Eloping??

[CellarDoor]

Hello all! I just became engaged last week, and have just started the beginning stages of planning the wedding. Basically, I have come to the conclusion that I have no interest in having a wedding at all. I signed up for the knot checklist, and apparently I am already way behind. I just want to elope. I don''t even want a destination wedding because I would have to have a minimum of six bridesmaids in order to avoid offending any close friends or family members and that just seems ridiculous to me. I mentioned the fact that I wanted to get married on a beach in the Caribbean to several friends, and they all expressed excitement about all making the trip for my wedding. My dad has been out of town, and I haven''t told him about the engagement yet. I dread the conversation because I know that I am going to have to ask him how much money he is going to contribute. My mom passed away a few years ago, and the idea of planning a wedding without her is incredibly depressing.

But, then I worry that I will regret it later if I downplay my wedding. I didn''t participate in my college graduation because my mom had died recently, and I now wish that I had. My FI agrees with the idea of getting married on the beach, but I know that he really wants to have a reception when we get back. That is fine with me, but I don''t want to have to do any speeches, toasts or awkward and rehearsed dancing. Do people typically become offended if you invite them to the reception and not to the ceremony? I was thinking that maybe we could record the ceremony and maybe create a slide show of pictures from the wedding and show those to the guests at the beginning of the reception, but I am not sure if the professional photos and video would be available so soon after the wedding. Is it appropriate to register for and accept gifts if you only have a reception?

Thanks for reading all of that! And, congratulations to all other brides-to-be!

 

[aprilcait]

I think eloping but having a nice size reception afterwards would be perfect. The slide show of the ceremony idea is great. A video would be very nice too.

I would say to register just because you know some people will want to give you gifts. Obviously don''t put the registry information on the invitations, but you could always add it to a wedding website if you ecide to have one.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Cellar, I think eloping and having a reception afterward is a great way to include everybody and while you will still have to do some planning, I don't think there is nearly as much pressure and it can be as informal as you want.

If having your close friends and family at the ceremony is important to you, but you don't want to plan anything elaborate, you could always do something very informal on the beach with maybe 10 - 20 of your and your FI's family members, then just go out to dinner at a restauraunt afteward. The problem is keeping it really small, though, which is why I think the reception afterward works so well.

You'll figure out something you love!! Sometimes it takes a little while to figure out what you want!

 

[fieryred33143]

People always ask the same question about inviting to a reception and not the ceremony.

When you have a ceremony, you pay for the venue (as opposed to the reception where you pay per person). Unless you plan on marrying in a place that has very strict rules on how many people can be there due to fire hazards and what not, then it is no added cost to have everyone from the reception at the ceremony. If you get married in a standard church, you can fit 100 people or so with no added cost. If you get married on the beach, your guests call all be there with no added costs (security guards might be an issue but that’s rare). So the only reason why I think you should chose to not have them all at the ceremony is if you prefer to have just those that are near and dear to your heart. That being said, I would be offended if I were invited to a reception and not the ceremony (unless I know its an intimate/close family affair).

I’m paying for my own wedding so not sure how to approach asking someone else for money but I know that the BTB on here will def. have a lot of advice around that.

I am all for eloping. I’m helping my friend plan her wedding…that’s enough wedding for me. I’ll do the traditional because that’s what my guy wants and its his wedding too.

Good luck hun.

 

[cara]

For a variety of reasons, it is proper to invite a smaller group to the ceremony and a larger group to the reception. The reverse (big ceremony, small reception) is improper. That said, many people do actually want to see the ceremony, so you might consider inviting a larger group to the destination ceremony (and letting them decide if they want to travel) or your slide show/video idea sounds great.

It does sound like you want a low key destination wedding, not a true elopement. Just go with it. My friend got married on a beach in a central American country far away, and it was great. A bunch of closer friends served as quasi-bridesmaids, helping out with tasks, but without the formality of matching attire and standing up. It was small and nice and she invited many of her relatives whom declined to attend, but they attended a larger receptions thrown by her mother back in the states.

You should consider your crowd. There are groups of people whom would be highly unlikely to attend a destination wedding, so inviting them to the ceremony as well as a local reception would not actually increase attendance at the ceremony but might keep feathers unruffled. But there are more adventurous/travel-friendly people who might readily attend a destination wedding, so if you want a smaller event you would have to limit the invites to the ceremony.

 

[spike13]

I feel the same way. I''m just not a big production person. We''re planning a very small family ceremony or just go to city hall and dinner with the family. Then a bigger less formal reception - if we even have one.

My friends know me and know a big wedding or even a white dress is just not my style. So I guess it depends on your social group.

As for what to do, you need to do what your heart is telling you and what feels right. If later you regret it, you can always do a renewal of vows later.