Do your kids forget it’s your birthday?

[Beautiful-disaster]

So my 16yr old has no idea it’s my birthday. When I was growing up my dad would give us some money and send us to the markets to gets a present and a card for my mum. The idea that we would *forget* was never a thing.
Now days we don’t make big deals about birthdays (other then my Miss 15). Both my parents have passed away so I don’t get to hear from them anymore.
my husband will say HappyBirthday beige he leaves for work and then try and get me to buy something for myself online (sigh)....
but my daughter forgets every year.
I have tried saying things to her like *Its very important you remember the birthdays of the people you love because imagine what it would be like if everyone forgot yours?* - and things to that effect. I even went so far as last year to tell my partner he is supposed to remind her and help her get a gift together.

But here we are again another year later and she is oblivious.
I can’t bring myself to tell her.
Despite being a teenager she is actually super kind and considerate - so she will be upset if she knows I’m sad about it.

I figure - get over it .. it’s just another year but there is a part of me that is just deeply sad.
I don’t have family to visit (my sister and her kids are in Brisbane) and I have no work to distract me.
She didn’t even ask why I didn’t wake her up for school this morning.

Do I wait for her to realise?- which may not actually happen as we won’t be going out to dinner or gifts or anything which would normally trigger her in....

Or do I ask her if she forgot something until she works it out?
Also not fail proof.

Or do I just blaze right over it and say *It’s my birthday today* and just go and get something for myself? (Still undecided if I should take her or not).


* sigh*
geez if she is forgetting me now - what hope do I have when I’m much older and she doesn’t live at home anymore?

Maybe I should of just simply asked for the best cure for sadness?

 

[seaurchin]

Honestly, I'd just say it's your birthday to her right now, then suggest she take you out for ice cream or other "remedy," and enjoy.

I don't let things like this be a "thing," as you seem to agree, but instead usually remind them or have my husband do it. (It does get on my nerves though!)

Because sometimes kids are just stupid. LOL. I'm sure they'll all do much better in the future. It just might take another fifteen years or so!

By the way, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

 

[missy]

Happy birthday! I agree with @seaurchin. Tell her now so she doesn’t get even more upset when she realizes tomorrow/next week/next month. Don’t let it get to that point so it doesn’t hold extra weight.

And yeah have someone remind her next year. That’s the best way to do it so she doesn’t forget again. Some people just don’t have a good memory for birthdays. Maybe program it into her phone?

Happy birthday and hugs. ❤

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Even the best kids tend to be “in their own world” I would just say something like “let’s go out for ice cream to celebrate my birthday” you know, very casual. Then make her pay

just kidding on that last part

Happy Birthday!!

 

[123ducklings]

Happy birthday! I agree with seaurchin:

Honestly, I'd just say it's your birthday to her right now, then suggest she take you out for ice cream or other "remedy," and enjoy.

It sounds like your daughter is making an honest oversight rather than being malicious. I hope the rest of your day is better!

 

[stracci2000]

Happy Birthday! I'm sorry your people don't remember your birthday.
@Beautiful-disaster.... Tell your kid right now.
Say, "I waited all day for you to remember, but you didn't. So I"m telling you now."

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

I forget everyone's BD except my Mothers. I also forget my anniversary. My DH remembers but my son doesn't. I guess he get that from me. LOL

Happy belated BD!

cheers--Sharon

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Happy Birthday! We keep a giant wall calendar in the hall with all important dates/appointments/whatever on it and go over it basically once a week as a family so we're on the "same page". Let them know and have some fun!

 

[Big Fat Facets]

Happy Birthday @Beautiful-disaster !!!

im very sorry your daughter didnt remember your birthday. i can see how that would make you feel sad. some people, especially adolescents, get very wrapped up in their own world, leaving very little for anything or anyone else. it might be just a stage they are going through.

let her know. then do something fun for yourself

 

[Ionysis]

We plan birthday stuff in advance e.g. what favourite meal do you want for your birthday, what shall we do for dads birthday on Wednesday, tomorrow morning I want breakfast in bed and ten kisses for my birthday etc so the children don’t forget.

expecting a teenager to remember a birthday out of the blue is asking a lot. Most times they barely know the day of the week.

