Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

Does He Ever...

Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.

nail_polish

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 4, 2009
Messages
169

Hi Ladies,

Since we''re all in the same boat as L-I-Ws... I am just wondering if your boyfriend''s ever do anything that makes you wonder...

For instance, does he ever ______________ (insert behaviour here) and you think to yourself:

We''re supposed to be getting engaged? Why is he _______________ (insert behaviour here)?

Obviously, I am not talking about huge foundational things.. Just pesky things where you shake your head and wonder whether he is playing with a full deck that night!

I''ll share an example.. The bf and I talk every night before bed. Tuesday night, he left my place late and for the first time, we decided we''d just say goodnight in person. He was supposed to call my res phone if he needed anything but if not, he would just send a text letting me know he got home safe. I leave my cell phone on silent, so this would not disturb me, but be there when I woke up. So.. when the text should have sent at 12, it sent at 4:30am... Apparently, because of lack of signal - it didn''t send... I was worried... Last night, he was out late with a buddy, and when he sent his ''I''m on my way home'' text, it didn''t send right away... And I am just shaking my head going... Here, is the guy who is supposed to be proposing soon and you can''t even check to make sure your texts send?! TWO DAYS IN A ROW... /end vent... :razz:

Anyway, hopefully that helps clarify what I mean.. I''m hoping I''m not the only one on this one... *fingers crossed* Then that means there is something wrong with me! :razz:

 

SailorsSweet<3

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 10, 2008
Messages
723
Dont sweat it! I know with my network I think my texts have sent and sometimes they never get delivered. SO and I have been long distance for two and a half years now and hes on deployment for 7 months. If thats taught me anything its been to appreciate the times we do talk and not to sweat the times we dont get to. We''re getting dropped calls and text messages that dont send ON TOP OF not seeing eachother since the beginning of October. And he can only call/text when hes in port which will end up being for about 20% of the entire 7 months. I''ve taught myself that its nothing to get upset about and its uncontrollable. I know you were just looking for a text to let you know he got back safe and to say goodnight, but if you start doting on the small stuff now its only going to lead to you noticing more small stuff in the future and that could lead to nagging. Just remember the phone is being unpredictable, not your SO.
 

nail_polish

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 4, 2009
Messages
169
Date: 2/5/2009 10:32:25 PM
Author: SailorsSweet<3
Just remember the phone is being unpredictable, not your SO.

Thank you SailorsSweet<3.. that is a really helpful reminder. I really need to work on not ''sweating the small stuff''..! Any tips?
 

BlueSki231

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 21, 2008
Messages
855
Yes, I''ve had those moments where I''ve questioned his behavior like that: "We''re supposed to be getting engaged? Why is he _______________ (insert behaviour here)?"

I can''t think of a specific example right now though (my brain isn''t working), but when/if I think of something I''ll get back to you!!

No one''s perfect and we all do things that are gonna disappoint SOMEONE at some point. It''s impossible NOT to because you can''t control someone else''s emotions or reactions to you. I''m sure my bf has thoughts like that about me when I have my moments. Just know you''re not alone..
 

nail_polish

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 4, 2009
Messages
169
Date: 2/5/2009 10:59:58 PM
Author: Namaste
Just know you''re not alone..
Aw Namaste :) Thank you! That is all I needed to know hehe.

I think you''ve hit the nail on the head! I was thinking about it more and honestly, its a wonder for 2 people to spend as much time together / talk as much as we do to have so few ''glitches''.. I guess that is part of why we''re meant to be. Thanks for the support :)

 

lilylover

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 29, 2008
Messages
311
I know how you feel!

Mine is, "We''re supposed to be getting engaged, why are you spending a thousand dollars on your car?"

But, I am being patient and holding my tongue!
 

sammyj

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
1,247
nail_polish, for one, my BF and I had a similar texting situation a couple of weeks ago. He was out of town hanging out with friends and promised to call to update me on what his plans were for the day/night. Now, I don''t need to keep tabs on him but he promised to call me. Anyway, from 10 to 6 I didn''t hear anything and I thought he''d be coming home for dinner, so I sent him a text. He texted back saying he wasn''t sure what his plans were and he''d get back to me. An hour and a half later, NOTHING. I sent him another text asking if he was alive. At 8 he texted back and said ''Ooops, forgot to press send. We''re just finishing up dinner. Will be home in an hour.'' I was REALLY annoyed at this point and we got into a tiff about it when he got home. So yes, I think he''s a bit of a moron for not knowing how to press send. He''s done this numerous times!! He also used to send texts to the wrong people by mistake (e.g. to me instead of his friends or vice versa)
.

