Does the biological clock exist?

[allycat0303]

Lately this is my new obsession, and I think it''s worst today because it''s my birthday and I am turning 26

Ok, so basically I''m on school and all my friends are like 20,21, 22 and they ALL want kids. And they find kids really cute. Now the problem is that I want to want to have kids. But I don''t. I feel like there''s something wrong with me.

So my friend said to me yesturday "Oh your turning 26, you clock will start ticking" and then she looked at me and said "oh wait you don''t have a clock"

In Viet culture, this idea of a biological clock doesn''t exist. Most girls are raised knowing that they will have children. My mom goes a little ballistic when she sees how career driven/non maternal I am.

So my question is does the biological clock exist?
AND when will it (or did it) start ticking? (Cause I really want it to start)

I appreciate the feedback because I''m not around many 25 year old + people in daily life.

 

[coda72]

Well, I''m 33, and my clock hasn''t started ticking! I like kids, I think they''re cute, my niece and nephew are adorable, but I just have no desire to have children of my own. I like my freedom too much! Plus my husband really doesn''t want them. I''ve already pretty much decided that if I don''t want to have kids within the next couple of years that I will never have them. I don''t want to be a first time mother at 40+. I know many other people do this, but that''s just not me.

 

[blodthecat]

Hi Ally,

First of all, not everyone has a clock ticking. I personally think if you are meant to have children, then you will. But remember, life is full of choices, and it is perfectly normal for women (after discussion with their partner)to decide not to start a family.

Wouldn''t life be so boaring if we all wanted the same things in life?

However, if you definitely wanted a baby, then the number 35-yrs becomes significant. A womans fertility is said to drop by 50% after 35-yrs. Basically because your eggs are ageing, making conception more difficult and obviously increasing the risk of abnormalities.
And not forgetting that mens sperm count has been decreasing steadily for many years.

But at 26-years old, I don''t think you need to hit the panic button yet!

Blod

 

[Erin]

I''ve always known I want kids. It''s just a matter of when. Without any young siblings, nieces, nephews, friends with kids, etc. I haven''t been around them to even know what it would be like.

Right after I turned 30, being neither married nor engaged, it hit me. For me it was like feeling hungry, or feeling tired - it became a need I wanted to satitate. And just like hunger, if you don''t eat you''re still hungry.

It comes in swells. Only sometimes does seeing a baby or small children trigger this. Like once, I was at the mall and this (good looking of course) guy about 30 looked just like Mark and he was holding a baby less than a year old while Mom was thumbing through a rack. I''d think to myself, I wish that were me. Then it would be on my mind for two or three days.

At the very end of last year I was 8-9 days late. I bought and took a test only for it to come out negative. Even though we are in no position to start a family, I was painfully disappointed.

 

[littlelysser]

I''m 31, and I don''t think I have a clock. Or if I do, its ticking is completely drowned out by the other things in my life. Honestly though, I wasn''t one of those girls who grew up wanting kids...Perhaps in the next few years I will...but just never been something I want. I''m far too lazy and selfish, really. Luckily, my FI feels the same way...so we will likely be kid free...but we love our dogs!!!

 

[Morticia]

I want to have kids, definitely, but like someone else said, it's just a matter of when. I'm just not ready right now, and the fact that I'll be 32 yo in a couple of weeks, isn't making me want them any sooner. I feel like it should but it doesn't at all. I'm not going to pressure myself. When I'm ready, and who knows when that will be, I'll have them (god willing).

I guess I don't really have a clock either. Unlike most of my friends (they are in their 30's too), I just don't want to be pregnant or a mom right now. At all. There is too much I want/need to do.

**ETA** There is nothing wrong with you, AllyCat.

I don't think there is anything wrong with people who want to hold off having kids, or even not have kids at all. Not a thing.

 

[fortheloveofdiamonds]

There''s nothing wrong with you Ally. I''m 28 and I know I want to have kids but I''m in no rush right now. My 26 year old sister is pregnant. I didn''t realize I actually wanted kids until 2 years ago. And I still don''t have any. There''s no such thing as a clock. At some point you''ll know either way. Everyone is different.

