Elopers, share your stories!

[pancake]

Hi gals,

Being a recent eloper (doesn''t sound like a nice word does it?) myself, I am really interested to hear the experiences of other people who did the same thing.

Why did you do it?

How long did you spend planning it?

Where did you do it?

Who did you tell, and when?

How was your experience overall? Would you still do it if you had your time over again?

I will answer my own questions in a separate post...

 

[pancake]

Why did you do it?

There were a number of reasons.

- We loved the intimacy of it, as both of us believe that marriage is a private act between two people (neither of us is religious either)

- We want to start a family in the next couple of years, and we figured that if we were going to marry, we may as well do it before we have kids!

- Figuring that we wanted to marry in the next year or so, a big wedding back home was going to be difficult, a) because we are o/s pretty much all of this year, and b) because my parents separated about a year ago and things are still very difficult between them (I myself have only recently resumed contact with my father)

- We were about to go to Europe, where there are castles and vineyards and lakes and loads of sweeping fairytale landscapes perfect for getting married!

- We are heading into a couple of leaner years financially (going from solid salary to research salary) and combined with all of the above aspects it made sense

How long did you spend planning it?

Time from engagement to wedding was 2 1/2 months. It was almost completely stress-free - we had a fantastic wedding planner in Italy arrange it for us. Basically we just told her what we wanted and she organised it. The last minute paperwork in Italy was a bit hair-raising but overall planning our wedding was a fun experience free of politics and anxiety.

Where did you do it?

As the above would suggest - Italy! We married on a 13th century castle terrace overlooking Lake Garda.

Who did you tell, and when?

Surprisingly, it was my mum who suggested it! Not because of the family issues, but because she''s a softy/romantic at heart and she thought it would be beautiful. So obviously she knew. We told all of the parents within a couple of weeks of deciding and setting a date/place. That was hard but they were all very supportive and excited for us.

Additionally, we told our closest friends (4 of whom were witnesses for our paperwork in Australia).

Both of us are close to our family and friends so this part was definitely the most difficult.

How was your experience overall? Would you still do it if you had your time over again?

It was overwhelmingly wonderful! The day itself was sheer magic, exactly what we wanted - intimate, warm, heartfelt, informal and relaxed with some funny moments.

I would not change a thing!

 

[AsscherNut]

We also eloped last year.

We wanted to use our wedding fund practically (we redid our kitchen, got all new furniture, and went on an elaborate 3 week honeymoon)
Also, the intimate setting was romantic and suited our personalities.

It took two weeks to have everything planned. Our wedding took place 5 months after we got engaged.

We got married at The Inn at Perry Cabin located in St. Michaels, Maryland (the white house featured in the beginning of the movie, he Wedding Crashers)


Everyone assumed we were getting married this year, so we decided to throw everyone off by doing it just 5 months after the engagement! After we got married, we phoned everyone starting with " We are calling because we''ve set the date! Do you have a paper and pen ready? It''s September 9, 2009" Haha...people were like "but that''s today!!!"

We had the time of our lives and wouldn''t change a thing!!! We come home to a beautiful kitchen everyday and have our memorable honeymoon to think of for the rest of our lives. Even though we eloped, we still had every aspect of the wedding- great venue, flowers, photographer, officiant, and videographer!


Pancake, I LOVED how you guys eloped! SOOO romantic and beautiful

 

[sonnyjane]

Why did you do it? I didn't want the stress of a big wedding, and I wanted to save money.

How long did you spend planning it? Honestly, it only took about a week to finalize everything, but I booked everything four months before our wedding date.

Where did you do it? Maui

Who did you tell, and when? Everyone knew, it wasn't a secret by any means, we just explained to everyone that we didn't want a big wedding and wanted to celebrate alone.

How was your experience overall? Would you still do it if you had your time over again? It was wonderful and I have absolutely no regrets!

 

[pancake]

Both of your weddings sound fantastic! SJ, how did your family and friends react when you told them beforehand?

I should add one more thing to the "survey": post your favourite pic from your wedding!

