Eloping- Thoughts???

[ScorpioNYC]

I never envisioned myself as a bride- to me it seems like the whole thing is wasteful and I''d be miserable. Plus I live in Manhattan, and weddings here are REALLY expensive. My fiancee and I are toying with the idea of getting married on our own somewhere in the Caribbean (Anguilla, Barbados, or Antigua most likely). It seems SO much easier and romantic. We wanted to have our immediate family only, but none of our parents are beach people and my family hates to travel, so this seems like an easy solution. We would have a religious ceremony in nyc and a smaller reception for my relatives, who will probably be horrified when they hear of our plan.

Any thoughts? Has anyone here got married on their own or is considering it? Nobody we know has and most of my friends think I''m nuts...Just wanted to see if anyone could relate! I''m SO not into the wedding thing, but I enjoyed getting the ring

 

[Izzy03]

I really wanted a small destination wedding, just closest friends and family. My mom was really upset and begged for a wedding, so I let her have her way and I absolutely regret it. My wedding is now 3 months away and my mom is fighting over every single detail with me. Plus I haven''t been into planning so I am behind schedule on EVEYRTHING.

Do it the way YOU want to do it. You family may fight with you at first but there will be much more fighting involved when you have to worry about budgets, and guestlist.

I think eloping is incredibly romantic, so much more romantic than a traditional wedding. GOOD LUCK!!!

 

[MaggieB]

Date: 1/1/2009 8:42:45 PM
Author: Izzy03
I really wanted a small destination wedding, just closest friends and family. My mom was really upset and begged for a wedding, so I let her have her way and I absolutely regret it. My wedding is now 3 months away and my mom is fighting over every single detail with me. Plus I haven''t been into planning so I am behind schedule on EVEYRTHING.

Do it the way YOU want to do it. You family may fight with you at first but there will be much more fighting involved when you have to worry about budgets, and guestlist.

I think eloping is incredibly romantic, so much more romantic than a traditional wedding. GOOD LUCK!!!

Elope. I wanted to elope but went along with the wedding thing to appease fiance''s family. Even keeping the wedding under 30 people, it was a ton of work and I stressed the whole time. My friends are eloping to St. Lucia in March and I''m extremely jealous.

 

[coatimundi_org]

We eloped--it was incredibly romantic--wouldn't change a thing. Our families were disappointed, but they got over it.

We wanted to focus on ourselves--it was just wonderful.

 

[honey22]

If you really want to elope, then do it. You family will get over it, it''s not their day anyway.

We are semi-eloping, running away to tropical queensland, with only our parents, siblings, and three very close couples. We wanted our close family and friends only and we both think it''s perfect. We just can''t wait. At the end of the day you need to do what makes you happy!

Good lcuk! I think it sounds perfect!!!

 

[lovinsparkles]

We eloped last month and I have no regrets. It was extremely romantic and everything was exactly as we wanted it. We had a professional photographer so that we would be able to share the day with friends and family later. We chose to do it without warning anyone in advance, and that did make it a little tense afterwards, as some family didn''t take the news very well. Also, I felt a little sad that my closest friends couldn''t be there with me on such a special day. But I would absolutely do it again if given the choice. Giving up a big wedding wasn''t a big deal for us as it didn''t have special meaning to us, and I think eloping helped us really focus in on what was important to us. I guess it''s really about what feels right to you, but for us, eloping was definitely the right choice.

 

[LauraBabe08]

Elope.

I thought wedding planning would be fun and exciting. Its not. Its stressful, expensive, and extremely time consuming. I like the idea of being a "bride" and I know it will all be worth it on the big day!

In my opinion, for you it seems like its not worth the hassle, especially if you never envisioned yourself as a traditional bride.

Lots of luck!

 

[WishfulThinking]

We eloped this past October, and we don''t regret a single moment of it.

Despite the fact that the circumstances that led us to us "having" to elope in order to legally wed at all were horribly depressing, it was a wonderful experience and we loved it. That we came out of it so happy with how it turned out even with all of the legal drama [which is still going on and on and on as we speak

] and feel really good about how it went is frankly amazing!

We flew cross country from the East coast to the West; it was only us, neither of our families was there. Although they were not included because it was a last-minute decision to go and it would have been to expensive for them to join us, it turned out really well regardless. Going back we''d do it the same way. It was tons of fun for it to be just *us* and get to pay attention to each other and hang out with each other with no family interference or any drama there might have been. Because we didn''t have the expense of an entire formal ceremony and reception, etc, we could afford a really awesome photographer to document the whole thing for us so we could share the experience with family and friends.

We did tell our parents and a few very close friends before we left, but it was a difficult decision to make... our families were VERY upset at first, but they have come around and understand completely why we got married when and where we did. They are relieved that we were able to legally wed more than anything else! My mom and future step-dad are eyeing our photos and hearing our stories from the day-of and considering eloping themselves now...