 

[lmurden]

I always knew that wanted to have kids but not until I was 30. I knew I wanted to go college, travel, and do what I wanted with out worrying about the kids, but then when I turned 30 I said that I would wait until I was 35 to start having kids for several reason. First, I wasn't married, secondly, I want to be completely settled down and stable, and lastly, I still felt young and wanted to get the most out of life before having kids.

I don't know about a biological clock but I do know that I want to have kids naturally so that means that I only have until 40 so it made me think about the time that I need to have kids. Honestly, I think a lot of women are very career driven and hold off until the very end and end up not being able to have kids naturally so basically it is a choice that one has to make for herself.

 

[aljdewey]

I am blissfully clock-less!

I wanted children when I was younger (in my mid-20s)......in fact, they were more important to me than marriage. But I wasn''t in a position to have them then.

Now, I don''t want them.....for a whole bunch of reasons.

No ticking clock for me.

 

[tiger007g]

Ally - I''m 26, turning 27 this year, and I still don''t have any maternal instincts when it comes to kids. I like other people''s kids, I just don''t feel the need to have my own. Being Chinese, my parents are very good at pulling the guilt-trip on me.

We''ve been married for nearly 5 years. Once we got the dogs, everyone said "First the dogs, then the babies... pets are good practice!" We are definitely crazy-attentive dog parents (our dogs have more stuff than a lot of kids), but I haven''t felt the proverbial biological clock (yet?).

My mother has given up on me and now has resigned herself to asking about my furry "kids" and sending them Christmas presents. She tells her friends that she is a grandmother to 2 dogs. Maybe it will happen for me, but probably not.

Don''t put too much pressure on yourself - there''s a lot of us in the same boat!

 

[Caribou]

Happy Birthday!

I''m 33 and I just started to really want to have kids. When I was in my 20''s I had no desire, they annoyed me, but since I''ve gotten older I''m liking them more. Well honestly, stranger''s kids annoy me but I like my families and friend''s kids.

When I was younger, your age even, I never understood why women would be upset if they couldn''t have children of their own. You can adopt, right? As I get older, or maybe it''s my FI, I realize that I would be upset if I wasn''t able to give him a kid... I have no issues with adopting but I would like to be able to have one child. I mean, I have no idea if I can or can not have my own children but I was thinking the other night how disappointed I would be if I could not have kids.

So I don''t know if I believe in a clock per say I mean, I want kids but won''t start having kids until I''m 37, and I''m cool with that..I''m not in a rush. When I look at kids I think they are cute and can''t wait to have them but I''m not putting that pressure on me or my FI. So is it a clock or just a matter of it being the right time in your life?

 

[AndyRosse]

Ally, just wanted to say "Happy Birthday!!"

 

[allycat0303]

You all are so wonderful. It's so comforting to know that I'm not the only one! I often feel like a bit of an oddball, and girls will look at me and say "Why don't you want children??" I'm always hoping that I change my mind. In my class, 99.9% of the girls I know, have ruled all specialties except for family medicine, and the reason they do that is in Quebec, it's the most flexible/family oriented career choice. And they're young (about 20) so I see that as being really set on having children. Me on the other hand, I'm 26 and eyeing a surgery specialty which will (during residency in Quebec) require about 80 hour work week....so I'm not sure if children will come in...or if I even want them to come in. I want to think children but I keep thinking about my dreams!

But I'm SO GLAD I'm not alone in this one. If the clock exists, may some of us were born without one

Caribou, Rascal: Thanks for the birthday wishes

 

[littlelysser]

Allycat -

I totally forgot to say happy birthday.

SO happy birthday!

And although most of our friends know where my FI and I stand regarding kids, I still get looks from people when I say we don''t want children. Or I''ll get the, "Oh you just wait...you''ll want them eventually." Um, I don''t think so...not on purpose anyway...I guess you just kind of have to get used to it...

