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Dress blues

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meresal

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I was reading a blog somewhere on the internet, that was like a Q&A set-up...

The MOG wrote, that her son and FDIL were havnig a traditional wedding and the brother of groom is the BestMan. Well, Son and FDIL want all the groomsmen to wear black tuxes, and brother who is in the forces, is saying if he can't wear his dress blues, he will not be in the wedding.

I'm kind of torn, how would you react? Side with the couple getting married, who are worried he will either ruin the cohesiveness of the "look" or command attention during the ceremony (MOG wasn't sure of their exact reasoning), or the brother who should wear what he's earned?
 

meresal

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Date: 2/26/2009 10:17:47 AM
Author: CDNinNYC
Personally, I would want my brother to wear his dress blues.
I agree. C has a friend who is training before active duty right now, but if he wasn't so unsure about his schedule, he would be in the wedding... I would want him to wear his blues, and I know he loves any reason to get to.
 

BeachRunner

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I would absolutely want someone who is serving for his fellow Americans to wear his uniform.

This is another example of people taking away from the meaning of a wedding, just so its aesthetically "perfect". , IMHO.
 

tlh

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My brother was in the military, he wore a tux to my wedding... was not an issue. My grandfather who is reitred Army and well decorated, asked to wear his dress. My uncle, and several other retired military, not as high ranked or well decorated, wore suits. I had no problem with either.

I think if my Brother had asked I would have said ok... because he holds grudges for a long time. However that said, I do have friends taht would not like for a member of the bridal party to stand out, in anyway shape or form... and would be fine having that person be a guest, wearing the dress blues, than in the wedding party... as they would be offended that someone was making such a big deal and making themselves and THEIR enjoyment, above the bride and her groom''s day.

It really depends on the family. I''d be offended that a member of the family would refuse to be apart of my party because of an outfit I asked them to wear as this is MY wedding, not theirs (I mean, think of all the cruddy bridesmaid dresses out there that women have worn for years... and NOT picked out) but that said, who would want a fight over something that is a true symbol of their commitment... which is more than just an outfit... This is from a girl from a very military based family...

I''m just saying, sometimes you''ve got to pick your battles. Interesting topic, thanks for bringing it up!
 

elrohwen

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I have never seen the point in getting so into what the bridal party is wearing to the extent of picking out all shoes, jewelry, hairstyles, etc. If it were my wedding, I wouldn''t care at all if someone wanted to wear their dress uniform. However, I know not all brides see it the same way I do.
 

Guilty Pleasure

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My fiance is going to wear his Navy uniform, and the three ushers will also wear their uniforms. The five groomsmen will wear tuxedos.

That was the plan until a weird situation happened and one of our ushers will now be the best man. My fiance asked if his friend should switch to a tuxedo now to match the other groomsmen, and I said absolutely not. I told him that you don''t exclude a friend from the honor of wearing his uniform for the sake of your wedding pictures and symmetry. I feel that way because FI and the ushers are wearing uniforms, so I think it''s silly to insist that the groomsmen match each other. I don''t know how I''d feel if this guy was the only one in uniform though. I can''t imagine someone making a big deal of it either way, and it would just depend on the person''s reasons.

If the brother is being a "look at me, I''m in the service" type of guy and is the only one in uniform, then I think he''s being kind of insecure or overcompensating.

If the couple is anti-military or acting ashamed of the brother''s service, then I''d be offended as the man in service.

So really, I think it just depends on people''s intentions. I think they''re probably all being stubborn. I can''t say for sure because I''ve never seen a ceremony with just one guy in uniform, but I do think it would be weird for a lone groomsman to be in uniform at a non-military wedding. I think in this one, I side with the bride as long as she is not being disrespectful about the man''s service.
 

alli_esq

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hahaha, I had NO idea that military dress was called "dress blues" and I thought I was going to find a thread about people being sad about their dresses...

