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engaged couple staying in same hotel room

As a parent, I really don't want to know those kinds of details. However, since you both live at home, it is going to be difficult to pull off without the parents knowing! If they are conservative and religious, I think the overnight thing will NOT go over well! I'd change the plan to propose and then come back to a surprise party with your families there or something.
 
I am assuming that her parents have a very strict policy against their unmarried daughter staying the night with another man. I am basing this assumption on the fact that you were even compelled to ask this question. That said, I think you should tell them about your proposal idea, but be clear on exactly the length of time you would be gone. You should hear them out on their reaction as they may or may not ask about the hotel situation. If they seem to have any concern whatsoever, I think you should just book two hotel rooms. If you plan to spend the rest of your life with this girl, it's best not to start off on the bad side of her strict parents. Any intermingling between the rooms is up to you and your fiance's discretion and IMO not any of her parent's business and not up for discussion with them after you return home.

Personally, for me, I have no strict beliefs about staying the night together before marriage, so I would just go ahead and do it. In fact I did do that with an ex. I took him on a trip for his birthday. His judgmental parents were horrified that I could be so disrespectful as to take their baby away for a weekend trip and share a hotel room with him. I didn't end up marrying him and part of the reason was that my values did not match up with his mother's values and she felt like I was scum and unworthy of her baby (that was 6 years ago and he is still single for some reason? :confused: ). If you don't want that to happen, then I suggest going along with her parents' ideals. Only you know her family, we don't, so my advice is to make the best decision based on your situation and don't disrespect your future in-laws.
 
I think you should not share a room with her parents. Otherwise it isn't any of their business.
 
My MIL is very religious and wouldn't allow DH and I to share a room when we visited her until after we were engaged...and we were in our early 30's! It irked me to no end, but it was her house and her rules. Mind you, DH and I lived together before marriage (before engaged actually). She wasn't happy about the decision, but since she didn't support either of us it was OUR decision unless we were under her roof. It had NOTHING to do with whether or not she thought we would eventually get married, she knew we would. It was purely for her comfort level and to uphold her religious values, which I respect.

I worry about you having to ask these kinds of questions while embarking on the lifelong journey of marriage. You seem so young, which isn't a BAD thing. It's just that it seems like the two of you just might need more time to mature and be independent of parents before forging ahead with a marriage commitment.
 
Hay everyone I have talked to my parents and thay say its probably not a good idea becuse her parents ill moat likely not approve. I don't know how thay know that untill I ask but ok. I guess does anyone have any suggestions on what to do in this situation thanks oh I'm netting her parents this weekend to ask for her hand
 
Your parents are able to guess well because they understand her parents' values and beliefs. How about it being a day trip only?
 
Yep, you are going to have to replan and skip the overnight part. I think the asking of their blessing to marry her will go far out of whack if you were also to mention taking her away overnight. Like I said before, plan a day trip and come back to a surprise party that the parents and family have been invited to.
 
Are you really, really asking their permission to marry her? As in, if they say no, you won't ask her? I'm kind of getting that impression; apologies if it is wrong.

I don't mean to be harsh, but I simply don't get why you would even consider asking them if it's ok to share a room with her. If you're mature enough to be married, you should certainly be adult enough to just take a weekend away together without mom & dad's putting their stamp on the issue. Unless, of course, you are asking them to pay for the weekend too, if you're studying and not earning any money on your own.

In that case, and in view of the above, maybe you should think about waiting until you're out of school & supporting yourselves; then you'll feel confident about making your own decisions.
 
She is still living with her parents, JF. I think in that case, it is a good idea to respect the parents.
 
That's my point, DS. Lot of dependence on the parents' permission for everything. In view of that, it might be better to wait till they graduate & are on their own to get engaged. I guess I think making a major scripted ceremony out of asking your gf to marry you...well, not my cup of tea. Having to ask permission, as if it's 1850 instead of 2012, in addition, strikes me as frilly & silly, but that's just cranky ole me. Thing is, it's all form -- if they say no, we presume the couple will still be engaged, so why pretend we're wearing bustles & the "lady" needs to be passed from one protector to another?

