Ethical Disclosure of Gift of Man Made/Chatham Diamonds

[Mischa08]

Would deeply appreciate any input on the following situation: I received a pair of diamond stud earrings as a ten year anniversary gift. They are beautiful, have fire, etc. Husband informs that they are 3.4 total carat weight, one stone is an E, VVSI, and ideal cut. The other is a G, IF, and ideal cut. Husband relays that it to "so many months to source the stones" and that our jeweler had to work "very hard" to find the pair. I emailed our jeweler and asked about GIA report and got no response.

A week later, I receive a pamphlet/brochure in the the mail from Chatham Laboratories, thanking us for our purchase of "lab grown" diamonds. I have not mentioned Chatham mailing. Husband says a "GIA report is unnecessary" for the earrings (?)
No one has informed me that the earring stones are man made, synthetic. For backgound, my engagement ring is GIA certified and mined. Husband and I disussed the GIA cert at length for the engagment ring. Should I be upset at the lack of disclosure on the lab grown earrings ? They are beautiful and I am grateful- I just think the MM diamonds create disclosure issues for the person receiving the gift. Wrong ? Many thanks in advance.

 

[acaw2015]

Well, until you talk to your husband and get to know his point of view I hardly think you should consider if it is ethical or no. He may or may not have a good explanation.

 

[Antique Chic]

Personally, I would never buy diamonds of that size without a cert, just to make sure you’re getting what you think you’re getting.

They are real diamonds, so I personally wouldn’t be upset if he saved money and went the eco friendly route. If he gave you CZ (or other simulant), I think he should disclose that, so you would know they’re not valuable.

That’s my 2 cents anyway.

 

[ChristineRose]

They probably do have an IGI report somewhere. Until recently the GIA reports for lab stones were so incomplete that you couldn't get much more out of them than the stone being an actual diamond.

I think the rest of the answer is between you and your husband. How would you feel if, for example, he had bought your earrings at a pawn shop and not shared that with you?

One other thing I should say is that if the jeweler had to work to source your stones, it's likely because he was sourcing lab stones. It's much more of a hassle to find a lab diamond than a mined diamond. The numbers are minuscule compared to mined stones. In other words, someone at some point decided that they preferred lab stones, and went to extra trouble to get them.

 

[Bron357]

Firstly, they aren’t synthetic, Chatham are real diamonds (not CZ) but grown in a lab. They cost about the same as earth mined diamonds.
You should have got Chatham lab report with them. It will confirm carat weight, clarity and colour grading plus it will be inscribed on the girdle with a number to ID the particular gem. GIA can also do a report for you if you so desire.
I feel your husband hasn’t appreciated the difference between a lab made diamond and an earth mined diamond in that you prefer natural earth mined diamonds not lab ones. Mind you, some people insist on lab grown these days.
Nevertheless the should be reports for each diamond. I’d contact the jeweller and ask about them. Also, depending on the mounting, you should be able to see, with a x30 Loupe the inscribed numbers on the girdle.
How well do you know the jeweller? I only ask because you want to be sure what you husband paid for is exactly what you have in your earrings.
So your husband isn’t passing off CZ as diamonds, you do have actual, real, proper diamonds but they got grown (over many many months btw) in lab, not mined from the earth.

 

[OoohShiny]

Are you worried that your friends are going to ask about them and you will feel compelled to tell them they are man-made?

And you think your friends will judge you/your husband negatively for that?
And/or think you have received 'fake' diamonds?
(Even though they are chemically and physically identical to diamonds dug out of the ground, just with difference growth patterns within them, which are invisible to the naked eye and require a $$$$$ machine to identify.)


If you are concerned about this, and you are going to keep them, you have two choices:

- just say 'thank you, they were a gift from my very generous husband for our 10th wedding anniversary!' if someone compliments them, suggesting that you do not know much about their details but they mean a lot to you, therefore you can't/won't answer any more questions; or...

- go 'full disclosure', saying that your husband commissioned a jeweller to seek them out especially for you, and that he chose man-made diamonds because he was concerned about the environmental impacts of digging out diamonds / he is your favourite technical geek and he liked the engineering behind them / it is difficult to find such Ideal cut quality with high colour/clarity in Mined stones. And look how incredibly sparkly they are, with lots of fire and scintillation!


Ultimately none of us should be judging other people for the choices they make, but we all do to a certain extent. You should talk to your husband and say that they are beautiful and you love them, and you'd love to know more about how he chose them and why he chose MMDs over Mined. It is likely that he has sound reasoning for this, which as his wife you will fully appreciate and understand because you know him well, so having awareness of his thoughts and motives will help you 'justify' the stones to those that would (wrongly) judge you negatively for having them, if you would feel inclined/obliged to do so.


