engaged couple staying in same hotel room

[williamchris]

I was wondering what everyone's feelings on a newly engaged couple sharing a hotel room. And how I might go about asking her parents becuse as my last post stated we are both in ourlast year of school and both still live at home. I also am netting with her parents in a few days to ask for permission to marry there doughter. So I was going to ask then or should I wait awhile . Becuse my proposal plans include going on a trip to her favorite city that's about 3ish hours away and she loves old French style and I found this antique mansion hotel and I was wanting to suprise her what are your opinions. Thanks in advance

 

[justginger]

Yes, if you are sitting them down to speak of marriage I do think it would be a nice time to discuss the proposal trip and how it would entail a shared room. Necessary? Probably not. I was going on road trips and sharing rooms with my high school boyfriend. Parents generally know that whatever you get up to, you'll find somewhere to do it, hotel room or otherwise.

Good luck with 'the talk.'

 

[kenny]

Oh to be young again.

 

[VRBeauty]

I'm think you should just tell them that you're planning a trip to XXX for the proposal. They may not want to know the details! But if they ask, be honest.

I'm assuming, by the way, that you already know your GF would be comfortable with this arrangement!

 

[movie zombie]

I'm think you should just tell them that you're planning a trip to XXX for the proposal. They may not want to know the details! But if they ask, be honest.

I'm assuming, by the way, that you already know your GF would be comfortable with this arrangement!

QFT.

 

[AGBF]

QFT.

I've been puzzling over that one, MZ. Is it like, "on the QT"?

Deb

 

[junebug17]

QFT.

I've been puzzling over that one, MZ. Is it like, "on the QT"?

Deb

I think it might be "quoted for truth". Interested to see if I'm right!

 

[soocool]

I'm think you should just tell them that you're planning a trip to XXX for the proposal. They may not want to know the details! But if they ask, be honest.

I'm assuming, by the way, that you already know your GF would be comfortable with this arrangement!

I tell my almost 20 yo daughter better that I don't know too much. Parents do not have to know everything. Give them the important news and you do not have say anything else. You and your GF are adults and it is your business only.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I don't see why you should be asking her parents about staying in a hotel room together. You need to take control here...it sounds like they have too much say IF you and your girlfriend are adults who cannot go on a trip without discussing with her parents.

 

[pandabee]

I don't see why you should be asking her parents about staying in a hotel room together. You need to take control here...it sounds like they have too much say IF you and your girlfriend are adults who cannot go on a trip without discussing with her parents.

...this was my thought exactly. Between this and your last thread, it kinda sounds like if you don't feel like you (and your girlfriend) are able to make your own adult decisions about your life, you may not be ready to be married adults yet either. Sorry to be harsh, but even if you are trying to respect the parents, there's no need for you to feel like every decision you make is going to be questioned whether it is appropriate or not.

 

[sonnyjane]

Are her parents EXTREMELY religious, conservative, and/or likely to disown her if you stay in a room together? That's the only reason I can imagine even thinking to ask this.

 

[kenny]

Is the year 1894 or 2012?

 

[VRBeauty]

Is the year 1894 or 2012?

People vary, Kenny... even in 2012.

 

[kenny]

Is the year 1894 or 2012?

People vary, Kenny... even in 2012.

Yes they most certainly do, in an endlessly-astonishing way!

 

[JulieN]

I don't think I would tell her parents! Can you imagine the icky images that will go through their minds?

If I have your plans right: you go on an outing with her parents, you ask for their blessing, THEN you take her away on a proposal trip? Sounds amazing. But how would the hotel room conversation go...? "I want to take her to her favorite city, and we're going to stay in the same room, is that ok with you?"

 

[Haven]

I think it's a bad idea to ask for permission for something unless you are okay being told NO. It sounds like you have your proposal planned out, and you are looking more for their blessing than for permission to stay in the hotel room together. This doesn't seem like something adults should be looking for anyone's blessing to do. I would just ask for their permission for her hand in marriage, and then tell them your proposal plans if you're really set on sharing that.