You and your FI know best what works for you, and you will NEVER be able to please everybody, regardless of where and how you have your wedding. If people are upset their feelings will fade and hopefully they will eventually be happy for you, especially since you said you''d have a ceremony and reception in addition to the elopement. While being respectful of family is important when wedding planning it is *your* day ultimately.

 

[audball]

Elope!!! It sounds like it''s exactly what YOU want and in the end, that''s all that really matters because it is YOUR day. SO and I hope to elope when we''re ready, the only person we''re worried about is his mother, I know she''ll be devastated, but she''ll get over it. I guess she assumed I''d be into the big wedding and the planning. I''m so not, not even a little bit, and I''d rather just run off, come back, and yell SURPRISE!!

It couldn''t be more intimate, personal, and romantic. If it''s what you want, GO FOR IT! Good luck and let us know what you decide!

 

[ScorpioNYC]

Wow! I am so glad people are supportive and not advising against eloping. Our families would know exactly when and where, and I''ll get photos/videos. The thought of just having our immediate families there stressed us out- they''ve never met and I think it''s a bit too much togetherness. Plus none of them would be that thrilled to go to an island. This way it''s all about us (and easy for me). We hope to take a full honeymoon after the religious ceremony and family reception- since I know I''m going to need a break after that!
For those of you who have eloped, any recommendations? I am looking at resorts on Anguilla, Barbados, Turks & Caicos mainly. Aside from the Four Seasons in Nevis, I want something more boutiquey and romantic but not cheesy (no sandals) or a place that would be overrun with kids. Ideas?

 

[Tuckins1]

Elope. It''s sooo much easier, and less expensive! (Plus, the stress factor is way lower to!) Your family will get over it. Perhaps you could have a little dinner/reception type thing when you get back, so that the rest of your family could be a part of things?

 

[cbs102]

my fi was married once before and i do not want to do ANYTHING that they did. i also have always thought that it was so so romantic to elope and it being just the two of you... so we are eloping to jamaica and i cannot wait. we left it open to people that they were certainly welcome to join us but i requested that they stay in another resort...it is your honeymoon as well!

we finally agreed that we would do it alone and have a NE clam bake when we came home as the reception/party...

 

[geckodani]

Go for it. My sister "eloped with family," LOL. They got married on St. John with the immediate family in attendance. We got married on Maui also with immediate family, and it was great. But if your family members aren't beach people - just go the two of you, have a BLAST and avoid all the stress and insanity that is wedding planning.

ETA: I think it would be smart, and incredibly romantic!

 

[musey]

Date: 1/1/2009 8:23:44 PM
Author:ScorpioNYC
I never envisioned myself as a bride- to me it seems like the whole thing is wasteful and I''d be miserable.

Ouch.

If you''re not into it, don''t do it. Simple as that. There are no rules. You can do it however you want, whether that means a big blow-out celebration or signing papers at a desk in the courthouse.

 

[Haven]

Date: 1/2/2009 3:30:46 PM
Author: musey

Date: 1/1/2009 8:23:44 PM

Author:ScorpioNYC

I never envisioned myself as a bride- to me it seems like the whole thing is wasteful and I''d be miserable.

Ouch.


If you''re not into it, don''t do it. Simple as that. There are no rules. You can do it however you want, whether that means a big blow-out celebration or signing papers at a desk in the courthouse.

Ditto. If you''re not into throwing a celebration for all of your family and friends, don''t. I have a colleague who married his wife on a beach with only the officiant and their four parents present. They threw a huge celebration a year later for their first anniversary, and he says it''s the best thing they ever did.

 

[katamari]

If you are not into the bridal thing, I don''t think you ever will be. I do, though, think there are a million shades of gray behind total Wedding Industrial Complex shabang and eloping. I think you will be most pleased by doing whatever you find to most suit you.

We were much more into the eloping side of the spectrum, but are definitely tinkering with the model to make the celebration as much "us" as our relationship is.

 

[Winslet]

Oh, please elope! I would have loved to elope, but I have such a huge, close, and very local family that it''d be impossible for me and my fiance to run away without them. Bringing ALL of them on a destination wedding would also be rather ridiculous. Also, the details of big-wedding planning can be really overwhelming sometimes and, if it''s not your thing, you will likely resent spending so much time, energy, and money on the whole process.

 

[Gypsy]

I say elope and have small reception afterward. Hiring a videographer for the ceremony. Play an editted version of the ceremony at the recepion for friends and family.

This was what I wanted. Longstory short we had a wonderful wedding at a winery close by instead. We kept the guest list manageable... and was still a basketcase about to go AWAL on a postman because he was causing delays in my invite delivery. We spent a lot of money...everyone had a great time. But I was a stress case, serious stress case. If I had to do it all again... I would elope... with my florist and photographer and makeup artist in tow (I loved my vendors).