond every couple years for a different purchase. With a wedding, honeymoon, ring and getting prepared to purchase a house, my finances are getting hammered. I like the idea of getting an upgrade for my fiancée in a couple years.

However, when I was discussing this with my coworkers I got some laughs. I was given the impression that an engagement ring is a one time special gift, you do not trade it in like a "used car". Instead, you can buy an additional "anniversary" band or ring. What is the consensus or norm among women? Would my fiancée be offended if I tell her that in a few years the ring/diamond can be upgraded/changed?

 

[Lorelei]

It completely depends, many of us PSers love to upgrade and stick to a vendor who has an upgrade policy, others would never trade in the ring or diamond they became engaged with. It depends on how your fiance feels about upgrading, she might not want to now, but in years to come might be glad of the option. I guess go with a vendor who has an upgrade policy and mention that to her so she knows she has the option should she ever want to use it. Upgrading is getting more and more common, especially with the growth of buying online and the education available, consumers are far more aware of their options and choices than they were. So upgrading is a very routine thing here in PS land, the rest of the world might think differently. However I think it is a great thing all round, especially for young couples starting out with all the expenses of weddings and houses etc, that way you can upgrade as your finances improve.

 

[togal]

I don''t think there''s a ''norm'' per se. Many women on this forum have traded-up, myself included. Let''s face it, unless a person has unlimited means, trading up is the only way to end-up with that big rock, if that''s what she wants. I can''t think of too many women that wouldn''t love a great big diamond on their finger. I think she''ll be thrilled to know that she has that option and that you''re cool with the idea as well.

 

[Clio]

It totally depends on the individual. I personally will never upgrade my engagement ring - it''s a sentimental thing. I will, however, happily buy as many other diamonds as future finances might allow, and I would never be offended if my husband brought up the idea of an upgrade. Other people are very comfortable with the idea of upgrading, and that''s great too. I certainly love seeing photos of their upgrades!

I think the best way to approach it is to be open with her - just let her know that the ring can be upgraded in the future if she wishes. She may say "hurrah!" or she may say "no, thank you," but I doubt that she would be offended.

 

[Cehrabehra]

I like the idea of two diamonds - one small special one that can sit in her jewelry box as THE special ring she got... and then another diamond that can start out small and grow and grow and GROW hehehe - better than a new car

 

[widget]

I suspect that the whole concept of "diamond upgrades" is seen much more often on diamond forums than in the real world!

While I totally understand a woman wanting something "bigger and better" over the years, I personally hate to see them "trading in" their original erings for it. (Of course, this is just my personal view).

My mom got something bigger/better, and I don''t even know what happened to her original ering. No matter how modest it was (and it was modest!!), it would have eventually become a very special and precious keepsake to me.

widget

 

[DMBsGirl]

Bring the idea up to her. She may be totally cool with it and HAPPY that you are giving her that option, as some men might be offended if their wife ever wanted to upgrade. For me, personally, I dont think I would trade in my original ring. I dont have an engagement ring yet, but know that once I get it, it would be too difficult to part with it.

 

[surfgirl]

I''m with widget...I too, could never trade in my ering. But I can see how others can if they get engaged young, not as financially secure, etc. I can see why some women would be happy to trade up. I also can see how some could keep the little stone and just get a bigger one later on in life. My maternal grandmother did that. Her first stone (.50ctw) was set in a men''s pinky ring that my grandfather wore for many many years. And he got her a rock to replace it. I''m happy we have the little one still in the family. I also have my paternal grandmother''s ering and I thought about using that stone in my ering but it was a smidge too small on my hand but I could never ever trade it in! Too much family history there...widget''s right, it IS sentimental to keep the first one, especially if it wasn''t too pricey.

Having said all that, I''m sure your GF will be thrilled to know its even an option. Dont worry!

 

[BigDiamonds]

I agree that it''s a personal thing, but I can''t imagine that she would be offended if you let her know she had the option!

For me, I think I am more likely to upgrade the diamond than the setting. I think I''ll be less attached to the rock than the ring itself, but that''s just me. Another option to consider is making the center diamond into a pendant or something, and buying a second, larger stone for her e-ring that could be upgraded again later. Then you don''t have to give up the original stone, but she can still have a big rock on her finger.

 

[HappyAnniversary]

I was surprised that many current e-rings are custom made to a specific diamond size, so if you''re thinking of keeping the e-ring and just changing the diamond out you might find out which styles would allow that. That way you still have the sentimental value of the original ring, but the bling of the new stone.

 

[Maisie]

I have my original diamond which is a .25ct princess cut. I need that reset because the setting is really unsafe for it (prongs are coming away - its not very well made). I will be keeping the diamond forever though!

My husband just bought me a .55ct diamond which will be upgraded hopefully every 2 years. I only want a 2ct stone. If I have anything bigger than that I will probably be mugged!

 

[Ellen]

Date: 5/9/2007 1:01:59 PM
Author: surfgirl
I''m with widget...I too, could never trade in my ering.

Um, I don''t think any of us would let you.

 

[decodelighted]

Yeah ... there aren''t any clear rules about this. People have such varied opinions & attachment to things etc.

I''m fascinated by how many people THINK they KNOW how they ARE gonna feel about stuff. Before it happens?

Prepare for change. Even if you discuss it *beforehand* and agree to upgrade, she may well change her mind & become emotionally attached to that stone. And ... if she says "No Way Jose, that''s my stone for life" ... six months from now she may be CRYING for a three-carat ring she sees at the nail salon!