--- Laurie
 
My husband did ask my parents many years ago, as we were college students. It's not asking permission. It's just a respectful way of acknowledging the family and including them. It was appreciated. It starts the family relationship off on a positive tone. For the record, my parents and his were and are very traditional. Neither would have approved of an overnight stay together prior to marriage. We made the decision to be respectful of their beliefs and did not take trips alone together. Annoying? Yes. Annoying enough to cause a blow-up over? No. As college students, we much appreciated some assistance with tuition and other expenses. We were not willing to lose that assistance over something like that. We knew we would have a lifetime of trips together. We started dating in high school, were engaged our sophomore year of college, and married the weekend after I graduated. That was nearly 15 years ago. I am thankful that we chose to do things as we did. I hope my children will someday be as cognizant and respectful.
 
purplesparklies|1352495390|3302058 said:
My husband did ask my parents many years ago, as we were college students. It's not asking permission. It's just a respectful way of acknowledging the family and including them. It was appreciated. It starts the family relationship off on a positive tone. For the record, my parents and his were and are very traditional. Neither would have approved of an overnight stay together prior to marriage. We made the decision to be respectful of their beliefs and did not take trips alone together. Annoying? Yes. Annoying enough to cause a blow-up over? No. As college students, we much appreciated some assistance with tuition and other expenses. We were not willing to lose that assistance over something like that. We knew we would have a lifetime of trips together. We started dating in high school, were engaged our sophomore year of college, and married the weekend after I graduated. That was nearly 15 years ago. I am thankful that we chose to do things as we did. I hope my children will someday be as cognizant and respectful.
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I read it as JF thinking that was the case initially, but now actually wondering if he means it when he says permission, given that he's asking permission for so many other things. I kind of wonder about it, too. OP, if her parents say no, what will you do? If they say you're not ready and they don't think it's a good idea right now? Or are you truly just informing them of your decision and asking for their blessing?
 
Well, our son-in-law invited us to lunch 2 years ago to tell us he loved our daughter and planned to ask her to marry him and we told him that was great, etc.! (And he also let me help him with the diamond!) He was 29 and our daughter was 25 at the time and neither lived at home at that point. But it was still a considerate and customary thing to do in our world, and we might have been a little concerned had he not done so. And, what they did on their own time was their personal business, but never did they even ask to stay in the same room when we went on family vacations until they were married!

We got engaged and then married a semester before my husband finished college, but he was working part-time and I graduated early and was working and we could certainly support ourselves. I don't see a thing wrong with getting engaged while they are still in school. I imagine they want to have jobs and move out when they get married!
 
purplesparklies|1352495390|3302058 said:
My husband did ask my parents many years ago, as we were college students. It's not asking permission. It's just a respectful way of acknowledging the family and including them. It was appreciated. It starts the family relationship off on a positive tone. For the record, my parents and his were and are very traditional. Neither would have approved of an overnight stay together prior to marriage. We made the decision to be respectful of their beliefs and did not take trips alone together. Annoying? Yes. Annoying enough to cause a blow-up over? No. As college students, we much appreciated some assistance with tuition and other expenses. We were not willing to lose that assistance over something like that. We knew we would have a lifetime of trips together. We started dating in high school, were engaged our sophomore year of college, and married the weekend after I graduated. That was nearly 15 years ago. I am thankful that we chose to do things as we did. I hope my children will someday be as cognizant and respectful.
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Missed this...ditto to the whole thing!
 
I may misspoken I mean I'm not going to ask them I'm just going to tell them becuse I was raised to think that's the respectful thing I was just trying to figure out what I could do my thought is I want to take her to charlston south Carolina for the day and go visit some places then take her to dinner at a very nice restaurant and as it turns out that I think I can rent out the pavilion on the top of the hotel that I was planing at staying at. So thats where I was planing on proposing,that is where I was planing on staying at the hotel but If not I guess we will be coming back. I had thought as a present giving her a custum photo album then on sun I was planing on Geri.g some professional pictures taken I supose it will be in savannah ga where we are from instead of charlston what do you guyes think
 
I may misspoken I mean I'm not going to ask them I'm just going to tell them becuse I was raised to think that's the respectful thing I was just trying to figure out what I could do my thought is I want to take her to charlston south Carolina for the day and go visit some places then take her to dinner at a very nice restaurant and as it turns out that I think I can rent out the pavilion on the top of the hotel that I was planing at staying at. So thats where I was planing on proposing,that is where I was planing on staying at the hotel but If not I guess we will be coming back. I had thought as a present giving her a custum photo album then on sun I was planing on Geri.g some professional pictures taken I supose it will be in savannah ga where we are from instead of charlston what do you guyes think
 