 

[Dancing Fire]

tell her parents there will be no "Hanky Panky"..

 

[princesss]

I think if you're old enough to get engaged, you're old enough to not have to ask her parents for permission for anything, and you should know your girlfriend well enough to know what she's comfortable with.

 

[chrono]

It would depend on her comfort level and how conservative her family is. As an example, at the age of 20, my parents would be aghast if I were to share a room with my BF, even if no hanky panky is promised. I wasn't even allowed to be dating then either. Yes, my family is deeply conservative and this was not in the 40's. Not even in the 80's.

 

[Verdy]

Like a few other posters have said - it really all depends on what their values are and where they draw the line. Some parents don't really mind, or would much rather not be privy to details like that, while others rule with an iron fist about where their kids go, how long they stay some place, who they can stay with, etc. If you fear that you would endanger their trust in you, and how they see you as a person, maybe it might not be such a great idea since you're already planning on asking her hand in marriage.

On the other hand though, you're also both adults, you're in your last year of school and I think it's safe to say that at this point, you know right from wrong and how to handle a situation like this. If the trip is going to make your engagement more romantic, proceed with caution. No one has to know down to the last detail where you went, where you stayed, etc. Make sure you're staying safe as well in case of any hanky panky!

Sometimes you just need some private and alone time with your SO. It's understandable. When BF and I started dating, he had to come to our house, ask for permission, and the deal with my parents was that we were to go where they said, I had a curfew, and any type of hanky panky was out of the question. My mother has threatened to disown me on various occasions if she finds out we're going behind their backs to do this. Her exact words were that, "If you two decide to do any hanky panky behind our backs, YOU young lady, can forget that I'm your mother and that your father and I even exist".

 

[Alexiszoe]

It would depend on her comfort level and how conservative her family is. As an example, at the age of 20, my parents would be aghast if I were to share a room with my BF, even if no hanky panky is promised. I wasn't even allowed to be dating then either. Yes, my family is deeply conservative and this was not in the 40's. Not even in the 80's.

lol, my parents are exactly like this too! Even though now I am many years past 20, my folks still have some sort of warped idea of no hanky panky till my partner and I get married.


To the OP, I understand where you are coming from, you don't want to appear disrespectful to them, so I get it, that's sweet. Have you and your gf gone on similar/overnight trips before, alone, with their knowledge? If yes I don't think this should be an issue.

 

[williamchris]

I'M SRY GUYS and girls perhaps I haven't been clear I ment ask them about us going out of town on an overnight trip otherwise there might be questions like where we are I wasn't planning on sharing details and she and I have been on trips together but always with a parent but I just wonder if being engaged might change there feeling on this or not becuse I really want to make this part of my proposal

 

[webdiva]

Someone already quoted Kenny's favorite line - people vary. Seems like your families are very conservative and traditional. My husband wouldn't have dreamt of asking for my hand in marriage, I'm my own person - not chattel of my family. However, I can understand where various cultures are different and my parents also weren't comfortable with us sharing a room at their house prior to getting married - so any staying together in rooms was a non-topic for us. It's none of their business and they probably don't wanna know. It sounds like the trip is a surprise and you want to let them know so they don't worry when she comes home? Just mention it, don't ask for permission.

 

[sonnyjane]

I'm sorry, I have to ask this and I'm being serious: When you say you both live with your parents but have one year of school left... Do you mean college or high school??

 

[Paz]

I'm sorry, I have to ask this and I'm being serious: When you say you both live with your parents but have one year of school left... Do you mean college or high school??

Not the op, but I think he posted in another thread that both are 21, and in their junior/sophmore year of college.

