Do you wish you were younger?

[Dancing Fire]

I'm pretty content at 54. Would love my 20's body back and would love to stop the clock now.

I'll go for that...

 

[Smith1942]

Yes. I'm 33 and I'm running out of time to have kids. But I am enjoying my kid free life with my husband so much, I wish we were 10 years younger and had more time to just be a couple!

Other than that, I'm happy being 33 (I look younger, no wrinkles, no grey hair, boobs still perky, what's not to love? )

Oh Rosetta, you sound worried - but you aren't running out of time to have children at 33! Do you know how many career women I know in central Boston who have conceived naturally at 36-42 and had healthy babies? Lots!

The media has been on women's cases for years now, frightening everyone, and yes I know about Down's syndrome post-35 but they don't tell you that the risk in the first place is minuscule, so the leap translates into a tiny, tiny number of extra cases. The biggest risk you would ever face is 5 per cent, and that's a woman aged around 43 reproducing with a man past 50.

You should check out the BESH threads on Mumset. BESH stands for Barren Evil Selfish Hag, for daring to want babies a little later in life. And then, when you do get pregnant, you're a PESH (Pregnant Evil Selfish Hag.) It's a response to all the Daily Mail's scare-mongering.

As a whole, humans hate women who want babies later - or not at all - because they're a threat to the tribe. It's extremely primitive. You wouldn't believe the scorn and hatred that has been directed at my friends who never want kids - and the way my parents talk about my best friend, who has zero interest in marriage and children, is just appalling. Oh, she's never grown up, according to them, despite the fact that she holds down a tough job in London, is 38, owns her own flat and car and has been in a relationship for many years. All because she hasn't reproduced, they laugh at her behind her back, insult her to me, refuse to take her seriously, and talk about her as if she's still ten years old. So tune out all the politics and chatter and media scare stories, and don't feel pressured into having kids before you want them. Especially not at the relatively young age of 33!

Check out this thread, with all the women getting pregnant later. http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/2368-getting-pregnant-in-late-30s/AllOnOnePage

Someone from Mumsnet made the Observer publish a correction - that the real fertility drop between 25 and 40 was actually 27% and that women at 40 still have a 70% chance of getting pregnant in a year of trying.

I'm not saying that everyone at 38-41 can pop out a healthy baby, but of those that can't, don't forget that a number of those would always have had problems.

Don't forget, also, that the majority of women are not trying post 35. If all women suddenly made a group effort to conceive at 38-40, I think a great number of babies would appear. As they did in days of yore when women reproduced until menopause.

We've all been frightened to death into thinking we're running out of time at 33 and it just isn't necessarily true. Don't underestimate the powerful motivation that some religious people have to push babies on everyone as soon as possible, such as my crazy Christian-right parents.

Anytime you want more medical advice from me, Rosetta, I'm here!

 

[Smith1942]

Rosetta, here's the quote from that thread about the Observer correction. Scroll down, it's from a poster called Aloha:

"Yes, the statistics in those articles ARE wrong. Very wrong. The true facts are, up to the age of 34, you have a 90% chance of conceiving in one year (even higher in early 20s). From 34 to age 40 there is a slow decline to 67% chance of conceiving in one year. After that, your chances do drop dramatically, but even 45year olds have a 15% pregnancy rate in any one year. So the drop between 34 and 40 is a mere 23% - not halved. I researched this and actually got the Observer to publish a correction to their feature. Pity none of the journalists used their common sense and checked the figures themselves. The Observer actually said that 40-year-olds had a 2% chance of getting pregnant. Common sense and a look around you would have suggested that definitely wasn't true. I suggest women complain to the newspapers involved - they are peddling lies and causing a lot of upset."

 

[tyty333]

I voted yes. I didn't have my kids until I was older so for their sake I wish I was maybe 5 to 8 years younger.
I like myself how I am though (I've finally figured myself out).

Edit - I had a baby at 39 and 42.

 

[Kelinas]

As a whole, humans hate women who want babies later - or not at all - because they're a threat to the tribe

this.
I get this "look" all the time from everyone who find out that DH&I don't want children.
Why is it anyones business whether I want children? I'm so over the "your a disgrace" look I get.

to me, the only ppl who should be disappointed, if at all, is my in-laws and my parents. But my mom supports me 100% (because I was such a delinquent lol) and I wish others would feel the same way

 

[Smith1942]

As a whole, humans hate women who want babies later - or not at all - because they're a threat to the tribe

this.
I get this "look" all the time from everyone who find out that DH&I don't want children.
Why is it anyones business whether I want children? I'm so over the "your a disgrace" look I get.

to me, the only ppl who should be disappointed, if at all, is my in-laws and my parents. But my mom supports me 100% (because I was such a delinquent lol) and I wish others would feel the same way

Oh, so you get it! I love the line in Bridget Jones where she says that within her family, as an unmarried, childless woman in her thirties, she feels like a teenage boy that everyone's slightly annoyed with all the time!