All IMHO, of course

 

[KingKuda]

If anything, your husband should be annoyed at you. I'm sure if he knew you were going to snoop around and then post the story on a forum he wouldn't have bothered at all in the first place.

 

[Rhea]

Firstly, they aren’t synthetic, Chatham are real diamonds (not CZ) but grown in a lab.

Synthetic and lab grown are the same thing according to GIA. Stimulant is different and would be CZ and the like. http://4cs.gia.edu/en-us/synthetic-diamond/

 

[ChristineRose]

Synthetic and lab grown are the same thing according to GIA. Stimulant is different and would be CZ and the like. http://4cs.gia.edu/en-us/synthetic-diamond/

Yes...this is a point of some contention. Lab diamonds growers are required by industry standards to call their stones synthetic or lab grown. However these terms are also used for fakes of all kinds, and no one restricts the fake sellers from calling their stones synthetic and lab grown diamonds, or Dimonelle, or "Contemporary Diamonds." Some of them confuse it further by talking about "you touch real diamond" or by selling both CZ and real lab diamonds but muddling the names and descriptions enough so that the average person can not be expected to figure it out.

I avoid calling them synthetics since you are really both right, but calling them lab-grown is only marginally better.

 

[HappyNewLife]

I don't think there's anything wrong than wanting to see certificates, but it sounds like your husband was trying to keep it from you that they're lab grown. I'd probably let it go and enjoy the diamonds (assuming they're beautiful) and appreciate his well-meaning

 

[rockhoundofficiando]

Maybe he knew you preferred mined but based on price point he chose lab made. Approximately 20% less than mined stones given the substantial carat weight, would be a considerable savings. They are a gift, but given you're his wife, especially if you share finances, he should have disclosed. In any event, even without the Chatham notification, you would have found out their origins while adding them to insurance.

 

[rockysalamander]

IDK. I'm a gem nerd and can see asking just because I want to know and learn. I don't, however, feel I have a "right" to know if they are a gift. Its a gift. Unless that gift requires special care due to it being man-made vs. the assumed natural, they I don't really need to know.

But, if you will like them less as you know they are man-made, then talk with DH gently and make a plan.

 

[daneshpastry]

If you can't discuss a large purchase like this with your husband, I'd say this is the least of your concerns. Personal opinion of course.

 

[denverappraiser]

Synthetic means it’s a manufactured product, and synthetic diamonds are, well, synthetic. By definition. CZs are also synthetic, as is moissanite, glass, and most of the other lookalikes (not all by the way). So what? The fraudsters are taking advantage of the fact that people don’t understand the language. There’s nothing fundamentally wrong with synthesis and there’s nothing unique about diamonds in that regard. Yes, CZ is synthetic too. So are tires, nylon, and most vitamins. So?

 

[MollyMalone]

Synthetic means it’s a manufactured product, and synthetic diamonds are, well, synthetic. By definition. CZs are also synthetic, as is moissanite, glass, and most of the other lookalikes (not all by the way). So what? The fraudsters are taking advantage of the fact that people don’t understand the language. There’s nothing fundamentally wrong with synthesis and there’s nothing unique about diamonds in that regard. Yes, CZ is synthetic too. So are tires, nylon, and most vitamins. So?

Actually, "synthetic" in this context has a precise meaning -- and CZs, moissanite, and glass don't qualify. Per longstanding Federal Trade Commission definitions, a synthetic gem is a man-made/lab-created one that has "essentially the same optical, physical, and chemical properties" as the natural counterpart. CZs, moissanites, and other wannabes or somewhat look-alikes are "simulants" or imitations. See, e.g.,
https://www.gia.edu/gem-synthetic
https://www.gia.edu/gia-news-research/manmade-diamonds-questions-answers

But because "synthetic" is unfortunately synonymous with "fake" or imitation in the minds of so many people, it's not used by Chatham and the others who could properly market their stones as synthetic. On the other hand, you'll see purveyors of CZs and generic moissanite on the Internet describe their wares as synthetic diamonds, even though that's incorrect and a fraudulent sales tactic under US law.

 

[WinkHPD]

With the semantics involved, it quickly becomes confusing. The commercial CZ's we see are synthetic CZ's as CZ's do not grow large crystals in nature. However, CZ's are also simulated diamonds rather than synthetic diamonds, as a synthetic, by definition must have the same physical, chemical and optical properties as the natural item that is being copied.

Wink

 

[ChristineRose]

Natural Moissanite is found only in meteorites, and it's at it's best under a magnifying glass!