I actually find it quite passive aggressive that someone would stay silent and hold a grudge because their birthday was forgotten. It’s exactly the kind of thing my mother would do - and did do when I was a teen.

She was at bottom angry at my father for not reminding me and having helped me arrange stuff - because they had a terrible relationship and she resented him for many reasons. But I was the one who got the sulks and “woe is me nobody loves me” PA on it because of her emotional baggage.

Please don’t do that to your daughter. She won’t forget it.

 

[Ionysis]

Happy Birthday! I'm sorry your people don't remember your birthday.
@Beautiful-disaster.... Tell your kid right now.
Say, "I waited all day for you to remember, but you didn't. So I"m telling you now."

Please DONT say this to your daughter. Just say “I thought we would go out tonight and get dressed up as you know ITS MY BIRTHDAY you clutz!” And make a joke out of it. Next year don’t make remembering your birthday a test of whether your kid loves you enough and just talk about it plenty in the lead up.

 

[Musia]

Happy Birthday! Mine for sure will fail this year, my birthday is 3 days away and no one does anything. Husband also won't remember but since I want my 1/2 bottle of champagne, I am going to remind him about my BD tomorrow before he goes to the grocery store.

 

[jeweln]

My birthday was a few days ago .I reminded my family a week before . Usually my husband just says Happy Birthday before going to work ,and my kids get me cards/cake . This year , everyone seemed busy with school and no one remembered .I felt sad and depressed all day while running around doing chores , even shed a few tears by mid afternoon .
When I was finally home , my kids surprised me with a cake & roses and homemade cards ! They were waiting for their school day to end to have the party . I felt so happy & relieved that they didnt forget .

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

Happy Birthday!!!

I would just announce it is your birthday and jostle her to celebrate with you.

Next year swan around months before and remind everyone what you intend to do on your birthday. That's what I do with my lot. They get plenty of warnings in advance for birthdays and Mother's day and I set the expectation of what I want.

Likewise I also ask them months in advance what they would like from presents to cakes etc

 

[Beautiful-disaster]

Thanks everyone.
I did tell her.... I just casually mentioned it. *I don’t want you to feel bad later so I’m just letting you know it’s my birthday today* with a smile. I do love her to death and she totally means well all the time. Still she needs to know it matters because it would be the end of the world if it happens to her .... and I’m trying to raise a good person here.

I would like to think there are secret cards, cake and presents waiting for me but after 24yrs with my partner I know better.
I wasn’t staying quiet to be passive aggressive - I really am uncomfortable with making anything about me. I regularly struggle on my own rather then ask for help and feel genuinely uncomfortable telling someone it’s my birthday (I feel it looks like I want attention).
This is one of the reasons I never had a wedding.
I was being quiet because I honestly want it not to matter. I want to be that great person who honestly doesn’t care - but deep down I was still sad.

My partner had parents who never threw him a birthday party or bought him lovely gifts.
He is the type to drive me to Chemist warehouse and tell me to buy skin care or perfume because I never buy anything for myself.

He offered to buy me some jewellery a couple of days ago in an auction and told me to pick something but I felt uncomfortable spending large sums of money on myself (or any suns of money really).

I asked both my sister and my husband to remind her but both of them have forgotten.

I struggle a bit with depression and anxiety so it’s actually really hard for me to get us both out of here and do something nice together - plus husband has the car.
I’m tossing up between having a rest because I have problems sleeping so a daily nap stops me hitting a wall early.
Browsing jewlery to buy - anyone want to sell me something? (under $1000 Aussie because I don’t want to pay border tax) - lol - or even better of your over here and selling please link me to your luope troupe listing or what have you.

Or heading out (it’s a bit chilly today) and heading to a cafe so they can feed me - wish I had the forethought to book a spa day or a massage or some.