 

[lilyfoot]

Why did you do it? I''ve never wanted a big wedding (never even thought I would want to get married ..) I didn''t want other people there, I really felt like it should be a day for just me and my (then-fiance) husband.

How long did you spend planning it? 1 week! We were planning on getting married this October, then decided to move it in April, and got married 1 week after making that decision.

Where did you do it? St. Petersburg, Florida

Who did you tell, and when? We told all friends and family.

How was your experience overall? Would you still do it if you had your time over again? It was great, and I would definitely do it all over again. It was perfect!

 

[audball]

Thanks for starting this thread, pancake! I''m still a LIW, but aspire to elope in some fashion in the future (maybe a small <10 guests wedding) or alone if we can manage...all of your stories are great! Please, keep them coming!

 

[sonnyjane]

Date: 5/24/2010 5:08:45 AM
Author: pancake
Both of your weddings sound fantastic! SJ, how did your family and friends react when you told them beforehand?


I should add one more thing to the ''survey'': post your favourite pic from your wedding!

My parents actually eloped as well, so they were supportive (they made the same decision for financial reasons). His parents were a little more disappointed (not angry) that they wouldn''t be able to see their first-born get married, but we just used the reasoning that since my family couldn''t afford to attend the ceremony, it would have been awkward for them to attend (they wanted to fly out to attend, as they have a bit more money to throw around). My friends were the most disappointed of all. My best friend actually cried when she found out she wouldn''t get to be my MOH, but I know that eloping was the best decision for me.

Here''s one of my favorite pics!

 

[sonnyjane]

Here''s one more I just think is cool

 

[pancake]

Oh my goodness SJ, that last photo is just stunning!

I am on tenterhooks waiting to see the low-res proofs of our professional photos! Our photographers (we had 2 - one each, lol!) were just wonderful and their portfolio is unbelievable (they don''t do posed shots - only photojournalistic/candid type work) so I can''t wait!

My friends took it pretty well - I was loathe to tell one of my best friends because I remembered a conversation a couple of years ago (before marriage was ever on my radar) after her brother eloped and the whole family cried - but telling my now-husband''s (squee! funny!) parents was much harder. They came round to it and were never against it but we could see how they were struggling with their disappointment.

Then again, his whole family (parents, two brothers and their partners) descended upon us 2 days after the wedding. That is another story altogether...

 

[annadragon]

Why did you do it? I loathed the idea of planning a wedding, family drama, getting dressed up, having to entertain people, having to stress out about things I wouldn''t normally care about, asking DH''s opinion about things he wouldn''t normally care about...I could make a really long list of the negative reasons why. I should be kinder to the audience and say simply - We wanted it simple, private and low-key.

How long did you spend planning it? About 1 hour.

Where did you do it? Devil''s Den State Park - Northwestern Arkansas

Who did you tell, and when? I told my little brother (he''s grown up but still my little brother) a few weeks before. He''s a good little secret keeper

How was your experience overall? Well the timing was wrong, it was too damn hot to be out on the ledge of a mountain in the middle of summer but when I remember it fondly I don''t recall being a sweaty monster just nervous and excited.
Our best-friend was ordained online, we 3 walked into the Clerk of Court on Friday afternoon. She paid her $ and was given the license to marry people in the great state of Arkansas, we paid our $ and were given our license after showing our ID.
It was just us 3 and an amateur photographer I hired plus the officiants very cute dog. We didn''t dress up, we wore our normal "us" clothes and thoroughly enjoyed some tasty, well-chilled champagne around the campfire that night.

Would you still do it if you had your time over again? I would but I would change the time of year. I might also consider some type of reception. Very informal and actually not in the name of celebrating our marriage. I do NOT like being the center of attention and neither does DH. I do enjoy a gathering of friends and having them around just for the sake of a party would be nice.

 

[pancake]

Yeah, the idea of a celebration without the pressure is an appealing one! We are planning to have a cocktail reception at a winery next year. We get to celebrate with friends and family, I get to wear something fun, we eat and drink and have merry times. Having watched friends organise their weddings, I am 100% thrilled to be having the party without worrying about table runners, chair backs, carpets, table settings, centrepieces, seat allocations, flowers...!