Bright orange liquid natural glass is available in Hawai'i right now, but if you get too close the park rangers will shoo you away.
Fulgerite is frozen--or maybe I should say jarred lightning! Completely natural.


Trinitite is another synthetic glass. It could be called a jarred atomic blast. But don't get too attached; like it's maker, it's radioactive!

 

[OoohShiny]

Natural Moissanite is found only in meteorites, and it's at it's best under a magnifying glass!

Bright orange liquid natural glass is available in Hawai'i right now, but if you get too close the park rangers will shoo you away.
Fulgerite is frozen--or maybe I should say jarred lightning! Completely natural.


Trinitite is another synthetic glass. It could be called a jarred atomic blast. But don't get too attached; like it's maker, it's radioactive!

Wait... That picture is of the effects of lightning hitting sand??

That is super-cool if it is

 

[ChristineRose]

Wait... That picture is of the effects of lightning hitting sand??

That is super-cool if it is

Source
But...I also found a page saying that picture was a hoax...

It's a real thing though.

 

[mrs-b]

@Mischa08 -

I'd be upset if I thought I had something naturally formed in the earth over millennia only to find out it was made in a lab some time in the last couple of years. The properties might be the same, but the provenance is way different and not to my taste. And if my husband was going to get me something so substantial, it would have behooved him to check what I actually wanted. On the other hand, some might say it would have been only sensible for you to have mentioned it. But so many people know nothing about synthetics - even their existence - and for most women, when they say 'a diamond' they're referring to the generally held definition. A diamond and a man-made diamond are not the same thing, composition aside, so you can be forgiven, in my opinion, in assuming your diamonds are the real deal and naturally formed.

And you obviously did NOT 'go snooping' - gees louise! I apologize for the aggression of that post to a newbie. Good lord....

Personally, I think it was sneaky to palm man mades off on you with no disclosure. It is COMPLETELY within your husband's rights to give you MMDs - but it's not ok to pretend they're diamonds when they're something with 'the same chemical composition' - which by overall definition is not the same thing at all. There is more to a diamond than its chemical make up. Apart from anything else, given that MMDs aren't cheap, you might have preferred something smaller but natural if budget (and it generally is) was the issue. You should have been asked.

Let me be clear - I'd happily wear MMDs. I wouldn't like them as much as diamonds, but, assuming I knew what they were and I had given them the go-ahead, I would happily wear them. But if someone implied they were natural and they were synthetic, I'd be angry and would feel lied to. Because I had been. And in a marriage, that ain't good.

There seems to be a bigger issue here than the earrings. I'd be talking to your husband about what convinced him to go down that path and then not to reveal it. The answer to that might be enlightening.

 

[peacechick]

I don’t usually spend time in the diamonds forum, but in the colored stone world, provenance is of great importance. For an example, if someone decides on an unheated, untreated sapphire, it’s important to get a GIA or AGL certificate showing this and the likely origins (e.g. Sri Lanka). Putting myself in your shoes, if my DH had presented me with a lab sapphire and left out the disclosure that it was a lab-grown stone until I found out by asking for the GIA report, I would have an issue with it too.

It’s not that I would be angry with a lab-grown stone, since I have a couple of those myself, but if we had discussed it, then I would have made clear that I would be happy with smaller earth-mined gems wiith heat treatment, which cost much less... In the state of non-disclosure, you are expected to be thrilled while not being able to ask any questions. So that is how I relate to your situation from my perspective. I think you should have a proper conversation with your DH rather than keep quiet about it.

 

[AprilBaby]

I wear moissy earrings so lab diamonds would be even better. All my other jewelry is mined diamonds. Full disclosure when you asked for the certs would have been nice rather than lying. It would be the lying rather than the product that bothered me.

 

[Lisa Loves Shiny]

I would be at least slightly upset if it was me. That would be due to your husband not taking into account your preferences (after many discussions regarding your feelings on an earth mined diamond) when you chose your e-ring. For example- my husband likes a certain brand of guitar. I wouldn't dream of buying him a similar brand guitar and expecting him to be happy with the "thought that counts" because if I was truly caring about his thoughts I know very well what brand he likes. It would make things even worse if I tried to pass of the similar brand as his preferred brand. That would be me trying to pull one over on him which is not something I would do to someone who trusts me.

 

[MarionC]

Personally I would not explain to friends that my diamonds are manmade. They won’t get it???
( I have a lovely spinel cut by Jeff White and when I told my friend it was a spinel she turned up her nose, thinking it was some kind of plastic lol.) so then you are forced to explain and it sounds as though you are having to prove something.
I’m sorry you are having an issue. I agree with other posters that your dear husband might have been more forthcoming.