::giggles:: I''m smart.

but, uhhh yes. I would definitely want my brother (or whomever had earned it) to wear something that would show his pride for his line of work and his sacrifice that way.
 

dreaming of the day

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I had to chime in on this one... I don''t think it''s right. I understand that they have worked extremely hard and have given an amazing commitment to their country, but if they are going to stick out like a sore thumb it just isn''t right. It would be different if other people in the wedding party were to wear their dress blues, but if it is only him than the focus won''t be on the bride and groom and it is their day to shine. It is not right for the brother to command attention away from the bride and groom. Just for background I am Canadian and from a non-military family, so I can''t quite relate!
 

Clairitek

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Date: 2/26/2009 10:17:47 AM
Author: CDNinNYC
Personally, I would want my brother to wear his dress blues.
I agree. Perhaps if I didn''t have really close friends who are in the military I might not be so understanding.

I look at it this way. Nothing short of a bridesmaid walking down the aisle in her underwear is going to make people pay attention to anyone else in the BP except the bride and groom. I can see how in photos the blue uniform might stick out amongst a sea of black tuxes but I think the bride and groom in the article would feel better at the end of the day just letting the guy wear what he wants and have him be a part of the bridal party as originally intended.
 

Smurfysmiles

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I do come from a somewhat military family but I still would not want one of the guys looking different because like someone said it is the bride and groom''s day to shine, not their friend''s day...actually I didn''t even realize it but we have someone from the military who will be in our wedding and as far as I know will be wearing the same outfit as the other guys. We also have a guy in our party who is a pastor but he won''t be wearing anything to stand out either. Darnit, it''s our day! Not our country''s day, there''s a reason for the 4th of July and a completely different reason for our wedding :) ok i''m done lol
 

Diamond Confused

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I would tell him, "when you get married you can wear a clown suit fo all I care. But, this is my wedding my pictures and my money so you either wear a tux or you''re not in the wedding." It may sound a bit bridezilla-esque but the wedding is about the couple and no one else. They aren''t asking for anything unreasonable.
 

choro72

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All in a sudden I''m reminded of an undergraduate friend of mine. He was HAWT
He was in the ROTC, and sometimes he came to classes in his uniform. I remember he was this cute guy that was easy to talk to, and being with my ex at the time I thought nothing of him. Then one day I walked into the classroom and he was alone in the classroom in his uniform. WOAH. I stopped dead in my tracks, my heart skipped a beat, and took my breath away.
Gosh, I had forgotten all about it...That was the first time I understood the feelings of those shallow women in movies whose mission in life is to chase men in uniforms
Although I have to say, I haven''t met anyone since that guy that made the uniform look so good. Agh! I''m getting excited from my memories!
Must...calm...down...

Whew, it was nice writing all that...*fans myself*
AHEM, back to meresal''s q. Very interesting. Personally, I think I would want the WP to wear their suit with pride. I understand from my few years that I''ve been here that what they are doing is a big honor and sacrifice.
However, if a guest (other than my undergraduate friend
) wore it then I would be more offended than if a lady wore white to the wedding, but end up not caring. Like I told my mom, I''m in a big white puffy dress with a veil, so nobody can take away the spotlight from me and the man next to me!
hmmm, I want to reconnect with my friend to have him show up in his suit just for eye candy...

I hope I didn''t offend any military person with my unusual man gush. I do respect each and every one who have made tremendous sacrifices. I just couldn''t help myself with that one!
 

Sabine

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That''s a tough one. I''ve always been glad I didn''t marry a Scottish man, because if the men were expected to wear kilts or I had to wear a plaid sash, I would not be happy.

My dh is in the Navy and has dress blues, but at the same time, he hasn''t really served since he is still in medical school (he''ll be a Navy doctor). He would NEVER have wanted to wear his dress blues anyway. If the brother has served and really identifies with being part of the military, I''d probably be okay with it, but only if it''s a significant part of his life.
 

fieryred33143

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I haven't read the other responses.

