engaged couple staying in same hotel room

[williamchris]

Yes we have both talked about this in depth all the issues have been talked about we both are certain education comes first I won't be missing out on anything by doing this.it doesn't mean my life or hers.is over it is just a new part of our life's but that.is also why I feel like if.there is anything eather of us want to do now is the time so no neather of.us feel like it would be keeping each other from doing anything we wanted to also I here people say that being engaged for that long is bad I am curious why thay say that

 

[purplesparklies]

Every couple is different. Long engagements are fine. Short engagements are fine. Depends on the situation. Some are ready to make the commitment at a young age. Others are never ready to make a commitment. My husband and I were 16 & 15 yrs. old respectively when we started dating, 20 & 19 yrs. when we were engaged and 22 & 23 yrs. when we married. That was almost 15 years ago. Many felt we were too young. We have the best marriage of anyone I know. Go with your heart. Only you can determine your timeline and your future.

 

[sonnyjane]

I was wondering what everyone's feelings on a newly engaged couple sharing a hotel room. And how I might go about asking her parents becuse as my last post stated we are both in our last year of school and both still live at home. I also am netting with her parents in a few days to ask for permission to marry there doughter. So I was going to ask then or should I wait awhile . Becuse my proposal plans include going on a trip to her favorite city that's about 3ish hours away and she loves old French style and I found this antique mansion hotel and I was wanting to suprise her what are your opinions. Thanks in advance

I'm sorry yes I did make it clear we both want to wait untill we graduate and get settled thay just said thay were not gona say no thay just said thay wish we would wait 2 to 3 years to get engaged I have 3 years of school left my gf has 2

Williamchris, I'm confused. In your ORIGINAL post you said that you are in your "last year of school", but in this post you have written that you have 3 years of school left? Which is it? I'm getting the impression based on your posts that you are actually much younger than I thought, in which case I definitely don't disagree with her parents about waiting.

 

[williamchris]

I am sorry if I put 1 I have 3 left I am 20 in 3 months I will be 21

 

[sonnyjane]

I am sorry if I put 1 I have 3 left I am 20 in 3 months I will be 21

Seems like an odd mistake - not a case of simply typing the wrong number but rather writing out the phrase "last year of school".

Oh well, knowing that you are only 20, yes, I agree with her parents, I would wait. 3 years would be a long engagement.

 

[williamchris]

Well again I ask what is wrong with a long engagments

 

[sonnyjane]

Well again I ask what is wrong with a long engagments

Well on the flip side, I would ask, what is wrong with waiting? If you know you two are committed to each other and both want to graduate prior to getting married, why the rush to get engaged? I know that there are plenty of people, some even on these boards, that got married young, but for the most part, 20 is considered young to get engaged. 20-year-old me didn't know what the hell I was doing. You two don't even live on your own yet (I don't mean together, I just mean separately, you still live with your parents). There are still a lot of life skills that haven't been developed, skills that I think need to be developed before someone can soundly make the decision to spend the rest of their life with someone.

 

[Haven]

Well again I ask what is wrong with a long engagments

I don't think there's anything wrong with long engagements--they work for some couples, and they're hard for some couples. I've seen it go both ways.

The one thing that seems to be the biggest problem with a long engagement, especially when the couple isn't completely ready to marry when they are first engaged (as is your case, since you are still in school and not yet completely independent,) is that the engagement brings with it a new set of pressures and expectations. Sometimes, these pressures and expectations put an unnecessary strain on the relationship.

If you were my younger brother, I'd ask you: Why the rush? What is that compels you to want to get engaged even though you are not yet totally independent?

 

[chrono]

If you were my younger brother, I'd ask you: Why the rush? What is that compels you to want to get engaged even though you are not yet totally independent?

Ditto this. There is a lot of growing up and experiencing life on your own first. Even if committed to an engagement and nothing else is going to change, why not just present her with a promise ring and hold off on the actual engagement. I don't understand the rush.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Normally when people get engaged they start planning a wedding and all that. It is a really fun and exciting time (for the girl at least). But you can't do real planning of a wedding three years in advance. That would be a little frustrating to me. Can you get a job and go to school part time so you could get married sooner than 3 years? I just can't imagine being engaged and living with my parents for three more years!

I also orginally thought you just had a year of school left. I thought a year engagement made sense. But in this case, either get engaged and work it out to get married sooner or give her a promise ring now and wait to get engaged a year before you can get married. My guess is that this is what her parents are thinking since I am the mother of kids in your age range.

 

[zoebartlett]

Well again I ask what is wrong with a long engagments

Well on the flip side, I would ask, what is wrong with waiting? If you know you two are committed to each other and both want to graduate prior to getting married, why the rush to get engaged? I know that there are plenty of people, some even on these boards, that got married young, but for the most part, 20 is considered young to get engaged. 20-year-old me didn't know what the hell I was doing. You two don't even live on your own yet (I don't mean together, I just mean separately, you still live with your parents). There are still a lot of life skills that haven't been developed, skills that I think need to be developed before someone can soundly make the decision to spend the rest of their life with someone.

I agree with Sonnyjane, Williamchris. I think it's a great for couples to live on their own (as in, not at mom and dad's) before getting engaged and married. Get a bit of life experience, you know what I mean?

 

[diamondseeker2006]

We got married while finishing college (both 21) but I had graduated early and was teaching and he also had a part-time job while finishing his last semester. Many of our friends also got married young and off hand, I only know a couple of people who ended up divorced. So I don't think it is age as much as I think it is the character and commitment of the two people involved. Living on our own wouldn't have changed anything in our case. I just remember being young and in love and we wanted to get married! And we did!!! And we are still married 30+ years later! I just can't imagine getting engaged and then waiting 3 years to get married! But to each his own! I guess we all go by our own experiences. But I tell mine because young age and not living on your own (aside from being in college) is not necessarily a requirement for a successful marriage.

 

[iheartscience]

Well again I ask what is wrong with a long engagments

Well on the flip side, I would ask, what is wrong with waiting? If you know you two are committed to each other and both want to graduate prior to getting married, why the rush to get engaged? I know that there are plenty of people, some even on these boards, that got married young, but for the most part, 20 is considered young to get engaged. 20-year-old me didn't know what the hell I was doing. You two don't even live on your own yet (I don't mean together, I just mean separately, you still live with your parents). There are still a lot of life skills that haven't been developed, skills that I think need to be developed before someone can soundly make the decision to spend the rest of their life with someone.

Exactly. Based on the questions you post here, you don't sound mature enough to be getting engaged or married, IMO. You're both far from graduating, and you both still live with your parents. I can't imagine going from living with my parents to living with a spouse, with no time in between for personal growth and maturity.

 

[PintoBean]

Would you be open to the idea of a Promise Ring as a sign of your commitment to one another, and saving the engagement ring for a few years down the road?

 

[davi_el_mejor]

Well again I ask what is wrong with a long engagments

Nothing...

But why not just get hitched and then have a wedding at a later date? Receive the benefits of being married and wait on the wedding...

Being married changes financial aid. So, check out financial aid situations for the both of you and choose what works best.

 

[amc80]

I've got to agree with everyone else. What's the rush? In the old days, a man wouldn't have thought of proposing until he was capable of taking care of his woman.

 

[innerkitten]

I see nothing wrong with it but I respect people that want to wait.

 

[distracts]

updaaaaaaaaaaaate

 

[Dancing Fire]

I've got to agree with everyone else. What's the rush? In the old days, a man wouldn't have thought of proposing until he was capable of taking care of his woman.

but nowadays the woman takes care of her man...