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Do your kids forget it’s your birthday?

kipari

Ideal_Rock
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Jan 9, 2015
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A happy and wonderful birthday to you, @Beautiful-disaster !!!

Disclaimer: I'm from a different country (different approach to parenthood) AND I'm a bit grumpy because I have a lot of contact with kids around 18-20.

I am shocked to see how self absorbed they are.

If it's important to YOU, your DD can make an effort to remember. If she doesn't have a phone, I congratulate you.

If she has, she's using it for freakin EVERYTHING. She's already looked around it about 1000000 times today only. It's not asked too much to set a reminder in the calendar.

I'm not convinced the new way of just sheltering teenagers from EVERYTHING is actually good for THEM. It's sure not good for the rest of our society either.
There's a difference between "I don't care about birthdays" and "MY birthday is important, but others, not so much".

Birthdays were big in my family. So they used to be important to me. DH doesn't care. At first I was a bit disappointed (he never forgot, though... Just not the big brouhaha I was used to).

Here comes the important point: he a) made an effort for me, because I cared and b) he's consistent. He truly doesn't want anything for his OWN birthday.
So we meet in the middle for both days, have a cake, a lunch or dinner out and a small present or not. Kids will make me cards etc...

If you care about the birthday celebration for yourself, but forget your mother's, I'm not impressed.
 
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junebug17

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@Beautiful-disaster, aw, I'm sorry you felt hurt and sad on your birthday! I think it's common for teenagers to forget things like this. My older sister would remind me when I was a teen.

That said, if you are feeling upset by it would be ok to let your dd know...I understand what you're saying, I don't like making my kids feel bad. There are times I think I try to protect them too much though. Your dd will continue with the same behavior because she doesn't realize how much it bothers you. It's ok to let someone know how you are feeling.

I might have missed it...does she have a phone with reminders on it? Maybe you could just say to her "It would mean a lot to me for you to remember my birthday" and suggest she put a reminder in her phone? I set reminders all the time and it's a big help.

Sending you lots of Happy Birthday wishes!!!

ETA - or maybe you could enlist your husband and he could mention the reminder to her? This way you are taken out of the equation.
 
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lyra

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Jul 13, 2007
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Happy Birthday @Beautiful-disaster !

My kids can't really forget my birthday because it falls on or within a day or 2 of Mother's Day. I don't want presents. If you asked my DH when my birthday is, he'd fumble, lol.

You could just be more open and plan something and tell the kids that say you want to go to lunch with them or something like that. Or come over for cake. Downplay it. Kids shouldn't feel guilty IMO. My kids are much older. We really only do dinner and dessert.
 

marymm

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If your daughter forgets all dates that are important (like her friends' birthdays, concerts, whatever), then the fact she doesn't remember your birthday is easily understood. If she remembers dates important to *her* but not your birthday, that is something else again (in my mind).

So, for your daughter, if she doesn't remember any dates ever, then give her one reminder a week beforehand, and then on your birthday you can tell her when you first see her "oh, fun, it is my birthday today, yay!"

If she remembers dates she considers important to her, but not your birthday, I'd not bother with reminders or announcements, and let the chips fall where they may (i.e., no present, she feels "sad" for not remembering, whatever).

Disclosure: not a parent.
 

redwood66

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Aug 22, 2012
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Gosh I feel for you @Beautiful-disaster. My family was the guilt type and I should have gotten a t-shirt for it. So I have always made it a point to remember to call and send a card to mom, dad, grandma. I didn't want to do to my boys what was done to me. My sons call pretty often when in the states to say hi and check in on us. The one is particularly funny because he always says he needs to make sure I'm alright. LOL not sure if he thinks I have one foot in the grave or something. Remembering birthdays is hit or miss though and I try to remind them of DH's, he tries to remind them of mine too. I know they love me despite this. I have forgotten my anniversary a time or two.
 

Daisys and Diamonds

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As kids once we doing out mum sheared a birthdat with Hitler there was no way we would ever forget !