And if you decide you do want children...then you''ll do what you need to to get that done. I say go for your dreams now! You are young and have a chance to do something special.


Tiger - My parents call our dogs their "granddogs" and love them to bits and buy them Christmas pressies.

 

[Kaleigh]

Happy birthday Ally!!!!

My clock was ticking early. I had my kids at 26 & 28. Nothing wrong in not wanting kids. But I knew I wanted them and am glad we had them early.

 

[XChick03]

I think it even exists for men. My FI is 6 years older than me and wants kids really bad. He thinks that he'll be too old in 5 or 6 years, which is when I want to have kids.

Happy Birthday!

 

[Caribou]

Date: 3/3/2006 12:14:06 PM
Author: XChick03
I think it even exists for men. My FI is 6 years older than me and wants kids really bad. He thinks that he''ll be too old in 5 or 6 years, which is when I want to have kids.

Happy Birthday!

Tell him to put the breaks on, Motor.

Guys are never too old. My dad was 50 when he had his last kid.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 3/3/2006 8:47:55 AM
Author: littlelysser
I''m far too lazy and selfish, really. Luckily, my FI feels the same way...so we will likely be kid free...but we love our dogs!!!

LMAOROTF!!!!! Sometimes I think we''re related! I feel the SAME way but, at 38, realize it''s kinda "do or die" right now. I wasn''t one of those gals that grew up wanting kids EITHER. But as my sisters start poppin'' ''em out ... and my friends ... and my die-hard-never-have-kids friend (40) is starting to waver, investigating options. Peer pressure I tell ya! But when I think about how it would affect my every day life for the next - uh - ever after.

I kinda want to want a kid. I kinda want one. I know my FI & I would give a child a better life than the majority of situations for kids in the world.

 

[allycat0303]

Kaliegh, Littlelysser, Virginia, XChick: Thanks for the birthday wishes!

XChickX: I didn't know that guys could have biological clocks too....my boy is 27, and he would like to have children, but not any time soon, and even if we didn't he wouldn't mind. He could take it or leave it. I hope his biological clock doesn't start ticking and give something else to obsess about

Littlelysser: That bothers me too, that everyone is SO sure I'm going to change my mind. It puts this pressure on me, to say, "So why haven't I changed my mind yet??" And if I don't, then I've let people down

. But I guess it's a normal assumption. I'm terribly family oriented, but because I'm the oldest everyone agrees that I pretty much raised my brother and sister, so maybe I feel like it's already done in a way. AND WHAT A JOB IT WAS!! You worry, you worry, you cook, you clean and then you cry because of the decisions they make. I've only just recently learnt that their decisions are out of my control. I can't even imagine the agony when it's really you're own children

Decoded: I want to want to have one too!!!! .... I want so many other things to ya know? I don't know if that's selfish, or ambitious or whatever, but it seems SO HARD to raise children. So many places they can go wrong. And it's so funny how sisters can be so different. One time my sister and I talked about not being able to have children and she starting SOBBING at the thought of it. And there I was like, I wouldn't care, I would just adopt at worst. Maybe I'm not really attached to the birthing process

 

[lmurden]

Opps happy birthday!!!

 

[Diam100]

I''m like decodelighted where age is becoming a factor meaning I''m getting way up there and it is a do or die type thing. However, some days I want to & some days I don''t most likely mother nature will make my decision & menapause will hit (lol)..

I''m so nut''s I even think of how a baby would impact by beloved Dog. So I''m off my rocker when I think having kids is becoming a decision based on how my pooches feelings maybe hurt by lack of time for him or having to share. Mostly it seems kids would impact my life too much & I have to admit it''s one life for me to live & I find myself as I get older being incredibly selfish about how I spend it.