And the one thing he did that made me totally question my BF was about 3.5 years ago, he was over an hour late getting to my place and he never called!!!!! I''m Miss Punctuality and yes, other people can be late 15-20 minutes without a phone call, but ONE HOUR!?!?! Seriously?!?!!? i still bug him about it....
 

SailorsSweet<3

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 10, 2008
Messages
723
Date: 2/5/2009 10:57:58 PM
Author: nail_polish
Date: 2/5/2009 10:32:25 PM

Author: SailorsSweet<3

Just remember the phone is being unpredictable, not your SO.



Thank you SailorsSweet<3.. that is a really helpful reminder. I really need to work on not 'sweating the small stuff'..! Any tips?




Hmm my best advice is if youre waiting for word from him you can still send him a text or two in the mean time. I think you mentioned that you'd gone to sleep and waited to wake up and see the text.. and I"m sure by the morning you were like "AH! WHERE IS HE?"
But if you havent heard from him all day and youre, lets say, in the car and a song comes on that he always gets stuck in his head- shoot him a text and say "so and so's on the radio and you can out sing them anyday". It lets him know youre thinking about him; especially if he hasnt realized that you havent heard from him yet. In a way, youre helping him to help you.


On not sweating the small stuff in general, just remember that things will never be 100% perfect, they'll always be something about your relationship that could be better or could use some attention. That doesnt mean things aren't as good that means they're just as they're supposed to be. In the time it would take you to worry about one thing and confront him about it you two could skip all that and spend time enjoying one another's company and just moving past the little bumps. At first it will take self control but once you've got the hang of it you'll barely realize you taught yourself not to worry as much.
 

tlh

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 31, 2008
Messages
4,511
HAHA!!! That is the controlling part of you! I am serious. (I do the same thing, but I've trained my DH well.) I'll just speak from my experiences. I'd be like let me know when you get home, otherwise I'll worry. When he didn't, he got drunk, passed out and forgot, I'd be like, I worried all night long. I didn't actually, I totally slept like a baby.
But really I was trying to send him the signal, that when he WOULD call... I'd be "sleeping" so he'd get in his head, that hmm... maybe he is out a little too late w/ his friends and maybe he needs to not be such a kid and grow up a little.

They learn. Just like a puppy. A LOT OF POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT. So when my man would come home early, he'd get some l
vin'... if he didn't. Nothin. Well, then I used variable reinforcement... so he wouldnt get it EVERYTIME... but sometimes. This worked wonders.

Now that we are married do you know what else my DH does for me (yes I am bragging) the laundry, the cooking, the dishes, the vaccuming, he takes the dogs out and picks up their droppings, I could go on and on. He does these things dispite working FT and going to school FT. I'm GOOOOOD.
It is ALL about the delivery. I keep telling him, I'll do these things if I was a stay at home mom... but you make me work. How do I get out of these things?
You wear more clothes than I do. Why should I wash all your clothes? Is it really that much harder just to throw my things in there?
I dont eat much, I just pull of a lid, lick the top, and I could reuse the spoon. You make 3 course meals! Why would I do the dishes? (When he is cooking, I make him think I lack in nutrition, so he makes my meals for me!)
It was your idea to get a dog that sheds so much, and YOU'Re the one thats allergic. I dont want to vacuum.
I can't take the dogs out at night! There have been rapes reported in this area! You don't want me to get RAPED do you?
Yup. I think I might be the devil incarnate.


So... his text message thing was just an error on his part. But you gotta work your end, it will pay in dividends. Worst case scenario, you can tell him about the crazy lady who makes her DH a slave... and is soo ungrateful, and make all that you do seem soo much better compared to me.
 

WistfulAurora

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 26, 2009
Messages
119
Date: 2/5/2009 11:32:58 PM
Author: lilylover
I know how you feel!

Mine is, ''We''re supposed to be getting engaged, why are you spending a thousand dollars on your car?''

But, I am being patient and holding my tongue!
I have a LOT of moments like lilylover... You have money to get ______(insert item), but my finger is cold and needing some diamond warmth!!!

