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Engaged & the reactions

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asscher<3

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 10, 2008
Messages
6
Hi everyone,

First time posting (although I admire all the time). I got engaged a few months ago and was really excited. I was just wondering if anybody on these boards have had the similar experiences to what I''''m about to describe and have some kind words.

I was really excited. I told my best friend and all she could say was "Oh shiny" when she saw the ring. She said congrats to me and my fiance but it was a delayed reaction. She did not have the same reaction as she usually does with other friends. And to this day she can never say anything even nice about my ring or act really excited for me - anytime she says she is excited it is over an email or something. In fact, over time- she has even gone so far to take jabs at my ring and say "oh it only looks big in some light/or at that angle"

I thought I could deal with the whole bland comments & not being super excited but to actually take jabs? That is not cool. I mean really- I''''d just be sad about her not being all into it but to actually actively be mean? It just upsets me still. I don''''t brag about it to her- not after that reaction (and she is suppose to be my best friend) --- and don''''t mention wedding talk unless she brings it up- so I just dont'''' get it.


And I go to law school & random girls will just tell me I''''ve got the smallest ring in school (and since when is a carat small??? I mean I''''m still young and so is my fiance - I''''m thrilled he actually wanted to spend that much on me). What in the world? I mean really! Can''''t people just be happy or silent about something like that so I can just enjoy my engagement. Believe me I don''''t talk about it much except the initial making the announcement and only bring it up when asked. It just makes me sad b/c I''''m so happy - I try not to let everyone else dampening it but it kinda of seeps in after awhile.

So any kind words or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you!
 

Feralpenchant

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 12, 2009
Messages
427
Who cares what people say! I''m sure it''s beautiful and you seem to love it!

My "best friend" is kind of like that also. But she''s more of a person that''s not happy unless it''s about HER.

I hope you can look past what people say and just look at your ring and think "Man, I''m so lucky to have a fiancee that loves me and got me this beautiful ring."

Cause at the end of the day, if you love it, that''s all that matters. Doesn''t have to be huge to be lovely.
 

ilovesparkles

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 13, 2006
Messages
2,389
I would be over-joyed to don a carat on my finger!!!!! And honestly have never expected to get one that big. I could speculate as to why your BF is acting this way, but it all comes down to the bottom line; which is her behavior is uncalled for!

I hope you can find the strength and courage to poopoo the lot of them, enjoy that gorgeous rock and the love of your life, and gosh diggity, POST SOME PICTURES
 

tradergirl

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 26, 2008
Messages
789
Gee, with all the problems out there now . . . you get all emotional about what someone says about a ring. Nice. Get some perspective. Unless you''re Jennifer Lopez, there''s always going to be someone with a bigger, better ring. You might focus on the person who gave it to you instead of some girlfriend and her PMS.
 

babysteps

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 13, 2008
Messages
597
I think it''s totally natural to feel disappointed when your friends/classmates don''t appear to be happy for you and/or make cracks about your ring - regardless of the state of the world (Tradergirl, c''mon - it IS a jewelry forum
) this is a huge moment in your life and it would be nice for your acquaintances not to rain on your delight over your ring. To me, they sound like jerks (sorry, a ''best friend'' shouldn''t behave in a hurtful way). Try to ignore them, and post some photos here for PS''ers to admire! I''m sure your ring is absolutely beautiful; congratulations on your engagement.
 

atroop711

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 31, 2005
Messages
2,844
First off..Congratulations...

Now..can I give you a bit of advice...don''t ever care what others think. You will always encounter ppl who don''t have manners and are rude. You will encounter ppl who aren''t happy in their lives and you know that old saying..

MISERY LOVES COMPANY! In my experience (I''m a tad older than you) some womenl could be just mean. When I got engaged over 14yr ago, I was excited...I wanted to show my close friends. I got a really nasty comment from a Frenemy (I thought we were friends but she would constantly go out of her way to put me down). She made the nasty comment in front of others about my ring so I know I wasn''t being too sensitive. Unfortunately this happens. I''ve learned that when ppl are mean or unkind, it has nothing to do with you. Not sure what they are missing in their lives to be this way but this shouldn''t make you sad. Just realize that there are issues there and they aren''t your issues.

Unfortunately this happens too often even with small kids. My daughter is 8yr and I''ve had a talk very similar to this with her. Ugh it annoys me how women are mean to each other. We can be our worst enemies.