 

[monarch64]

Another vote for no clock ticking! Sometimes I think it''s just not part of my biological makeup to want them, (nature) and sometimes I think it''s because I have so many reasons not to have them (nurture/environment). So my husband and I are just totally on the fence about the whole issue, while we have friends who are so GUNG-HO over having babies it''s sometimes a little disgusting. I don''t really worry too much about my clock not ticking...I''ll be 29 in a couple months, but I just feel like if it ticks, it ticks, or not, yanno?

 

[partgypsy]

I think the biological clock exists for some people. I was never a baby person, didn''t go gaga other other people''s kids. But around 34, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Like someone says, it''s like a hunger, or some other biological urge

want to satiate. I would see little kids clothes and get teary eyed, etc, this feeling of longing. Part of it I think has to do with peer stuff, where a number of our friends had kids or were in the process of having kids, so you start to be around that whole environment anyways, and think, this isn''t so bad... That was 4 years ago. My husband and I have a 3 year old, and we both really wanted to stop at one kid because it would be alot easier. I gave away her baby clothes, her accessories, doing everything I could to tell myself this was IT. But that damn clock was still ticking so we have another on the way! This is it though. I''m 38 and 2 is PLENTY.

But, this may not happen to you. I have a friend since highschool and of course talked about whether ever wanted to have kids and I was uncertain and she was no, don''t really feel the need or desire to have kids. I thought it was strange for her to have so much certainty. I''ve lost touch with her (she moved to Switzerland) but last time I talked to her a couple years ago she was married, happily teaching English, hiking and mountain climbing in her spare time, no intention of having kids. She told me she almost feels a sense of guilt, like she should have a kid in case when she can''t have a child she''lll regret it. But she doesn''t think that''s a good enough reason to have one and I agree with her.

 

[princessv]

Happy Birthday allycat!!

I think I''m missing a clock or something. I''m like you...I want to want to have kids but sometimes I feel as if I''m completely missing out on life if I do. My fiance had said when we were first getting serious that he wanted to have kids around 25. Whoa buddy..I definitely put the brakes on that one. (I just turned 23) I think if I wasn''t so career oriented, I''d probably want them more. I also think that if I don''t want them by the time I''m 33 I just won''t have them at all. Btw my guy now says kids after 30 for sure and now, I''m not totally sure he wants them either.

Take your time you got lots more years!

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 3/3/2006 12:35:18 PM
Author: allycat0303
because I''m the oldest everyone agrees that I pretty much raised my brother and sister, so maybe I feel like it''s already done in a way. AND WHAT A JOB IT WAS!! You worry, you worry, you cook, you clean and then you cry because of the decisions they make. I''ve only just recently learnt that their decisions are out of my control.

MEEEEE TOOOO!!!! I think that''s a HUGE part of it. I''m the oldest of SIX! The youngest is graduating college in May. I was WAY too wrapped up in all of their stuff & co-raising them. Starting OVER with a whole new crop NOW, or even just one - leaves me feeling exhausted! Yet I know I can do it. Toughie. I''m kinda waiting out mother nature too ... an oops baby would be well-loved & cared for & a gift from God. I just don''t know if I''m ready to "register" for that gift.

p.s. Happy B-day Ally!!! 26 really is young!!

And sounds cuter than 25 anyway!

 

[GGLW]

Hi Ally, Happy Birthday!
It''s really nice to know I''m not the only one either....I am not ticking at all. I think puppies and other peoples'' babies are cute as long as they aren''t pooping or screaming...but I am not wanting one of my own.
Most of my friends (maybe all of them) are much more maternally inclined than I am. I''m in my late twenties and I am the only one who doesn''t know if I even want kids at all, let alone when I would want them. All my girlfriends either know when and how many they want or are trying to get pregnant right now.
I''m just bummed because there go the days of being able to get together on the spur of the moment without them having to get a babysitter!
Anyway, try not to get caught up in the idea that you have to want them just because everyone else does. If you want one later in life, you''ll figure out a way to make it happen. If not, then that''s absolutely fine too!
Enjoy your b-day!

 

[pearcrazy]

I think you are talking about two different things.