And every time he behaves "badly" I try to think of the last time I was behaving "badly" and give him a break. He never really gets on my case about being irritable or doing something stupid so I try not to get on his. (Key word is try.)
 

nail_polish

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 4, 2009
Messages
169
Oh, ladies.. I told myself that all I would do today is prepare for my interview for the Masters program of my dreams tomorrow... But I couldn't help but log on! I am already addicted.. :razz:

lilylover
That's so cute. I would go crazy if it was money related! I am so frugal.. and glad that we have similar spending habits.. Although, he is not as cheap as me.. so its a good thing buying the ring was HIS responsibility ;-)

sammyj
It is totally helpful to hear similar texting situations! Makes me feel like less of a control freak! I hear you though, I don't like to keep tabs either but when he says he will, I think he should. I guess, if we asked, they probably would be more inclined to obey? But if its on their own accord, it seems they get distracted!

SailorsSweet<3
Honestly, its like this board reads my mind.. Just recently, my mom and I had a huge talk about how it has been a big realization for me throughout my relationship with my boyfriend to learn that good relationships take work.. I know, it sounds so simple. But for some reason, growing up, I thought that if you fought/anything came up/etc. then he wasn't 'the one'... Now, I know that you will fight / get on each other's nerves here and there/etc. and you can still love each other. And even better, he can still be 'the one' :) Anyways, thanks for the tips.. They are helpful! I need to work harder on worrying less!

tlh
Your post just made me crack up! I will have to tell him about you :razz: If all else fails, I may exaggerate things to make myself look like a martyr :razz: Haha! Really though, you bring up a good point.. some times things are as simple as using positive reinforcement.. :) Thanks for the tips ;-)

WistfulAurora
Ha ha ha ha.. I like that line! I may have to use it... 'Hey, honey... my finger is cold and needing some diamond warmth!" :) :)
 

tlh

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 31, 2008
Messages
4,511
That''s true... grass is always greener works BOTH ways!
 

Smurfysmiles

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2007
Messages
3,938
lol we are engaged but the one thing that drives me crazy is that he puts ketchup on EVERYTHING!
i mean come on, its not even that great!!!

pretty soon we will have to start buying in bulk, we go through over a bottle each week, more than milk!!! lol
 

Cosmo_Gal

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jun 26, 2008
Messages
113
I''m terrible with sweating the small stuff, I wish it didn''t bother me so much. An example, SO wants to purchase a big ticket item for himself today. I mean, he deserves it..he''s almost done paying off his car and he''s got a lot of money saved in the bank. I guess the selfish part of me wants him to think about the future and what type of purchases are in our future, such as a house and an enagagement ring which of course is followed by a wedding. My worries come from the fact that he said the interest rate is very high and the payments will be pretty large. He''s going to spending about $10,000 on his boy toy. The mention of the fact that I think he''s crazy was met with quite a defense which ended up in the discussion of whether or not I should be expecting an engagement ring anytime soon. I get so excited thinking about being engaged to him, but maybe a little TOO excited. I try not to mention it, but I find myself feeling quite sad thinking that according to him we should have been engaged. He says the reason we''re not is because I''m unstable and he''s not sure he can "deal" with that for the rest of his life. Mind you, this is after our "I love you so much, you''re the one for me" discussion several hours earlier. So, this sort of behavior makes me wonder why he''s acting this way if he SAYS he wants to be married to me and wants to be with me forever. Boys are so confusing. It''s like he''s holding it over my head, and he knows its killing me. Doesn''t he know that meeting the person of your dreams, getting engaged, married and having perfect children is what most little girl''s dreams are made of? You don''t toy with those emotions.
 

ckrickett

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 26, 2008
Messages
5,348
My bf does alot of questionable behavior. Like fighting with me over glue...

but we are both super stubborn so we are used to it. Still I''m always wondering why he likes to nag, worse then my mom!
 

nail_polish

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 4, 2009
Messages
169

Ah! I am so glad I am not alone!

I mean, I love him to pieces, but sometimes... It just boggles my mind!

Smurfysmiles
I looooaaaaaathhheeee ketchup with a passion... So this, unfortunately would not be something I could live with :razz: Kudos to you though for putting up with that haha! :razz:

Cosmo_Gal
Aw.. that''s not really fair to you.. I hope things turn out better for you!

ckrickett
That made me chuckle.. glue.. heh.. honestly, that is like us... Sometimes, its just like

 
Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
Be a part of the community It's free, join today!
    What is White Gold?
    What is White Gold?
    Push Present: Engagement Ring Upgrade
    Push Present: Engagement Ring Upgrade
    20th Anniversary Upgrade
    20th Anniversary Upgrade

Need Something Special?

Get a quote from multiple trusted and vetted jewelers.

Holloway Cut Advisor



Diamond Eye Candy

Click to view full-size image.

New posts

Top