So remember...when ppl make snide comments IGNORE. If the continue...hmmmm... well you have the option to walk away or say something snappy back at them (I''m a NYer..I can be very sarcastic LOL) I just think ignoring is better because if you let them know that their comment bothered you then you are telling them they''ve accomplished what they set out to do. TO GET UNDER YOUR SKIN. Don''t give them that power over you...regardless who they are.

This time should be great...this time goes fast so enjoy it!

Now where are your hand shots
 

sba771

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 1, 2008
Messages
887
Don''t feel bad. My two best girlfriends, in fact both in my wedding party didn''t even say congrats or ask to see the ring. One finally said "oh I didn''t ask to see your ring because I don''t care about stuff like that." okkkkkkkkk so you fake it for 10 seconds? Honestly, as cliche as it sounds, people saying those things come from jealousy. This one friend has been with her bf for double the time I have been with FI, and he refuses to move to the same city as her and all these other things, so I understood it kind of hurt her. Didn''t make it right, but I am sure those people are just insecure and jealous.
 

atroop711

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 31, 2005
Messages
2,844
Date: 3/23/2009 6:05:24 AM
Author: tradergirl
Gee, with all the problems out there now . . . you get all emotional about what someone says about a ring. Nice. Get some perspective. Unless you''re Jennifer Lopez, there''s always going to be someone with a bigger, better ring. You might focus on the person who gave it to you instead of some girlfriend and her PMS.

In all fairness Tradergirl...this was her BEST FRIEND who made her upset and not everyone can let comments roll off their back. In my case, in my 20''s comments like that hurt..in my 30''s I learned to not care...In my 40s..well what I''m trying to say is you get wiser and stronger with age. At least in my experience. So I can totally relate to asscher''s feelings and I''m glad she vented here. It''s better to vent and ask for advice then to hold it in.
 

MMT

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 24, 2008
Messages
2,565
One carat is plenty big! Please give us some handshots we love to ogle gorgeous rings. I assume your friend is jealous. Maybe you could talk to her about it. If she is truly a good friend she will support you
 

jcarlylew

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 27, 2008
Messages
3,899
Date: 3/23/2009 6:43:46 AM
Author: atroop711
First off..Congratulations...


Now..can I give you a bit of advice...don''t ever care what others think. You will always encounter ppl who don''t have manners and are rude. You will encounter ppl who aren''t happy in their lives and you know that old saying..


MISERY LOVES COMPANY! In my experience (I''m a tad older than you) some womenl could be just mean. When I got engaged over 14yr ago, I was excited...I wanted to show my close friends. I got a really nasty comment from a Frenemy (I thought we were friends but she would constantly go out of her way to put me down). She made the nasty comment in front of others about my ring so I know I wasn''t being too sensitive. Unfortunately this happens. I''ve learned that when ppl are mean or unkind, it has nothing to do with you. Not sure what they are missing in their lives to be this way but this shouldn''t make you sad. Just realize that there are issues there and they aren''t your issues.


Unfortunately this happens too often even with small kids. My daughter is 8yr and I''ve had a talk very similar to this with her. Ugh it annoys me how women are mean to each other. We can be our worst enemies.



So remember...when ppl make snide comments IGNORE. If the continue...hmmmm... well you have the option to walk away or say something snappy back at them (I''m a NYer..I can be very sarcastic LOL) I just think ignoring is better because if you let them know that their comment bothered you then you are telling them they''ve accomplished what they set out to do. TO GET UNDER YOUR SKIN. Don''t give them that power over you...regardless who they are.


This time should be great...this time goes fast so enjoy it!


Now where are your hand shots

Wonderful advice, thank you!

Asscher - Its true. some girls are just upset that the focus is not on them. Are the ones who said those nasty comments engaged?
I had a simlar experience. my boyf at the time bought be beautiful canhardly diamond (can-hardly see them
) earings. at the time i was only 19, so diamonds for me, at that age, at ANY size was amazing enough (especially from a guy who thought buying me new sheets was an appropriate birthday gift
(they were flannel though lol)). Long story short, she said "oh how cute. you can hardly see them! mine are so large, arn''t they?" grrr. well, i simply told her "i love mine. I have smaller ears, so larger earring would look silly on me. Plus, i know D spent his time picking them out. They''re perfect". and yes, this was my best friend at college.
Her earrings came from her drug dealing boyfriend. Guess what went missing when they broke up?

So, i guess the story is, those who are just nasty and not happy for their friends find out the hard way.
 

Madam Bijoux

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 15, 2005
Messages
5,144
Your acquaintances (they certainly aren''t friends if they make remarks like that) are probably miserable and love to rain on everyone else''s parade. Just smile at them and say "My fiancee and I like it." Illegitimi non carborundum.
 