 

[Miss Sparkly]

Why did you do it?
Because his parents, who are quite well off, added over 100 people that DH didn''t know to the guest list and only offered us $2,000 to help cover the wedding. I was 18 and he was 21 (this was almost 5 years ago). So, I set up a ceremony at a beautiful coffee house which would serve tea cakes, coffee, tea etc. but that wasn''t good enough. His family said we had to have a full dinner or they wouldn''t come. I said screw it, I''m not doing this and he just wanted to marry me. We got married 2 months after I turned 19. I''m glad we eloped but wished we would''ve waited. 19 was too young.
How long did you spend planning it?
I spent six months planning the wedding, one day scrapping it, and the next two years crying over not having a real wedding.
Where did you do it?
In DH''s hometown. We told everybody a week ahead of time and said if you want to come, great, we''ll buy you dinner! We had about 20 people show up - which was perfect.
Who did you tell, and when?
Everybody, one week before

How was your experience overall? Would you still do it if you had your time over again?
Honestly, it sucked

And growing up with DH was the most difficult thing I have ever been through. If I could do it all over again I would wait until I''m 25, fly to socal and have a small beach wedding. Hmmmm....I''ll only be 29 on my 10 yr anniversary

 

[pancake]

SparklyBlonde, I'm sorry to hear that your wedding wasn't what or when you wanted it to be!

I think the difference is in the element of choice - that some of us choose to elope because it suits our personalities, stage of life, idea of what a wedding should be, whereas others feel that they have no choice or that circumstances have forced their hand.

SB would you consider a blessing ceremony or renewing your vows the way you really wanted to? It sounds like you were a bit cheated out of what you truly wanted. Maybe planning something down the track might be a way to feel less resentful of the circumstances around your original wedding? Plus perhaps it would feel like the "right time", and a celebration/commemoration of your (tough!) journey together.

 

[Circe]

Oh, good topic thread! We "eloped" with warning (or, so I thought - I'd told the people close to me about it in advance, but people whom I mostly know on the internet were v. surprised). I'm really glad we did, for reason to be explained below ....


Why did you do it?: Two reasons; money, and logistics. His family is from Sweden, and enormous; my family is in NY, and tiny, and we'd just moved to CA for work to boot. So there we were, just starting out and trying to negotiate a tricoastal wedding ....


How long did you spend planning it?: After we got engaged, we spent a few months batting ideas for weddings around, but when we realized what a logistical nightmare it was going to be, we started thinking outside of the box. After we moved to CA, we started trying to figure out where we wanted it. At first, Hawaii seemed tempting ... but then we realized Carmel was just up the coast. So, perfect! Once we settled on the location, it took about a month to get everything finalized.


Where did you do it?: Carmel is a really beautiful small town on the coast of northern California. The drive up from LA is one of the most scenic roads in the world, and the town itself is an amazing enclave of artists. We drove up for a long weekend after having arranged for an officiant and a photographer, scouted out a spot on the beach the second day we were there, told them where to meet us on the following day, and, boom! As a bonus, we have some amazing pictures of the two of us in our wedding finery climbing around on the little local coves and cliffs.


Who did you tell, and when? Both our families knew, and all of our friends, though some of them were a little surprised when they heard - they'd been privy to the various stages, and I think for people who are used to traditional weddings, it was hard to grok that we'd eschewed the big extravaganza for a beach.


How was your experience overall? Would you still do it if you had your time over again? I think it was the perfect thing to do at that time and that place in my life, and I cherish the memory. That said, once we're a tad bit more established and comfortable, I forsee one hell of a vow renewal/anniversary party ....

 

[elle_chris]

Why did you do it? His family''s in Europe, mine is here. We couldn''t get everyone together at the same time.

How long did you spend planning it? Once we decided to elope, it took less than a month.

Where did you do it? Las Vegas, drive through Chapel

Who did you tell, and when? Only my parents. And that was because my grandmother became very sick. She only had my mom and me and we were taking turns being with her. I didn''t want her to think that I just decided to take a vacation at the worst possible time.