I think I'd like kids, but my husband's illness has made it impossible so far, although he's getting great treatment now. I haven't told my family about any of this to protect my husband's privacy - it's an embarrassing condition - and I don't want their inflexible Conservative selfish views rammed down my throat anyway. They'd want me to go ahead, no matter how hard for me, because they just want more grandchildren despite already having three from my sister. So....you wouldn't believe the way they all treat me sometimes, for DARING to be married for six years and not reproducing. I've been called selfish, immature, and they whisper about me all the time behind my back. The issue has definitely driven a wedge between me and the rest of my family. My husband jokes that if we have kids, perhaps we'll just introduce them to my family when they're 18!

I agree with what you say. My views are very clear. It's my body, my decision, and everyone else can go to hell (except my husband) including all the scare stories in the newspapers. I decided a long time ago that I would not be bullied by my biology, and if I've left it too late then I'll deal with it. My husband feels the same.

 

[rosetta]

Thanks Smith, I feel a lot better now!

I know the statistics but boy, is there societal pressure or what!! At one point, my mother and I stopped speaking to each other over this (we are good now that she has backed off). It's been worse since my SIL popped a baby out 9 months after marriage to an almost complete stranger. It wasn't planned either, so as far as I'm concerned they didn't so much succeed in conceiving as failed in birth control.

My grandmother had babies at 45. My aunt gave birth to her first baby at 40. I don't understand why people are on my case so much! I turned 33 two months ago, I'm hardly a barren old hag!

Anyway, it goes in one ear and out the other. I just had a Mirena coil fitted. So there.

tyty, you're my hero

 

[Smith1942]

Rosetta - if you're concerned, you could get the FSH test.

When I was researching this issue, I also found out that smoking kills your eggs. Not drugs, not alcohol, but smoking. So if you've never smoked, that's a point in your favour. I've never smoked.

 

[rosetta]

Rosetta - if you're concerned, you could get the FSH test.

When I was researching this issue, I also found out that smoking kills your eggs. Not drugs, not alcohol, but smoking. So if you've never smoked, that's a point in your favour. I've never smoked.

I've never even puffed on a single cigarette. I had the mirena for severe menorrhagia but the contraception is a nice bonus.

 

[Kelinas]

As a whole, humans hate women who want babies later - or not at all - because they're a threat to the tribe

this.
I get this "look" all the time from everyone who find out that DH&I don't want children.
Why is it anyones business whether I want children? I'm so over the "your a disgrace" look I get.

to me, the only ppl who should be disappointed, if at all, is my in-laws and my parents. But my mom supports me 100% (because I was such a delinquent lol) and I wish others would feel the same way

Oh, so you get it! I love the line in Bridget Jones where she says that within her family, as an unmarried, childless woman in her thirties, she feels like a teenage boy that everyone's slightly annoyed with all the time!

I think I'd like kids, but my husband's illness has made it impossible so far, although he's getting great treatment now. I haven't told my family about any of this to protect my husband's privacy - it's an embarrassing condition - and I don't want their inflexible Conservative selfish views rammed down my throat anyway. They'd want me to go ahead, no matter how hard for me, because they just want more grandchildren despite already having three from my sister. So....you wouldn't believe the way they all treat me sometimes, for DARING to be married for six years and not reproducing. I've been called selfish, immature, and they whisper about me all the time behind my back. The issue has definitely driven a wedge between me and the rest of my family. My husband jokes that if we have kids, perhaps we'll just introduce them to my family when they're 18!

I agree with what you say. My views are very clear. It's my body, my decision, and everyone else can go to hell (except my husband) including all the scare stories in the newspapers. I decided a long time ago that I would not be bullied by my biology, and if I've left it too late then I'll deal with it. My husband feels the same.

Yes, exactly.
I just want to enjoy being married. The thought of having children terrifies me and the sheer cost of raising one child let alone multiple children doesn't help either. Whenever I'm interrogated by my Korean family, I tell them that I may want children in the future, just to get them off my back, but who knows? I just may want one later at around 30. I'm just not stable enough to want it now with both DH and I having major career changes.

Annd my DH told me from day 1 that he will not father any children past his 35th birthday, leaving me currently 3 years to get pregnant per fate. We are actively trying to not get pregnant, but if it happens, then we will deal with it at that time. 3 years from now, someone will get snipped. Lol

 

[ruby59]

As a woman who is in her mid 50s, my husband and I worked hard to get where we are in life. I went through 8 miscarriages to have 3 beautiful children. We worked 2 jobs each for many years, but now own a beautiful home and are financially secure. Now, that our children are getting older, we are finally in a place where we will soon be able to travel and do many of the things we could not do when we were younger.