____ happens.

But it''s cool you''re open to it! Bottom line: its something to be discussed -- especially if she''s hoping for a certain size, or all her friends/siblings/mom have a certain size and your "upgrade" plan will dip way below that size. Preparation is key. People are most dissapointed when what they EXPECT will happen doesn''t happen. Managing expectations -- always a good idea.

 

[mrssalvo]

Date: 5/9/2007 11:00:54 AM
Author:bboy1977

However, when I was discussing this with my coworkers I got some laughs. I was given the impression that an engagement ring is a one time special gift, you do not trade it in like a ''used car''. Instead, you can buy an additional ''anniversary'' band or ring. What is the consensus or norm among women? Would my fiancée be offended if I tell her that in a few years the ring/diamond can be upgraded/changed?

this is exactly how my hubby feels, he only uses computers in his analogy. I''m getting one big upgrade partly b/c my original stone was damaged and partly b/c my first ring was joint effort and after almost 7 years of marriage he wants to do this one on his own. But, this will probably be it for me for e-ring/wedding sets.

I think it''s very cool that you''re open to it. I think talking to your gal and seeing how she feels is the way to go. If she''s cool with it too then definitely go with a vendor with a great upgrade policy so you can increase the size of her stone along with your salary. If not, you might need to make sure the ring you get her is something she''ll be happy with forever (or at least a very long time

)

 

[neatfreak]

Yeah, it depends on how everyone involved feels about it. But it's nice to have that security of being ABLE to trade it in should the need/desire arise. If she has her heart set on something bigger than you can afford now it's a nice way of doing it without losing value.

Not to sound pessimistic, but on another note...50 percent or so of marriages don't work out these days. It would be nice in the future for someone to be able to trade it back in and get something different instead. I know, don't hate me

... that's not the intention EVER of someone buying from a place with an upgrade policy, but like deco said ___ happens!

 

[kcoursolle]

I would do what you want to do regardless of population culture. If it''s okay with you and your future hubby, then I see nothing wrong with it. I''m not a particularly sentimental person and I plan to upgrade as well someday. If your friends think are weird and you want to justify it...maybe upgrade on a big anniversary year like 5, 10, 15... Then you can say that it was an anniversary gift and so it was "extra special" or something like that.

 

[risingsun]

I think it's entirely up to the couple. We decided to upgrade my center stone for our 10th anniversary. We chose an ACA. When we went to have it mounted in my original setting, my DH said "no, this won't do!" The ACA was so far superior to the original stones in my e-ring and w-ring, we chose a whole new set

The new set had "superideal cut diamonds and it all looked great together. My husband asked if I was OK to trade in my original rings to get the new ones. I was surprised, since he was somewhat reluctant in the beginning, to do the upgrade. Once he was onboard with it, we were both good to go. Now he tells everyone about my new rings. He's enjoyed it almost as much as I have

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I kept my original rings for sentimental reasons. My new rings are much better quality. I''ll likely never upgrade this one because I went with the largest I was comfortable with, but I did want to buy it from a vendor with an upgrade and buyback policy just in case something really unforseen happens.

I think it is nice to get a great stone now and set it in a pendant later when you are able to get her a larger diamond ring!

 

[grapegravity]

For me, I have already traded in my original engagment ring (and I''m still not married yet

)
All my friend thought I was crazy but me and my bf were fine with the idea of trading in my my old ring for a bigger rock... (he knows that I want to have at least 1 carat on my hand before I get married) And I have already plant the idea of having a 2-3 carat rock sometime in my lifetime in his head, heehee...

My point is, it all personal perference.. Some ppl are fine with upgrade, some ppl have the sentimental feeling towards the RING....

Just my 2 cents...

 

[dfb]

I thought my wife would be one of those that would never want to upgrade - granted we did not buy the best diamond in the world when we got married 11 years ago - but it was nothing to totally sneeze at either - it was a very well cut G/VS2 1.25 carat Princess - granted it was set in a pretty plain 14Kt YG setting as I did not know much about shopping for these sorts of things - but when I mentioned the idea of upgrading recently more thinking that I was hoping she MAY be interested in a RB - well she JUMPED all over the idea - next thing I know I am a whole lot of money into close to a 2 ct RB, a Memoire 1 ct wedding band, and a matchin Memoire Semi Mount with nearly another carat of side stones - it will be a beatiful set and she is very excited - I told her to do it we would have to look at trading in her current stone - and she was fine with it - which again took be back a bit - but she understood the finanical practicality of that - well when it came right down to it - she could not let the Princess go - she is having it put into a single pendant mounting in white gold and a 18 inch chain - the new rings are not ready yet - but she just handed me the original ring while I was typing this to take to the jeweler tomorrow to have the original ring taken apart and the princess pendant made.

 

[dsy]

I know several ladies who would love the opportunity to upgrade their rings, but could never say anything to their significant others about it for fear of hurting their feelings.

Rather than be offended, I''m pretty sure your fiancee would see this option as a bonus! At least she knows she has the choice to keep it or upgrade it in the future if she wants to.

 

[dfb]

if it plays out anything like the past 10 years for me - you will give her the ring - and tell her that - she will be so excited that she will say, "Oh no - it is perfect" and it will be - then you will bring it up 10 years from now and you will be looking for your checkbook

 

[ls14evar]

Personally, Id be a bit offended if my wife wanted to "upgrade" I can understand people wanting bigger rings, but it wouldn''t be the ring that I gave her. That ring is a symbol, not just a thing to be thrown away and replaced.