Thanks for the pep talk everyone.
I know it sounds stupid saying my teenager forgot but she is an only child and we are best mates. (Yes I know your not suppose to be friends with your kid but we are just super close)..... and she remembered two of her friends birthdays last week that I had to pay for presents for - lmao

 

[Big Fat Facets]

be kind and gentle to yourself. sensitive people with tender feelings, struggle sometimes. it is alright. the sad feelings are temporary, even if it doesn't feel that way

adolescents can be self absorbed. it's a phase. she will grow out of it. awareness takes time and life experience to develop

why not book that massage at the spa for yourself as an after birthday treat!?!

 

[LemonMoonLex]

To be honest I don't ever expect my child to remember my bday & actually do something themselves for it and be capable of it until they're out of college & settled. I understand that I'm probably in the minority here but I only see the duty that a mother has to her daughter & not the duty that a daughter has to her mother. I'm glad it all turned out well though! Try not to stew on the little things & PLEASE do go buy yourself something nice online when your husband offers it.

 

[Beautiful-disaster]

To be honest I don't ever expect my child to remember my bday & actually do something themselves for it and be capable of it until they're out of college & settled. I understand that I'm probably in the minority here but I only see the duty that a mother has to her daughter & not the duty that a daughter has to her mother. I'm glad it all turned out well though! Try not to stew on the little things & PLEASE do go buy yourself something nice online when your husband offers it.

I fully get this.
I guess I just was never allowed to forget - I blame my husband more then her. Lmao
Truth is - I am loved and I know it. If there was something I really wanted - I could have it. I’m super lucky and get gifts all the time for no reason at all.
Even the wonderful Vietnamese lady in the bakery loves me and gives me free cakes and donuts everyday (I secretly think she is trying to fatten me up! Hahahaha)
It’s definitely all in your perspective! X

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Happy birthday @Beautiful-disaster
I hope your day has taken a turn for the better

 

[Begonia]

That's it, I'm coming over and we're heading out for some food and fun (socially distanced of course).
Then I will gently guilt the whole lot of them so This. Never. Happens. Again.
Happy Birthday girl!!!

 

[jaysonsmom]

@Beautiful-disaster , happy happy birthday!!!!! Hope everyone made up for this by the time I post this!

My teens (18&16) are self absorbed and never remember my birthday, Mother’s Day our wedding anniversary. All they care about is their birthdays. Luckily my husband is sensitive and sentimental and always remembers birthdays. He buys my gift, arranges dinner date and just has kids sign the card!

Missing my birthday, or our anniversary, Christmas doesn’t bother me. I just get a little said that my husband buys a Mother’s Day card+gift for me....but I’m NOT his Mom!

 

[nala]

My DD remembers to say happy birthday but is very low key about gift giving—and that bothers me. I think I have failed in raising her In the generosity department, despite the fact that Model generosity for her. She is 22 and has yet to give me a substantial gift. This is an only kid—whose bday I have always celebrated with generosity. Sigh. So maybe I spoiled her? Or maybe I taught her the value of money, lol.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

My dad used to give us money to buy something for mum's birthday
We would also make breakfast in bed and try to make a cake

once i started work at 18 i always brought my immediate family nice gifts

No one told me i had to although i was rather shocked when mum told me i had to start buying my own gift for cousin's 21st and weddings
My sister always gave me nice gifts when she was still in high school and she always got mum and dad nice gifts
nice does not have to be exspensive just thoughtful

Maybe some kids - no matter how nice they are - need expeditions spelled out to them

I remember my mum never wanted a mother's day gift because one year when her and her 2 brothers were all grown up and married and they forgot her mother on mother's day and my grandma got upset (back in the 60s) but my mum always got breakfast in bed on mother's day and a flower from the garden and then when i went to work i started buying small presents on mother's day

 

[dk168]

I don't forget my own birthday, and I always treat myself to a nice meal as well as a present.

Not many people know my birthday, and I am not bothered if they forget as I don't celebrate it with anyone except for the big ones by having a party.

And Happy Birthday to the OP.