We can't afford to do presents much right now and we don't really need much but Gary and i always remember each other's birthday
if he gets up in the wee small hours to go to the loo he will say happy birthday even if its 1am on my birthday
He will buy tea (dinner) or lunch
 

monarch64

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Aug 12, 2005
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Happy birthday @Beautiful-disaster !

I think that since you and your daughter have such a close bond it isn’t that big of a deal in the grand scheme. You have a good relationship. If your needs aren’t being met and you want more attention on your bday, then assert yourself and ask for that. You expressed in an earlier post that you have a hard time asking for help. I get it, I’m the same way. I’ve had to learn over the years to verbalize my needs and ask for exactly what I want. No one is a mind reader.
Wishing you the best!
 

seaurchin

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Nov 2, 2012
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It might be a good time to advise the daughter to load all of the family's important days on her phone app or whatever, for future reminders.

I also agree with those who said sometimes NOT being spared from the natural consequence of their thoughtlessness (facing the loved one's disappointment) is the best way for kids to learn more consideration for others, especially for repeat offenders. Personally, I just didn't want Beautiful-disaster to have her birthday spoiled over it. :)
 

Big Fat Facets

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It might be a good time to advise the daughter to load all of the family's important days on her phone app or whatever, for future reminders.

I also agree with those who said sometimes NOT being spared from the natural consequence of their thoughtlessness (facing the loved one's disappointment) is the best way for kids to learn more consideration for others, especially for repeat offenders. Personally, I just didn't want Beautiful-disaster to have her birthday spoiled over it. :)
yes, i agree with you. since @Beautiful-disaster sounded so sad and low, i didn't want her to wallow in it any longer. and thought better to express to her dear daughter that it was her birthday.

i wonder though, if it might be alright to accept dear daughter and dear husband for where they are at ... with birthdays and who they are. it doesn't mean they wont evolve, overtime.

of course, it is nice to have a fuss made over us on our birthdays! but i feel some people are just not made that way. it doesn't mean they love us any less

what's most important is how we choose to celebrate and honor ourselves on our birthdays.
 

MamaBee

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Mar 31, 2018
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Happy Birthday @Beautiful-disasterI’m sorry your daughter forgot your birthday. It would hurt me too. I don’t think it’s personal. They are young and thinking about themselves most of the time. I like the suggestion that someone made about asking her to go out for ice cream to celebrate your birthday. Make it fun...not a guilt trip. Spend quality time with her and let her know that it made it a wonderful birthday for you. It may take a few times for her to do something on her own but it could be something you do every birthday....a new tradition...
 

redwood66

Ideal_Rock
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Aug 22, 2012
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As kids once we doing out mum sheared a birthdat with Hitler there was no way we would ever forget !

We can't afford to do presents much right now and we don't really need much but Gary and i always remember each other's birthday
if he gets up in the wee small hours to go to the loo he will say happy birthday even if its 1am on my birthday
He will buy tea (dinner) or lunch
LOL! My b-day is the day after Hitler's and the same day as HM Queen Elizabeth, and my great grandmother's. It doesn't help.


I forgot to say happy Birthday @Beautiful-disaster! :lol:
 

GliderPoss

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Sep 25, 2008
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Happy Birthday to you! :dance:

Genuinely shocked anyone would forget their parents birthday :shock: We definitely make a fairly big deal, always send a nice thoughtful present & card, a phone call on the day and I'd expect Dad to book a fancy dinner or something for Mum as well. I agree with the others - no one is a mind reader - TELL THEM WHAT YOU WANT NOW! Set expectations and let them know it hurts you when no one cares. :naughty:
 

LLJsmom

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Oct 24, 2012
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10,070
I have forgotten my own birthday and have forgotten my parents’ and my kids’. And I think also husband’s. I plan for them but I can forget about it when the day arrives. Hmmmm. Weird. No one makes a big deal about it, except my mom. :lol:
and yes if my husband didn’t remind the kids they would not remember my birthday. If I happen to care that year I will tell them. And get myself something very nice. And if I don’t care, I will still get myself something very nice, if I remember. And my parents have forgotten mine. I didn’t really care.
 
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