How was your experience overall? Would you still do it if you had your time over again? We flew out for only three nights. Had a blast. It was perfect for us (or so I thought at the time). When I called my parents on Saturday to tell them we did it, my mom sounded so happy for us she was crying. But when we got back Monday morning, she called to tell me my grandmother had died the morning I flew out. She was torn on telling me sooner, but knew I''d cancel everything and come right back home. So looking back, it was bittersweet.
Would I do it again? My situation is not your typical story, but yes I''d do it again. I would though choose a different time.

 

[BlingADing]

Cool thread!
We aren''t exactly eloping, but we are nowhere near having a traditional wedding. We are having an unconvetional wedding with a private Civil Ceremony at SF city hall then a celebration brunch the next day in Sonoma with a bike ride around the wineries! I am so exctied!



Why did you do it? Because we''re practical, paying for our own wedding, and want to have fun!

How long did you spend planning it? It will be about 6 mos of planning...not because it''s taking that long, just because we picked our date.

Where did you do it? San Francisco City Hall

Who did you tell, and when? Everyone!

How was your experience overall? I''ll let you know!

Would I do it again? I''ll let you know!



Inspiration I

Inspiration II

Inspiration III

 

[JSM]

Great topic, I love hearing about eloping stories!

Why did you do it?

- First, the two of us lived in State A. His family lived in State B, and mine in State C. Due to financial and health reasons, there was no way our closest family members could travel out of state for a wedding. Neither of us felt it was fair to exclude them, so we decided to exclude EVERYONE!

- Financially, I was a graduate student and he was underemployed, so there was not a lot of money to go around. The entire trip, include airfare, attire, pictures, food, hotel, etc, was less than $3k. Definitely affordable.

- I wanted to spend the day with HIM, and I wanted the day to be about us (selfishly).

- Finally, a unique situation was occurring and we couldn''t pass up the opportunity to attend!

How long did you spend planning it?

We were engaged for two years and I hadn''t planned a darn thing (only ordered a dress). Once we made the final decision, I planned the whole thing in about 2 months.

Where did you do it?

New York City, County Clerk''s office. Then we went to a baseball game in wedding attire!

Who did you tell, and when?

I told my mother so I could break it to her early, I knew she would be disappointed. I also gave the details to a wonderful friend of mine, who was in my lab, so I could talk to her about my anxieties (she married only a few months before me, so I did the same for her). DH told his parents and I told my dad a week or two before, everyone else found out afterwards.

How was your experience overall? Would you still do it if you had your time over again?

Absolute best day ever. It wasn''t tropical or warm, but it was very romantic, very us, and everything I ever wanted in a wedding day. I wouldn''t change it for anything, even if our budget had been unlimited.

 

[pancake]

Bumping up this thread! I know there have been a few beautiful elopements on PS lately - hopefully they will be added here!

 

[trillionaire]

Date: Sept 25, 2010 (our 7th anniversary)

Why did you do it?

I never grew up imagining a wedding, and at age 25, when I began thinking about getting married, the only thing that came to mind was the two of us on a beach. So, that's what we did. How long did you spend planning it?

Two answers to this one. First answer: 10 minutes. That's how long it took me to come up with my ideal wedding... the two of us on a beach, champagne, "Just married flip flops", an officiant, acoustic guitar, a photographer, cupcakes, unity sparklers instead of unity candles. (we didn't do all of the above)

Second answer... we decided to get married on our 7th anniversary after vascillating on the date for a while. My dear friend lost her fiance' last September, and I spent our 6th anniversary attending his funeral. DH and I both decided that that was how we wanted to spend our next anniversary, despite having to wait a year to do it. It made sense because we were long distance, and it took most of the next year to coordinate moving (December), new job for me (April), etc. Then we needed time to save money, we were looking for a house, etc. I did freak out in March/April and wanted to just run off and get married, but I'm glad we waited.

Planning was off and on. Mostly off... Got my dress 6 weeks out from David's Bridal. Contracted the photog and officiant (who played acoustic guitar) about 2 months out. Wedding bands about 4-5 weeks out. Veil 2 weeks out.

