Engagement Length, how long is too long?

[NervousBuyer]

My gf and I have been dating for 2.5-3 years now. However, due to things going on in our lives (mostly school) we won't be getting married until the spring/summer of 2014 (we've talked about this already). I know that she is pretty eager to get engaged - after all, we already know we are going to be getting married, so why not just make it official, she says. While I agree that this makes sense, if I propose in the next few months we'll be engaged for over 2 years before getting married.

We are taking a trip to California in the spring of next year. If I proposed then, that would mean we would be engaged for around 2 years and 2 months. Is this a rather long time? I've never really wanted a super long engagement (my ideal would be around a year) but she makes sense saying that we've been dating for a while already, are going to get married later, why not just make it official - why wait?

So, ladies out there, I need your help! Given that we would have been dating for 3 years, does it make sense to get engaged with what will be 2 years+ until the wedding date? What would YOU prefer? Advice?

 

[jlp86]

I don't know if I have really any advice, however, if I was in a similar situation (which I kinda am) I would want to be engaged. My BF and I are planning on getting engaged by the end of this year with a wedding for the summer of 2013. So not quite 2 years but semi long. I feel that at least with being engaged I can plan here and there, not to mention being engaged is such an exciting thing!

 

[NervousBuyer]

I feel that at least with being engaged I can plan here and there, not to mention being engaged is such an exciting thing!

Definitely true - occasionally we'll come across things we like or want to remember, but we can't really plan, or she feels bad thinking about wedding things because we aren't yet engaged.

 

[audball]

I have married friends who were engaged as short as 4 months before tying the knot, to as long as over 5 years. It's what works for you. The only con I can see in proposing with the intent at a long engagement is the questions. As soon as you become engaged, people will start asking when the big day is going to be. As long as you both are comfortable with saying it'll be XX 2014 and be prepared to handle why some (rude) people will ask why you're waiting so long, then you'll be fine.

If I were her, I'd want ot be engaged already. You both can take your time planning, long and slow, and get to enjoy the period of being engaged for longer than many people. Most people date for 2-4 years, get engaged, and are only engaged for a year or so before being married for a lifetime. Enjoy being 'fiancees' for awhile.

I say go for it!

 

[NervousBuyer]

Thanks for your comments! I think I will go for it!

I have a ring ordered (shipping tomorrow!) - now I just need to plan a proposal. Balloon ride anyone? We'll also probably be visiting Disneyland but that seems a little too cliche haha.

 

[centralsquare]

RIng? What are the details???

 

[NervousBuyer]

Diamond: BGD Signature Ideal, 0.51ct, F, SI1
Ring: Classic Truth setting, 18k WG

 

[audball]

It's beautiful!! Good luck with the proposal!

 

[Rhea]

Beautiful ring!

I think there are pros and cons to both ways. I was engaged for exactly 18 months and it was too long. We, as a couple, concentrated a lot of our energies on the planning and not enough on our lives outside the wedding planning. But I also understand her impatience to make it official. You'll get questions either way - why is it taking you so long to ask her to marry you, or why you have such a long engagement. Do whatever you're comfortable with.

 

[CaprineSun]

Beautiful ring!!! Let us know when you pop the questions! So excited for you!

 

[whatamiwithoutapurpose]

I say go for it as well. There are no set rules and I would be happy to just be engaged no matter how long, as I'm sure she would be. Also, the ring is beautiful! I hope you come back with hand shots and good luck!

 

[mjertl]

My boyfriend and I are getting engaged soon (any day now!!), and I honestly haven't even begun to think about when we're going to get married. I know it won't be for probably about 2 years, and I'm TOTALLY fine with that Our situation is a little different because we haven't been dating quite so long, but neither of us has any doubt that the other is "the one," and I feel kinda silly talking about my "boyfriend" when he is so much more significant to me than that... I am very excited to call him my finacee, and very excited to marry him, but also a little happy that I'm not going to start planning a wedding as soon as we're engaged. Can't wait to savor the engagement phase

 

[misssoph]

I realize that this is probably a cultural difference, as we Australians are often less formal, but if you have decided between the two of you that you will get married and even have discussed when then you are already engaged....

 

[swingirl]

My gf and I have been dating for 2.5-3 years now. However, due to things going on in our lives (mostly school) we won't be getting married until the spring/summer of 2014 (we've talked about this already). I know that she is pretty eager to get engaged - after all, we already know we are going to be getting married, so why not just make it official, she says. While I agree that this makes sense, if I propose in the next few months we'll be engaged for over 2 years before getting married.

We are taking a trip to California in the spring of next year. If I proposed then, that would mean we would be engaged for around 2 years and 2 months. Is this a rather long time? I've never really wanted a super long engagement (my ideal would be around a year) but she makes sense saying that we've been dating for a while already, are going to get married later, why not just make it official - why wait?

So, ladies out there, I need your help! Given that we would have been dating for 3 years, does it make sense to get engaged with what will be 2 years+ until the wedding date? What would YOU prefer? Advice?

I would push up my wedding date.

But seriously I would just ask your gf what she wants. You both know your circumstances and reasons for waiting until 2014. You might be surprised at her preference.

 

[NervousBuyer]

I would push up my wedding date.

But seriously I would just ask your gf what she wants. You both know your circumstances and reasons for waiting until 2014. You might be surprised at her preference.

Haha, actually we would both like to push it up, but due to the nature of our studies we will be spending 50% of the time from now until 2014 long distance. Sucks huh.

 

[swingirl]

I would push up my wedding date.

But seriously I would just ask your gf what she wants. You both know your circumstances and reasons for waiting until 2014. You might be surprised at her preference.

Haha, actually we would both like to push it up, but due to the nature of our studies we will be spending 50% of the time from now until 2014 long distance. Sucks huh.

We have at least one poster on PS who is married but she and her DH are doing residencies in different states. It's tough, I am sure.