I think that is a very, very sweet plan! I am from an area not too far from there and I understand where you are coming from. I would be proud to have a son-in-law as considerate as you are! Just come back and tell us about the proposal and post some ring pictures for us!
 
williamchris said:
I may misspoken I mean I'm not going to ask them I'm just going to tell them becuse I was raised to think that's the respectful thing I was just trying to figure out what I could do my thought is I want to take her to charlston south Carolina for the day and go visit some places then take her to dinner at a very nice restaurant and as it turns out that I think I can rent out the pavilion on the top of the hotel that I was planing at staying at. So thats where I was planing on proposing,that is where I was planing on staying at the hotel but If not I guess we will be coming back. I had thought as a present giving her a custum photo album then on sun I was planing on Geri.g some professional pictures taken I supose it will be in savannah ga where we are from instead of charlston what do you guyes think
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You can make the proposal special anywhere. I recommend not choosing to do it anywhere that may cause stress and dampen the joyfulness of the moment. You are clearly putting a lot of thought into this. She will remember it always. Good luck!
 
I think your plan sounds lovey!
 
Hay everyone I just talked to her parents and told them my plans and thay say there not against it but thay would like it if we wait a year or so jw what everyone thinks about that and what your advice might be thanks for all the help
 
Did you tell them you won't get married until you have jobs but you'd just like to be engaged? How was it left? How much longer did you say it would be before you graduate?
 
Do they want you to wait a year until you get engaged, or do they want you to wait a year until you get married?
 
I'm sorry yes I did make it clear we both want to wait untill we graduate and get settled thay just said thay were not gona say no thay just said thay wish we would wait 2 to 3 years to get engaged I have 3 years of school left my gf has 2
 
williamchris|1352599395|3303068 said:
Hay everyone I just talked to her parents and told them my plans and thay say there not against it but thay would like it if we wait a year or so jw what everyone thinks about that and what your advice might be thanks for all the help
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They basically think their daughter has the whole world ahead of her and don't want her to get locked down and miss out on other opportunities. But it doesn't really matter what they think. What matters is that she wants, and is excited(!), to marry you and be your wife.
 
soocool|1352069332|3298690 said:
VRBeauty|1352066323|3298665 said:
I'm think you should just tell them that you're planning a trip to XXX for the proposal. They may not want to know the details! But if they ask, be honest.

I'm assuming, by the way, that you already know your GF would be comfortable with this arrangement! :wink2:
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I tell my almost 20 yo daughter better that I don't know too much. Parents do not have to know everything. Give them the important news and you do not have say anything else. You and your GF are adults and it is your business only.
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I agree... 100%
 
As a parent now, I can understand their position. As a young college-student in love 17-ish years ago, we were ready to make that commitment. We had already been dating for 4 years when we were engaged though. I know my parents were worried that we would get married before we graduated but we both were committed to graduating first. Only you can decide when it is the right time for you two. As you said, you weren't asking permission but were looking for their blessing. It sounds like you have it, albeit cautiously.
 
How long have you been dating!
 
We have been dating for 3 years now
 
Have you two openly talked about spending your lives together? As in, would she be surprised at a proposal at this point?

I don't even require that people finish school first if they have jobs and can afford to move out from the parents, so that is not an issue for me. But 3 years is really a long time to be engaged. What about giving her a promise ring now...like committed to being engaged in the future?
 
Yeah, I don't know williamchris, you guys are really young and maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to hold off for a while. I guess my response is affected by personal experience. I was engaged in college (senior year) and turns out I just wasn't ready for that level of commitment. I called it off - ended up marrying the same man though! We would have saved ourselves some grief if we had held off for a while. I just needed a few more years to grow and mature a little more. I obviously don't know you or your girlfriend and can't make any judgements, you guys might very well be ready for that step, I don't know. But why not play it safe and wait a bit? Just my thoughts, in the end you have to do what is right for you and your gf - it's your life and you do have the right to make your own decisions.
 
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