Is there a psychological clock?- maybe, maybe not One of my best friends is 42 Her hubby is 55. They''ve been married 12 years. They have no children and they want no children. She never wanted children. She is perfectly content not being a mother. Me, I wanted to be a mom more than anything else. It was all I could think about at times and I knew my life wouldn''t be complete without it.

Is there a biological clock? Sure there is. A woman is at her most fertile in her early 20''s and by age 27 her fertility starts to gradually decline. Your friends will have their best chance of obtaining a pregnancy and giving birth to a healthy baby right now.

Now whether your psychological clock and biological clock are in tune with each other is an entirely different matter. Having a baby will, as the cliche goes, change your life forever. If you aren''t ready, you aren''t ready.



By the way there is a biological clock for men too and it ticks a lot quicker than doctors previously thought.
http://www.storknet.com/cubbies/preconception/malefertility.htm

 

[XChick03]

Date: 3/3/2006 12:35:18 PM
Author: allycat0303
Kaliegh, Littlelysser, Virginia, XChick: Thanks for the birthday wishes!


XChickX: I didn''t know that guys could have biological clocks too....my boy is 27, and he would like to have children, but not any time soon, and even if we didn''t he wouldn''t mind. He could take it or leave it. I hope his biological clock doesn''t start ticking and give something else to obsess about

I think my guy is just crazy. He''s always wanted kids, now he just wants them sooner. When we first start dating, he''d originally said he wanted to get married in like 3 years and have kids in 5-7, now we''re getting married in a year and a half and he wants kids in like 3 years. I told him he''s just going to have to suck it up.

 

[Mara]

well i was convinced that my clock was broken for most of my life...or that it never existed or something.

i like kids okay, but i am not a REAL fan of children. i've posted in the other DINK threads or do you want kids thread etc etc. we have discussed it but we're not even sure what we want to do. the thought of having a child to care seems nice at times..and others it just seems like a big life change. we're not sure we want to undertake something like that at our age, what about the raising of a child when we'll both be in our 40s etc etc. the thought of just us and a few dogs seems nice too.

we only have 2 married friends and one had a baby 2 years ago and the other had one last year. we always get their pictures, such cute kids. i'm not really a baby or kid person, i also don't know how to be around them and entertain them. i can hold a baby or change a diaper with the best of them thanks to my youngest sister being born when i was 15 (oops!) but in terms of being on their level i totally can't get there. maybe it's something that you really only get with your own kids who knows. my friend who just had a baby 6 months ago is such a good mom but i never could have imagined her with kids.

anyway...i will admit that lately the thought of having kids is more intriguing. not like i want to be pregnant this year or anything insano, but the thought of having a baby with my husband is getting a little more appealing. i wonder if my clock has fixed itself or while i was sleeping one was implanted, probably by Greg! anyway even if we do it, we don't want to for a few more years, traveling is #1 on our list for at least 2 more years, and then we can talk about it. we also don't feel mentally ready anyway to take on such a big decision right now. we want a few more years with just us definitely before we even entertain the thought.

kind of a funny joke but whenever i say 'oh how cute' this baby is or that Greg says 'uh oh i can hear your ovaries clenching'...which is kind of gross but it always cracks me up. he's said that since we met! i was like 'mine don't do that sorry'...but maybe now they are starting.

ETA ally don't worry girl you are only 26! seriously i don't know anyone who wanted kids in their 20's...everyone was too busy setting themselves up, finding a mate, doing this or that...just having fun and enjoying life.

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Date: 3/3/2006 1:35:35 PM
Author: Mara

kind of a funny joke but whenever i say ''oh how cute'' this baby is or that Greg says ''uh oh i can hear your ovaries clenching''...which is kind of gross but it always cracks me up. he''s said that since we met! i was like ''mine don''t do that sorry''...but maybe now they are starting.

I have the opposite saying! Whenever I''m in a situation where kids are running amok, I always say that my ovaries just tied themselves. Or (and this is gross) my husband will say his boys just shrivelled up.