Skippy123

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 24, 2006
Messages
24,299
Date: 3/23/2009 8:19:59 AM
Author: elle_chris
Don''t take it personally. Misery loves company.
Yip. Enjoy it and congrats!!! Come here and posts pics we will gush; we love diamonds
 

NewEnglandLady

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2007
Messages
6,299
She''s not awaiting an engagement of her own, is she? Or maybe she''s a little on the needy side and sees your engagement as "losing a friend"? Not that it''s any excuse to make snide comments. Please don''t worry about ANY comment about your ring. There are people who will love and hate any given ring no matter what the size or shape. Congrats on the engagement!
 

NeverEndingUpgrade

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Oct 3, 2007
Messages
1,823
Asscher, sorry to hear your story but I had the same type of reactions. My diamond, however, was .25 ct. I didn't get a one carat until I had been married 16 years! So, understand that getting a one carat at the beginning of your marriage is AWESOME! Besides, a lot of people don't know what Asscher cuts are, so they can't appreciate their beauty. Also, most of these behaviors your "friends" are exhibiting stem from pure jealousy.

Engagements and weddings bring out the best and the worst in people, and you will be surprised who your real friends end up being after the wedding is over. My so-called "best" friend, who had been my roommate at one time and I was her maid-of-honor, got so weird when I got engaged that I did not ask her to be in my wedding. It was basically the end of the friendship, but that was OK by me.

I know people are hurtful but just try to ignore them and when they get engaged, you can act indifferent to their rings too!

PS. How 'bout some photos of your Asscher? I'd LOVE to see it!
 

Ellen

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 13, 2006
Messages
24,427
Date: 3/23/2009 6:05:24 AM
Author: tradergirl
Gee, with all the problems out there now . . . you get all emotional about what someone says about a ring. Nice. Get some perspective. Unless you''re Jennifer Lopez, there''s always going to be someone with a bigger, better ring. You might focus on the person who gave it to you instead of some girlfriend and her PMS.
What an insightful and thoughtful post trader. I''m sure this has made her feel ever so much better. You have such a way with words...



asscher, unfortunately not everyone always shares our excitement over things, for whatever reasons. Try not to let it get to you, I''m sure your ring is lovely!
 

Lorelei

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 30, 2005
Messages
42,064
Date: 3/23/2009 8:48:21 AM
Author: Ellen

asscher, unfortunately not everyone always shares our excitement over things, for whatever reasons. Try not to let it get to you, I''m sure your ring is lovely!
Ditto!
 

geckodani

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 25, 2008
Messages
8,896
Date: 3/23/2009 8:53:19 AM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 3/23/2009 8:48:21 AM
Author: Ellen

asscher, unfortunately not everyone always shares our excitement over things, for whatever reasons. Try not to let it get to you, I''m sure your ring is lovely!
Ditto!
Yup. Enjoy your lovely ring and your engagement! There will always be petty people in the world, unfortunately.
 

Londongirl1

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2009
Messages
695
Date: 3/23/2009 8:53:19 AM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 3/23/2009 8:48:21 AM
Author: Ellen

asscher, unfortunately not everyone always shares our excitement over things, for whatever reasons. Try not to let it get to you, I''m sure your ring is lovely!
Ditto!
Double Ditto! Enjoy being engaged because life is too short not to....
 

pixie1216

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jun 21, 2008
Messages
58
maybe your friend is jealous, or afraid that is losing her best friend and feeling insecure and sad, and it is manifesting itself in bitterness and plain old being mean. either way, it is not right. maybe you should say something to her to clear the air. i wouldn''t worry about the haters at school, they will not always be a part of your life. i think one carat is great! if you really want to get in your own dig, comment on one of the girls at school ring, and say, "oh, i thought it was diamonique." just because it is big, doesn''t mean it''s real. no, you shouldn''t have to stoop to their level, but i''m sure it would feel goooooood!
 

Porridge

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
3,269
Jealousy.

I''m excited for you and I wanna see your ring!!! Congratulations on your engagement!!!
 