DK

 

[Ionysis]

Sounds like your gentle and retiring nature is working against you in the gift and treats department!

I probably feel slightly guilty myself as I am TERRIBLE with remembering Dates and birthdays (my mother still messages to remind me about family birthdays and I’m 42!). I even had my husband add the date of our wedding anniversary to one of his tattoos (Ex navy) purely so *I* wouldn’t forget it.

I hope you have a lovely day and celebrate later as a family - in or out.

 

[dk168]

I set reminders on my mobile/cell phone for important dates.

DK

 

[missy]

I know it sounds stupid saying my teenager forgot but she is an only child and we are best mates.

That doesn't sound stupid at all. I think that is amazing!

I was being quiet because I honestly want it not to matter. I want to be that great person who honestly doesn’t care - but deep down I was still sad.

I don't think wanting people to acknowledge one's birthday makes them a not great person. Not at all. You deserve to have your loved ones celebrate the day you were born. And how lucky all your family and friends are that you are here with them.

So go ahead and do whatever you will enjoy. Celebrate or just have a quiet day at home. It's up to you and should be your decision. There is no right or wrong here. It's what makes you happy. You are a great person whether or not you celebrate your birthday and wanting to have a little special something on that day does nothing to take that away. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about wanting a happy birthday!

I'll check out loupe troop and other avenues if you can tell me what genre to look for...earrings,necklace, ring, bracelet, etc..and what metals you prefer and antique or modern?

And once again:





and because I cannot decide I am giving you 2 cards. Hope you don't mind.

 

[missy]

Maybe I should of just simply asked for the best cure for sadness?

Sorry, me again. Just re read your original post and want to say, IMO, the best way to deal with being sad is asking those you love for what you need and want. In whatever way you need to. People cannot read our minds no matter how many clues we give them at times. We all know this but we also all forget this at times. Even my wonderful DH who is thoughtful and caring and generous cannot read my mind and occasionally due to miscommunication (since he cannot read my mind and I cannot read his) snafus happen. All easily cleared up when we clearly communicate our needs.

And IMO that is the best cure for what is making you sad reading this thread. Clearly and kindly communicate and let your loved ones, your DD, know what you need from them in order to feel better. That doesn't make you a bad person. That makes you a very wise person IMO.

Communication is key in all healthy relationships.

(((Hugs))).

 

[xxxxxx]

I‘m 25 and would never forget my parents birthday. But I don’t get presents from them on my birthday so I mostly don’t gift them anything either (anything Ive gotten them was a waste of money, as they never really use it).
If I don’t see them on their birthday I always call them and wish them a happy birthday.
I find it odd that a Teenager would forget their parents birthday. Don’t they have a calendar for school? I always put my family’s birthdays in my calendar.


When I was still living with them at home, it was expected that we would make a big deal out of our moms birthday. So the day before we got flowers, made cards and made breakfast on the birthday morning.
My dad never cared for his birthday.

I‘m happy when everybody forgets my birthday as I don’t like being the center of attention and I hated my birthdays as a child as my mother would only gift me things she liked or found appropriate.

I would talk to your daughter openly that it’s important to you that she remembers your birthday. If she can read a calendar there isn’t any reason why she shouldn’t be able to remember it next year (:


Happy Birthday to you!!!

 

[Bron357]

Happy Birthday @Beautiful-disaster.
I too have just the one, DD is now 19.
In this household only one person remembers EVERYONES birthday and that is me. I am responsible for all present buying, including my own, because I’m the only one bothered.
My MIL adores me, before me she never got a present off anyone in her family. Her DH, her DD and her DS (my DH) never bothered and now at least twice a year she gets a wonderful, well thought of, well considered present. She also gets Mothers Day flowers - a first for her.
I don’t fret about it, it matters to me and so I make an effort. I Know that my DH or DD still love me but they don’t place the same emphasis on special events, birthdays, Christmas etc as I do.
Beside, I buy myself the BEST presents!
And I have a great cure for sadness, come on over (I’m in Croydon) and you can play with my pretties and microscope.