To the poster who thought 50s was end of life, all I can say is that if you try and take good care of your health and stay positive, your 50s, 60s, 70s and beyond can be wonderful and actually freeing.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

No, but I wish my husband was!

cheers--Sharon

 

[kenny]

HI:

No, but I wish my husband was!

cheers--Sharon

Hahaha.
You're so bad.

 

[Boatluvr]

I am gathering that I am a bit older than most of the posters, being in my early sixties - but yes, I do wish I was younger. I would not take back my children or grandchildren (especially) but I would do things a bit differently. But, as 'they' say - hindsight is 20/20. What I would encourage those younger than I to do; take better care of yourself, especially physically. When I was younger I was very athletic. As I got older I refused to slow down and now have the knees that prove it - well, one at least - the other one has already been replaced. I would take better care of myself financially, too. As I single parent I skipped the 'planning for my future' part and spoiled my kids - not terribly, but I did manage (somehow). I'm not terribly unhappy, just wish I had planned a little better. Having said that, I guess I still have some time left, my mom is 89 and her mom lived to be 100. I'm not sure they can replace my knees that many times! Hah!

 

[Dancing Fire]

HI:

No, but I wish my husband was!

cheers--Sharon

Canadian Cougar!..

 

[amc80]

I like this stage of life (I'm 33) but would love to have the energy I had when I was 21.

 

[diamondringlover]

YES I would love to go back to my early to mid 30's...money was not as tight as in my 20's, I was thin in my 30's and in pretty good health...life was good, I am going to be 53 this year and I too feel like life is dwindling down...not much left to do, no excitement, nothing to look forward to but retirement and death. I do have 2 kids but I don't think I will see any grandkids for years., if ever..my youngest is 16 so I do have his graduation too look forward to, but other then that life is pretty darn depressing and boring

 

[imitcan]

I am happy to be where I am and who I am. What I miss about my youth is the energy; I just can't stay up that late anymore!!! Also, I was always a foodie and loved to share a good meal, and good drinks with friends and family, but now I find I can't overeat, or I am just not feeling well the next day. And of course, those darn calories can take extreme effort to burn! More than 2 glasses of red wine and my head starts to hurt! Never had to think twice about what I ate or drank in my youth...that's the part of being young that I miss.
On a more vain note; I really resent that it takes longer in the morning to get ready for the day. I need to pay attention to things I never really paid attention to in my youth! And for special occasions it takes even longer!
Gosh, I'm beginning to sound bitter! Really I'm not. I count many blessings all the time.

 

[arkieb1]

Thanks Smith, I feel a lot better now!

I know the statistics but boy, is there societal pressure or what!! At one point, my mother and I stopped speaking to each other over this (we are good now that she has backed off). It's been worse since my SIL popped a baby out 9 months after marriage to an almost complete stranger. It wasn't planned either, so as far as I'm concerned they didn't so much succeed in conceiving as failed in birth control.

My grandmother had babies at 45. My aunt gave birth to her first baby at 40. I don't understand why people are on my case so much! I turned 33 two months ago, I'm hardly a barren old hag!

Anyway, it goes in one ear and out the other. I just had a Mirena coil fitted. So there.

tyty, you're my hero

Hi Rosetta,

I had my first at 38 and I am in my early to mid 40s and thinking about one more. My view was always if it happens it happens if not then I am O.K with that as well. My husband is over 50. We are "old age" parents. Seen as selfish because we travelled the world a number of times and did many many things before kids. No regrets about that part of it. None at all. These days we have more time and patience to give to our kids.

Ignore the media, the family the friends who criticise - it's none of their business. Do what feels right for you!!!

 

[yennyfire]

Yes, but only because then I could have had my kids at a younger age.

+1....I always say that I wish DH and I had met 5 years earlier so we could have had more couple time before having kids. He's 9 years older than me, so time wasn't on our side.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

I'm going to say no because I was in the last years when you could go to high school and not worry about people posting god knows what about you on the internet and all that crazy stuff. I feel so bad for what kids are going through today, that stuff doesn't just go away and they don't get it!