But as soon as I read your post I thought


It's great that he served our country. BUT The brother is not the groom. This is not his wedding. This is not his show. If he doesn't want to be in the wedding because he can't wear his uniform, then he can sit down.
 

honey22

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Date: 2/26/2009 12:50:51 PM
Author: dreaming of the day
I had to chime in on this one... I don''t think it''s right. I understand that they have worked extremely hard and have given an amazing commitment to their country, but if they are going to stick out like a sore thumb it just isn''t right. It would be different if other people in the wedding party were to wear their dress blues, but if it is only him than the focus won''t be on the bride and groom and it is their day to shine. It is not right for the brother to command attention away from the bride and groom. Just for background I am Canadian and from a non-military family, so I can''t quite relate!
Ditto, I have no doubt that he is doing a wonderful thing serving his country, but this is not his day to display the fact. I think it''s incredibly selfish of him. My committment and choice of career doesn''t give him the right to wear whatever he wants to the wedding. It sounds like he is more into showing off than being respectful to another couple.
 

doodle

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I''m surprised at how many people seem to view wearing dress blues as an attempt to get more attention than the bridal couple. From how I''ve always understood it, dress blues are the military equivalent of a tuxedo (provided that they are worn with the bow tie rather than the four-in-hand), so if it were me, firstly, I''d never want someone I cared about to be treated like an accessory to my wedding with no more merit than just aesthetic value, and secondly, I''d be flattered that the person wanted to honor the occasion by wearing his or her finest regalia. That being said, I think both parties in the OP are being a bit stubborn, but I''m wondering if the best man in that scenario is being so stubborn specifically because he feels that the bridal couple was disrespecting him by telling him he couldn''t wear the dress blues. Hmmm...
 

musey

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I don''t think I''d ''side'' with anyone. I''d just hope that they''d hear each other out and come to an agreement based upon who it means more to.

I don''t personally see the big deal either way... on the one hand, it''s their one and only wedding (but no, that doesn''t mean they should get to dictate the outfits of everyone involved, imho) so why couldn''t he defer to that, while on the other hand, he has earned his right to wear his dress blues, so why couldn''t the wedding couple defer to that.

I dunno. I don''t have any close friends or family who are in the military, so I guess I shouldn''t have an opinion anyhow!
 

musey

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Date: 2/26/2009 6:33:55 PM
Author: doodle
I''m surprised at how many people seem to view wearing dress blues as an attempt to get more attention than the bridal couple.
I think just because it will stand out against all the other men in tuxes/suits.

Also, don''t they have studs and medals and stuff on them as well? That would grab my attention. I like shiney things
 

FrekeChild

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Date: 2/26/2009 7:04:07 PM
Author: musey
Date: 2/26/2009 6:33:55 PM
Author: doodle
I''m surprised at how many people seem to view wearing dress blues as an attempt to get more attention than the bridal couple.
I think just because it will stand out against all the other men in tuxes/suits.

Also, don''t they have studs and medals and stuff on them as well? That would grab my attention. I like shiney things
LMAO!!! Me too!!!!
 

diamondseeker2006

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Date: 2/26/2009 5:34:19 PM
Author: fieryred33143
I haven''t read the other responses.

But as soon as I read your post I thought


It''s great that he served our country. BUT The brother is not the groom. This is not his wedding. This is not his show. If he doesn''t want to be in the wedding because he can''t wear his uniform, then he can sit down.
Ditto. If it was the groom, fine. But all the groomsmen should dress as the couple has chosen. I think it is very selfish of the brother. He can wear his uniform the other 364 days of the year.
 

Izzy03

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I was a military brat, and I would absolutely NOT want one person in my wedding party to wear their dress blues. If the groom is in the service and would wearing his uniform, that would be a different story, but no way if the groom would be a suit or tux.

I understand that the person is doing a noble thing by serving their country (my father served in Desert Storm), but the day is not about that person and their career in the service. Quite frankly, if the bridal party does not specifically ask the person to wear their uniform, then the person just appears to be looking for attention.