We also planned a smallish 40 person reception in about 4 weeks (mostly the last 2 weeks) for our families and friends.

Where did you do it?

We got married in Brigantine, NJ, 5 minutes outside of Altantic City's Marina hotels. We stayed at the Borgata Water Club (fabulous!)

Wedding was on the beach at sunrise (around 6:30am). It was PERFECT!

Reception was in Oakland, CA.

Who did you tell, and when?

I started telling my family about 2 years ago that I didn't want a wedding. Apparently they didn't believe me. We told my family shortly after we decided on the date... maybe by Thanksgiving time or so. They objected highly. It was drama. DH's family believed us when we said we didn't want a wedding, so they were neither surprised nor upset. I never told my parent's where, because I really thought that my dad would crash the wedding.

How was your experience overall? Would you still do it if you had your time over again?

Bittersweet, but WELL WORTH THE OUTCOME!!!

Wedding: I loved everything about our wedding weekend, and the only change I would have made was MORE TIME! Definitely plan a honeymoon/elopement. We just did a Thurs-Monday, but we wish we had taken a week somewhere. We did a lot of activities, and it was memorable and wonderful, but it would have been nice to relax even more! Also glad we choose Atlantic City. DH suggested it, and there were so many things to do, and now we always have an easily accessible sentimental getaway!

Reception: One week after the wedding. I probably would have spaced them out more... I was pretty stressed with work and all the travelling. The Reception was so much fun, but I did feel like it was a marathon of events (Saturday lunch reception & dancing, then sports bar to watch football game of alma mater with college friends, then clubbing until 1am, then winery the next morning, then family visits before a 11:59pm red-eye flight home!) I loved that our reception was intimate with 40 people who were all our CLOSEST friends and family members. It was a bit awkward because my family was planning the reception, which they cancelled 2 months before it was supposed to happen. We planned this small reception at the last minute with DH's family, but my extended family was not represented. Just my mom, sister and brother. My dad refused to come.

Family and Friends: The family drama was VERY STRESSFUL! It caused a lot of strain on my relationship with my mom, sister and dad, but also fostered a lot of closeness between DH and I, DH's family and I, and my friends and I. DH, his family and my friends were INCREDIBLE throughout. I would definitely recommend eloping over a short time frame, so as not to have protracted drama. I would probably also tell people after, as I got tired of being criticized and called selfish for months on end. I'd also like to thank all of the supportive PSer's who listened to my Vents and reassured me that I should stick to my guns!!!

Aftermath: Immediately after the wedding happened, everything was back to normal. Everything with my family is great again, it was just getting through the experience. My dad gave us a generous check as a wedding gift, and paid for half (+) of the reception. DH's parents picked up the other half. Both families are thrilled about our union. Our parents (the two sets of in-laws) also bonded a lot during the reception planning process, and spearheaded plans for this New Year's, which our two families will spend together in Vegas! I'm very excited because my dad will be there, as well as extended family on DH's side and my side, so it will be like reception pt 2!

 

[pancake]

Trill Trill Trill! I 100% LOVE that last photo. It is just perfect! I had read a little of your dramas about your family in your own thread, and am so glad that everyone is back together again and happy for you.

I do have to say that we were very lucky in the way that our families reacted - many people have told me they wish they could have eloped, but it would have been just impossible to tell their families (before or after).

Now...where is wavyhair?

 

[trillionaire]

Trill Trill Trill! I 100% LOVE that last photo. It is just perfect! I had read a little of your dramas about your family in your own thread, and am so glad that everyone is back together again and happy for you.

I do have to say that we were very lucky in the way that our families reacted - many people have told me they wish they could have eloped, but it would have been just impossible to tell their families (before or after).

Now...where is wavyhair?

Yes, where is Miss WavyHair????

We love that photo too, and we ordered a print from CanvasOnDemand, it's LOVELY!

I am so jealous that your family was so amenable Pancake! I thought my mom was going to be the bad one, but it was 100% my dad. Most of the women that I know want to elope, and the men ALWAYS insist on a traditional wedding. Kind of funny to me...