PaulaW

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 26, 2003
Messages
632
yep, sounds like the green-eyed monster to me too. I think your best friend is definitely feeling it and may be worried that you won''t be so close or that you''ll change because of marriage, and you know what, you WILL and that''s okay. Priorities shift in life but that doesn''t mean she''ll be less valuable to you. If it continues to eat at you, you may want to gently point out that her comments are out of character for her and you''re concerned, etc.
I had similar comments and experience with some of my friends when I got engaged. I noticed their behavior once THEY got engaged and people didn''t react the way they thought they should and was dying to point out that they treated me the same way. I''m not one for "I told you so''s" but I secretly enjoyed it. :)
 

CrookedRock

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 8, 2007
Messages
1,738
Date: 3/23/2009 6:05:24 AM
Author: tradergirl
Gee, with all the problems out there now . . . you get all emotional about what someone says about a ring. Nice. Get some perspective. Unless you''re Jennifer Lopez, there''s always going to be someone with a bigger, better ring. You might focus on the person who gave it to you instead of some girlfriend and her PMS.
C''mon Tradergirl! I agree with you on so many issues... But seriously you too are on a Diamond Forum!


It is upsetting when someone who claims to care about you and want the best for you doesn''t share in your excitement. I think we all cringe and are bothered by negative comments (regardless of what they are in reference to) when they come from someone we think fondly of. Some may be able to shake them off more quickly than others, but for those who can''t I think we have all felt that feeling for at least a moment.
I too received an array of comments, and still do on a daily basis. I''ve learned to ignore people now, but at first it was tougher. Ironically I was more affected by people on this forum who were negative than IRL. I mean gesh, people on a diamond forum should know better!


So post some pics of this ring and we will be happy to shower you with happy coments! CONGRATS on the engagement!
 

kama_s

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 12, 2008
Messages
3,617
Date: 3/23/2009 6:44:03 AM
Author: sba771
but I am sure those people are just insecure and jealous.
That''s exactly it. I''m so sorry you''re going through this, asscher - just remember, you are the lucky one getting married to a wonderful man!

Now, you know, WE would love to see pictures of your beautiful ring...so adopt us as friends and let the drooling over your bling begin
 

Bia

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 28, 2008
Messages
6,181
Date: 3/23/2009 6:05:24 AM
Author: tradergirl
Gee, with all the problems out there now . . . you get all emotional about what someone says about a ring. Nice. Get some perspective. Unless you're Jennifer Lopez, there's always going to be someone with a bigger, better ring. You might focus on the person who gave it to you instead of some girlfriend and her PMS.
I, personally, think this is a little harsh. Her feelings were hurt to hear some of the comments that were made...why can't it upset her?

asscher: Your ring is not small. That is a definite. Also, you have to remember that not everyone is going to think your ring, or your engagement for that matter, is a big deal. That's just life. As for your best friend, there could a be a list of reasons she didn't give you the reaction you were hoping for, but why spend time and energy worrying about it? Do you love your ring? I'm sure you do, so as long as that is the case, try your best not to overanalyze what others think. It's hard, but if you can do it, it's worth the peace of mind.

And to reiterate: a carat is not small...a lot of women here have diamonds that size, and they are spectacular.
 

House Cat

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 22, 2009
Messages
4,144
I''m so sorry your friend is behaving in this manner. Something I''m learning: Once you announce your engagement, you find out who your TRUE friends are very quickly. I don''t know if your best friend is jealous, or worried to lose you, or if she''s just not that great of a friend, but you will find out. Sigh, I just hate that this is happening for you, when she should be doing nothing but sharing in your joy!

As for the people who made negative comments about your ring, talk about lacking class! (especially when they think they''re oh-so-classy!) I don''t care if a person is proposed to with a diamond chip, you should NEVER make a negative comment about someone''s ring!!!! And a carat is a very good size (that''s what I have, btw...!!!!!)


AND, if you come to a point to where you have just had enough of it, and you feel like being catty...next time a ringless girl makes a negative comment about the size of your diamond, cooly ask her, "I''m sorry, what size is YOUR diamond?" Then, walk away....


I would love to see your ring btw. Congratulations!! I can''t wait to watch your wedding story unfold!
 

Octavia

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 28, 2007
Messages
2,660
I'm sorry that you've had to deal with such negativity during your engagement, which is supposed to be a happy time. I've also noticed a distinct lack of enthusiasm for my ring (which is much less than a carat) but fortunately not any snarky comments. I'm also in law school, and am always a bit shocked at the size of some of the rocks my classmates are sporting!