Choro72: You JUST reminded me! My parents best friend's son has mentioned that he wanted to wear his dress blues to my wedding, should I ask him not too? By the way, he is one of those people who NEEDS attention all day, every day. You would be appalled at the things he says for attention!
 

honey22

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Ok, I can see different points of view, but how would people feel if I rocked up to a wedding in my lab coat. I am incredibly proud of my job and the work I do (medical research). I go to work everyday to help change the lives of people who are suffering and hopefully help find a cure for cancer and other deadly diseases. That does that give me the right to wear my labcoat when I want to - no it doesn''t. What he does for his day job is irrelevant.
 

doodle

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honey22, I see where you''re coming from, but just to play Devil''s Advocate for a moment, a lab coat never has been considered formal wear, whereas dress blues, when worn with the bow tie, are considered equal in formality to a tuxedo and are not the day-to-day uniform of military personnel but rather are worn specifically for ceremonial functions which deserve the added respect of formal attire. If wearing a lab coat signified that you were showing MORE respect to the couple rather than trying to take away from them, I would agree with you, but the example you gave of a lab coat is more comparable to a soldier asking if it would be acceptable to wear fatigues and combat boots, not dress blues.

As for the shiny things comments from musey and freke, I''m ADD, so I''m totally with you, haha! but i''m also easily distracted by red hair--that doesn''t mean i expected my red-haired bridesmaid to dye hers just because my other girls were brunettes!
 

Guilty Pleasure

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I do not feel that it is appropriate to wear the uniform unless invited to do so. It's actually kind of weird in my opinion to be so insistent of wearing it unless asked to do so. This is not a military ceremony. I have a cousin who's a pilot in the air force (wore his uniform in his wedding), a cousin who was an officer in the Marines (best man at first cousin's wedding and also wore his uniform), and my fiance is a pilot in the Navy. Plus many other friends and retired relatives. Not a single person I know would insist on wearing their uniform unless 1. it was a military function and required to do so or 2. invited to do so by a friend


So while my FI and I will be asking people to wear their uniforms to our wedding, I can't imagine them making a big deal out of not being asked to do so by someone else. It seems kind of immature... like guys who wore their ROTC uniforms to church their first Christmas home after their first semester in college.
 

Deelight

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Date: 2/26/2009 7:43:37 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006
Date: 2/26/2009 5:34:19 PM

Author: fieryred33143

I haven''t read the other responses.


But as soon as I read your post I thought



It''s great that he served our country. BUT The brother is not the groom. This is not his wedding. This is not his show. If he doesn''t want to be in the wedding because he can''t wear his uniform, then he can sit down.
Ditto. If it was the groom, fine. But all the groomsmen should dress as the couple has chosen. I think it is very selfish of the brother. He can wear his uniform the other 364 days of the year.
Agreed
 

Clairitek

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I wrote out a second post for this thread last night and then PS ate it and I had to go home so here it is.

If I were the bride in this case I would definitely want FI''s brother to be in the wedding as intended rather than have perfect photos. I don''t think that I could stomach alienating a close member of the family over something like this.

As I said in my previous post I believe that no one will really be paying all that much attention to anyone else but the bride and groom. I definitely wouldn''t view wearing one''s military uniform when in someone else''s bridal party as an attempt to take attention away from the bride and groom. In fact, I would be honored if someone in my BP was in the military and wanted to wear their dress uniform. It means a lot to them and if they want to show their utmost respect for me and my day by wearing their most fancy uniform I think that is pretty cool.

In the case presented in the OP I definitely thnk the brother is being just as stubborn and selfish as the bride and groom. I would hope that he would also be weighing the pros and cons of sticking to his guns (and insisting on wearing the uniform or bowing out of tbe BP) or giving in to his brother and FSIL''s wishes and wearing the tux as requested.
 

tlh

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THis is what dress blues looks like compared to a tuxedo.

dress blues.JPG
 

Winks_Elf

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If he is still on active, he should be wearing the dress blues.
 
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