 

[pancake]

Yes, we were really lucky with the family reaction. I can't say that everyone welcomed it with open arms; my MIL initially went all weird and quiet and odd, but she recovered quickly enough to be egging us along and trying to help us tell my FIL. He was the one who took it the hardest I think; he is a real party person and loves big gatherings. Ultimately everyone just wanted us to do whatever made us happy, and there was never any question that this was truly the way we wanted to do it.

I am thinking about blowing up a canvas print too but haven't decided what to blow up. Maybe this one...

 

[trillionaire]

OMG!!!!! That shot is INCREDIBLE!!!! I even love the duck, lol! WOW!!! You must have an amazing album!

 

[pancake]

lol, the duck is essential to that photo - all our friends and family refer to it as "The Duck Photo" He is now so famous that I think we probably HAVE to enlarge him!

We were lucky to have incredible scenery, as well as passionate photographers who shared our views on photography (capturing moments, nothing too posed, capturing the surroundings so that our families could feel like they were "there"), so we have quite a lot of fairly dramatic photos from the day. Kind of a counterpoint to the photos of our actual ceremony, through which I evidently just grinned like a goon

 

[Supers]

Pancake - you've got to get the duck photo.
It's amazing - the clouds in the background, the way the water is splashing up in the foreground, the duck... and the way the two of you look so connected. Just stunning.

 

[sirbenson]

Re:

Cool thread!
We aren''t exactly eloping, but we are nowhere near having a traditional wedding. We are having an unconvetional wedding with a private Civil Ceremony at SF city hall then a celebration brunch the next day in Sonoma with a bike ride around the wineries! I am so exctied!



Inspiration I

Inspiration II

Inspiration III

All this makes me wish we lived in California so we could "elope" at San Fran City Hall. Too bad Toronto doesn't have a city hall that is equally as beautiful.

 

[amc80]

I LOVE this thread! It's actually pretty inspiring!

My bf and I have talked about eloping. He is 100% for it. I am about 90% for it. Two things holding me back- 1) My brother basically eloped, and even though my mom says she doesn't care, I know she would be hurt if she didn't get to be at either of her kids' weddings, and 2) the bf is an only child, so same situation with his parents.

I guess we'll decide when the time comes.

 

[wavyhair]

Aaaahhhhh! Hi ladies! I'm sorry for taking so long to respond! I had no idea you guys were asking for me... I feel so honoured LOL!

Okay, so here is my story:

Why did you do it?
I always envisioned myself having a really small, intimate affair. I really hate being the centre of attention, and we're both kind of really low-key, non-party people so it seemed like the right thing to do. Plus, everyone around us (his family, my coworkers) were all really supportive of the idea of eloping when we half-jokingly said that we might just do that.

How long did you spend planning it?
We really made the decision to do it at the end of May, and we hired our first vendor (wedding planner) at the beginning of June, so I guess it was just over three months from conception to reality (our wedding was Sept. 1.

Where did you do it?
Paris, France. We both wanted to honeymoon there, anyway, so we decided to turn it into one big elopement/honeymoon/birthday (we were married two days before mine) celebration extravaganza.

Who did you tell, and when?
Just my closest girlfriends, just because I had to tell SOMEONE! You can't make important decisions like finalizing a veil and not share it with someone LOL! His parents knew we were taking a trip to Paris but had no idea why. I'm not very close with my family (unfortunately) so they didn't even know I was out of town.

How was your experience overall? Would you still do it if you had your time over again?
Yes yes yes! I cannot stress enough how perfect this was for us. I loved our wedding and am so happy that we eloped. I would do it again in a heartbeat!


Thanks so much for sharing all your wonderful elopement stories! I've really enjoyed reading them. And Pancake, that duck picture just KILLS me every single time! What perfect timing!

 

[wavyhair]

Oh Trillionaire, I'm so sorry you had to endure family drama because you did what YOU wanted to do. I think people get caught up and forget what the wedding is supposed to be about. I'm happy you got the wedding you wanted.

And sonnyjane, that second photos is breathtaking! You and your husband make a beautiful couple!