To the OP:
My mother was rather conservative about such things, and her parents sound like they'd get along with my mum quite well.
I would ask for their permission/blessing, to marry their daughter. AFTER they give you their blessing, I would tell them about the wonderfully romantic proposal plan you have, don't give too many specifics, just the general idea of going to town-x, maybe why the place is special to you as a couple, and anything else that you think would make them feel excited about (ring maybe). Just try to stay away from the details of the hotel accomodations and such.

You ARE adults, and certain details are none of their business. By asking for their blessing for the proposal, you are showing them respect and by sharing appropriate tidbits about your proprosal plans, they should feel good about your going to them, that you respect them, and have given them the "inside scoop" on how you'll be popping the question to their daughter.Hopefully, they'll be so happy to know about the upcoming event, that they won't dwell on the logistics of your trip away. If they are rude enough to ask what the sleeping arrangments will be, smile and tell them that you have everything under control.

If they get upset, you already have their blessing for your proposal. Good luck!

 

[JulieN]

Are you planning on proposing the first day of the trip? Then you don't need to say anything. She will call her parents that day to tell her the happy news, and how the proposal happened in whatever city 3 hours away. If they are overly concerned about it, they will ask if she is coming home that night, and she should tell them of the beautiful historic hotel you have arranged.

If it is not on the first day, just tell her parents that you plan on proposing during a weekend trip to (wherever.)

Please do not ask or inform them of your overnight arrangements unless they ask. No matter how prudish your families, it is best for you to assert a unified and independent image with your girlfriend asap.

 

[chrono]

In that case, let her parents know that you are planning an overnight trip with a proposal planned. This is essentially letting them know (out of respect to them, which I can tell is very important to them) and getting their blessing. Just because a couple is newly engaged does not mean they are automatically fine to be sharing the same room. If they are as traditional as my parents, being engaged doesn't make much of a difference because it is only a promise to marry. Marriage promises are often broken and the only sure thing is when the couple actually gets married. That's extreme conservatisim in my family for you.

 

[sonnyjane]

I'm sorry, I have to ask this and I'm being serious: When you say you both live with your parents but have one year of school left... Do you mean college or high school??

Not the op, but I think he posted in another thread that both are 21, and in their junior/sophmore year of college.

Okay, thanks for clarifying. In that case, yes, just tell the that you're planning on taking her away for a special trip and proposing. That's all the details they'll need.

 

[HollyS]

I'm going to assume that you are old enough to propose . . . ?

If you are not currently having a sexual relationship with your intended, and you think the room accomodations would be awkward, then get two rooms. For her comfort, if for no other reason.

If her parents are old-fashioned, religious, or otherwise not accepting of a premarital relationship (whether you have had said relationship with their daughter or not), then get two rooms. For their comfort, if for no other reason.

If you are old enough to make your own decisions, and it is no one's business where you stay, do what the two of you agree is the right thing to do.

Even if you are not engaged in sexual activity, sharing a room does not mean that you will, of course, get frisky. You can remain chaste, if it is important to you, even while sharing accomodations. Sex is something we all choose to do, not something that just happens because the opportunity presents itself.

Congratulations on your decision to marry, and good luck with the proposal.

 

[princesss]

I'm going to assume that you are old enough to propose . . . ?

If you are not currently having a sexual relationship with your intended, and you think the room accomodations would be awkward, then get two rooms. For her comfort, if for no other reason.

If her parents are old-fashioned, religious, or otherwise not accepting of a premarital relationship (whether you have had said relationship with their daughter or not), then get two rooms. For their comfort, if for no other reason.

If you are old enough to make your own decisions, and it is no one's business where you stay, do what the two of you agree is the right thing to do.

Even if you are not engaged in sexual activity, sharing a room does not mean that you will, of course, get frisky. You can remain chaste, if it is important to you, even while sharing accomodations. Sex is something we all choose to do, not something that just happens because the opportunity presents itself.

Congratulations on your decision to marry, and good luck with the proposal.

Holly nailed it.