 

[woofmama]

No. I do wish I had my health and figure that I had in my 30's, but I'm working on that. I took a major chance opening a business at 44 yrs old and career wise I'm far happier than I've ever been. I'm 49 now, have a 21 yr old son and a 14 yr old son. They keep me young, we have a blast together and I find it hard to believe I'm in my late 40's. Loving life right now so happy to be right where I am.
My husband and I both work very hard, don't travel much but really enjoy the little things in life. The only thing I regret is not putting more into retirement savings. Need to play catch-up. But my actual age is fine with me.
I've always been a glass half-full sort of girl, with an inflated sense of self importance and a healthy ego

I'm sad to read all of the 50-60 somethings who feel their life is winding down. If I knew you IRL we would have some spa & lunch outings together and I would try my best to cheer you up

We are always the same age inside. ~Gertrude Stein -

Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. ~Samuel Ullman -

Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. ~Author Unknown -

When grace is joined with wrinkles, it is adorable. There is an unspeakable dawn in happy old age. ~Victor Hugo -

 

[hlmr]

No. I do wish I had my health and figure that I had in my 30's, but I'm working on that. I took a major chance opening a business at 44 yrs old and career wise I'm far happier than I've ever been. I'm 49 now, have a 21 yr old son and a 14 yr old son. They keep me young, we have a blast together and I find it hard to believe I'm in my late 40's. Loving life right now so happy to be right where I am.
My husband and I both work very hard, don't travel much but really enjoy the little things in life. The only thing I regret is not putting more into retirement savings. Need to play catch-up. But my actual age is fine with me.
I've always been a glass half-full sort of girl, with an inflated sense of self importance and a healthy ego

I'm sad to read all of the 50-60 somethings who feel their life is winding down. If I knew you IRL we would have some spa & lunch outings together and I would try my best to cheer you up

We are always the same age inside. ~Gertrude Stein -

Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. ~Samuel Ullman -

Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. ~Author Unknown -

When grace is joined with wrinkles, it is adorable. There is an unspeakable dawn in happy old age. ~Victor Hugo -

I love this whole post!!! Especially the bolded part.

 

[AprilBaby]

No. I do wish I had my health and figure that I had in my 30's, but I'm working on that. I took a major chance opening a business at 44 yrs old and career wise I'm far happier than I've ever been. I'm 49 now, have a 21 yr old son and a 14 yr old son. They keep me young, we have a blast together and I find it hard to believe I'm in my late 40's. Loving life right now so happy to be right where I am.
My husband and I both work very hard, don't travel much but really enjoy the little things in life. The only thing I regret is not putting more into retirement savings. Need to play catch-up. But my actual age is fine with me.
I've always been a glass half-full sort of girl, with an inflated sense of self importance and a healthy ego

I'm sad to read all of the 50-60 somethings who feel their life is winding down. If I knew you IRL we would have some spa & lunch outings together and I would try my best to cheer you up

We are always the same age inside. ~Gertrude Stein -

Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. ~Samuel Ullman -

Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. ~Author Unknown -

When grace is joined with wrinkles, it is adorable. There is an unspeakable dawn in happy old age. ~Victor Hugo -

I love this whole post!!! Especially the bolded part.

So true!!!
A recent post was about memory jewelry and many of us have lost our mothers. My mom died at 32. To me, each day I get is a blessing!

 

[Sky56]

No, except it would be nice to have more time left (be further away from death). I like getter older. Every year that passes, I feel even more happy...and wiser. I don't even mind the grey hair, droopier body parts, etc. I love life, and hope to have many more years ahead. I'm 57 and in excellent health.

 

[JaneSmith]

Ha! Just yesterday I was thinking how cool it would be to have my 18 year old body. Damn I was fit! 18 year old life and brain? Hell no.

Hmm, need to hit the gym more and find a good Botox doc.

 

[rubybeth]

Holy crap, no. I am only 32 and wouldn't want to be any other age than what I am. I am getting grey hairs and leaving them as-is. No kids, and I work out regularly, so I probably look better now than in my 20s. The only thing I wish I could do is go back and tell my younger self to save more money so I could quit working sooner.

 

[junebug17]

I feel I should add that my response is colored by the fact that I'm part-time caregiver to my semi-mobile 88 year old mother with moderate dementia who is aware enough to know that she's miserable, so I am faced with a reminder of what's down the road 4 days a week. It's not pretty. And it's depressing. I'm going to look into anti-depressants for her - and if they don't work for her, I'm going to take them! Maybe I should take them anyway...

 

[hlmr]

Oh, Junebug, that is so hard. My husband and I had to take care of his Aunt who has dementia, but it was not live in, and it was for a few years only. I totally feel for you, and hope that you can get some help for her, and extra support for you.

Aprilbaby, my Mom died young too, but your Mom was very young. As I creep ever closer to the age I lost her, I realize how young she really was. I am now at the age of my husband's father, when he passed. It is a total wake up call to enjoy life to it's fullest while I have my health.

 

[junebug17]

Oh, Junebug, that is so hard. My husband and I had to take care of his Aunt who has dementia, but it was not live in, and it was for a few years only. I totally feel for you, and hope that you can get some help for her, and extra support for you.

Thank you for your kindness and for your understanding hlmr! Your words were very comforting. I'm working on the bolded!