I'm not convinced that your friend is jealous, but it sure sounds like she is shallow. So many people equate bigger and spendier with better, not realizing that everyone has different needs, likes, and priorities. FWIW, a couple of my best friends have fallen victim to the same mentality that your friend has, and scarcely commented on my ring except for something generic like "hmm, nice." I was a little hurt at first, but I knew from the start that they wouldn't be impressed (especially since both have 2+ carat rings and one of them said, a long time ago and before any of us were even thinking about getting engaged, that anything less than a carat is a "chiplet." Sadly, I'm not kidding), so I pretty much let it roll off my back. They're lovely people otherwise, but just have a weakness when it comes to material things like jewelry.

The good part is that, despite the ring thing, they are very supportive of my upcoming marriage to my FI, and are excited about my wedding plans. If your friend lets her thoughts about your ring influence her support for your marriage, that's where I'd see a real problem. Is that the case, or is this strictly about the ring?

Finally, I can't imagine commenting negatively on my law school classmates' rings, nor can I imagine them commenting on mine that way -- but I've heard that some law schools are extremely catty (and mine might be, too, but I've never actually noticed it). I'm sorry you have to deal with that -- but these girls should be mindful of the fact that you are future colleagues and that they are only hurting themselves with such behavior. People will notice and will remember. Just take the high road (i.e. no snarky replies) and let them be wenches if that's what they want -- chances are, if this is the way they behave, they will shoot themselves in the foot sooner or later.

I hope that you feel better soon, and I echo everyone else -- I want pics!!!
 

Bliss

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 4, 2008
Messages
3,016
Awww, I agree with the other posters that it's less about you than with her own personal issues. She sounds like the type of person who only sees THINGS and not the MEANING behind them. I know a few people like that and they are never ever happy with what they have. Their homes aren't ever big enough, their husbands aren't good enough, their jewelry isn't flashy enough... So it's probably her inner discontent leaking out of her like ooky pus oozing from a festering wound. Happy people seem to draw out miserable people's pus for some odd reason. Ew. OK, that was probably a little too visual, but you get the point!
An asscher is a lovely lovely thing -- and a carat is a really nice size.

ETA: I love what Octavia just posted! I agree, don't be snarky back. Negative people have a way of digging their own shallow graves, life is hard enough for them being so miserable. Why pile on? Just smile and be happy that you can see the beauty behind material things. That's the real treasure in life... not the stuff itself.
 

cmarie

Rough_Rock
Joined
Aug 17, 2008
Messages
92
I''m sorry you had such a bad experience, asscher. I agree with what most people have said in this thread, don''t let anyone get to you! My husband is in law school right now, and while we have made some good friends, some of the people can be snarky or argumentative. It seems to go with the territory.

Anyway, we would LOVE for you to post pics of your ring so we can shower you with compliments!!
 

tlh

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 31, 2008
Messages
4,511
I bet that DID hurt your feelings. An engagement is a symbol of your commitment to one another and your pending marriage. This is a life altering event. You have chosen a partner you want to be with for good times and bad... and he committed himself to you by offering a beautiful token as a promise. The ring is just a token, because it is a symbol of your love and devotion to each other, and the promise of the future.

OF COURSE we want to hear, wow, he did a great job. OMG it is HUGE! WOW look at it sparkle, you are a lucky lady. We don''t want to hear, hmph- its shiney. Is it me, or is that kinda small? Oh, that is cute. Or, I know size doesn''t matter to you but when I get engaged I''m gonna demand at LEAST 2 carats... blah blah blah.

Here''s the deal though. Women can be catty, there responses only highlights their own insecurity. IE - your ring is bigger than theirs and they are jealous, you have a ring and THEY DONT. Because here''s the deal... jealousy is called the green monster because it makes people do/say horrible things. If it were bigger and a jealous friend remarks - it might be more of... "well I love my man so much I wouldn''t need that big of a diamond. Wow, what a waste of money, you could have made a down payment on a house with that!" blah blah blah.

Envy comes in a lot of clothes. I would not take it to heart. I know it is hard to have a friend react like that. I had a friend behave HORRIBLY after my engagement and through my wedding. Turns out she was jealous... incredibly jealous. I was hurt because I wanted my friend to be happier for me... but because she was older than me and wanted to be married all her life- she felt she was entitled to be married first. I am waiting for her wedding to pass to see if my friend comes back from her strange state... if not - I am going to guess our friendship is over. Sometimes it is just hard to get over what people say and how they act - it makes you question your friendship... and evaluate your relationship all together.

Hugs. Your ring sounds wonderful, and 1 carat is not small IRL. Diamond shrinkage can happen on PS because of some of the boulders on SMTR - but that is natural. Your ring is wonderful, you are happy with it. Don''t let the comments of the few sing louder than the praise of the many.
 
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